Lizzlepants 🐒
@lizzlepants.bsky.social
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broke up with my AI boyfriend because he kept undressing me with his computer vision systems
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I wanna be hot and pampered and reading poems and this is not that
February 1, 2026 at 12:01 PM
I wanna be hot and pampered and reading poems and this is not that
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I was behind a logging truck the other day on the interstate and I didn't even change lanes. Who cares anymore
February 1, 2026 at 3:25 PM
I was behind a logging truck the other day on the interstate and I didn't even change lanes. Who cares anymore
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my heater starts by blowing cold air and i hate it for that
February 1, 2026 at 8:31 AM
my heater starts by blowing cold air and i hate it for that
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whopper juniors were originally made for and sold exclusively to gnomes
February 1, 2026 at 3:22 PM
whopper juniors were originally made for and sold exclusively to gnomes
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Trying to determine if my system will tolerate a 3rd nap today
January 31, 2026 at 11:33 PM
Trying to determine if my system will tolerate a 3rd nap today
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Harry Styles sounds like a made-up name that Big Foot would use to sneak into a fashion show.
February 1, 2026 at 1:30 PM
Harry Styles sounds like a made-up name that Big Foot would use to sneak into a fashion show.
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guys i want someone to grab me by the back of the neck and drag me around platonically
February 1, 2026 at 3:23 PM
guys i want someone to grab me by the back of the neck and drag me around platonically
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Just waiting for the sophisticated character in this book to exude a ‘faint whiff of sandalwood.’
January 31, 2026 at 3:58 PM
Just waiting for the sophisticated character in this book to exude a ‘faint whiff of sandalwood.’
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Her eye-roll is almost imperceptible. It's just a brief, respectful glance toward heaven as if to say, "You see what I work with?"
—You have to be trained to see it. I took a seminar, once.
—You have to be trained to see it. I took a seminar, once.
February 1, 2026 at 12:17 PM
Her eye-roll is almost imperceptible. It's just a brief, respectful glance toward heaven as if to say, "You see what I work with?"
—You have to be trained to see it. I took a seminar, once.
—You have to be trained to see it. I took a seminar, once.
Reposted by Lizzlepants 🐒
Why am I applying anti aging cream when I still get carded at the liquor store
February 1, 2026 at 2:09 PM
Why am I applying anti aging cream when I still get carded at the liquor store
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smoking resin to get back to my white trash roots
March 25, 2025 at 5:39 PM
smoking resin to get back to my white trash roots
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Can we kiss at the cosmic horror hoedown?
February 1, 2026 at 2:13 AM
Can we kiss at the cosmic horror hoedown?
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“I said I’m FINE,” I insist, fully encasing myself in a chrysalis.
January 29, 2026 at 4:01 AM
“I said I’m FINE,” I insist, fully encasing myself in a chrysalis.
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If the feral cats are chanting in Latin, notify security immediately.
January 3, 2026 at 10:31 PM
If the feral cats are chanting in Latin, notify security immediately.
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My parents are divorced so we have two January 6ths
January 7, 2026 at 12:49 AM
My parents are divorced so we have two January 6ths
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The cat casually hops down from the kitchen counter in such a tone as to say “what are you talking about, why would anybody even be on the counter? I resent the insinuation.”
January 10, 2026 at 1:21 AM
The cat casually hops down from the kitchen counter in such a tone as to say “what are you talking about, why would anybody even be on the counter? I resent the insinuation.”
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A french roll is just a normal roll that the baker stuck his tongue into.
January 10, 2026 at 6:22 PM
A french roll is just a normal roll that the baker stuck his tongue into.
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"Why are you mad at me?" I ask the worms in the dirt in the mason jar that I casually observe from the outside.
January 17, 2026 at 7:57 PM
"Why are you mad at me?" I ask the worms in the dirt in the mason jar that I casually observe from the outside.
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Mr. Potato Head is a highly paid agitater.
January 17, 2026 at 4:48 PM
Mr. Potato Head is a highly paid agitater.
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This is all because those Brady kids messed with that tiki in Hawaii.
January 17, 2026 at 9:40 PM
This is all because those Brady kids messed with that tiki in Hawaii.
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Gonna try some moods swings for exercise
January 18, 2026 at 6:44 PM
Gonna try some moods swings for exercise
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I got kicked out of another gym for being too strong
January 30, 2026 at 2:35 AM
I got kicked out of another gym for being too strong
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When a pig gets an abrasion he puts on some oinkment. It's called Neosporkin.
January 30, 2026 at 1:28 AM
When a pig gets an abrasion he puts on some oinkment. It's called Neosporkin.
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At least the hardest month to spell is also the shortest.
February 1, 2026 at 3:11 PM
At least the hardest month to spell is also the shortest.
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I’m being told February is only 12 weeks long
February 1, 2026 at 2:46 PM
I’m being told February is only 12 weeks long