Todd 'Papi' Carlos
@thetoddwilliams.bsky.social
Toronto - Engineer
[blind date]
ME: Tell me about yourself
HER: I love good listeners and Fred Astaire
ME: That's weird
HER: What is?
ME: Being afraid of stairs
ME: Tell me about yourself
HER: I love good listeners and Fred Astaire
ME: That's weird
HER: What is?
ME: Being afraid of stairs
November 13, 2025 at 1:27 AM
[blind date]
ME: Tell me about yourself
HER: I love good listeners and Fred Astaire
ME: That's weird
HER: What is?
ME: Being afraid of stairs
ME: Tell me about yourself
HER: I love good listeners and Fred Astaire
ME: That's weird
HER: What is?
ME: Being afraid of stairs
COP: Where were you the night of the murder?
CROW: I was with a group of friends.
COP: And what would you call that group?
CROW: Uh…I want a lawyer
CROW: I was with a group of friends.
COP: And what would you call that group?
CROW: Uh…I want a lawyer
November 12, 2025 at 7:21 PM
COP: Where were you the night of the murder?
CROW: I was with a group of friends.
COP: And what would you call that group?
CROW: Uh…I want a lawyer
CROW: I was with a group of friends.
COP: And what would you call that group?
CROW: Uh…I want a lawyer
I'm not a fan of artificial intelligence. I was just getting used to regular intelligence.
November 9, 2025 at 7:29 PM
I'm not a fan of artificial intelligence. I was just getting used to regular intelligence.
I tried farm to table, but a cow stepped on my spaghetti.
November 6, 2025 at 3:56 AM
I tried farm to table, but a cow stepped on my spaghetti.
When I was a kid, "subverting the patriarchy" meant making your dad turn the car around.
November 5, 2025 at 10:40 PM
When I was a kid, "subverting the patriarchy" meant making your dad turn the car around.
BOB DYLAN: 🎶Oh, the times, they are a changin'...🎶
ME *looking at my watch*: Oh shi-
ME *looking at my watch*: Oh shi-
November 2, 2025 at 5:47 PM
BOB DYLAN: 🎶Oh, the times, they are a changin'...🎶
ME *looking at my watch*: Oh shi-
ME *looking at my watch*: Oh shi-
[blind date]
HER: I'm a ghost writer
ME {trying not to look too scared}: When did you die?
HER: I'm a ghost writer
ME {trying not to look too scared}: When did you die?
October 30, 2025 at 10:50 PM
[blind date]
HER: I'm a ghost writer
ME {trying not to look too scared}: When did you die?
HER: I'm a ghost writer
ME {trying not to look too scared}: When did you die?
[blind date]
HER: I'm a Nihilist
ME {trying to impress her}: Egypt is a beautiful country
HER: I'm a Nihilist
ME {trying to impress her}: Egypt is a beautiful country
October 30, 2025 at 3:42 PM
[blind date]
HER: I'm a Nihilist
ME {trying to impress her}: Egypt is a beautiful country
HER: I'm a Nihilist
ME {trying to impress her}: Egypt is a beautiful country
"Hey! You got monkeys in my peanut butter...
October 28, 2025 at 8:30 PM
"Hey! You got monkeys in my peanut butter...
HER: You're not very self-aware, but I love your flaws.
ME: My what?!
ME: My what?!
October 26, 2025 at 2:09 PM
HER: You're not very self-aware, but I love your flaws.
ME: My what?!
ME: My what?!
I accidentally started a Timber profile, and now I'm dating two lumberjacks and a guy that, I think, just sharpens saws.
October 22, 2025 at 4:03 PM
I accidentally started a Timber profile, and now I'm dating two lumberjacks and a guy that, I think, just sharpens saws.
[blind date]
HER: I'm totally into Homer... the Odyssey, the Iliad, you know what I mean?
ME {obviously thinking about when he saved the monorail by using the letter "M" from the side of the train and a rope to create an improvised anchor}: Oh my god, yes!
HER: I'm totally into Homer... the Odyssey, the Iliad, you know what I mean?
ME {obviously thinking about when he saved the monorail by using the letter "M" from the side of the train and a rope to create an improvised anchor}: Oh my god, yes!
October 16, 2025 at 6:15 PM
[blind date]
HER: I'm totally into Homer... the Odyssey, the Iliad, you know what I mean?
ME {obviously thinking about when he saved the monorail by using the letter "M" from the side of the train and a rope to create an improvised anchor}: Oh my god, yes!
HER: I'm totally into Homer... the Odyssey, the Iliad, you know what I mean?
ME {obviously thinking about when he saved the monorail by using the letter "M" from the side of the train and a rope to create an improvised anchor}: Oh my god, yes!
Happy "Canadian" Thanksgiving (nudge, nudge, wink, wink)
October 13, 2025 at 12:38 AM
Happy "Canadian" Thanksgiving (nudge, nudge, wink, wink)
I just realized I have a predominantly white fan base
October 12, 2025 at 4:11 PM
I just realized I have a predominantly white fan base
[Veterans Hospital]
GRAMPS {waking from 80-year coma caused by D-Day head injury}: Did we beat the authoritarian fascists?
ME: Haha, well…interesting story
GRAMPS {waking from 80-year coma caused by D-Day head injury}: Did we beat the authoritarian fascists?
ME: Haha, well…interesting story
October 11, 2025 at 3:25 PM
[Veterans Hospital]
GRAMPS {waking from 80-year coma caused by D-Day head injury}: Did we beat the authoritarian fascists?
ME: Haha, well…interesting story
GRAMPS {waking from 80-year coma caused by D-Day head injury}: Did we beat the authoritarian fascists?
ME: Haha, well…interesting story
[Lab]
MONSTER: What.. is.. my.. name?
DOCTOR: We'll call you…Frankenstein
MONSTER: But.. that.. your... name
DOCTOR: Yeah, people won't make a big deal of it
MONSTER: What.. is.. my.. name?
DOCTOR: We'll call you…Frankenstein
MONSTER: But.. that.. your... name
DOCTOR: Yeah, people won't make a big deal of it
October 10, 2025 at 7:58 PM
[Lab]
MONSTER: What.. is.. my.. name?
DOCTOR: We'll call you…Frankenstein
MONSTER: But.. that.. your... name
DOCTOR: Yeah, people won't make a big deal of it
MONSTER: What.. is.. my.. name?
DOCTOR: We'll call you…Frankenstein
MONSTER: But.. that.. your... name
DOCTOR: Yeah, people won't make a big deal of it
I have once again pulled off the perfect Chicago style pizza
October 7, 2025 at 4:43 PM
I have once again pulled off the perfect Chicago style pizza
I think I'm pretty smart, but I refuse to join MENSA until they recognize WOMENSAs equally!!
October 6, 2025 at 9:34 PM
I think I'm pretty smart, but I refuse to join MENSA until they recognize WOMENSAs equally!!
BREAKING: Loser changes tack
October 6, 2025 at 5:22 PM
BREAKING: Loser changes tack
SCARECROW WIFE: Did you pick up milk?
SCARECROW: Oh I forgot
SCARECROW WIFE: You'd forget your brain if…
SCARECROW: If what Hayley?…Say it
SCARECROW: Oh I forgot
SCARECROW WIFE: You'd forget your brain if…
SCARECROW: If what Hayley?…Say it
October 2, 2025 at 12:57 PM
SCARECROW WIFE: Did you pick up milk?
SCARECROW: Oh I forgot
SCARECROW WIFE: You'd forget your brain if…
SCARECROW: If what Hayley?…Say it
SCARECROW: Oh I forgot
SCARECROW WIFE: You'd forget your brain if…
SCARECROW: If what Hayley?…Say it
My mechanic said I needed "new bushings," so I slapped him across the face! The nerve!
October 1, 2025 at 3:19 PM
My mechanic said I needed "new bushings," so I slapped him across the face! The nerve!
If Dora the Explorer meets Where's Waldo, they die.
September 30, 2025 at 2:05 AM
If Dora the Explorer meets Where's Waldo, they die.
Guys would rather do The Rapture than go to therapy.
September 28, 2025 at 1:31 AM
Guys would rather do The Rapture than go to therapy.
To all you "glass half full" people out there: You call that optimism?! Half full?! Maybe try a little harder.
September 27, 2025 at 3:31 PM
To all you "glass half full" people out there: You call that optimism?! Half full?! Maybe try a little harder.
[blind date]
HER: I love the fall
ME {trying to impress her}: Lucifer had it coming
HER: I love the fall
ME {trying to impress her}: Lucifer had it coming
September 23, 2025 at 12:17 PM
[blind date]
HER: I love the fall
ME {trying to impress her}: Lucifer had it coming
HER: I love the fall
ME {trying to impress her}: Lucifer had it coming