Grant Tanaka
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granttanaka.bsky.social
Grant Tanaka
@granttanaka.bsky.social
I wrote a joke about a potato once
bsky.app/profile/did:plc:sdkxyw2r7xlx5kjhsolgagv6/feed/aaai5k54haeh6
Last night, my cousin built a bonfire at the beach and then shot himself in the head. He had 2 young sons but couldn’t hold on any longer. His last text to his sister was “It’s raining next week, do you still have the umbrella I gave you?”
February 14, 2026 at 5:02 AM
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Waterboarding my sorrows because I'm sure they know something they're not telling me.
February 13, 2026 at 3:23 PM
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If you put your finger in the palm of my hand, I'll still grab it. I can't help it.
February 13, 2026 at 4:16 AM
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Made it to Friday
February 12, 2026 at 9:01 PM
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It’s Friday, you cum gargling pig.
February 13, 2026 at 7:02 AM
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It must be hard being a politician that doesn't want to be corrupted.

We should look out for those ones.
February 12, 2026 at 11:17 AM
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The commentators are not watching the right thing as a joke, but fate only laughs at its own jokes. Shakespeare's lost play Any Sport Will Ado found the whole time
February 12, 2026 at 5:42 AM
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Believe women when we tell you one of your buddies is a piece of shit. We know
February 1, 2026 at 2:41 PM
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Winning the skeleton must be a hollow victory.
February 13, 2026 at 9:05 PM
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The frozen pizza is marked that it's best before December 1st. I better make it now and not take any chances.
February 14, 2026 at 12:22 AM
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Star Wars perspective:

"Why hasn't Emperor Palpatine released the unredacted Jedi Youngling massacre files?"

"The Corellian Stock Exchange is over 50,000 and you have Palpatine Derangement Syndrome! Is Leia even your real daughter?"
February 13, 2026 at 4:36 PM
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I think I would be good in the winter Olympics on Skeleton because my flat ass has no wind resistance
February 13, 2026 at 11:56 PM
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is it be dead, it’s be dead isn’t it
February 12, 2026 at 2:10 PM
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me: it’s Friday the 13th, y’all. better knock wood

elijah: what
February 13, 2026 at 10:53 AM
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Did the olympics start?
February 6, 2026 at 7:49 PM
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I’m always amazed that nobody has ever taken the initiative to combine two things I’m extremely fond of and creating a string cheese bikini.
February 14, 2026 at 12:48 AM
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Roses are red. Violets are blue. Be my Valentine. Oh no, not you.
February 13, 2026 at 9:27 PM
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me on bsky
February 14, 2026 at 3:47 AM
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[deathbed confession]

“babe I love you but every Friday on my drive home I’ve consumed a medium
sausage pizza”
February 12, 2026 at 6:22 PM
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What if everybody had a "true face" that was under their face and at 45 the top face shed off and all their inner ugliness or beauty shone, and you found out at that moment you were one of the ugly ones
February 13, 2026 at 4:51 PM
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The way I will never not glare at a Trump supporter for the rest of my life.
February 6, 2026 at 9:43 PM
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I’d like to think the crossing guard is waving only at me, but in my heart of hearts I know he’s waving at other drivers too
February 13, 2026 at 11:49 PM
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I didn’t wake up this morning thinking, let’s get political on the internet. Like you, I woke up thinking about the soft, warm folds of the Venus of Willendorf and also pop-tarts
February 14, 2026 at 12:06 AM
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me: I should get in the shower

also me: [continues scrolling for an hour]
February 14, 2026 at 3:45 AM
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ME: okay, how about this: a drama involving a pair of male sheep. we'll call it Bleated Rivalry

BOSS: just finish clearing out your desk
February 12, 2026 at 8:05 AM