Danny
mardigroan.bsky.social
Danny
@mardigroan.bsky.social
My writing's been found on food shopping lists & mini golf scores

My Bluesky tweets: https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:aiszm5s7rajxmnj5t35tm4qh/feed/aaadebecxn2si
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We’ve normalized his criminal behavior so
much that the Watergate scandal wouldn’t
even move the needle today.
February 12, 2026 at 2:57 PM
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Klaatu barada nikto, baby.
February 12, 2026 at 8:40 PM
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Of course every joke is a cry for help. Are you new to this planet?
February 12, 2026 at 8:05 PM
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Got fired from my job as a vet because I told a lady I was ‘hoptimistic’ about her rabbit walking again lol and also because I’m not a qualified vet.
February 3, 2026 at 11:33 AM
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'Play on playa'

- The inventor of beach volleyball
February 7, 2026 at 9:42 PM
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ME: What’s that other bread you eat sometimes Sharon?

WIFE: Spelt?

ME: B R E A D

HER: Get out!
February 8, 2026 at 8:08 PM
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Great news! Valentine’s Day falls on a weekend, which really widens the window for disappointment.
February 12, 2026 at 7:16 PM
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between his last name and his being a messy bitch who lives for the drama it’s kind of wild that Nick Castellanos doesn’t have a podcast
February 12, 2026 at 7:53 PM
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You won’t catch me whistling past the graveyard but sometimes I’ll scat sing in the manner of Ella Fitzgerald
February 12, 2026 at 7:55 PM
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No new scientific finding / just denial of science by the vandals
February 12, 2026 at 7:34 PM
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Doctors at Walter Reed Hospital were initially concerned upon finding a large mass during President Trump's annual prostate exam. Upon further examination, however, they were relieved to discover that it was just Pam Bondi.
February 12, 2026 at 6:40 PM
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Gee, what a coincidence!!! 🤔
😒 😒
Gallup will no longer measure presidential approval after 88 years thehill.com/homenews/med...
February 11, 2026 at 7:19 PM
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too late rhythm already got me
February 12, 2026 at 10:13 AM
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Couldn’t get the top off my bottle of stress gummies and started to freak out a little
November 24, 2024 at 3:15 AM
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Just off the top of my head, I can’t remember why I walked into this barbershop.
February 12, 2026 at 5:44 PM
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Target made $28 billion from 2018-2024.

They spent 92% of that on stock buybacks and dividends.

Trump cut their tax rate by 19 percentage points in 2017. Their CEO likely got a $6 million tax cut from him last year.

And Target just announced 500 layoffs.

We're being scammed.
February 12, 2026 at 5:13 PM
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[office canteen]

coworker: I hope you don’t mind but I used your mug as mine’s dirty

me: of course not, and I’m sure you don’t mind that as my wife has a headache I used yours instead
February 12, 2026 at 2:41 PM
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Cartoons led me to believe rakes would be a much bigger problem.
February 12, 2026 at 5:26 PM
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I need a “stop doing that” list
February 11, 2026 at 9:24 PM
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Nowadays, when my wife says she's "with child," she's pointing at me.
February 12, 2026 at 4:24 PM
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My urologist is psyched for baseball spring training, especially when pitchers and catheters report.
February 12, 2026 at 12:18 AM
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[Olympic tryouts]

“Your event?”
“Downhill.”
“Skiing?”
“No. Just going downhill.”
“Huh?”
“Here’s my resume and a picture of me in college.”
February 10, 2026 at 6:08 PM
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I’m good with a "mother-in-law suite" as long as they're talking about the Embassy Suites in the next town over.
February 12, 2026 at 3:01 PM
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Advice is like a sexually transmitted disease. Nobody wants it but there's always someone around to give it to you.
February 12, 2026 at 2:39 PM
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Quicksand is just regular sand that finishes in 30 seconds then falls asleep without satisfying its partner.
February 12, 2026 at 2:44 PM