John Lyon
@johnlyon.bsky.social
Opinions expressed here are not the opinions of my employer. They are the opinions of Elvis Presley as relayed to me telepathically by the inhabitants of Venus. https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:nvcwxxjti7dvgqovf2rrml2c/feed/aaaj5zycfldqi
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John Lyon
@johnlyon.bsky.social
· Jun 5
Why did the email making fun of the office weirdo go to everyone but me?
Reposted by John Lyon
A furloughed possibly daydrunk Smokey Bear honestly no longer harbors a scintilla of faith in your ability to prevent forest fires.
November 7, 2025 at 7:55 PM
A furloughed possibly daydrunk Smokey Bear honestly no longer harbors a scintilla of faith in your ability to prevent forest fires.
Reposted by John Lyon
The heart wants what the heart wants, but try telling that to the police.
November 10, 2025 at 11:26 PM
The heart wants what the heart wants, but try telling that to the police.
Reposted by John Lyon
I've started going grocery shopping at 6 am when the store opens. There's no crowds. Just me and a bunch of old people... wait... omg IM AN OLD PEOPLE NOW
November 10, 2025 at 12:15 PM
I've started going grocery shopping at 6 am when the store opens. There's no crowds. Just me and a bunch of old people... wait... omg IM AN OLD PEOPLE NOW
Reposted by John Lyon
Sorry meth pipe racoon, COVID herpes monkey is my new spirit animal
October 29, 2025 at 3:15 PM
Sorry meth pipe racoon, COVID herpes monkey is my new spirit animal
Reposted by John Lyon
[movie studio]
ME: BUT HOW DOES THE INVISIBLE MAN KNOW WHEN TO STOP WIPING?
TOUR GUIDE: *into walkie talkie* code orange, he’s back.
ME: BUT HOW DOES THE INVISIBLE MAN KNOW WHEN TO STOP WIPING?
TOUR GUIDE: *into walkie talkie* code orange, he’s back.
November 10, 2025 at 6:57 PM
[movie studio]
ME: BUT HOW DOES THE INVISIBLE MAN KNOW WHEN TO STOP WIPING?
TOUR GUIDE: *into walkie talkie* code orange, he’s back.
ME: BUT HOW DOES THE INVISIBLE MAN KNOW WHEN TO STOP WIPING?
TOUR GUIDE: *into walkie talkie* code orange, he’s back.
Reposted by John Lyon
Them: read it and weep
Me: that’s ok, ill just weep
Me: that’s ok, ill just weep
November 10, 2025 at 4:33 PM
Them: read it and weep
Me: that’s ok, ill just weep
Me: that’s ok, ill just weep
Reposted by John Lyon
Why is it called a lie detector machine and not a defibillator?
November 10, 2025 at 7:23 PM
Why is it called a lie detector machine and not a defibillator?
Reposted by John Lyon
My son asked me to explain why the song Cat's in the Cradle reminds me of our relationship but I said "Not today" and he said "That's okay."
November 10, 2025 at 8:42 PM
My son asked me to explain why the song Cat's in the Cradle reminds me of our relationship but I said "Not today" and he said "That's okay."
Reposted by John Lyon
Nothing good ever happens when I'm vertical.
November 7, 2025 at 11:36 AM
Nothing good ever happens when I'm vertical.
Reposted by John Lyon
Endless disappointment? You mean like any “new” pop tart flavor I’ve tried since I was twelve?
November 8, 2025 at 5:58 AM
Endless disappointment? You mean like any “new” pop tart flavor I’ve tried since I was twelve?
Reposted by John Lyon
You thought you were gonna have a nice Saturday? No. You’re going to two craft fairs, buddy.
November 8, 2025 at 2:33 PM
You thought you were gonna have a nice Saturday? No. You’re going to two craft fairs, buddy.
Reposted by John Lyon
I don’t have any answers, but I do have a few good questions.
October 29, 2025 at 10:45 PM
I don’t have any answers, but I do have a few good questions.
Reposted by John Lyon
Before cellphones you could come in to work with the excuse of 'nobody changed the clocks'.
November 2, 2025 at 6:48 AM
Before cellphones you could come in to work with the excuse of 'nobody changed the clocks'.
Reposted by John Lyon
Shall I compare thee to a winter's night? So dark, so cold, and full of spite.
November 8, 2025 at 5:52 PM
Shall I compare thee to a winter's night? So dark, so cold, and full of spite.
Reposted by John Lyon
I really do love that you're so happy, but could you maybe keep it to yourself? It's hurting my brain.
April 3, 2025 at 3:01 PM
I really do love that you're so happy, but could you maybe keep it to yourself? It's hurting my brain.
Reposted by John Lyon
I set our clocks back and gain a pound.
November 2, 2025 at 9:56 PM
I set our clocks back and gain a pound.
Reposted by John Lyon
You don't realise how dull your life is until someone asks what your hobbies are.
November 6, 2025 at 3:25 AM
You don't realise how dull your life is until someone asks what your hobbies are.
Reposted by John Lyon
Eeyore just called and said we can’t hang out anymore cuz I’m too depressing.
November 7, 2025 at 2:26 PM
Eeyore just called and said we can’t hang out anymore cuz I’m too depressing.
Reposted by John Lyon
new app for professionals who don’t care anymore called: LinkedOut
November 10, 2025 at 12:48 AM
new app for professionals who don’t care anymore called: LinkedOut
Reposted by John Lyon
"You are looking well."
Thanks, I see eight doctors and two therapists regularly.
Thanks, I see eight doctors and two therapists regularly.
November 10, 2025 at 10:27 PM
"You are looking well."
Thanks, I see eight doctors and two therapists regularly.
Thanks, I see eight doctors and two therapists regularly.
Reposted by John Lyon
I like visiting my ancestral home
(dives head first into bog)
(dives head first into bog)
November 10, 2025 at 11:52 PM
I like visiting my ancestral home
(dives head first into bog)
(dives head first into bog)
Reposted by John Lyon
Do men have feelings? Are they called hemotions?
November 11, 2025 at 12:18 AM
Do men have feelings? Are they called hemotions?
Reposted by John Lyon
Don’t make me per my last email you
November 10, 2025 at 3:17 PM
Don’t make me per my last email you
Reposted by John Lyon
🖥️: Hey you need to update your software!
👨: *update*
🖥️: Hey your old-ass computer doesn't work with this version lol
👨: *update*
🖥️: Hey your old-ass computer doesn't work with this version lol
November 10, 2025 at 6:08 PM
🖥️: Hey you need to update your software!
👨: *update*
🖥️: Hey your old-ass computer doesn't work with this version lol
👨: *update*
🖥️: Hey your old-ass computer doesn't work with this version lol
Reposted by John Lyon
The amount of iced coffee it takes for me to get through every day of 2025...
November 11, 2025 at 12:49 AM
The amount of iced coffee it takes for me to get through every day of 2025...