Lizzlepants 🐒
@lizzlepants.bsky.social
Pinned
broke up with my AI boyfriend because he kept undressing me with his computer vision systems
Reposted by Lizzlepants 🐒
stuck in the "unnecessary quote" factory, send "help"
January 31, 2026 at 11:49 PM
stuck in the "unnecessary quote" factory, send "help"
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*seductively recedes into the nothingness
January 31, 2026 at 1:05 AM
*seductively recedes into the nothingness
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maybe this is the month messy buns make a comeback
February 1, 2026 at 8:05 AM
maybe this is the month messy buns make a comeback
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It's only a late payment if you eventually pay it
February 1, 2026 at 7:28 AM
It's only a late payment if you eventually pay it
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Living in the moment, watching the way fire flirts with the unpaid bills I’ve just tossed into the wood stove
January 31, 2026 at 2:53 PM
Living in the moment, watching the way fire flirts with the unpaid bills I’ve just tossed into the wood stove
Reposted by Lizzlepants 🐒
the moon is telling me to do credit card fraud
February 1, 2026 at 9:24 AM
the moon is telling me to do credit card fraud
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hey pigs don’t speak latin we’ve been lied to
February 1, 2026 at 8:02 AM
hey pigs don’t speak latin we’ve been lied to
Reposted by Lizzlepants 🐒
sorry I’ve been absent lately.
I realized I was spending too much time on here and not enough time tending to my other, more destructive addictions
I realized I was spending too much time on here and not enough time tending to my other, more destructive addictions
January 31, 2026 at 9:26 AM
sorry I’ve been absent lately.
I realized I was spending too much time on here and not enough time tending to my other, more destructive addictions
I realized I was spending too much time on here and not enough time tending to my other, more destructive addictions
Reposted by Lizzlepants 🐒
What’s the protocol when a famous person likes a post of yours? Is it to show off in this manner? Hope so.
February 1, 2026 at 9:48 AM
What’s the protocol when a famous person likes a post of yours? Is it to show off in this manner? Hope so.
Reposted by Lizzlepants 🐒
keep your t nails long in case u need to scramble up a tree right quick
January 31, 2026 at 11:30 PM
keep your t nails long in case u need to scramble up a tree right quick
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Do the new people here know that posts are called skeets
February 1, 2026 at 12:55 AM
Do the new people here know that posts are called skeets
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Can’t believe I ever thought charm and charisma were prerequisites for a cult leader.
February 1, 2026 at 9:55 AM
Can’t believe I ever thought charm and charisma were prerequisites for a cult leader.
Reposted by Lizzlepants 🐒
In the darkest times, may the silliest things amuse you.
January 31, 2026 at 7:56 PM
In the darkest times, may the silliest things amuse you.
traitors gonna trait
February 1, 2026 at 10:00 AM
traitors gonna trait
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there's an old man at the gym working out in boxer shorts a ribbed white tank top undershirt and black socks pulled up nearly to his knees and i have finally decided what i want to be when i grow up
January 31, 2026 at 6:49 PM
there's an old man at the gym working out in boxer shorts a ribbed white tank top undershirt and black socks pulled up nearly to his knees and i have finally decided what i want to be when i grow up
Reposted by Lizzlepants 🐒
He preferred peace but was prepared for war. Thus, Gary left the house wearing his gym clothes.
January 31, 2026 at 12:50 PM
He preferred peace but was prepared for war. Thus, Gary left the house wearing his gym clothes.
Reposted by Lizzlepants 🐒
a vengeful drag queen named Rue the Day Paul
January 31, 2026 at 6:15 PM
a vengeful drag queen named Rue the Day Paul
I’m a sucker for creamy Cajun sauces
January 31, 2026 at 7:52 PM
I’m a sucker for creamy Cajun sauces
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That one friend whose bluntness is strangely comforting.
January 31, 2026 at 7:23 PM
That one friend whose bluntness is strangely comforting.
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Me: Sometimes I'll call my calf muscles my mooscles lol
Personal trainer: *crying* I will literally pay you to find somebody else to do this
Personal trainer: *crying* I will literally pay you to find somebody else to do this
January 31, 2026 at 7:21 PM
Me: Sometimes I'll call my calf muscles my mooscles lol
Personal trainer: *crying* I will literally pay you to find somebody else to do this
Personal trainer: *crying* I will literally pay you to find somebody else to do this
Reposted by Lizzlepants 🐒
Every time I see two blue jays in the yard they act like they know each other and the breakup was bad.
January 28, 2026 at 12:54 PM
Every time I see two blue jays in the yard they act like they know each other and the breakup was bad.
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One day I'll probably look up from my phone and realize my kids put me in a nursing home.
January 31, 2026 at 1:14 PM
One day I'll probably look up from my phone and realize my kids put me in a nursing home.
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If I don't start getting some solid attention soon I'm going to make you people wish I had.
January 30, 2026 at 11:39 PM
If I don't start getting some solid attention soon I'm going to make you people wish I had.
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I've given you all too much of myself.
January 30, 2026 at 11:35 PM
I've given you all too much of myself.
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sometimes the sound of rain is the only conversation you need
January 31, 2026 at 1:09 PM
sometimes the sound of rain is the only conversation you need