Lizzlepants 🐒
@lizzlepants.bsky.social
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broke up with my AI boyfriend because he kept undressing me with his computer vision systems
Reposted by Lizzlepants 🐒
Those white Keds were banging,
February 2, 2026 at 7:16 AM
Those white Keds were banging,
Reposted by Lizzlepants 🐒
you can’t make me happy
you’re not a kitten playing with my hoodie strings
you’re not a kitten playing with my hoodie strings
January 30, 2026 at 5:46 AM
you can’t make me happy
you’re not a kitten playing with my hoodie strings
you’re not a kitten playing with my hoodie strings
Reposted by Lizzlepants 🐒
The hardest part about making Tot Casserole is not eating all the tots during preparation. We build to this, you see
February 1, 2026 at 11:50 PM
The hardest part about making Tot Casserole is not eating all the tots during preparation. We build to this, you see
Reposted by Lizzlepants 🐒
I didn’t invent the English language but I’ve done some strange and disagreeable things with it.
May 7, 2025 at 5:48 PM
I didn’t invent the English language but I’ve done some strange and disagreeable things with it.
Reposted by Lizzlepants 🐒
Caught my wife in bed with an abstract artist. He said "it's not what it looks like"
February 2, 2026 at 9:03 AM
Caught my wife in bed with an abstract artist. He said "it's not what it looks like"
every nice human deserves to have a wonderful song written about them
February 2, 2026 at 10:17 AM
every nice human deserves to have a wonderful song written about them
Reposted by Lizzlepants 🐒
When life hands you demons, make demonade
February 1, 2026 at 4:03 AM
When life hands you demons, make demonade
Reposted by Lizzlepants 🐒
hello yes i would like a shitty person to experience a consequence?
idk man fucking any of them surprise me
yes i'll hold
idk man fucking any of them surprise me
yes i'll hold
January 31, 2026 at 5:42 PM
hello yes i would like a shitty person to experience a consequence?
idk man fucking any of them surprise me
yes i'll hold
idk man fucking any of them surprise me
yes i'll hold
Reposted by Lizzlepants 🐒
ME: whenever i make fried eggs the yolks break but when i make scrambled eggs they don’t
ALANIS MORISSETTE: i’m sorry but the lyrics are already done
ALANIS MORISSETTE: i’m sorry but the lyrics are already done
February 1, 2026 at 6:59 PM
ME: whenever i make fried eggs the yolks break but when i make scrambled eggs they don’t
ALANIS MORISSETTE: i’m sorry but the lyrics are already done
ALANIS MORISSETTE: i’m sorry but the lyrics are already done
Reposted by Lizzlepants 🐒
Who wants to smoke weed and fall down a cool rabbit hole so we can talk and talk until we both fall asleep ?
February 1, 2026 at 6:32 PM
Who wants to smoke weed and fall down a cool rabbit hole so we can talk and talk until we both fall asleep ?
Reposted by Lizzlepants 🐒
It’s time for my semi-annual “I’m giving up”
February 1, 2026 at 12:02 PM
It’s time for my semi-annual “I’m giving up”
Reposted by Lizzlepants 🐒
you cant hold me accountable, your honor, I plan to run for president in the future and this is election interference.
February 1, 2026 at 7:04 PM
you cant hold me accountable, your honor, I plan to run for president in the future and this is election interference.
Reposted by Lizzlepants 🐒
what the hell is a pompatus of love
February 1, 2026 at 6:46 PM
what the hell is a pompatus of love
Reposted by Lizzlepants 🐒
a word to my fellow pb&j eaters -- stick with grape or strawberry jelly. this petroleum flavor is not jiving at all.
February 1, 2026 at 5:26 PM
a word to my fellow pb&j eaters -- stick with grape or strawberry jelly. this petroleum flavor is not jiving at all.
Reposted by Lizzlepants 🐒
me: alright
Matthew McConaughey: alright alright alright
Andre 3000: alright alright alright alright alright alright alright alright alright alright alright alright alright alright alright
Matthew McConaughey: alright alright alright
Andre 3000: alright alright alright alright alright alright alright alright alright alright alright alright alright alright alright
February 1, 2026 at 5:22 PM
me: alright
Matthew McConaughey: alright alright alright
Andre 3000: alright alright alright alright alright alright alright alright alright alright alright alright alright alright alright
Matthew McConaughey: alright alright alright
Andre 3000: alright alright alright alright alright alright alright alright alright alright alright alright alright alright alright
Reposted by Lizzlepants 🐒
i don't have imposter syndrome. i have poster syndrome which is where i think my posts are just as good as everyone else's.
February 1, 2026 at 4:37 AM
i don't have imposter syndrome. i have poster syndrome which is where i think my posts are just as good as everyone else's.
Reposted by Lizzlepants 🐒
why is it called a foursome and not a fling quartet
February 1, 2026 at 5:05 PM
why is it called a foursome and not a fling quartet
Reposted by Lizzlepants 🐒
Kinda hope the rapture is real because I really wouldn’t mind being rid of these people.
January 30, 2025 at 3:12 AM
Kinda hope the rapture is real because I really wouldn’t mind being rid of these people.
Reposted by Lizzlepants 🐒
Tickets are nonrefundable and nontransferable. Something to consider before booking a seat on the doomsday glacier
February 1, 2026 at 5:02 PM
Tickets are nonrefundable and nontransferable. Something to consider before booking a seat on the doomsday glacier
Reposted by Lizzlepants 🐒
Rewarding myself with a devilled egg whenever I successfully maintain consciousness for 6 seconds
October 23, 2025 at 3:39 PM
Rewarding myself with a devilled egg whenever I successfully maintain consciousness for 6 seconds
Reposted by Lizzlepants 🐒
I’m still skeptical that a swarm of bees could carry me anywhere - let alone all the way to Ohio
February 1, 2026 at 5:22 PM
I’m still skeptical that a swarm of bees could carry me anywhere - let alone all the way to Ohio
Reposted by Lizzlepants 🐒
Running out of the butcher shop with a string of sausages in my mouth like a cartoon dog
October 24, 2025 at 3:23 PM
Running out of the butcher shop with a string of sausages in my mouth like a cartoon dog
Reposted by Lizzlepants 🐒
I’m living the good life, in which I wake up at 7:00 AM to find dried icing on my phone screen from my 1:00 AM cinnamon roll and doom scroll session
February 1, 2026 at 1:27 PM
I’m living the good life, in which I wake up at 7:00 AM to find dried icing on my phone screen from my 1:00 AM cinnamon roll and doom scroll session