anton
@deranton.bsky.social
nappin' and yappin', that's what's happenin'
My crumbs: https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:5wkkbx7wog4bwlyquc7fuity/feed/aaahxlf545dfw
My crumbs: https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:5wkkbx7wog4bwlyquc7fuity/feed/aaahxlf545dfw
Pinned
anton
@deranton.bsky.social
· Jul 11
I start every morning meditating on whether there's any reason I need to be awake for any of this
Reposted by anton
help me early retirement you're my only hope
February 3, 2026 at 8:19 PM
help me early retirement you're my only hope
Reposted by anton
ZOOKEEPER: So our last snake is our yellow Burmese python
ME: *way too loud* A bananaconda
ZOOKEEPER: *pulling out his tazer* look away kids
ME: *way too loud* A bananaconda
ZOOKEEPER: *pulling out his tazer* look away kids
February 3, 2026 at 7:12 PM
ZOOKEEPER: So our last snake is our yellow Burmese python
ME: *way too loud* A bananaconda
ZOOKEEPER: *pulling out his tazer* look away kids
ME: *way too loud* A bananaconda
ZOOKEEPER: *pulling out his tazer* look away kids
Reposted by anton
this joke is so dad it uses the term “knucklehead”
remember the alamo, the alacurly and alalarry
January 18, 2026 at 5:08 AM
this joke is so dad it uses the term “knucklehead”
Reposted by anton
Wearing a slinky like a boa while throwing myself down the stairs.
February 3, 2026 at 9:45 PM
Wearing a slinky like a boa while throwing myself down the stairs.
Reposted by anton
The daily horrors are meant to manipulate us into becoming weary, disillusioned, and apathetic but not to brag, I have been all those things since I found out sea monkeys were just brine shrimp
February 3, 2026 at 2:04 PM
The daily horrors are meant to manipulate us into becoming weary, disillusioned, and apathetic but not to brag, I have been all those things since I found out sea monkeys were just brine shrimp
Reposted by anton
me: *opens door*
pantry: *sounds of an ancient evil*
me: *closes door*
pantry: (muffled now) hey come on
pantry: *sounds of an ancient evil*
me: *closes door*
pantry: (muffled now) hey come on
February 3, 2026 at 12:54 PM
me: *opens door*
pantry: *sounds of an ancient evil*
me: *closes door*
pantry: (muffled now) hey come on
pantry: *sounds of an ancient evil*
me: *closes door*
pantry: (muffled now) hey come on
Reposted by anton
me as a Bluesky therapist
(mute)
(mute)
February 3, 2026 at 6:01 PM
me as a Bluesky therapist
(mute)
(mute)
Reposted by anton
Sometimes a normal hug doesn't seem enough. Sometimes you need to just squeeze them hard so they know you care. Squeeze so hard their eyes pop out and OH FUCK I'VE DONE IT AGAIN.
February 2, 2026 at 4:05 AM
Sometimes a normal hug doesn't seem enough. Sometimes you need to just squeeze them hard so they know you care. Squeeze so hard their eyes pop out and OH FUCK I'VE DONE IT AGAIN.
Reposted by anton
not wearing a bra to the hospital feels a little illegal everyone please avert your eyes these are my bedroom boobs
February 3, 2026 at 1:36 PM
not wearing a bra to the hospital feels a little illegal everyone please avert your eyes these are my bedroom boobs
Reposted by anton
Look I can offer you awkward silence or awkward conversation the choice is yours
February 3, 2026 at 4:59 AM
Look I can offer you awkward silence or awkward conversation the choice is yours
Reposted by anton
i’m not tired, i’m just permanently buffering
February 3, 2026 at 3:58 PM
i’m not tired, i’m just permanently buffering
Reposted by anton
how many likes do i need to get for the yoyo
February 4, 2026 at 2:46 AM
how many likes do i need to get for the yoyo
Reposted by anton
[opens rat poison]
ROUND AND ROUND
me: whoa
EVERY ROSE HAS IT'S THORN
me: wtf
ROUND AND ROUND
me: whoa
EVERY ROSE HAS IT'S THORN
me: wtf
February 4, 2026 at 4:23 AM
[opens rat poison]
ROUND AND ROUND
me: whoa
EVERY ROSE HAS IT'S THORN
me: wtf
ROUND AND ROUND
me: whoa
EVERY ROSE HAS IT'S THORN
me: wtf
Reposted by anton
Everything becomes sexier if you add the word French to it.
Fries. Kiss. Crocodile...
Fries. Kiss. Crocodile...
February 3, 2026 at 8:30 AM
Everything becomes sexier if you add the word French to it.
Fries. Kiss. Crocodile...
Fries. Kiss. Crocodile...
Reposted by anton
If someone gives me shit I just tell them I have old man strength and I fight dirty
February 4, 2026 at 12:29 AM
If someone gives me shit I just tell them I have old man strength and I fight dirty
Reposted by anton
I know you are a bot but I love you.
February 4, 2026 at 1:02 AM
I know you are a bot but I love you.
Reposted by anton
love shack
anger cottage
panic yurt
sorrow hovel
shame hole
anger cottage
panic yurt
sorrow hovel
shame hole
February 4, 2026 at 1:12 AM
love shack
anger cottage
panic yurt
sorrow hovel
shame hole
anger cottage
panic yurt
sorrow hovel
shame hole
Reposted by anton
barring bad weather, more like barring life, am i right?
*said in rodney dangerfield voice*
*said in rodney dangerfield voice*
February 4, 2026 at 1:28 AM
barring bad weather, more like barring life, am i right?
*said in rodney dangerfield voice*
*said in rodney dangerfield voice*
Reposted by anton
she was the gee to my willikers
February 4, 2026 at 1:43 AM
she was the gee to my willikers
Reposted by anton
Have you tried trying?
February 4, 2026 at 1:48 AM
Have you tried trying?
Reposted by anton
me looking at your skeets
February 4, 2026 at 2:04 AM
me looking at your skeets
Reposted by anton
my therapist thinks i’m ready to tackle some Difficult™ topics, so tonight i’m going to talk about how i never show up in anyone’s skircle
February 3, 2026 at 5:42 PM
my therapist thinks i’m ready to tackle some Difficult™ topics, so tonight i’m going to talk about how i never show up in anyone’s skircle
Reposted by anton
i finished reading the entire internet ama
February 3, 2026 at 11:05 PM
i finished reading the entire internet ama
Reposted by anton
I’m a real slut for Bible trivia
February 3, 2026 at 10:32 PM
I’m a real slut for Bible trivia
Reposted by anton
me: do you take walk-ins?
employee: ma’am this is a crematorium
employee: ma’am this is a crematorium
February 1, 2025 at 1:24 AM
me: do you take walk-ins?
employee: ma’am this is a crematorium
employee: ma’am this is a crematorium