Grant Tanaka
@granttanaka.bsky.social
I wrote a joke about a potato once
bsky.app/profile/did:plc:sdkxyw2r7xlx5kjhsolgagv6/feed/aaai5k54haeh6
bsky.app/profile/did:plc:sdkxyw2r7xlx5kjhsolgagv6/feed/aaai5k54haeh6
Last night, my cousin built a bonfire at the beach and then shot himself in the head. He had 2 young sons but couldn’t hold on any longer. His last text to his sister was “It’s raining next week, do you still have the umbrella I gave you?”
February 14, 2026 at 5:02 AM
Last night, my cousin built a bonfire at the beach and then shot himself in the head. He had 2 young sons but couldn’t hold on any longer. His last text to his sister was “It’s raining next week, do you still have the umbrella I gave you?”
Reposted by Grant Tanaka
Waterboarding my sorrows because I'm sure they know something they're not telling me.
February 13, 2026 at 3:23 PM
Waterboarding my sorrows because I'm sure they know something they're not telling me.
Reposted by Grant Tanaka
If you put your finger in the palm of my hand, I'll still grab it. I can't help it.
February 13, 2026 at 4:16 AM
If you put your finger in the palm of my hand, I'll still grab it. I can't help it.
Reposted by Grant Tanaka
Made it to Friday
February 12, 2026 at 9:01 PM
Made it to Friday
Reposted by Grant Tanaka
It’s Friday, you cum gargling pig.
February 13, 2026 at 7:02 AM
It’s Friday, you cum gargling pig.
Reposted by Grant Tanaka
It must be hard being a politician that doesn't want to be corrupted.
We should look out for those ones.
We should look out for those ones.
February 12, 2026 at 11:17 AM
It must be hard being a politician that doesn't want to be corrupted.
We should look out for those ones.
We should look out for those ones.
Reposted by Grant Tanaka
The commentators are not watching the right thing as a joke, but fate only laughs at its own jokes. Shakespeare's lost play Any Sport Will Ado found the whole time
February 12, 2026 at 5:42 AM
The commentators are not watching the right thing as a joke, but fate only laughs at its own jokes. Shakespeare's lost play Any Sport Will Ado found the whole time
Reposted by Grant Tanaka
Believe women when we tell you one of your buddies is a piece of shit. We know
February 1, 2026 at 2:41 PM
Believe women when we tell you one of your buddies is a piece of shit. We know
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Winning the skeleton must be a hollow victory.
February 13, 2026 at 9:05 PM
Winning the skeleton must be a hollow victory.
Reposted by Grant Tanaka
The frozen pizza is marked that it's best before December 1st. I better make it now and not take any chances.
February 14, 2026 at 12:22 AM
The frozen pizza is marked that it's best before December 1st. I better make it now and not take any chances.
Reposted by Grant Tanaka
Star Wars perspective:
"Why hasn't Emperor Palpatine released the unredacted Jedi Youngling massacre files?"
"The Corellian Stock Exchange is over 50,000 and you have Palpatine Derangement Syndrome! Is Leia even your real daughter?"
"Why hasn't Emperor Palpatine released the unredacted Jedi Youngling massacre files?"
"The Corellian Stock Exchange is over 50,000 and you have Palpatine Derangement Syndrome! Is Leia even your real daughter?"
February 13, 2026 at 4:36 PM
Star Wars perspective:
"Why hasn't Emperor Palpatine released the unredacted Jedi Youngling massacre files?"
"The Corellian Stock Exchange is over 50,000 and you have Palpatine Derangement Syndrome! Is Leia even your real daughter?"
"Why hasn't Emperor Palpatine released the unredacted Jedi Youngling massacre files?"
"The Corellian Stock Exchange is over 50,000 and you have Palpatine Derangement Syndrome! Is Leia even your real daughter?"
Reposted by Grant Tanaka
I think I would be good in the winter Olympics on Skeleton because my flat ass has no wind resistance
February 13, 2026 at 11:56 PM
I think I would be good in the winter Olympics on Skeleton because my flat ass has no wind resistance
Reposted by Grant Tanaka
is it be dead, it’s be dead isn’t it
February 12, 2026 at 2:10 PM
is it be dead, it’s be dead isn’t it
Reposted by Grant Tanaka
me: it’s Friday the 13th, y’all. better knock wood
elijah: what
elijah: what
February 13, 2026 at 10:53 AM
me: it’s Friday the 13th, y’all. better knock wood
elijah: what
elijah: what
Reposted by Grant Tanaka
Did the olympics start?
February 6, 2026 at 7:49 PM
Did the olympics start?
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I’m always amazed that nobody has ever taken the initiative to combine two things I’m extremely fond of and creating a string cheese bikini.
February 14, 2026 at 12:48 AM
I’m always amazed that nobody has ever taken the initiative to combine two things I’m extremely fond of and creating a string cheese bikini.
Reposted by Grant Tanaka
Roses are red. Violets are blue. Be my Valentine. Oh no, not you.
February 13, 2026 at 9:27 PM
Roses are red. Violets are blue. Be my Valentine. Oh no, not you.
Reposted by Grant Tanaka
Reposted by Grant Tanaka
[deathbed confession]
“babe I love you but every Friday on my drive home I’ve consumed a medium
sausage pizza”
“babe I love you but every Friday on my drive home I’ve consumed a medium
sausage pizza”
February 12, 2026 at 6:22 PM
[deathbed confession]
“babe I love you but every Friday on my drive home I’ve consumed a medium
sausage pizza”
“babe I love you but every Friday on my drive home I’ve consumed a medium
sausage pizza”
Reposted by Grant Tanaka
What if everybody had a "true face" that was under their face and at 45 the top face shed off and all their inner ugliness or beauty shone, and you found out at that moment you were one of the ugly ones
February 13, 2026 at 4:51 PM
What if everybody had a "true face" that was under their face and at 45 the top face shed off and all their inner ugliness or beauty shone, and you found out at that moment you were one of the ugly ones
Reposted by Grant Tanaka
The way I will never not glare at a Trump supporter for the rest of my life.
February 6, 2026 at 9:43 PM
The way I will never not glare at a Trump supporter for the rest of my life.
Reposted by Grant Tanaka
I’d like to think the crossing guard is waving only at me, but in my heart of hearts I know he’s waving at other drivers too
February 13, 2026 at 11:49 PM
I’d like to think the crossing guard is waving only at me, but in my heart of hearts I know he’s waving at other drivers too
Reposted by Grant Tanaka
I didn’t wake up this morning thinking, let’s get political on the internet. Like you, I woke up thinking about the soft, warm folds of the Venus of Willendorf and also pop-tarts
February 14, 2026 at 12:06 AM
I didn’t wake up this morning thinking, let’s get political on the internet. Like you, I woke up thinking about the soft, warm folds of the Venus of Willendorf and also pop-tarts
Reposted by Grant Tanaka
me: I should get in the shower
also me: [continues scrolling for an hour]
also me: [continues scrolling for an hour]
February 14, 2026 at 3:45 AM
me: I should get in the shower
also me: [continues scrolling for an hour]
also me: [continues scrolling for an hour]
Reposted by Grant Tanaka
ME: okay, how about this: a drama involving a pair of male sheep. we'll call it Bleated Rivalry
BOSS: just finish clearing out your desk
BOSS: just finish clearing out your desk
February 12, 2026 at 8:05 AM
ME: okay, how about this: a drama involving a pair of male sheep. we'll call it Bleated Rivalry
BOSS: just finish clearing out your desk
BOSS: just finish clearing out your desk