Twin Dad
@twinsurvivalist.bsky.social
I love Peeps, Miracle Whip, Pepsi, pineapple on pizza, and bleu cheese. I'm basically perfect.
Pfp by onehourlate
My dumb jokes: https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:svme5pcm35w2kjzvtqjfe6pz/feed/aaae4clm6s64m
Pfp by onehourlate
My dumb jokes: https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:svme5pcm35w2kjzvtqjfe6pz/feed/aaae4clm6s64m
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Twin Dad
@twinsurvivalist.bsky.social
· Mar 9
Joggers? Oh no, dear. These are sitters.
Reposted by Twin Dad
If my life was a carnival ride
November 17, 2025 at 5:01 AM
If my life was a carnival ride
Reposted by Twin Dad
Go to bed now
November 17, 2025 at 5:11 AM
Go to bed now
Reposted by Twin Dad
I can't calm my tits because that's where I store my whimsy
November 16, 2025 at 4:52 PM
I can't calm my tits because that's where I store my whimsy
Wanna *make-out and then **dry-hump?
*eat a tub of tater tots
**bathe each other in gravy
*eat a tub of tater tots
**bathe each other in gravy
November 17, 2025 at 4:52 AM
Wanna *make-out and then **dry-hump?
*eat a tub of tater tots
**bathe each other in gravy
*eat a tub of tater tots
**bathe each other in gravy
Reposted by Twin Dad
I’m one microwave burrito away from becoming a microwave burrito.
November 16, 2025 at 9:26 PM
I’m one microwave burrito away from becoming a microwave burrito.
Reposted by Twin Dad
i won’t judge a book by its cover but i will judge you on which score you value more on rotten tomatoes
July 14, 2025 at 4:38 AM
i won’t judge a book by its cover but i will judge you on which score you value more on rotten tomatoes
Reposted by Twin Dad
Conquering chronic lateness by never going anywhere 😎
November 16, 2025 at 4:18 PM
Conquering chronic lateness by never going anywhere 😎
Reposted by Twin Dad
Dave and Busters credits
BESSENT: “THE $2,000 DIVIDEND COULD COME IN LOTS OF FORMS… IT COULD BE JUST THE TAX DECREASES. IT COULD BE NO TAX ON TIPS.”
November 17, 2025 at 3:23 AM
Dave and Busters credits
Reposted by Twin Dad
Team, please have your reports on weekend activities in my inbox by 9 am sharp. We'll review the more sordid ones in our Monday morning team meeting.
November 17, 2025 at 3:38 AM
Team, please have your reports on weekend activities in my inbox by 9 am sharp. We'll review the more sordid ones in our Monday morning team meeting.
Reposted by Twin Dad
So, I just thought “I wish I had like 4 cookies” and on second thought, I wish I had 5 cookies.
November 16, 2025 at 4:28 AM
So, I just thought “I wish I had like 4 cookies” and on second thought, I wish I had 5 cookies.
Reposted by Twin Dad
There's no crying in baseball...that's why I don't play.
November 16, 2025 at 4:40 AM
There's no crying in baseball...that's why I don't play.
Reposted by Twin Dad
Please stop making mountains out of mole hills. It's a waste of time, and it scares the mole.
November 16, 2025 at 6:56 AM
Please stop making mountains out of mole hills. It's a waste of time, and it scares the mole.
Reposted by Twin Dad
i often wish my pets could speak English but then the idea of all pets talking real loud everywhere at once makes me real glad they can’t after all
November 17, 2025 at 2:06 AM
i often wish my pets could speak English but then the idea of all pets talking real loud everywhere at once makes me real glad they can’t after all
Hey, don’t knock the creamed corn enema until you’ve tried it.
November 17, 2025 at 1:54 AM
Hey, don’t knock the creamed corn enema until you’ve tried it.
Reposted by Twin Dad
BEAUFORT T NIX
November 17, 2025 at 12:36 AM
BEAUFORT T NIX
Reposted by Twin Dad
no one:
me: Mouth noises gross me out
me: Mouth noises gross me out
November 17, 2025 at 12:47 AM
no one:
me: Mouth noises gross me out
me: Mouth noises gross me out
There’s a new pink Swiffer stick in case any of you guys are looking for a Christmas present idea for that special lady in your life.
November 16, 2025 at 10:04 PM
There’s a new pink Swiffer stick in case any of you guys are looking for a Christmas present idea for that special lady in your life.
Reposted by Twin Dad
i have accepted that clothing is just another one of those things over which i have no control, officer
November 16, 2025 at 3:42 PM
i have accepted that clothing is just another one of those things over which i have no control, officer
Reposted by Twin Dad
New charity: Jizzing for a reason!
November 14, 2025 at 5:08 AM
New charity: Jizzing for a reason!
Reposted by Twin Dad
I wonder if anyone is ever taking a monster shit and then thinks to themselves, “Someone had their tongue buried in that anus just 45 minutes ago.”
November 16, 2025 at 5:29 AM
I wonder if anyone is ever taking a monster shit and then thinks to themselves, “Someone had their tongue buried in that anus just 45 minutes ago.”
Reposted by Twin Dad
At this point, the biggest reason for boycotting Amazon is having to watch that commercial with the old ladies sledding every 14 minutes.
November 16, 2025 at 4:28 AM
At this point, the biggest reason for boycotting Amazon is having to watch that commercial with the old ladies sledding every 14 minutes.
Reposted by Twin Dad
It costs zero dollars to let the intrusive thoughts win, and you know I love a bargain
November 16, 2025 at 5:03 AM
It costs zero dollars to let the intrusive thoughts win, and you know I love a bargain
I wonder if anyone is ever taking a monster shit and then thinks to themselves, “Someone had their tongue buried in that anus just 45 minutes ago.”
November 16, 2025 at 5:29 AM
I wonder if anyone is ever taking a monster shit and then thinks to themselves, “Someone had their tongue buried in that anus just 45 minutes ago.”
Reposted by Twin Dad
they should invent new kinds of jerky
November 16, 2025 at 3:13 AM
they should invent new kinds of jerky
Reposted by Twin Dad
every day i think about him
November 16, 2025 at 3:19 AM
every day i think about him