DaddyJew
@daddyjew.bsky.social
Pinned
nice try your honor, but I too brought a gavel
Reposted by DaddyJew
JUDGE: how does your client plead
MY LAWYER: like a whiny little bitch your honor
ME: hey quit it i do not
JUDGE: whoa i see what you mean counselor
MY LAWYER: right? so annoying
MY LAWYER: like a whiny little bitch your honor
ME: hey quit it i do not
JUDGE: whoa i see what you mean counselor
MY LAWYER: right? so annoying
January 6, 2026 at 7:18 PM
JUDGE: how does your client plead
MY LAWYER: like a whiny little bitch your honor
ME: hey quit it i do not
JUDGE: whoa i see what you mean counselor
MY LAWYER: right? so annoying
MY LAWYER: like a whiny little bitch your honor
ME: hey quit it i do not
JUDGE: whoa i see what you mean counselor
MY LAWYER: right? so annoying
Reposted by DaddyJew
Might as well ask all your hinge matches where they were 5 years ago today.
January 6, 2026 at 8:41 PM
Might as well ask all your hinge matches where they were 5 years ago today.
Reposted by DaddyJew
I really wish he'd just go back to golfing all the time and not paying attention.
January 5, 2026 at 1:37 AM
I really wish he'd just go back to golfing all the time and not paying attention.
Reposted by DaddyJew
Noticing that CNN is calling Jan. 6 a “riot,” not an “insurrection.”
PSA: It was an insurrection.
PSA: It was an insurrection.
January 6, 2026 at 7:40 PM
Noticing that CNN is calling Jan. 6 a “riot,” not an “insurrection.”
PSA: It was an insurrection.
PSA: It was an insurrection.
Reposted by DaddyJew
Depression is like being told happiness is right around the corner but you live in a circle
December 5, 2024 at 5:00 AM
Depression is like being told happiness is right around the corner but you live in a circle
Reposted by DaddyJew
We're cash poor but boursin rich
January 6, 2026 at 8:10 PM
We're cash poor but boursin rich
Reposted by DaddyJew
I can be optimistic, but never when the world is looking.
December 13, 2025 at 10:51 PM
I can be optimistic, but never when the world is looking.
Reposted by DaddyJew
just got catcalled by the homeless man laying on the ground. i still got it.
January 2, 2026 at 9:41 PM
just got catcalled by the homeless man laying on the ground. i still got it.
Reposted by DaddyJew
(removing the poop from the shrimp) I could be a surgeon
January 3, 2026 at 12:29 AM
(removing the poop from the shrimp) I could be a surgeon
Reposted by DaddyJew
“Band of Brothers” had way less music in it than I expected.
January 5, 2026 at 11:20 PM
“Band of Brothers” had way less music in it than I expected.
Reposted by DaddyJew
Everyday I think I don't have anything to post but I am blessed with a horrible brain
January 6, 2026 at 8:02 PM
Everyday I think I don't have anything to post but I am blessed with a horrible brain
Reposted by DaddyJew
We need more deodorants for us mature types.
Like instead of "Shark Puncher" and "Booty Pirate" try "Look, I Made it Out of the Armchair!" and "New Buick SUV"
Like instead of "Shark Puncher" and "Booty Pirate" try "Look, I Made it Out of the Armchair!" and "New Buick SUV"
January 4, 2026 at 10:11 PM
We need more deodorants for us mature types.
Like instead of "Shark Puncher" and "Booty Pirate" try "Look, I Made it Out of the Armchair!" and "New Buick SUV"
Like instead of "Shark Puncher" and "Booty Pirate" try "Look, I Made it Out of the Armchair!" and "New Buick SUV"
Reposted by DaddyJew
Sir Isaac Newton: "If I have seen further than others, it is by standing upon the shoulders of giants."
Me: (can't see at all because the cat knocked my glasses behind the toilet)
Me: (can't see at all because the cat knocked my glasses behind the toilet)
January 4, 2026 at 5:17 PM
Sir Isaac Newton: "If I have seen further than others, it is by standing upon the shoulders of giants."
Me: (can't see at all because the cat knocked my glasses behind the toilet)
Me: (can't see at all because the cat knocked my glasses behind the toilet)
Reposted by DaddyJew
Me, flirting with the receptionist: you must be really good at your job, the reception in here is amazing
August 6, 2025 at 7:39 PM
Me, flirting with the receptionist: you must be really good at your job, the reception in here is amazing
Reposted by DaddyJew
Help I'm a
me on trampoline
me on trampoline
November 18, 2025 at 10:05 PM
Help I'm a
me on trampoline
me on trampoline
Reposted by DaddyJew
Still writing 2025 on the walls of my crypt.
January 2, 2026 at 6:18 PM
Still writing 2025 on the walls of my crypt.
Reposted by DaddyJew
put that in your pipe and oh-you’re already smoking it. didn’t even ask what it was. u wild
December 3, 2025 at 11:21 AM
put that in your pipe and oh-you’re already smoking it. didn’t even ask what it was. u wild
Reposted by DaddyJew
Friend: you couldn't fight your way out of a paper bag
Me: what the hell am I doing in a paper bag?
Me: what the hell am I doing in a paper bag?
January 13, 2025 at 12:20 PM
Friend: you couldn't fight your way out of a paper bag
Me: what the hell am I doing in a paper bag?
Me: what the hell am I doing in a paper bag?
Reposted by DaddyJew
You ever just zone out and the next thing you know you're old as fuck?
February 18, 2025 at 7:43 AM
You ever just zone out and the next thing you know you're old as fuck?
Reposted by DaddyJew
Missed connection: we were sitting in a circle, our eyes locked, suddenly it felt like we had become one and then the next thing i knew…you were a duck and i was a goose
June 20, 2025 at 12:57 AM
Missed connection: we were sitting in a circle, our eyes locked, suddenly it felt like we had become one and then the next thing i knew…you were a duck and i was a goose
Reposted by DaddyJew
I was nearly petty there then I thought no, you’re worse than that.
January 6, 2026 at 5:31 PM
I was nearly petty there then I thought no, you’re worse than that.
[first day as a therapist]
so you get to lie down and i don’t? that’s not fair. scooch
so you get to lie down and i don’t? that’s not fair. scooch
January 6, 2026 at 7:34 PM
[first day as a therapist]
so you get to lie down and i don’t? that’s not fair. scooch
so you get to lie down and i don’t? that’s not fair. scooch
Reposted by DaddyJew
First thing I'm gonna do if I win the lottery is lock myself in the bathroom. Second thing? You guessed it, locksmith.
January 5, 2026 at 12:32 AM
First thing I'm gonna do if I win the lottery is lock myself in the bathroom. Second thing? You guessed it, locksmith.
Reposted by DaddyJew
It's only cocaine if you do it with other people.
January 6, 2026 at 7:03 PM
It's only cocaine if you do it with other people.
Reposted by DaddyJew
Read your post and….yikes.
January 6, 2026 at 7:20 PM
Read your post and….yikes.