John Lyon
@johnlyon.bsky.social
Opinions expressed here are not the opinions of my employer. They are the opinions of Elvis Presley as relayed to me telepathically by the inhabitants of Venus. https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:nvcwxxjti7dvgqovf2rrml2c/feed/aaaj5zycfldqi
Pinned
John Lyon
@johnlyon.bsky.social
· Feb 14
If your wife says she wants chocolate and strawberries for Valentine’s Day, mixing Count Chocula and Frankenberry is not good enough. I know this now.
Better category name: Sick-making
February 13, 2026 at 6:35 PM
Better category name: Sick-making
Reposted by John Lyon
i enjoyed the giggles, but could have done without the shits
February 12, 2026 at 5:47 PM
i enjoyed the giggles, but could have done without the shits
Reposted by John Lyon
Sometimes when I'm bored I text a bunch of family members " I hope you're sitting down" then turn off my phone
February 12, 2026 at 9:09 PM
Sometimes when I'm bored I text a bunch of family members " I hope you're sitting down" then turn off my phone
Reposted by John Lyon
How much Two Buck Chuck would a woodchuck chug?
February 13, 2026 at 12:32 AM
How much Two Buck Chuck would a woodchuck chug?
Reposted by John Lyon
I do not and have never known what is considered a normal amount of trail mix to eat
February 10, 2026 at 7:44 PM
I do not and have never known what is considered a normal amount of trail mix to eat
Reposted by John Lyon
If you ever want a joke ruined with facts, post it on social media.
October 21, 2025 at 9:11 PM
If you ever want a joke ruined with facts, post it on social media.
Reposted by John Lyon
[on zoom call]
I’m sorry, can you repeat the question? I was focused on Alice’s eyebrows that can only be described as confusing and clearly painted by two separate artists.
I’m sorry, can you repeat the question? I was focused on Alice’s eyebrows that can only be described as confusing and clearly painted by two separate artists.
February 5, 2026 at 4:17 PM
[on zoom call]
I’m sorry, can you repeat the question? I was focused on Alice’s eyebrows that can only be described as confusing and clearly painted by two separate artists.
I’m sorry, can you repeat the question? I was focused on Alice’s eyebrows that can only be described as confusing and clearly painted by two separate artists.
Reposted by John Lyon
I hide my light under a bushel and my key beneath a pot. Can never find either when I need them.
February 13, 2026 at 3:05 AM
I hide my light under a bushel and my key beneath a pot. Can never find either when I need them.
Reposted by John Lyon
I keep hitting Drafts, but no beer pops up. Total bullshit.
February 9, 2026 at 9:19 PM
I keep hitting Drafts, but no beer pops up. Total bullshit.
Reposted by John Lyon
Ladies, I’m not usually one to give advice, but he’s not an asshole when he drinks. He’s an asshole. He just can’t hide it when he drinks.
July 2, 2025 at 6:37 PM
Ladies, I’m not usually one to give advice, but he’s not an asshole when he drinks. He’s an asshole. He just can’t hide it when he drinks.
Reposted by John Lyon
A girl at work has bronchitis and it’s made her voice so sexy that I’m kinda hoping she has it forever.
February 12, 2026 at 12:19 AM
A girl at work has bronchitis and it’s made her voice so sexy that I’m kinda hoping she has it forever.
Reposted by John Lyon
Sometimes people come into your life, and that’s got to stop.
February 11, 2026 at 7:17 PM
Sometimes people come into your life, and that’s got to stop.
Reposted by John Lyon
Prone to kerfuffle and falderal.
February 13, 2026 at 3:42 AM
Prone to kerfuffle and falderal.
Reposted by John Lyon
Your sincerity is judged inversely by how many ‘reallys’ you modify your adjectives and adverbs with
February 10, 2026 at 9:27 PM
Your sincerity is judged inversely by how many ‘reallys’ you modify your adjectives and adverbs with
Reposted by John Lyon
At a minimum this daddy daughter dance needs a cash bar.
February 8, 2026 at 12:22 AM
At a minimum this daddy daughter dance needs a cash bar.
Reposted by John Lyon
Tired: Barking.
Wired: Honking.
Wired: Honking.
February 13, 2026 at 12:50 AM
Tired: Barking.
Wired: Honking.
Wired: Honking.
Reposted by John Lyon
i'm hearing there's been a resurgence in people wanting to eat food and stay alive for several more years
February 12, 2026 at 6:57 AM
i'm hearing there's been a resurgence in people wanting to eat food and stay alive for several more years
Reposted by John Lyon
the couple from the liberty mutual commercial should fall in love irl and unite us all
February 13, 2026 at 1:02 AM
the couple from the liberty mutual commercial should fall in love irl and unite us all
Reposted by John Lyon
Being called a "very unserious person" must feel pretty good if you're a clown.
February 6, 2026 at 2:17 PM
Being called a "very unserious person" must feel pretty good if you're a clown.
Reposted by John Lyon
*talking into a banana* no you hang up first
February 10, 2026 at 7:19 PM
*talking into a banana* no you hang up first
Reposted by John Lyon
Recently, there have been several stick-ups and one Axe murder (in the first Degree). Management has made no Secret of the need to increase security, but still haven’t found the Right Guard. Finding themselves underarmed, the crime wave continues to roll on.
February 12, 2026 at 2:09 PM
Recently, there have been several stick-ups and one Axe murder (in the first Degree). Management has made no Secret of the need to increase security, but still haven’t found the Right Guard. Finding themselves underarmed, the crime wave continues to roll on.
Reposted by John Lyon
[office canteen]
coworker: I hope you don’t mind but I used your mug as mine’s dirty
me: of course not, and I’m sure you don’t mind that as my wife has a headache I used yours instead
coworker: I hope you don’t mind but I used your mug as mine’s dirty
me: of course not, and I’m sure you don’t mind that as my wife has a headache I used yours instead
February 12, 2026 at 2:41 PM
[office canteen]
coworker: I hope you don’t mind but I used your mug as mine’s dirty
me: of course not, and I’m sure you don’t mind that as my wife has a headache I used yours instead
coworker: I hope you don’t mind but I used your mug as mine’s dirty
me: of course not, and I’m sure you don’t mind that as my wife has a headache I used yours instead
