☢️ Captain Antagonist ☢️
@captantagonist.bsky.social
This place is not a place of honor. No highly esteemed deed is commemorated here. Nothing valued is here.
Or here: https://shorturl.at/HAomx
Newest: https://shorturl.at/WSYWt
Or here: https://shorturl.at/HAomx
Newest: https://shorturl.at/WSYWt
Pinned
I want to install a speaker system on my lighthouse so when it guides ships to shore it can start playing a siren song at the last minute.
Her pussy was engorged with creamy white tuna, drenched in cock-mayonnaise (that is to say mayonnaise made from a male chick egg, gross)
November 14, 2025 at 4:15 AM
Her pussy was engorged with creamy white tuna, drenched in cock-mayonnaise (that is to say mayonnaise made from a male chick egg, gross)
Reposted by ☢️ Captain Antagonist ☢️
ME: my therapist says i’m too litteral
WIFE: typo
ME: o
WIFE: typo
ME: o
November 14, 2025 at 4:03 AM
ME: my therapist says i’m too litteral
WIFE: typo
ME: o
WIFE: typo
ME: o
Missed Connection: Years of Entropic Decay and General Neglect
I met you in a nameless empty void. We were assigned a temporal bond that eroded with time and distance, unraveling slowly by the grind of daily life.
I met you in a nameless empty void. We were assigned a temporal bond that eroded with time and distance, unraveling slowly by the grind of daily life.
November 14, 2025 at 3:40 AM
Missed Connection: Years of Entropic Decay and General Neglect
I met you in a nameless empty void. We were assigned a temporal bond that eroded with time and distance, unraveling slowly by the grind of daily life.
I met you in a nameless empty void. We were assigned a temporal bond that eroded with time and distance, unraveling slowly by the grind of daily life.
Judges are so dumb. Only God can judge me, not some black-robed skeleton swinging a scythe.
November 14, 2025 at 3:26 AM
Judges are so dumb. Only God can judge me, not some black-robed skeleton swinging a scythe.
Reposted by ☢️ Captain Antagonist ☢️
I, a 40-year-old man, was dating an 18-year-old girl, but eventually had to break it off with her once I realized she couldn't name all the characters from classic TV sitcom Family Matters, and not for any other reason
November 14, 2025 at 2:28 AM
I, a 40-year-old man, was dating an 18-year-old girl, but eventually had to break it off with her once I realized she couldn't name all the characters from classic TV sitcom Family Matters, and not for any other reason
Reposted by ☢️ Captain Antagonist ☢️
Reposted by ☢️ Captain Antagonist ☢️
*sexting* Hah! Gross
November 14, 2025 at 2:10 AM
*sexting* Hah! Gross
Funny how someone still alive can feel dead, a ghost in a flesh prison.
November 14, 2025 at 2:25 AM
Funny how someone still alive can feel dead, a ghost in a flesh prison.
Reposted by ☢️ Captain Antagonist ☢️
[giving you a tour of the office on your first day and stopping at the paper cutter] this is where we keep the sword
November 13, 2025 at 10:33 PM
[giving you a tour of the office on your first day and stopping at the paper cutter] this is where we keep the sword
Reposted by ☢️ Captain Antagonist ☢️
using a vpn so no one knows i’m posting from the moon
November 14, 2025 at 1:42 AM
using a vpn so no one knows i’m posting from the moon
Reposted by ☢️ Captain Antagonist ☢️
Guy who decides the way to be more masculine is to eat like an 18th century sailor, every meal is mealworms, hard tack, and rancid salted beef.
November 14, 2025 at 1:38 AM
Guy who decides the way to be more masculine is to eat like an 18th century sailor, every meal is mealworms, hard tack, and rancid salted beef.
Reposted by ☢️ Captain Antagonist ☢️
*slaps printer*
I can print so many things now
I can print so many things now
November 14, 2025 at 1:57 AM
*slaps printer*
I can print so many things now
I can print so many things now
Reposted by ☢️ Captain Antagonist ☢️
I am not chubby, I am just more 3D than you'd like
November 13, 2025 at 2:45 AM
I am not chubby, I am just more 3D than you'd like
Hello, it's me again. Your friendly haunting aberration who gets words wrong sometimes.
"You mean apparition since he used the word haunting" moans a ghostly voice from beyond the grave. They died doing what they loved, correcting me.
"You mean apparition since he used the word haunting" moans a ghostly voice from beyond the grave. They died doing what they loved, correcting me.
November 14, 2025 at 2:08 AM
Hello, it's me again. Your friendly haunting aberration who gets words wrong sometimes.
"You mean apparition since he used the word haunting" moans a ghostly voice from beyond the grave. They died doing what they loved, correcting me.
"You mean apparition since he used the word haunting" moans a ghostly voice from beyond the grave. They died doing what they loved, correcting me.
Reposted by ☢️ Captain Antagonist ☢️
Reposted by ☢️ Captain Antagonist ☢️
wifes love asking shit like "Honey, what is the Blowjob Olympics?" and "Why is 'Blowjob Olympics' listed on our CC statement like 14 times"
November 13, 2025 at 10:42 PM
wifes love asking shit like "Honey, what is the Blowjob Olympics?" and "Why is 'Blowjob Olympics' listed on our CC statement like 14 times"
Reposted by ☢️ Captain Antagonist ☢️
"What would you bring to a desert island" a boat, motherfucker, we are in the middle of the ocean
November 13, 2025 at 4:55 PM
"What would you bring to a desert island" a boat, motherfucker, we are in the middle of the ocean
Seems like a good place to end that headline to me
November 13, 2025 at 5:08 PM
Seems like a good place to end that headline to me
Reposted by ☢️ Captain Antagonist ☢️
if you repost me then you’re part of the problem
November 13, 2025 at 8:55 AM
if you repost me then you’re part of the problem
Reposted by ☢️ Captain Antagonist ☢️
Early in any job interview, be sure to use the phrase "I always give 200%", so you can quickly gauge the panel's tolerance for working with idiots.
November 13, 2025 at 11:41 AM
Early in any job interview, be sure to use the phrase "I always give 200%", so you can quickly gauge the panel's tolerance for working with idiots.
Reposted by ☢️ Captain Antagonist ☢️
Im a fraud. I eat trail mix but never go on a trail. I drink Gatorade but no part of me is gator. I buy kind bars and throw them at people
November 13, 2025 at 1:55 AM
Im a fraud. I eat trail mix but never go on a trail. I drink Gatorade but no part of me is gator. I buy kind bars and throw them at people
Your honor, if you examine this pudding closely you'll find the murder weapon
A smoking gun
A smoking gun
November 13, 2025 at 2:26 AM
Your honor, if you examine this pudding closely you'll find the murder weapon
A smoking gun
A smoking gun
The strip mine is a little old place where we can get our rocks off
November 13, 2025 at 2:16 AM
The strip mine is a little old place where we can get our rocks off
Reposted by ☢️ Captain Antagonist ☢️
Just a super long esophagus in a trench coat.
November 13, 2025 at 1:10 AM
Just a super long esophagus in a trench coat.
Cut my life into pieces
This is my board game fort
Operation! No breathing
Don’t give a fuck if I land on your Park Place resort
This is my board game fort
Operation! No breathing
Don’t give a fuck if I land on your Park Place resort
November 13, 2025 at 12:43 AM
Cut my life into pieces
This is my board game fort
Operation! No breathing
Don’t give a fuck if I land on your Park Place resort
This is my board game fort
Operation! No breathing
Don’t give a fuck if I land on your Park Place resort