π±πππ ππππππππ
@unfitz.bsky.social
Fugitive warlord. Indicted crypto kingpin. Disgraced former intern. Dry clean only.
He/him/his
Fitzyβs Funtastic Feed: https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:eeuovmdmopwss5bsf7el3ra7/feed/aaabi4hywtg5g
He/him/his
Fitzyβs Funtastic Feed: https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:eeuovmdmopwss5bsf7el3ra7/feed/aaabi4hywtg5g
Pinned
White noise is just regular noise that felt threatened by the superbowl halftime show.
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you never hear about someone getting combobulated
January 20, 2026 at 4:48 PM
you never hear about someone getting combobulated
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using the drafts to keep a list of my grievances
February 10, 2026 at 3:09 PM
using the drafts to keep a list of my grievances
Here, lemme see your drafts folder.
*deletes them all*
Happy to help.
*deletes them all*
Happy to help.
February 10, 2026 at 7:35 PM
Here, lemme see your drafts folder.
*deletes them all*
Happy to help.
*deletes them all*
Happy to help.
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why does βYouβve read your last free article.β always feel like a death threat
February 10, 2026 at 4:14 PM
why does βYouβve read your last free article.β always feel like a death threat
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any room can be a panic room if she tells you "we need to talk"
February 10, 2026 at 4:03 PM
any room can be a panic room if she tells you "we need to talk"
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umm yes, long time listener but first time caller and iβd like to say *begins screaming*
February 10, 2026 at 4:32 PM
umm yes, long time listener but first time caller and iβd like to say *begins screaming*
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no, babe, itβs okay that youβre not stacyβs mom. i still think youβve got it going on.
February 10, 2026 at 4:30 PM
no, babe, itβs okay that youβre not stacyβs mom. i still think youβve got it going on.
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iβve deleted 5 drafts, so itβs working
February 10, 2026 at 4:31 PM
iβve deleted 5 drafts, so itβs working
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I search your skeets for weird keywords and such, in case you needed a reminder that Iβm stalking you. All of you.
February 10, 2026 at 7:01 PM
I search your skeets for weird keywords and such, in case you needed a reminder that Iβm stalking you. All of you.
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The Sun Bear from Thailand is known for its 18-in tongue and multiple girlfriends.
February 10, 2026 at 7:01 PM
The Sun Bear from Thailand is known for its 18-in tongue and multiple girlfriends.
Just one tooth? You deserve more.
February 10, 2026 at 7:27 PM
Just one tooth? You deserve more.
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look i'm no olympian but one time a random guy on the internet offered to give me one of his teeth, which is not nothin
February 10, 2026 at 7:02 PM
look i'm no olympian but one time a random guy on the internet offered to give me one of his teeth, which is not nothin
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Never felt unstoppable before. Highkey stoppable at all times
February 10, 2026 at 7:13 PM
Never felt unstoppable before. Highkey stoppable at all times
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I didnβt say Iβm right I said Iβm certain.
March 16, 2025 at 12:10 PM
I didnβt say Iβm right I said Iβm certain.
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[Olympic tryouts]
βYour event?β
βDownhill.β
βSkiing?β
βNo. Just going downhill.β
βHuh?β
βHereβs my resume and a picture of me in college.β
βYour event?β
βDownhill.β
βSkiing?β
βNo. Just going downhill.β
βHuh?β
βHereβs my resume and a picture of me in college.β
February 10, 2026 at 6:08 PM
[Olympic tryouts]
βYour event?β
βDownhill.β
βSkiing?β
βNo. Just going downhill.β
βHuh?β
βHereβs my resume and a picture of me in college.β
βYour event?β
βDownhill.β
βSkiing?β
βNo. Just going downhill.β
βHuh?β
βHereβs my resume and a picture of me in college.β
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Guy at the cell phone store suggested I turn off my phone once a week, so I slapped his face and ran out of the store crying. BLASPHEMY!
February 10, 2026 at 4:38 PM
Guy at the cell phone store suggested I turn off my phone once a week, so I slapped his face and ran out of the store crying. BLASPHEMY!
But did she give Deepak a car??
February 10, 2026 at 4:36 PM
But did she give Deepak a car??
Iβm a person of a certain rage
February 10, 2026 at 3:49 PM
Iβm a person of a certain rage
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all of my posts today were supposed to be drafts. imagine my surprise.
February 10, 2026 at 12:14 PM
all of my posts today were supposed to be drafts. imagine my surprise.
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Itβs the day after Monday. The wannabe Monday.
February 10, 2026 at 2:10 PM
Itβs the day after Monday. The wannabe Monday.
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why yes that was my complaint letter read aloud at company meeting, you're welcome.
February 10, 2026 at 3:03 PM
why yes that was my complaint letter read aloud at company meeting, you're welcome.
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With all my aches and pains, if I were a car, I'd fail inspection every year.
February 10, 2026 at 1:17 PM
With all my aches and pains, if I were a car, I'd fail inspection every year.
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I wear my heart on my sleeve, my anxiety on my face and my bog witchness in my hair
February 10, 2026 at 3:11 PM
I wear my heart on my sleeve, my anxiety on my face and my bog witchness in my hair
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If I'm so dumb how does my body know when it's a full moon
February 10, 2026 at 2:20 PM
If I'm so dumb how does my body know when it's a full moon
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zamboni would be a beautiful name for a baby girl
February 9, 2026 at 3:38 PM
zamboni would be a beautiful name for a baby girl