☢️ Captain Antagonist ☢️
@captantagonist.bsky.social
This place is not a place of honor. No highly esteemed deed is commemorated here. Nothing valued is here.
Or here: https://shorturl.at/HAomx
Newest: https://shorturl.at/WSYWt
Or here: https://shorturl.at/HAomx
Newest: https://shorturl.at/WSYWt
Pinned
Humans are social creatures and I hate that for us
Reposted by ☢️ Captain Antagonist ☢️
whoever has my voodoo doll please stop making it crave meatloaf
February 20, 2026 at 11:35 AM
whoever has my voodoo doll please stop making it crave meatloaf
Reposted by ☢️ Captain Antagonist ☢️
Reviewing the Winter Olympic Games' medal table, I see that Antarctica is (once again!) embarrassing itself.
February 20, 2026 at 11:30 AM
Reviewing the Winter Olympic Games' medal table, I see that Antarctica is (once again!) embarrassing itself.
Reposted by ☢️ Captain Antagonist ☢️
I put the demon in pandemonium.
February 20, 2026 at 12:41 PM
I put the demon in pandemonium.
Reposted by ☢️ Captain Antagonist ☢️
I don’t hate people, I just add their pics to my dart board
February 20, 2026 at 1:14 PM
I don’t hate people, I just add their pics to my dart board
Reposted by ☢️ Captain Antagonist ☢️
Oh no, I used the withered old monkey's paw to scratch the inside of my ear canal and forgot to make a wish entirely.
February 20, 2026 at 3:38 AM
Oh no, I used the withered old monkey's paw to scratch the inside of my ear canal and forgot to make a wish entirely.
THEM, FOOLISHLY: Entropy is undefeated
ME, SMARTLY: So far, but I'll solo her
ME, SMARTLY: So far, but I'll solo her
February 20, 2026 at 2:56 AM
THEM, FOOLISHLY: Entropy is undefeated
ME, SMARTLY: So far, but I'll solo her
ME, SMARTLY: So far, but I'll solo her
He died as he was born, naked and screaming.
February 20, 2026 at 2:51 AM
He died as he was born, naked and screaming.
Reposted by ☢️ Captain Antagonist ☢️
I just bought the Seattle Seahawks. My financial advisor is pissed
February 20, 2026 at 2:31 AM
I just bought the Seattle Seahawks. My financial advisor is pissed
Reposted by ☢️ Captain Antagonist ☢️
ME: hey guys who should we listen to
LUMBERJACK: Chopin
DOG LOVER: Wagner
THE TERMINATOR: Bach
CAPTAIN OF THE TITANIC: Liszt
HAMBURGER HELPER GUY: Handel
GUY CONFUSED ABOUT FEMALE UNDERGARMENTS: Brahms
GUY WHO COOKS BEES: Beethoven
LUMBERJACK: Chopin
DOG LOVER: Wagner
THE TERMINATOR: Bach
CAPTAIN OF THE TITANIC: Liszt
HAMBURGER HELPER GUY: Handel
GUY CONFUSED ABOUT FEMALE UNDERGARMENTS: Brahms
GUY WHO COOKS BEES: Beethoven
February 20, 2026 at 12:51 AM
ME: hey guys who should we listen to
LUMBERJACK: Chopin
DOG LOVER: Wagner
THE TERMINATOR: Bach
CAPTAIN OF THE TITANIC: Liszt
HAMBURGER HELPER GUY: Handel
GUY CONFUSED ABOUT FEMALE UNDERGARMENTS: Brahms
GUY WHO COOKS BEES: Beethoven
LUMBERJACK: Chopin
DOG LOVER: Wagner
THE TERMINATOR: Bach
CAPTAIN OF THE TITANIC: Liszt
HAMBURGER HELPER GUY: Handel
GUY CONFUSED ABOUT FEMALE UNDERGARMENTS: Brahms
GUY WHO COOKS BEES: Beethoven
Reposted by ☢️ Captain Antagonist ☢️
Your trauma and my trauma just wouldn't get along.
February 20, 2026 at 2:00 AM
Your trauma and my trauma just wouldn't get along.
It's been a stressful week at work, so to relax I will continue my spiral into madness.
February 20, 2026 at 2:38 AM
It's been a stressful week at work, so to relax I will continue my spiral into madness.
Let me tell you about the birds and the bees. A drone is out working one day to collect pollen for his queen. As he buzzes along he sees a blue crested boobie, and decides to sting it. Anyway, that's where babies come from. I failed biology.
February 20, 2026 at 1:17 AM
Let me tell you about the birds and the bees. A drone is out working one day to collect pollen for his queen. As he buzzes along he sees a blue crested boobie, and decides to sting it. Anyway, that's where babies come from. I failed biology.
I have a rare reverse Benjamin Button disease that causes me to age normally
February 20, 2026 at 1:14 AM
I have a rare reverse Benjamin Button disease that causes me to age normally
Reposted by ☢️ Captain Antagonist ☢️
i heard that jizzing on tramp stamps is making a comeback
February 20, 2026 at 12:40 AM
i heard that jizzing on tramp stamps is making a comeback
Saw an inspirational quotes calendar on clearance, thought of you.
February 20, 2026 at 12:51 AM
Saw an inspirational quotes calendar on clearance, thought of you.
Reposted by ☢️ Captain Antagonist ☢️
me: im not dyslexic my brian works perfectly
my brain, who i call brian: what
my brain, who i call brian: what
February 19, 2026 at 11:57 PM
me: im not dyslexic my brian works perfectly
my brain, who i call brian: what
my brain, who i call brian: what
I am a will-o'-the-wisp leading you into a swamp of ancient horrors gently.
February 19, 2026 at 1:18 PM
I am a will-o'-the-wisp leading you into a swamp of ancient horrors gently.
Sorry Mr. Astronaut, I'm hijacking your rocket so I can make it off this planet alive to spit in the arrogant face of Mother Gaia.
February 19, 2026 at 2:55 AM
Sorry Mr. Astronaut, I'm hijacking your rocket so I can make it off this planet alive to spit in the arrogant face of Mother Gaia.
Reposted by ☢️ Captain Antagonist ☢️
FRENCH GUY: do you speak french
ME: no
FRENCH GUY: ah well c'est la vie
ME: la vie
ME: no
FRENCH GUY: ah well c'est la vie
ME: la vie
February 19, 2026 at 1:09 AM
FRENCH GUY: do you speak french
ME: no
FRENCH GUY: ah well c'est la vie
ME: la vie
ME: no
FRENCH GUY: ah well c'est la vie
ME: la vie
Reposted by ☢️ Captain Antagonist ☢️
I'm terrified of butterflies I hear they are very social
February 19, 2026 at 12:43 AM
I'm terrified of butterflies I hear they are very social
Reposted by ☢️ Captain Antagonist ☢️
sometimes i post a joke right before bed and that's called a lollaby
February 18, 2026 at 11:00 PM
sometimes i post a joke right before bed and that's called a lollaby
Reposted by ☢️ Captain Antagonist ☢️
I tried to figure out how many people were in prison, but I couldn't get a con census.
February 18, 2026 at 10:57 PM
I tried to figure out how many people were in prison, but I couldn't get a con census.
Dehumanizing people is great because it confirms I'm morally superior to the animals.
February 18, 2026 at 11:20 PM
Dehumanizing people is great because it confirms I'm morally superior to the animals.
Without Facebook, how will I have memories of people wishing me happy birthday three days late? I wouldn't, so there's that.
February 18, 2026 at 11:15 PM
Without Facebook, how will I have memories of people wishing me happy birthday three days late? I wouldn't, so there's that.
Reposted by ☢️ Captain Antagonist ☢️
speed skaters should be called blade runners
February 18, 2026 at 9:31 PM
speed skaters should be called blade runners