𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜
@unfitz.bsky.social
Fugitive warlord. Indicted crypto kingpin. Disgraced former intern. Dry clean only.
He/him/his
Fitzy’s Funtastic Feed: https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:eeuovmdmopwss5bsf7el3ra7/feed/aaabi4hywtg5g
He/him/his
Fitzy’s Funtastic Feed: https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:eeuovmdmopwss5bsf7el3ra7/feed/aaabi4hywtg5g
Pinned
𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜
@unfitz.bsky.social
· Nov 18
“You gotta keep ‘em decorated”
- A Very Offspring Christmas
- A Very Offspring Christmas
Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜
Sorry I gave your wife a certificate for tinder
December 26, 2025 at 11:36 PM
Sorry I gave your wife a certificate for tinder
Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜
*watching the coffee pot fill up*
That’s right. Piss for daddy, you robot whore.
That’s right. Piss for daddy, you robot whore.
November 25, 2024 at 2:06 PM
*watching the coffee pot fill up*
That’s right. Piss for daddy, you robot whore.
That’s right. Piss for daddy, you robot whore.
Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜
Boxing Day is when the British and their former colonies box up the piss they’ve been taking all year to make room for all the piss they’ll be taking in the new year
December 26, 2025 at 9:48 PM
Boxing Day is when the British and their former colonies box up the piss they’ve been taking all year to make room for all the piss they’ll be taking in the new year
There’s a waterfall in Switzerland called Pissevache which means “pissing cow” and whoever named it should get to name everything.
December 26, 2025 at 10:23 PM
There’s a waterfall in Switzerland called Pissevache which means “pissing cow” and whoever named it should get to name everything.
Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜
I haven’t found what I want in life but pull up a seat and let me tell you what I don’t want
December 26, 2025 at 3:14 AM
I haven’t found what I want in life but pull up a seat and let me tell you what I don’t want
Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜
One of my favorite social media bios included both "worst-selling" and "Emmy-losing"
December 26, 2025 at 3:15 PM
One of my favorite social media bios included both "worst-selling" and "Emmy-losing"
Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜
a fun thing to do with relatives on xmas is to point out ppl in your photo albums & say “expired. expired. expired” like in that TV commercial . you’re welcome🎄
December 26, 2025 at 9:36 PM
a fun thing to do with relatives on xmas is to point out ppl in your photo albums & say “expired. expired. expired” like in that TV commercial . you’re welcome🎄
Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜
*chugging vanilla coffee creamer*
i'm good u??
i'm good u??
December 26, 2025 at 1:59 PM
*chugging vanilla coffee creamer*
i'm good u??
i'm good u??
Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜
Me, unable to post a good joke for days: I am shadow banned
December 26, 2025 at 3:16 PM
Me, unable to post a good joke for days: I am shadow banned
Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜
Well, that's it. Christmas over for another year. Pack up your tinsel and your reindeer novelty underpants.
December 26, 2025 at 4:37 PM
Well, that's it. Christmas over for another year. Pack up your tinsel and your reindeer novelty underpants.
Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜
here it’s not doomscrolling it’s a cringe binge
December 26, 2025 at 5:25 PM
here it’s not doomscrolling it’s a cringe binge
Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜
he called me a “cotton-headed ninny-muggins” and then everything just went black, officer
December 26, 2025 at 3:52 PM
he called me a “cotton-headed ninny-muggins” and then everything just went black, officer
Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜
my post christmas tradition is sitting outside watching kids fall off their new bikes
December 26, 2025 at 3:42 PM
my post christmas tradition is sitting outside watching kids fall off their new bikes
Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜
4. Too late
Stages of holiday shopping
1. Plenty of time
2. Gifts for myself
3. Oh no
1. Plenty of time
2. Gifts for myself
3. Oh no
December 26, 2025 at 7:54 PM
4. Too late
Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜
ME: who called em fish boobs instead of shark hooteries
WIFE: no one. no one ever says any of those things
WIFE: no one. no one ever says any of those things
December 26, 2025 at 4:26 PM
ME: who called em fish boobs instead of shark hooteries
WIFE: no one. no one ever says any of those things
WIFE: no one. no one ever says any of those things
Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜
*dabbing cinnamon roll goo on my pulse points*
wanna box, bb?
wanna box, bb?
December 26, 2025 at 7:07 PM
*dabbing cinnamon roll goo on my pulse points*
wanna box, bb?
wanna box, bb?
Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜
accidentally bit my lip and it turns out im not nearly as much of a snack as i thought i was
December 26, 2025 at 4:43 PM
accidentally bit my lip and it turns out im not nearly as much of a snack as i thought i was
Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜
ungrateful family didn’t like my presents (gift certificates to blockbuster)
December 26, 2025 at 6:42 PM
ungrateful family didn’t like my presents (gift certificates to blockbuster)
Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜
It appears to be snaining. Pick a lane, clouds
December 26, 2025 at 6:43 PM
It appears to be snaining. Pick a lane, clouds
Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜
Tranquility today, I intone as I avoid another neighbour at the grocery store.
January 15, 2025 at 5:31 PM
Tranquility today, I intone as I avoid another neighbour at the grocery store.
Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜
him: license and registration, please
me: *slides him fish*
him: ...
me: *slides him another fish*
him: have a good day, sir
me: *slides him fish*
him: ...
me: *slides him another fish*
him: have a good day, sir
December 26, 2025 at 1:29 PM
him: license and registration, please
me: *slides him fish*
him: ...
me: *slides him another fish*
him: have a good day, sir
me: *slides him fish*
him: ...
me: *slides him another fish*
him: have a good day, sir
Choosing a new porn alias but Philip K. Dick is already taken.
December 26, 2025 at 12:20 PM
Choosing a new porn alias but Philip K. Dick is already taken.
Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜
You can pretend to have your shit together if you want. They don’t really check
December 26, 2025 at 1:51 AM
You can pretend to have your shit together if you want. They don’t really check
Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜
It's Scrodinger's week: not sure if I'm dead or alive until after the new year.
December 26, 2025 at 12:12 PM
It's Scrodinger's week: not sure if I'm dead or alive until after the new year.
Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜
Had to break up. They pronounce it data instead of data. Who says "data"? So fecking weird.
December 26, 2025 at 11:42 AM
Had to break up. They pronounce it data instead of data. Who says "data"? So fecking weird.