Lizzlepants 🐒
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lizzlepants.bsky.social
Lizzlepants 🐒
@lizzlepants.bsky.social
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revenge is a dish best served after I’ve licked everything on the plate
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Every time I see two blue jays in the yard they act like they know each other and the breakup was bad.
January 28, 2026 at 12:54 PM
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One day I'll probably look up from my phone and realize my kids put me in a nursing home.
January 31, 2026 at 1:14 PM
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If I don't start getting some solid attention soon I'm going to make you people wish I had.
January 30, 2026 at 11:39 PM
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I've given you all too much of myself.
January 30, 2026 at 11:35 PM
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sometimes the sound of rain is the only conversation you need
January 31, 2026 at 1:09 PM
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walking around my brain like you're in the attic moving boxes around
January 28, 2026 at 2:22 PM
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Pirates caught me sniffing around their booty again.
January 31, 2026 at 3:11 AM
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Your sweatpants tell me you’re ready for a quiet, comfy night, but the granny panties tell me you wanna rock my world…
January 31, 2026 at 1:12 AM
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I didn't ask to be literate, this is bullshit!
January 31, 2026 at 7:28 AM
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A platonic scalp rub would be clutch right now.
January 31, 2026 at 12:32 PM
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As a child, my nightly routine involved negotiating my soul with Jesus and discussing the possibility of dying in my sleep.
Welcome to the origin story of my anxiety.
January 31, 2026 at 12:20 PM
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And y'all thought those Woodstock 99 kids were crazy for burning the shit to the ground.
January 31, 2026 at 12:32 PM
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no thank you, new fresh horrors, i’m still digesting yesterday’s
January 31, 2026 at 12:45 PM
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I’m mom to an adult LGBTQ child. There is a unique fear when they are out in the world, no matter their age. #dateline
January 31, 2026 at 2:36 AM
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i fear i spammed too close to the sun
January 31, 2026 at 11:35 AM
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Welcome to your 50s.
One wrong move and your body files a formal complaint.
Spoiler: there’s no good move.
January 30, 2026 at 1:56 PM
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Some people find me unapproachable, which means I just need to convince the rest of them
January 30, 2026 at 11:41 PM
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Coffee strong enough to heal broken bones.
January 31, 2026 at 12:16 PM
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normalize going on a quest, finding a bunch of treasure, and giving it all to me
January 31, 2026 at 11:49 AM
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I figure once we’ve eaten one or two billionaires the rest will fall in line pretty quick, no?
January 31, 2026 at 12:24 PM
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i’m okay with compromise as long as i always get my way
January 30, 2026 at 5:45 PM
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I talk a lot of shit for someone who’s sitting on a heated massage pad and listening to soft hits of the 80s after midnight
January 31, 2026 at 6:23 AM
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making a feed called "people I'm never mad at" and adding my precious moots to it so they know I'm never mad at them
January 31, 2026 at 12:22 PM
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I still miss her, that younger version of me that would have put up with your shit
January 31, 2026 at 10:40 AM
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Be the reason they walk into a wall smiling at their phone
January 30, 2026 at 1:34 PM