Danny
@mardigroan.bsky.social
My writing's been found on food shopping lists & mini golf scores
My Bluesky tweets: https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:aiszm5s7rajxmnj5t35tm4qh/feed/aaadebecxn2si
My Bluesky tweets: https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:aiszm5s7rajxmnj5t35tm4qh/feed/aaadebecxn2si
Pinned
Dr. Frankenstein: Did your intuition return?
Igor: Yes I got my hunch back.
Igor: Yes I got my hunch back.
Reposted by Danny
I bet I could drill into the bottom of a Panera bread bowl, attach a hose, and turn it into, like, a beer funnel but for soup
February 17, 2026 at 2:19 AM
I bet I could drill into the bottom of a Panera bread bowl, attach a hose, and turn it into, like, a beer funnel but for soup
Reposted by Danny
*left on delivered for an hour*
BRAIN: Hope you two are very happy together. If you need a wedding planner, just let me know.
BRAIN: Hope you two are very happy together. If you need a wedding planner, just let me know.
February 17, 2026 at 2:24 AM
*left on delivered for an hour*
BRAIN: Hope you two are very happy together. If you need a wedding planner, just let me know.
BRAIN: Hope you two are very happy together. If you need a wedding planner, just let me know.
Reposted by Danny
I am no longer my own landscaper. I am now "The Hedgelord"
February 17, 2026 at 2:27 AM
I am no longer my own landscaper. I am now "The Hedgelord"
Reposted by Danny
Been away from home for 3 1/2 months. Got back to LA and found all the rain made the succulents in my yard very happy.
February 17, 2026 at 2:06 AM
Been away from home for 3 1/2 months. Got back to LA and found all the rain made the succulents in my yard very happy.
Reposted by Danny
Discovered today that Instagram had turned on (without my opt-in) automatic AUDIO translation of any reel that shows up in my feed not in English USING AI TO MIMIC THE SPEAKER’S VOICE and WOW it was creepy and upsetting.
You can turn it off in “Language & Translations” in Settings. 🙅🏻♀️
You can turn it off in “Language & Translations” in Settings. 🙅🏻♀️
February 17, 2026 at 1:57 AM
Discovered today that Instagram had turned on (without my opt-in) automatic AUDIO translation of any reel that shows up in my feed not in English USING AI TO MIMIC THE SPEAKER’S VOICE and WOW it was creepy and upsetting.
You can turn it off in “Language & Translations” in Settings. 🙅🏻♀️
You can turn it off in “Language & Translations” in Settings. 🙅🏻♀️
Reposted by Danny
[panera]
ME: *eats bread bowl*
DATE: pretty sure you’re supposed to eat the soup first
ME: *eats bread bowl*
DATE: pretty sure you’re supposed to eat the soup first
February 17, 2026 at 12:24 AM
[panera]
ME: *eats bread bowl*
DATE: pretty sure you’re supposed to eat the soup first
ME: *eats bread bowl*
DATE: pretty sure you’re supposed to eat the soup first
Reposted by Danny
Panic! Anywhere really
February 16, 2026 at 10:17 PM
Panic! Anywhere really
Reposted by Danny
Poor Cayman Islands. They sent one athlete to the Winter Olympics and he Cayman last.
February 16, 2026 at 7:17 PM
Poor Cayman Islands. They sent one athlete to the Winter Olympics and he Cayman last.
Does Aquaman get high on seaweed?
February 17, 2026 at 12:58 AM
Does Aquaman get high on seaweed?
Reposted by Danny
I would break my right arm if it meant my back would stop hurting.
February 17, 2026 at 12:57 AM
I would break my right arm if it meant my back would stop hurting.
Reposted by Danny
I think it might be me. 40% of my class dropped out. Although we did have one guy who abandoned his family's pizza shop to become an ISIS commander.
Who's the most famous alum of your high school?
I'll go first: David Draiman of Disturbed
I'll go first: David Draiman of Disturbed
guys i just found out i went to the same high school as howard lutnick. please respect my privacy at this time.
February 17, 2026 at 12:47 AM
I think it might be me. 40% of my class dropped out. Although we did have one guy who abandoned his family's pizza shop to become an ISIS commander.
Reposted by Danny
Dude has a chance to make this the funniest Presidents Day ever
February 16, 2026 at 7:43 PM
Dude has a chance to make this the funniest Presidents Day ever
Reposted by Danny
Okay, tornadoes & flooding in LA it totally normal.
February 17, 2026 at 12:11 AM
Okay, tornadoes & flooding in LA it totally normal.
Reposted by Danny
Contrary to what doctors seem to think, you can't live, laugh, Lexapro your way out of an economy and government that is depressing
February 17, 2026 at 12:23 AM
Contrary to what doctors seem to think, you can't live, laugh, Lexapro your way out of an economy and government that is depressing
Reposted by Danny
If you really want to know what it was like in the 70’s, unbuckle the kids’ seatbelts, light a Marlboro, and crack a couple road sodas on the way to drop them off at the roller skating rink
February 17, 2026 at 12:00 AM
If you really want to know what it was like in the 70’s, unbuckle the kids’ seatbelts, light a Marlboro, and crack a couple road sodas on the way to drop them off at the roller skating rink
People are saying ICE agents should take off the Mask. I don't know why those deadly thugs should do a parody of a Jim Carrey movie. What do I know?
February 16, 2026 at 11:57 PM
People are saying ICE agents should take off the Mask. I don't know why those deadly thugs should do a parody of a Jim Carrey movie. What do I know?
Reposted by Danny
I have officially reached the sensible loafers stage of life. Goodbye, high heels at work. You served me well for many a year.
February 14, 2026 at 7:23 PM
I have officially reached the sensible loafers stage of life. Goodbye, high heels at work. You served me well for many a year.
Reposted by Danny
I’ll never say I love you but I will put a baseball in your glove when you’re not using it
February 16, 2026 at 11:46 PM
I’ll never say I love you but I will put a baseball in your glove when you’re not using it
Reposted by Danny
The future may be unknowable, but all scifi creators agree the music people will be most nostalic for is the music of the scifi creators’ youth
February 14, 2026 at 8:09 PM
The future may be unknowable, but all scifi creators agree the music people will be most nostalic for is the music of the scifi creators’ youth
Reposted by Danny
People who have obviously never, not once listened to or understood song lyrics even a single time in their entire miserable lives: I am mad that I did not understand the words
February 9, 2026 at 3:47 PM
People who have obviously never, not once listened to or understood song lyrics even a single time in their entire miserable lives: I am mad that I did not understand the words
Reposted by Danny
FRIEND WHO I HAVEN'T SEEN IN A WHILE: your kid's gotten so big! what is he, four?
ME: i have no idea what he's for
ME: i have no idea what he's for
February 16, 2026 at 8:37 PM
FRIEND WHO I HAVEN'T SEEN IN A WHILE: your kid's gotten so big! what is he, four?
ME: i have no idea what he's for
ME: i have no idea what he's for
Reposted by Danny
When I'm spelling something out over the phone, I love to use the most ridiculous words possible
O like Octopus
S like Sassafras
D like Diggity
F like Flapjacks
A like Aquanet
B like Balenciaga
O like Octopus
S like Sassafras
D like Diggity
F like Flapjacks
A like Aquanet
B like Balenciaga
February 16, 2026 at 10:06 AM
When I'm spelling something out over the phone, I love to use the most ridiculous words possible
O like Octopus
S like Sassafras
D like Diggity
F like Flapjacks
A like Aquanet
B like Balenciaga
O like Octopus
S like Sassafras
D like Diggity
F like Flapjacks
A like Aquanet
B like Balenciaga
Trying on the jacket and say "Looks good!"
The salesman said "You looked good even walking into the store."
Seems like that guy needs an eye test or a truth serum.
The salesman said "You looked good even walking into the store."
Seems like that guy needs an eye test or a truth serum.
February 16, 2026 at 11:20 PM
Trying on the jacket and say "Looks good!"
The salesman said "You looked good even walking into the store."
Seems like that guy needs an eye test or a truth serum.
The salesman said "You looked good even walking into the store."
Seems like that guy needs an eye test or a truth serum.
Reposted by Danny
me, to me, @10:00am: you should get dressed & go somewhere or go out & do something, you lazy piece of shit
me, to me, @10:01am: i know but it’s cold outside & everyone is off today & there’ll be lots of traffic & i just don’t wanna &
me, to me, @10:02am: OK STFU DO WHATEVER YOU DON’T WANNA DO IDC
me, to me, @10:01am: i know but it’s cold outside & everyone is off today & there’ll be lots of traffic & i just don’t wanna &
me, to me, @10:02am: OK STFU DO WHATEVER YOU DON’T WANNA DO IDC
February 16, 2026 at 8:25 PM
me, to me, @10:00am: you should get dressed & go somewhere or go out & do something, you lazy piece of shit
me, to me, @10:01am: i know but it’s cold outside & everyone is off today & there’ll be lots of traffic & i just don’t wanna &
me, to me, @10:02am: OK STFU DO WHATEVER YOU DON’T WANNA DO IDC
me, to me, @10:01am: i know but it’s cold outside & everyone is off today & there’ll be lots of traffic & i just don’t wanna &
me, to me, @10:02am: OK STFU DO WHATEVER YOU DON’T WANNA DO IDC
Reposted by Danny
*if we have an election*
February 16, 2026 at 10:59 PM
*if we have an election*