chris.
@azedand2knots.bsky.social
Horrors and hot dogs.
she/they
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she/they
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chris.
@azedand2knots.bsky.social
· Nov 21
You spot what you think is a headless body lying prone in the alleyway, but it turns out it is just a velour leisure suit writhing with rats.
Reposted by chris.
Sliding into the overnight sludge to slumber before the next bell tolls for me and I get hooked out with the other slugs to play human once more
January 6, 2026 at 4:28 AM
Sliding into the overnight sludge to slumber before the next bell tolls for me and I get hooked out with the other slugs to play human once more
Reposted by chris.
When I hear or see "AI" I immediately think of American Idol, and I hate that too.
January 5, 2026 at 9:58 PM
When I hear or see "AI" I immediately think of American Idol, and I hate that too.
Reposted by chris.
mcdonald's manager: show the new guy the ropes
me: yeah no prob *opens drawer* we use them to restrain grimace
me: yeah no prob *opens drawer* we use them to restrain grimace
May 1, 2023 at 7:49 PM
mcdonald's manager: show the new guy the ropes
me: yeah no prob *opens drawer* we use them to restrain grimace
me: yeah no prob *opens drawer* we use them to restrain grimace
Reposted by chris.
Interviewer: what did you learn from your previous job?
Me: that i need a new job
Me: that i need a new job
January 5, 2026 at 5:52 AM
Interviewer: what did you learn from your previous job?
Me: that i need a new job
Me: that i need a new job
Reposted by chris.
Every leader of a country should now be allowed to kidnap one other leader
January 5, 2026 at 1:19 PM
Every leader of a country should now be allowed to kidnap one other leader
Reposted by chris.
In Australia, my vagina is my face
July 2, 2025 at 12:22 AM
In Australia, my vagina is my face
I just want everyone to know that you don't need drugs to vomit and scream at the same time.
January 6, 2026 at 3:31 AM
I just want everyone to know that you don't need drugs to vomit and scream at the same time.
Reposted by chris.
Fool me once, congratulations, you just fooled a guy whose IQ is 12.
January 5, 2026 at 10:38 PM
Fool me once, congratulations, you just fooled a guy whose IQ is 12.
Reposted by chris.
Keeping my circle so small that eventually it will wrap around my neck and kill me
January 6, 2026 at 1:03 AM
Keeping my circle so small that eventually it will wrap around my neck and kill me
Reposted by chris.
I’m not tired because I worked hard. I’m tired because I had to keep turning my real thoughts into polite and acceptable dialogue all day.
January 6, 2026 at 1:40 AM
I’m not tired because I worked hard. I’m tired because I had to keep turning my real thoughts into polite and acceptable dialogue all day.
Reposted by chris.
Nah bruh it’s fine AI told me that’s not AI.
January 6, 2026 at 12:50 AM
Nah bruh it’s fine AI told me that’s not AI.
Reposted by chris.
Why make amends when you could not mend, but disappear into the ether.
January 6, 2026 at 1:00 AM
Why make amends when you could not mend, but disappear into the ether.
Reposted by chris.
am i having some sort of brain episode or are my glasses dirty: a love story
January 6, 2026 at 12:40 AM
am i having some sort of brain episode or are my glasses dirty: a love story
Reposted by chris.
I was really hoping existence would be over by now.
January 5, 2026 at 11:24 PM
I was really hoping existence would be over by now.
Reposted by chris.
Dad’s bomb ass depression.
January 5, 2026 at 6:25 PM
Dad’s bomb ass depression.
Reposted by chris.
I threw my tender heart in a blender for the new year. It seemed appropriate.
January 5, 2026 at 9:53 PM
I threw my tender heart in a blender for the new year. It seemed appropriate.
Reposted by chris.
a large tranche of Irish sweaters is moving in your direction
January 5, 2026 at 7:19 PM
a large tranche of Irish sweaters is moving in your direction
Reposted by chris.
I know with the new year a lot of folks are at the gym doing squats. I just want ya’ll to know I’m at home doing my favorite kind of squat
(diddley)
(diddley)
January 5, 2026 at 6:44 PM
I know with the new year a lot of folks are at the gym doing squats. I just want ya’ll to know I’m at home doing my favorite kind of squat
(diddley)
(diddley)
Reposted by chris.
just ate a handful of Flintstones vitamins and now i’m ready to fight the sun
December 27, 2025 at 6:43 PM
just ate a handful of Flintstones vitamins and now i’m ready to fight the sun
Salad is not for sad days. Melting the cheese that is already in your mouth with a kitchen torch is.
January 5, 2026 at 9:34 PM
Salad is not for sad days. Melting the cheese that is already in your mouth with a kitchen torch is.
Reposted by chris.
When I make apologies for poor performance or absence, they sound like fictitious nonsense like "Sorry I didn't submit that proposal, I got jalapeno hands in my ear canal because I removed and replaced an ear bud while cooking and needed to lie down and funnel olive oil in my ear" but I assure you
January 5, 2026 at 8:58 PM
When I make apologies for poor performance or absence, they sound like fictitious nonsense like "Sorry I didn't submit that proposal, I got jalapeno hands in my ear canal because I removed and replaced an ear bud while cooking and needed to lie down and funnel olive oil in my ear" but I assure you
Reposted by chris.
Shout out to people who are still able to get horny given the current state of the world.
January 5, 2026 at 6:23 PM
Shout out to people who are still able to get horny given the current state of the world.
Reposted by chris.
you’re going to call 9-1-1 on me? go ahead, i’m going to call 10-2-2!!
January 5, 2026 at 4:41 PM
you’re going to call 9-1-1 on me? go ahead, i’m going to call 10-2-2!!
Opening old wounds to release some of this sewage water roiling through my veins.
January 5, 2026 at 6:52 PM
Opening old wounds to release some of this sewage water roiling through my veins.
Reposted by chris.
you know who else circles back? vultures
January 5, 2026 at 6:18 PM
you know who else circles back? vultures