Charlie Alzamora
@chalza.bsky.social
Keep it right here for more biting commentary, social disconnection and cognitive decline, served with a hint of levity and oregano.
Reposted by Charlie Alzamora
Triskaidekaphobia? More like Trumpajerkaphobia.
February 13, 2026 at 1:35 PM
Triskaidekaphobia? More like Trumpajerkaphobia.
Reposted by Charlie Alzamora
there are two wolves inside of me and they’re both farting on your Valentine
February 12, 2026 at 6:38 PM
there are two wolves inside of me and they’re both farting on your Valentine
Reposted by Charlie Alzamora
I'd be pretty mad if I was a hero in a half shell and then I went and got stabbed in the junk.
February 13, 2026 at 5:11 PM
I'd be pretty mad if I was a hero in a half shell and then I went and got stabbed in the junk.
Reposted by Charlie Alzamora
“Lithium is no longer available on credit.”
February 13, 2026 at 2:37 PM
“Lithium is no longer available on credit.”
Reposted by Charlie Alzamora
You are correct sir!
February 13, 2026 at 4:59 PM
You are correct sir!
Reposted by Charlie Alzamora
You give me a corner piece of cake and then wonder where my clothes went?
February 13, 2026 at 1:54 AM
You give me a corner piece of cake and then wonder where my clothes went?
Reposted by Charlie Alzamora
couples who sit on the same side of the booth pls stop it's weirding the rest of us out
February 13, 2026 at 1:33 AM
couples who sit on the same side of the booth pls stop it's weirding the rest of us out
Reposted by Charlie Alzamora
Some of my favorite songs have been lost to memories I don’t want to revisit.
February 13, 2026 at 5:20 AM
Some of my favorite songs have been lost to memories I don’t want to revisit.
Reposted by Charlie Alzamora
They say irritation produces pearls, which is why I bed each night inside an oyster shell in my hair shirt
February 13, 2026 at 4:42 PM
They say irritation produces pearls, which is why I bed each night inside an oyster shell in my hair shirt
Reposted by Charlie Alzamora
I suspect that it’s virtually impossible to purchase a trans-axle at a MAGA auto parts store.
February 13, 2026 at 12:50 AM
I suspect that it’s virtually impossible to purchase a trans-axle at a MAGA auto parts store.
Reposted by Charlie Alzamora
my new job at the EPA is to hunt and destroy every last goddamn bee they’ve ever saved
February 12, 2026 at 10:45 PM
my new job at the EPA is to hunt and destroy every last goddamn bee they’ve ever saved
Reposted by Charlie Alzamora
Indifference to fascism is not a thing.
February 13, 2026 at 4:03 PM
Indifference to fascism is not a thing.
Reposted by Charlie Alzamora
Star Wars perspective:
"Why hasn't Emperor Palpatine released the unredacted Jedi Youngling massacre files?"
"The Corellian Stock Exchange is over 50,000 and you have Palpatine Derangement Syndrome! Is Leia even your real daughter?"
"Why hasn't Emperor Palpatine released the unredacted Jedi Youngling massacre files?"
"The Corellian Stock Exchange is over 50,000 and you have Palpatine Derangement Syndrome! Is Leia even your real daughter?"
February 13, 2026 at 4:36 PM
Star Wars perspective:
"Why hasn't Emperor Palpatine released the unredacted Jedi Youngling massacre files?"
"The Corellian Stock Exchange is over 50,000 and you have Palpatine Derangement Syndrome! Is Leia even your real daughter?"
"Why hasn't Emperor Palpatine released the unredacted Jedi Youngling massacre files?"
"The Corellian Stock Exchange is over 50,000 and you have Palpatine Derangement Syndrome! Is Leia even your real daughter?"
Reposted by Charlie Alzamora
A Friday the 13th right before Valentine’s Day is so on brand for 2026.
February 13, 2026 at 2:12 PM
A Friday the 13th right before Valentine’s Day is so on brand for 2026.
Reposted by Charlie Alzamora
Sometimes you have a lot of pent up energy in your genitals and the only treatment is sex
February 13, 2026 at 4:10 PM
Sometimes you have a lot of pent up energy in your genitals and the only treatment is sex
Reposted by Charlie Alzamora
Saw a license plate that said MANFST and still don't know if it was for manifest or man fest. Both maybe?
February 13, 2026 at 4:13 PM
Saw a license plate that said MANFST and still don't know if it was for manifest or man fest. Both maybe?
Reposted by Charlie Alzamora
me, watching any movie: “this could be more lesbian”
February 13, 2026 at 2:52 AM
me, watching any movie: “this could be more lesbian”
Reposted by Charlie Alzamora
... remember: regardless of how you cook a stolen egg, it's always poached ...
February 8, 2026 at 7:42 PM
... remember: regardless of how you cook a stolen egg, it's always poached ...
Reposted by Charlie Alzamora
My mom turned 13 on Friday the 13th. She did other things too.
February 13, 2026 at 3:40 PM
My mom turned 13 on Friday the 13th. She did other things too.
Reposted by Charlie Alzamora
That feeling of irritation melting into a bit of sadness when you thought someone was using weaponized incompetence to not do something right but it turns out that they're really just that stupid. Oh. Sorry about your brain, man.
February 13, 2026 at 3:50 PM
That feeling of irritation melting into a bit of sadness when you thought someone was using weaponized incompetence to not do something right but it turns out that they're really just that stupid. Oh. Sorry about your brain, man.
German women are particularly superstitious on Frauday the 13th.
February 13, 2026 at 4:09 PM
German women are particularly superstitious on Frauday the 13th.
Reposted by Charlie Alzamora
Spaghetti-Os were really Spaghetti-Zeroes, the whole time.
February 13, 2026 at 2:50 AM
Spaghetti-Os were really Spaghetti-Zeroes, the whole time.
Reposted by Charlie Alzamora
"On this Valentine's weekend, we choose monogamy."
- me, speaking to my right hand.
- me, speaking to my right hand.
February 13, 2026 at 3:49 PM
"On this Valentine's weekend, we choose monogamy."
- me, speaking to my right hand.
- me, speaking to my right hand.
Reposted by Charlie Alzamora
Could we just skip to February 15th and celebrate with a 50% off heart-shaped box of bonbons?
February 13, 2026 at 3:39 PM
Could we just skip to February 15th and celebrate with a 50% off heart-shaped box of bonbons?
Reposted by Charlie Alzamora
And Mama got a Brand New Baguette?
February 13, 2026 at 3:39 PM
And Mama got a Brand New Baguette?