Lizzlepants 🐒
@lizzlepants.bsky.social
Pinned
Lizzlepants 🐒
@lizzlepants.bsky.social
· Nov 11
revenge is a dish best served after I’ve licked everything on the plate
Reposted by Lizzlepants 🐒
my Spirit care bear would be named Lazy Bear and it would just stare all the time
February 4, 2026 at 12:37 AM
my Spirit care bear would be named Lazy Bear and it would just stare all the time
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My lunch break is often taken in my office with the lights off because this sunny demeanor needs to reset in the dark to recharge
February 4, 2026 at 5:50 PM
My lunch break is often taken in my office with the lights off because this sunny demeanor needs to reset in the dark to recharge
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let me seduce you with my knowledge on useless things
February 3, 2026 at 10:53 PM
let me seduce you with my knowledge on useless things
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The kind of song you write a book about because your yodeling is more nonfiction
February 4, 2026 at 4:48 PM
The kind of song you write a book about because your yodeling is more nonfiction
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I think your dog would really like me
February 4, 2026 at 12:56 PM
I think your dog would really like me
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Just minding my business watching Tubi when a Tom Brady Pizza Hut ad comes on like a jump scare and I yell "GET YOUR DEXTER-LOOKING ASS OFF MY TV"
February 4, 2026 at 4:55 PM
Just minding my business watching Tubi when a Tom Brady Pizza Hut ad comes on like a jump scare and I yell "GET YOUR DEXTER-LOOKING ASS OFF MY TV"
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*two space aliens zooming around in their spaceship as one of them points to the earth*
that’s where guacamole comes from.
that’s where guacamole comes from.
February 4, 2026 at 3:34 PM
*two space aliens zooming around in their spaceship as one of them points to the earth*
that’s where guacamole comes from.
that’s where guacamole comes from.
Reposted by Lizzlepants 🐒
i support my kids’ interests. unfortunately their interests are annoying.
February 4, 2026 at 4:26 PM
i support my kids’ interests. unfortunately their interests are annoying.
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I’m really good at giving lost people directions. I just tell them to drive into the sea
February 4, 2026 at 3:38 PM
I’m really good at giving lost people directions. I just tell them to drive into the sea
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My therapist told me social media was bad for me so I told her the pastry she had on her desk was going to give her diabetes.
February 4, 2026 at 2:53 PM
My therapist told me social media was bad for me so I told her the pastry she had on her desk was going to give her diabetes.
ᴛʜᴇsᴇ ʙɪᴛᴄʜᴇs ᴅᴏɴ’ᴛ ᴇᴠᴇɴ ᴋɴᴏᴡ ᴀʙᴏᴜᴛ Bᴀᴠᴀʀɪᴀɴ ᴄʀᴇᴀᴍ
February 4, 2026 at 4:58 PM
ᴛʜᴇsᴇ ʙɪᴛᴄʜᴇs ᴅᴏɴ’ᴛ ᴇᴠᴇɴ ᴋɴᴏᴡ ᴀʙᴏᴜᴛ Bᴀᴠᴀʀɪᴀɴ ᴄʀᴇᴀᴍ
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My mistake when you said you could read I thought that meant you also could comprehend what you read.
February 4, 2026 at 2:06 PM
My mistake when you said you could read I thought that meant you also could comprehend what you read.
Reposted by Lizzlepants 🐒
Boss: Do you have time for a quick meeting next week?
Me, staring at my calendar packed with back to back “kiss pets on forehead” appointments: Honestly, I am swamped.
Me, staring at my calendar packed with back to back “kiss pets on forehead” appointments: Honestly, I am swamped.
February 4, 2026 at 12:39 PM
Boss: Do you have time for a quick meeting next week?
Me, staring at my calendar packed with back to back “kiss pets on forehead” appointments: Honestly, I am swamped.
Me, staring at my calendar packed with back to back “kiss pets on forehead” appointments: Honestly, I am swamped.
Reposted by Lizzlepants 🐒
3d printing with string cheese
February 4, 2026 at 6:52 AM
3d printing with string cheese
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asking my girl to take me to the gas station so i can get a little something to take the edge off and purchasing 5 hot dogs
February 4, 2026 at 2:48 AM
asking my girl to take me to the gas station so i can get a little something to take the edge off and purchasing 5 hot dogs
Reposted by Lizzlepants 🐒
i like to think about the friends of the guy who invented the tuba and how they reacted the first time he played it for them.
February 2, 2026 at 5:08 PM
i like to think about the friends of the guy who invented the tuba and how they reacted the first time he played it for them.
Reposted by Lizzlepants 🐒
ima show you how to turn it up a notch
February 4, 2026 at 9:52 AM
ima show you how to turn it up a notch
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It’s a full moon tonight, be sure to deliver your beating heart to a forest witch in a box of intricately woven twigs
February 1, 2026 at 11:10 PM
It’s a full moon tonight, be sure to deliver your beating heart to a forest witch in a box of intricately woven twigs
Reposted by Lizzlepants 🐒
My doctor says I'm no longer allowed to correlate.
December 27, 2025 at 2:26 AM
My doctor says I'm no longer allowed to correlate.
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Thank you for the 30 day free trial of 2026 but I’d like to cancel my subscription.
February 4, 2026 at 9:37 AM
Thank you for the 30 day free trial of 2026 but I’d like to cancel my subscription.
Reposted by Lizzlepants 🐒
i’ve always been told that taxes are the price you pay to live in a civilized society so like do we not have to do them this year or what.
February 4, 2026 at 10:44 AM
i’ve always been told that taxes are the price you pay to live in a civilized society so like do we not have to do them this year or what.
Reposted by Lizzlepants 🐒
Grandma: I’m hosting Thanksgiving do you want to come over and fix my whole house
February 2, 2026 at 2:32 AM
Grandma: I’m hosting Thanksgiving do you want to come over and fix my whole house
Reposted by Lizzlepants 🐒
I spend my evenings attending a dramatic live performance called “Starving Cats Who Ate One Hour Ago.”
February 4, 2026 at 12:53 AM
I spend my evenings attending a dramatic live performance called “Starving Cats Who Ate One Hour Ago.”
Reposted by Lizzlepants 🐒
Its 1990 something and I'm wearing my B.U.M sweatshirt and my Z. Cavaricci pants or maybe my Levi 501 button fly jeans to the under age dance club on friday night in Upper Darby. (For me it was knock offs or what we called Bobo gear , cause I was poor)
it’s 1990 something and I’m wearing my guess jeans and k Swiss sneakers to the blockbuster on the corner to rent horror flicks for my high school slumber party
February 3, 2026 at 11:17 PM
Its 1990 something and I'm wearing my B.U.M sweatshirt and my Z. Cavaricci pants or maybe my Levi 501 button fly jeans to the under age dance club on friday night in Upper Darby. (For me it was knock offs or what we called Bobo gear , cause I was poor)
Reposted by Lizzlepants 🐒
it’s 1990 something and I’m wearing my A&F sweater, jeans, and DMs in downtown Charleston at Charlie’s Little Bar sippin’ Macallan 12.
it’s 1990 something and I’m wearing my guess jeans and k Swiss sneakers to the blockbuster on the corner to rent horror flicks for my high school slumber party
February 3, 2026 at 11:55 PM
it’s 1990 something and I’m wearing my A&F sweater, jeans, and DMs in downtown Charleston at Charlie’s Little Bar sippin’ Macallan 12.