𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜
@unfitz.bsky.social
Fugitive warlord. Indicted crypto kingpin. Disgraced former intern. Dry clean only.
He/him/his
Fitzy’s Funtastic Feed: https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:eeuovmdmopwss5bsf7el3ra7/feed/aaabi4hywtg5g
He/him/his
Fitzy’s Funtastic Feed: https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:eeuovmdmopwss5bsf7el3ra7/feed/aaabi4hywtg5g
Pinned
𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜
@unfitz.bsky.social
· Nov 18
“You gotta keep ‘em decorated”
- A Very Offspring Christmas
- A Very Offspring Christmas
Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜
ME: who called em fish boobs instead of shark hooteries
WIFE: no one. no one ever says any of those things
WIFE: no one. no one ever says any of those things
December 26, 2025 at 4:26 PM
ME: who called em fish boobs instead of shark hooteries
WIFE: no one. no one ever says any of those things
WIFE: no one. no one ever says any of those things
Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜
*dabbing cinnamon roll goo on my pulse points*
wanna box, bb?
wanna box, bb?
December 26, 2025 at 7:07 PM
*dabbing cinnamon roll goo on my pulse points*
wanna box, bb?
wanna box, bb?
Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜
accidentally bit my lip and it turns out im not nearly as much of a snack as i thought i was
December 26, 2025 at 4:43 PM
accidentally bit my lip and it turns out im not nearly as much of a snack as i thought i was
Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜
ungrateful family didn’t like my presents (gift certificates to blockbuster)
December 26, 2025 at 6:42 PM
ungrateful family didn’t like my presents (gift certificates to blockbuster)
Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜
It appears to be snaining. Pick a lane, clouds
December 26, 2025 at 6:43 PM
It appears to be snaining. Pick a lane, clouds
Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜
Tranquility today, I intone as I avoid another neighbour at the grocery store.
January 15, 2025 at 5:31 PM
Tranquility today, I intone as I avoid another neighbour at the grocery store.
Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜
him: license and registration, please
me: *slides him fish*
him: ...
me: *slides him another fish*
him: have a good day, sir
me: *slides him fish*
him: ...
me: *slides him another fish*
him: have a good day, sir
December 26, 2025 at 1:29 PM
him: license and registration, please
me: *slides him fish*
him: ...
me: *slides him another fish*
him: have a good day, sir
me: *slides him fish*
him: ...
me: *slides him another fish*
him: have a good day, sir
Choosing a new porn alias but Philip K. Dick is already taken.
December 26, 2025 at 12:20 PM
Choosing a new porn alias but Philip K. Dick is already taken.
Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜
You can pretend to have your shit together if you want. They don’t really check
December 26, 2025 at 1:51 AM
You can pretend to have your shit together if you want. They don’t really check
Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜
It's Scrodinger's week: not sure if I'm dead or alive until after the new year.
December 26, 2025 at 12:12 PM
It's Scrodinger's week: not sure if I'm dead or alive until after the new year.
Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜
Had to break up. They pronounce it data instead of data. Who says "data"? So fecking weird.
December 26, 2025 at 11:42 AM
Had to break up. They pronounce it data instead of data. Who says "data"? So fecking weird.
Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜
My moral compass is asking myself in every situation, "would Batman approve?".
December 26, 2025 at 11:50 AM
My moral compass is asking myself in every situation, "would Batman approve?".
Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜
“Merry Christmas, Sexy!” said the unknown number, a little after midnight.
December 26, 2025 at 1:11 AM
“Merry Christmas, Sexy!” said the unknown number, a little after midnight.
Avoid conversations at the supermarket by spending an inordinate amount of time in front of the laxatives.
December 26, 2025 at 10:40 AM
Avoid conversations at the supermarket by spending an inordinate amount of time in front of the laxatives.
Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜
need to get back in shape, haven’t been called “sport” since i was a kid
December 26, 2025 at 2:22 AM
need to get back in shape, haven’t been called “sport” since i was a kid
Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜
Snatch is a boxing day movie
December 26, 2025 at 2:36 AM
Snatch is a boxing day movie
Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜
get in loser, we have more regrets to make before the year is out
December 26, 2025 at 3:35 AM
get in loser, we have more regrets to make before the year is out
Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜
“Break it Down Again” is my favorite Tears for Fears song about recycling all the cardboard boxes
December 26, 2025 at 3:58 AM
“Break it Down Again” is my favorite Tears for Fears song about recycling all the cardboard boxes
Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜
We are now entering the weird liminal space between Christmas and New Year's Eve. Anything could happen during this time. You could feel weirdly nostalgic, you could see a photo of a cat, you could remember to feed your Neopets. The possibilities are endless.
December 26, 2025 at 6:24 AM
We are now entering the weird liminal space between Christmas and New Year's Eve. Anything could happen during this time. You could feel weirdly nostalgic, you could see a photo of a cat, you could remember to feed your Neopets. The possibilities are endless.
Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜
sitting on my patio in a terry cloth robe like some little lebowski
December 25, 2025 at 10:50 PM
sitting on my patio in a terry cloth robe like some little lebowski
Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜
*standing over the sink eating lefse so I don't get a visit from 3 of my ancestors tonight
December 26, 2025 at 7:17 AM
*standing over the sink eating lefse so I don't get a visit from 3 of my ancestors tonight
Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜
when I was a kid and mad at my mom i would step on cracks like a mf
December 26, 2025 at 7:35 AM
when I was a kid and mad at my mom i would step on cracks like a mf
Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜
DID U KNOW: his name is James "Bond" because of that one time he superglued his own dick to his gun
December 26, 2025 at 7:44 AM
DID U KNOW: his name is James "Bond" because of that one time he superglued his own dick to his gun
Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜
I don’t really want to do a new year. I’m all yeared out
December 26, 2025 at 7:50 AM
I don’t really want to do a new year. I’m all yeared out
Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜
Imagine having a super tough shift down at Nakatomi Plaza then having to go home to chase Urkel off your daughter
December 24, 2025 at 10:14 PM
Imagine having a super tough shift down at Nakatomi Plaza then having to go home to chase Urkel off your daughter