Todd 'Papi' Carlos
@thetoddwilliams.bsky.social
Toronto - Engineer
[jamming on guitar]
ME: *cranks amplifier*
WIFE: It's a little late, honey
ME: ok... *cranks pmplifier*
ME: *cranks amplifier*
WIFE: It's a little late, honey
ME: ok... *cranks pmplifier*
January 18, 2026 at 8:39 PM
[jamming on guitar]
ME: *cranks amplifier*
WIFE: It's a little late, honey
ME: ok... *cranks pmplifier*
ME: *cranks amplifier*
WIFE: It's a little late, honey
ME: ok... *cranks pmplifier*
[blind date]
ME: Maybe I can cook you dinner sometime
HER: You should know I'm a pansexual
ME *trying to be accommodating*: Okay, breakfast then
ME: Maybe I can cook you dinner sometime
HER: You should know I'm a pansexual
ME *trying to be accommodating*: Okay, breakfast then
January 8, 2026 at 11:56 PM
[blind date]
ME: Maybe I can cook you dinner sometime
HER: You should know I'm a pansexual
ME *trying to be accommodating*: Okay, breakfast then
ME: Maybe I can cook you dinner sometime
HER: You should know I'm a pansexual
ME *trying to be accommodating*: Okay, breakfast then
[Grammarian Job Interview]
BOSS: What are your greatest strengths?
ME: Possessive determiner, superlative adjective, plural noun
BOSS: Holy crap
BOSS: What are your greatest strengths?
ME: Possessive determiner, superlative adjective, plural noun
BOSS: Holy crap
January 6, 2026 at 10:00 PM
[Grammarian Job Interview]
BOSS: What are your greatest strengths?
ME: Possessive determiner, superlative adjective, plural noun
BOSS: Holy crap
BOSS: What are your greatest strengths?
ME: Possessive determiner, superlative adjective, plural noun
BOSS: Holy crap
ALIEN: What is "January"?
ME: That's a month... named after a god
ALIEN: Ah, so August is a god
ME: Actually, he was a Roman
ALIEN: Ah, so October is a Roman
ME: Actually, that's named after a number
ALIEN: Ah, the 10th month so 10
ME: Actually, 8
ALIEN: Ok this is bullshit
ME: That's a month... named after a god
ALIEN: Ah, so August is a god
ME: Actually, he was a Roman
ALIEN: Ah, so October is a Roman
ME: Actually, that's named after a number
ALIEN: Ah, the 10th month so 10
ME: Actually, 8
ALIEN: Ok this is bullshit
January 2, 2026 at 4:40 PM
ALIEN: What is "January"?
ME: That's a month... named after a god
ALIEN: Ah, so August is a god
ME: Actually, he was a Roman
ALIEN: Ah, so October is a Roman
ME: Actually, that's named after a number
ALIEN: Ah, the 10th month so 10
ME: Actually, 8
ALIEN: Ok this is bullshit
ME: That's a month... named after a god
ALIEN: Ah, so August is a god
ME: Actually, he was a Roman
ALIEN: Ah, so October is a Roman
ME: Actually, that's named after a number
ALIEN: Ah, the 10th month so 10
ME: Actually, 8
ALIEN: Ok this is bullshit
[gallery]
GUIDE: …and this artist painted while in prison
ME: I have a question
WIFE: Please ignore him
GUIDE: It's ok…what's your question?
ME: Was he framed?
GUIDE: …and this artist painted while in prison
ME: I have a question
WIFE: Please ignore him
GUIDE: It's ok…what's your question?
ME: Was he framed?
December 31, 2025 at 4:49 AM
[gallery]
GUIDE: …and this artist painted while in prison
ME: I have a question
WIFE: Please ignore him
GUIDE: It's ok…what's your question?
ME: Was he framed?
GUIDE: …and this artist painted while in prison
ME: I have a question
WIFE: Please ignore him
GUIDE: It's ok…what's your question?
ME: Was he framed?
[office party, 1842]
Ralph Waldo Emerson: The only gift is a portion of thyself
Me: Look Ralph, the rules to Secret Santa were very clear
Ralph Waldo Emerson: The only gift is a portion of thyself
Me: Look Ralph, the rules to Secret Santa were very clear
December 22, 2025 at 4:56 AM
[office party, 1842]
Ralph Waldo Emerson: The only gift is a portion of thyself
Me: Look Ralph, the rules to Secret Santa were very clear
Ralph Waldo Emerson: The only gift is a portion of thyself
Me: Look Ralph, the rules to Secret Santa were very clear
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Oops sorry, I had it on all caps
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Oops sorry, I had it on all caps
December 21, 2025 at 6:11 PM
🧢 🧢 🧢
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Oops sorry, I had it on all caps
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Oops sorry, I had it on all caps
[blind date]
HER: I'd prefer to not sit in a booth... I'm a bit claustrophobic
ME {trying to reassure her}: Santa isn't real
HER: I'd prefer to not sit in a booth... I'm a bit claustrophobic
ME {trying to reassure her}: Santa isn't real
December 20, 2025 at 7:09 PM
[blind date]
HER: I'd prefer to not sit in a booth... I'm a bit claustrophobic
ME {trying to reassure her}: Santa isn't real
HER: I'd prefer to not sit in a booth... I'm a bit claustrophobic
ME {trying to reassure her}: Santa isn't real
[Jeopardy]
ME: I'll take Christmas Movies for $1000, Alex
ALEX: The answer is 'Die Hard'
ME *buzzing in*: What is a Christmas movie?
ALEX: That's right...Die Hard is a Christmas movie
ME *turning to my wife who is in the studio audience*: HA, I TOLD YOU, GRETCHEN!!
ME: I'll take Christmas Movies for $1000, Alex
ALEX: The answer is 'Die Hard'
ME *buzzing in*: What is a Christmas movie?
ALEX: That's right...Die Hard is a Christmas movie
ME *turning to my wife who is in the studio audience*: HA, I TOLD YOU, GRETCHEN!!
December 17, 2025 at 3:35 PM
[Jeopardy]
ME: I'll take Christmas Movies for $1000, Alex
ALEX: The answer is 'Die Hard'
ME *buzzing in*: What is a Christmas movie?
ALEX: That's right...Die Hard is a Christmas movie
ME *turning to my wife who is in the studio audience*: HA, I TOLD YOU, GRETCHEN!!
ME: I'll take Christmas Movies for $1000, Alex
ALEX: The answer is 'Die Hard'
ME *buzzing in*: What is a Christmas movie?
ALEX: That's right...Die Hard is a Christmas movie
ME *turning to my wife who is in the studio audience*: HA, I TOLD YOU, GRETCHEN!!
SCROOGE: Oh great spirit...why are we at the Olive Garden?
GHOST OF CHRISTMAS PASTA: These guys have endless breadsticks
GHOST OF CHRISTMAS PASTA: These guys have endless breadsticks
December 17, 2025 at 3:33 PM
SCROOGE: Oh great spirit...why are we at the Olive Garden?
GHOST OF CHRISTMAS PASTA: These guys have endless breadsticks
GHOST OF CHRISTMAS PASTA: These guys have endless breadsticks
They say by 2045 the Post Office will run out of zip codes and we'll have to live on the moon.
December 15, 2025 at 10:40 PM
They say by 2045 the Post Office will run out of zip codes and we'll have to live on the moon.
ME: I just don't know if I'm ready for the whole "dating thing"
THERAPIST: What are you afraid of?
ME: The obvious
THERAPIST: Do you mean the fear of commi-
ME: Pickleball
THERAPIST: What are you afraid of?
ME: The obvious
THERAPIST: Do you mean the fear of commi-
ME: Pickleball
December 14, 2025 at 10:47 PM
ME: I just don't know if I'm ready for the whole "dating thing"
THERAPIST: What are you afraid of?
ME: The obvious
THERAPIST: Do you mean the fear of commi-
ME: Pickleball
THERAPIST: What are you afraid of?
ME: The obvious
THERAPIST: Do you mean the fear of commi-
ME: Pickleball
The Dick Van Dyke Show (1961–1966) was quite successful in spite of never actually showing a dick, a van or a dike.
December 13, 2025 at 7:06 PM
The Dick Van Dyke Show (1961–1966) was quite successful in spite of never actually showing a dick, a van or a dike.
When I was a kid, AI stood for Aunt Irma. You didn't want to mess with her either.
December 11, 2025 at 3:30 AM
When I was a kid, AI stood for Aunt Irma. You didn't want to mess with her either.
[job interview]
BOSS: What three words best describe you?
MR. GRINCH: Uh... hahaha well, you see here's the thing...
BOSS: What three words best describe you?
MR. GRINCH: Uh... hahaha well, you see here's the thing...
December 8, 2025 at 6:17 PM
[job interview]
BOSS: What three words best describe you?
MR. GRINCH: Uh... hahaha well, you see here's the thing...
BOSS: What three words best describe you?
MR. GRINCH: Uh... hahaha well, you see here's the thing...
I just won a Domino's Peace'zaa Prize!!
December 8, 2025 at 2:23 AM
I just won a Domino's Peace'zaa Prize!!
That's nothing, Mussolini had four FIFA Peace Prizes.
December 8, 2025 at 2:21 AM
That's nothing, Mussolini had four FIFA Peace Prizes.
ME{from upstairs}: Honey, I'm gonna take a Bublé bath
WIFE: You mean a bubble bath, dear
ME: Uh...right
MICHAEL BUBLÉ: Are you getting in or what?
WIFE: You mean a bubble bath, dear
ME: Uh...right
MICHAEL BUBLÉ: Are you getting in or what?
December 6, 2025 at 4:30 PM
ME{from upstairs}: Honey, I'm gonna take a Bublé bath
WIFE: You mean a bubble bath, dear
ME: Uh...right
MICHAEL BUBLÉ: Are you getting in or what?
WIFE: You mean a bubble bath, dear
ME: Uh...right
MICHAEL BUBLÉ: Are you getting in or what?
Just curious, how to you "Undo" a threatening email to your cable provider?
December 4, 2025 at 3:04 PM
Just curious, how to you "Undo" a threatening email to your cable provider?
[creation]
GOD: You are all special in my eyes
KANGAROO: I don't feel that special
GOD: Look in your pocket
KANGAROO: Holy sh-
GOD: You are all special in my eyes
KANGAROO: I don't feel that special
GOD: Look in your pocket
KANGAROO: Holy sh-
December 3, 2025 at 4:54 PM
[creation]
GOD: You are all special in my eyes
KANGAROO: I don't feel that special
GOD: Look in your pocket
KANGAROO: Holy sh-
GOD: You are all special in my eyes
KANGAROO: I don't feel that special
GOD: Look in your pocket
KANGAROO: Holy sh-
Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer simply had a parasitic nasal infection. This is quite common among arctic and sub-arctic caribou species. His ability to fly was a hallucination brought on by the parasite burrowing into his frontal lobe.
December 3, 2025 at 2:00 AM
Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer simply had a parasitic nasal infection. This is quite common among arctic and sub-arctic caribou species. His ability to fly was a hallucination brought on by the parasite burrowing into his frontal lobe.
Oh yeah? Well maybe YOU'RE the immature one!!!
December 1, 2025 at 5:35 PM
Oh yeah? Well maybe YOU'RE the immature one!!!
MOTHER-IN-LAW: There are some Thanksgiving leftovers in the fridge if you're hungry
ME: Thanks but I… quit cold turkey
MOTHER-IN-LAW: You know I never wanted you in this family
ME: Thanks but I… quit cold turkey
MOTHER-IN-LAW: You know I never wanted you in this family
November 30, 2025 at 11:32 PM
MOTHER-IN-LAW: There are some Thanksgiving leftovers in the fridge if you're hungry
ME: Thanks but I… quit cold turkey
MOTHER-IN-LAW: You know I never wanted you in this family
ME: Thanks but I… quit cold turkey
MOTHER-IN-LAW: You know I never wanted you in this family
I don't like to brag but I'm pretty good at it
November 30, 2025 at 11:11 PM
I don't like to brag but I'm pretty good at it
We don't have Black Friday in Canada, but Chartreuse Sunday is well under way!!
November 30, 2025 at 8:22 PM
We don't have Black Friday in Canada, but Chartreuse Sunday is well under way!!