Charlie Alzamora
@chalza.bsky.social
Keep it right here for more biting commentary, social disconnection and cognitive decline, served with a hint of levity and oregano.
Reposted by Charlie Alzamora
Putting leaves next to the toilet paper so guests have a choice.
November 19, 2025 at 11:52 PM
Putting leaves next to the toilet paper so guests have a choice.
Reposted by Charlie Alzamora
*irrigates sinuses before talking to hottie at the bar*
November 20, 2025 at 12:04 AM
*irrigates sinuses before talking to hottie at the bar*
Reposted by Charlie Alzamora
idea for people who celebrate christmas:
1. use tinsel to divide your tree into differently shaped sections with roughly similar numbers of ornaments
2. say it's "treedistricting"
1. use tinsel to divide your tree into differently shaped sections with roughly similar numbers of ornaments
2. say it's "treedistricting"
November 19, 2025 at 9:15 PM
idea for people who celebrate christmas:
1. use tinsel to divide your tree into differently shaped sections with roughly similar numbers of ornaments
2. say it's "treedistricting"
1. use tinsel to divide your tree into differently shaped sections with roughly similar numbers of ornaments
2. say it's "treedistricting"
Reposted by Charlie Alzamora
[Alien vs. Predator fight]
Alien: I hardly ever see you.
Predator: You're too clingy.
Alien: I hardly ever see you.
Predator: You're too clingy.
November 20, 2025 at 12:19 AM
[Alien vs. Predator fight]
Alien: I hardly ever see you.
Predator: You're too clingy.
Alien: I hardly ever see you.
Predator: You're too clingy.
Reposted by Charlie Alzamora
If you tell little white lies such as the turkey is moist, the stuffing tastes great, and that's the best pie you ever had, that's called Thanksfibbing.
November 19, 2025 at 3:58 PM
If you tell little white lies such as the turkey is moist, the stuffing tastes great, and that's the best pie you ever had, that's called Thanksfibbing.
Reposted by Charlie Alzamora
McFlurry.
Pizza Hut’s stuffed crust.
McDonald’s Dollar Menu.
Smashburger.
Meat Lover’s pizza.
McGriddle.
All of these came from one man… Tom Ryan… and we have no national days for him… no monuments… no songs.
We can do better 🫡
Pizza Hut’s stuffed crust.
McDonald’s Dollar Menu.
Smashburger.
Meat Lover’s pizza.
McGriddle.
All of these came from one man… Tom Ryan… and we have no national days for him… no monuments… no songs.
We can do better 🫡
November 19, 2025 at 4:19 PM
McFlurry.
Pizza Hut’s stuffed crust.
McDonald’s Dollar Menu.
Smashburger.
Meat Lover’s pizza.
McGriddle.
All of these came from one man… Tom Ryan… and we have no national days for him… no monuments… no songs.
We can do better 🫡
Pizza Hut’s stuffed crust.
McDonald’s Dollar Menu.
Smashburger.
Meat Lover’s pizza.
McGriddle.
All of these came from one man… Tom Ryan… and we have no national days for him… no monuments… no songs.
We can do better 🫡
Reposted by Charlie Alzamora
What if we spliced the genes of Jack Black and Jack White together? Would they become Jack Grey?
November 19, 2025 at 5:51 PM
What if we spliced the genes of Jack Black and Jack White together? Would they become Jack Grey?
Reposted by Charlie Alzamora
I can be easily lured into a plain windowless van with fresh garlic bread
November 19, 2025 at 10:59 PM
I can be easily lured into a plain windowless van with fresh garlic bread
Reposted by Charlie Alzamora
I refuse to find out wtf a Shaboozey is.
November 19, 2025 at 11:16 PM
I refuse to find out wtf a Shaboozey is.
Reposted by Charlie Alzamora
Me, as a therapist: Please, you think that's bad? I've been searching for my lost shaker of salt all this time.
November 15, 2025 at 10:45 PM
Me, as a therapist: Please, you think that's bad? I've been searching for my lost shaker of salt all this time.
Reposted by Charlie Alzamora
You're at England Dan.
I need you at John Ford Coley.
I need you at John Ford Coley.
You're at Crofts.
I need you at Seals.
I need you at Seals.
You're at Oates.
I need you at Hall.
I need you at Hall.
November 12, 2025 at 3:18 PM
You're at England Dan.
I need you at John Ford Coley.
I need you at John Ford Coley.
Reposted by Charlie Alzamora
[forgetting the name for leaf blowers] Do you have any wind bazookas?
November 19, 2025 at 6:02 PM
[forgetting the name for leaf blowers] Do you have any wind bazookas?
Reposted by Charlie Alzamora
Change one letter, ruin a candy.
Peenut m & m's
Peenut m & m's
Change one letter ruin a candy.
Snackers
Snackers
Change one letter and ruin a candy.
Milk Cuds
Milk Cuds
November 19, 2025 at 7:28 PM
Change one letter, ruin a candy.
Peenut m & m's
Peenut m & m's
Reposted by Charlie Alzamora
I feel like smoking weed gives my emotions a whore's bath
November 18, 2025 at 3:14 AM
I feel like smoking weed gives my emotions a whore's bath
Reposted by Charlie Alzamora
Life is serious. Life is funny. And sometimes, life is seriously funny.
November 19, 2025 at 6:11 PM
Life is serious. Life is funny. And sometimes, life is seriously funny.
Reposted by Charlie Alzamora
Be the reason your family doesn't hold reunions anymore.
November 19, 2025 at 10:08 PM
Be the reason your family doesn't hold reunions anymore.
Reposted by Charlie Alzamora
Making out with one of those fish that has a parasite for a tongue.
November 19, 2025 at 10:33 PM
Making out with one of those fish that has a parasite for a tongue.
Reposted by Charlie Alzamora
well…. actually
Disclaimer
(that one person in your group,
if you don’t have this person
then you’re the arsehole)
Disclaimer
(that one person in your group,
if you don’t have this person
then you’re the arsehole)
November 19, 2025 at 10:37 PM
well…. actually
Disclaimer
(that one person in your group,
if you don’t have this person
then you’re the arsehole)
Disclaimer
(that one person in your group,
if you don’t have this person
then you’re the arsehole)
Years ago, I had to know about a potential partner’s sexual history but nowadays all I care about is whether or not they're a fall risk.
November 19, 2025 at 10:32 PM
Years ago, I had to know about a potential partner’s sexual history but nowadays all I care about is whether or not they're a fall risk.
Reposted by Charlie Alzamora
Reposted by Charlie Alzamora
So it’s gonna be like that… key broke off in the ignition of the rental car…
November 19, 2025 at 8:46 PM
So it’s gonna be like that… key broke off in the ignition of the rental car…
Reposted by Charlie Alzamora
change one letter ruin a candy
sweat tarts
sweat tarts
Change one letter, ruin a candy
Footsie Pop
Footsie Pop
November 19, 2025 at 6:25 PM
change one letter ruin a candy
sweat tarts
sweat tarts
Reposted by Charlie Alzamora
I'm no "hero." I'm just a guy who parks completely within the lines they paint on parking lots.
November 19, 2025 at 3:21 PM
I'm no "hero." I'm just a guy who parks completely within the lines they paint on parking lots.
Reposted by Charlie Alzamora
Mom: are you coming? I baked for you.
Me: you bake for everyone. just alcohol thx.
Me: you bake for everyone. just alcohol thx.
November 19, 2025 at 8:43 PM
Mom: are you coming? I baked for you.
Me: you bake for everyone. just alcohol thx.
Me: you bake for everyone. just alcohol thx.