John Lyon
@johnlyon.bsky.social
Opinions expressed here are not the opinions of my employer. They are the opinions of Elvis Presley as relayed to me telepathically by the inhabitants of Venus. https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:nvcwxxjti7dvgqovf2rrml2c/feed/aaaj5zycfldqi
Pinned
John Lyon
@johnlyon.bsky.social
· Oct 4
Interviewer: Your resume lists one of your skills as “planning evil events.” That’s a typo, right? Don’t you mean “live events”?
Me: [slowly rubbing my hands together] If you prefer.
Me: [slowly rubbing my hands together] If you prefer.
Reposted by John Lyon
The holidays taught me that my dad now treats a snowplough like a child treats the ice cream truck.
December 30, 2025 at 10:08 PM
The holidays taught me that my dad now treats a snowplough like a child treats the ice cream truck.
Reposted by John Lyon
Me: [gets a hippopotamus for Christmas]
My cat (staring at his litter box): wtaf
My cat (staring at his litter box): wtaf
December 25, 2025 at 5:06 PM
Me: [gets a hippopotamus for Christmas]
My cat (staring at his litter box): wtaf
My cat (staring at his litter box): wtaf
Reposted by John Lyon
Them: So what did you do for new year's eve?
Me:
Me:
December 31, 2025 at 2:19 AM
Them: So what did you do for new year's eve?
Me:
Me:
Reposted by John Lyon
Bah Humbug. Kinda like this blanket though.
December 20, 2025 at 11:36 PM
Bah Humbug. Kinda like this blanket though.
Reposted by John Lyon
Think I'm gonna grow out may favorite chin hair for the new year. Maybe dye it a fun color too.
December 28, 2025 at 9:04 PM
Think I'm gonna grow out may favorite chin hair for the new year. Maybe dye it a fun color too.
Reposted by John Lyon
Right after Bam-Bam's adoption had finally gone through, Betty Rubble discovered Barney had fathered a child out of Bedrock.
December 30, 2025 at 8:17 PM
Right after Bam-Bam's adoption had finally gone through, Betty Rubble discovered Barney had fathered a child out of Bedrock.
Reposted by John Lyon
This den of fornication and harlotry has me hovering on the brink of virtue.
November 18, 2025 at 2:54 PM
This den of fornication and harlotry has me hovering on the brink of virtue.
Reposted by John Lyon
Performed an exorcism on the holiday spirit. You're welcome.
December 30, 2025 at 1:31 PM
Performed an exorcism on the holiday spirit. You're welcome.
Reposted by John Lyon
dancing thru life one bad decision at a time
December 30, 2025 at 9:35 PM
dancing thru life one bad decision at a time
Reposted by John Lyon
Ooh child
Things are gonna get stupider
Ooh child
Things'll get dumber
Things are gonna get stupider
Ooh child
Things'll get dumber
July 13, 2024 at 11:56 PM
Ooh child
Things are gonna get stupider
Ooh child
Things'll get dumber
Things are gonna get stupider
Ooh child
Things'll get dumber
Reposted by John Lyon
gamestop just offered me $11 trade-in credit for my 2002 pontiac grand am
December 9, 2025 at 1:02 AM
gamestop just offered me $11 trade-in credit for my 2002 pontiac grand am
Reposted by John Lyon
Thin crust pizzas are great because I can eat 2 of them for dinner
December 31, 2025 at 2:25 AM
Thin crust pizzas are great because I can eat 2 of them for dinner
Reposted by John Lyon
mariah carey has such remarkable vocal range she can hit notes i have absolutely no interest in hearing.
September 8, 2025 at 5:29 PM
mariah carey has such remarkable vocal range she can hit notes i have absolutely no interest in hearing.
Reposted by John Lyon
Top Causes of Divorce:
4. Finances
3. Infidelity
2. Lack of Intimacy
1. Thermostat Wars
4. Finances
3. Infidelity
2. Lack of Intimacy
1. Thermostat Wars
December 29, 2025 at 3:07 PM
Top Causes of Divorce:
4. Finances
3. Infidelity
2. Lack of Intimacy
1. Thermostat Wars
4. Finances
3. Infidelity
2. Lack of Intimacy
1. Thermostat Wars
Reposted by John Lyon
Another Christmas season is winding down.
December 31, 2025 at 12:59 AM
Another Christmas season is winding down.
Reposted by John Lyon
Just 4 more awards and I'll be in the EGOT club!
November 18, 2025 at 11:34 PM
Just 4 more awards and I'll be in the EGOT club!
Reposted by John Lyon
I always shave my legs on NYE to make sure I start the new year with a clean slate.
December 30, 2025 at 3:26 PM
I always shave my legs on NYE to make sure I start the new year with a clean slate.
Reposted by John Lyon
I often wonder if Balzac would’ve had quite such a misplaced sense of arrogance and his own self-worth had he known that his name basically translates as ‘testicle receptacle’.
December 30, 2025 at 2:11 PM
I often wonder if Balzac would’ve had quite such a misplaced sense of arrogance and his own self-worth had he known that his name basically translates as ‘testicle receptacle’.
Reposted by John Lyon
probably because they have to keep stopping to pick up their backpacks
December 30, 2025 at 2:20 PM
probably because they have to keep stopping to pick up their backpacks
Reposted by John Lyon
Me: I need to be productive today
Also me:
Also me:
December 31, 2025 at 12:15 AM
Me: I need to be productive today
Also me:
Also me:
Always read the fine print.
December 31, 2025 at 12:30 AM
Always read the fine print.
Reposted by John Lyon
People out here griping about their 40s and they haven't even reached the Age of Polyps & Ointments
December 24, 2025 at 5:22 AM
People out here griping about their 40s and they haven't even reached the Age of Polyps & Ointments
Reposted by John Lyon
Time to start on my New Year’s retributions.
December 29, 2025 at 5:19 PM
Time to start on my New Year’s retributions.
Reposted by John Lyon
Me: what’s said in the break room, stays in the break room
HR: yeah, it doesn’t work like that
HR: yeah, it doesn’t work like that
December 30, 2025 at 6:45 PM
Me: what’s said in the break room, stays in the break room
HR: yeah, it doesn’t work like that
HR: yeah, it doesn’t work like that
Reposted by John Lyon
If cats don’t want to be held like babies then why baby sized
October 1, 2025 at 9:16 PM
If cats don’t want to be held like babies then why baby sized