Uncle Duke
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uncleduke1969.bsky.social
Uncle Duke
@uncleduke1969.bsky.social
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omg they even ate the bones
well that’s very specific
February 6, 2026 at 1:54 AM
Reposted by Uncle Duke
You’d think Socrates would’ve been upset at being forced to die by drinking hemlock but he was philosophical about it.
February 5, 2026 at 5:34 PM
Reposted by Uncle Duke
When faced with a difficult decision I like to ask what would Jesus do? The problem is he answers in Aramaic.
February 5, 2026 at 1:58 PM
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On a scale of 1 to 10, what do you think of numerical ratings?
February 5, 2026 at 6:05 PM
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My 10 favourite digits (in no particular order)
6
0
2
9
1
7
4
8
3
5
February 5, 2026 at 6:39 PM
Reposted by Uncle Duke
Magic mushrooms my ass. I ate some and nothing magical happened for the entire 2,000 years I spent living on a rainbow and herding unicorns.
February 6, 2026 at 12:40 AM
BECOME UNGOVERNABLE
February 5, 2026 at 1:27 PM
Reposted by Uncle Duke
*looks up*
*looks down*
*looks up*
*looks down*
*turns blueprints over*

“Shit.”
February 4, 2026 at 1:47 PM
Reposted by Uncle Duke
can’t find my cellphone & i don’t have a landline to call myself & now im pissed & also im hungry & oh hey look there’s m&m’s (!) & idk where i was going with this 😬
February 4, 2026 at 11:46 PM
Reposted by Uncle Duke
ME: draw me like one of your french girls

POLICE SKETCH ARTIST: that’s not how this works
February 5, 2026 at 1:11 AM
Reposted by Uncle Duke
Windswept on sand for a look that says I will always be there because I have been here always, or perfectly raked perimeter around a campsite for a look that says I'll be with you until the hose runs out
February 5, 2026 at 5:43 AM
Reposted by Uncle Duke
Guy in the bathroom stall next to me just angrily muttered “that’s what fucken happens when you eat too many peanuts!” I have so many questions
February 4, 2026 at 4:30 PM
Reposted by Uncle Duke
Once again I am expected to prepare my own dinner
January 6, 2025 at 12:20 AM
Reposted by Uncle Duke
I know that I could never chop up a body with an axe should I ever need to dispose of a corpse. It’s not that I’m squeamish or anything, I just lack the necessary upper body strength.
February 4, 2026 at 2:04 PM
Reposted by Uncle Duke
BANANA POEM

Bananas are yellow
A tasty tube fruit
Yummy and boneless
In a tight yellow suit

Bananas with ice cream
Make my heart flutter
Elvis put them in sammies
With smooth peanut butter

They're healthy and filling
And favoured by monkeys
But eat em right quick
Or they get brown and funky
February 5, 2026 at 3:04 AM
Reposted by Uncle Duke
This day in history. 1913. Greek aviators Lieutenant Michael Moutoussis and Ensign Aristeidis Moraitinis carried out the first naval air mission. Ensign Moraitinis lost control of his Farman MF.7 hydroplane when he flew too close to the sun and melted his moustache wax. Tragic.
February 5, 2026 at 10:14 AM
*looks up*
*looks down*
*looks up*
*looks down*
*turns blueprints over*

“Shit.”
February 4, 2026 at 1:47 PM
Reposted by Uncle Duke
It was an unpleasant business, but every four years, Grimace required a blood sacrifice, and well, nobody really much liked Brandon anyway.
February 3, 2026 at 1:48 PM
Reposted by Uncle Duke
“Hey, who’s the new girl?”
February 3, 2026 at 7:57 PM
Reposted by Uncle Duke
In 1977 NASA launched the Voyager spacecraft, including a CD with the song Johnny B. Goode, on a mission to study the solar system & beyond.

The extraterrestrials who open it will get another CD every month from Columbia House at full price and be hounded for life by intergalactic debt collectors.
February 3, 2026 at 2:25 AM
Reposted by Uncle Duke
I need to stop buying up domain names out of spite because I am surprised when I get charged for renewal two years after I was mad
February 3, 2026 at 2:36 PM
Reposted by Uncle Duke
For years, I thought DEFCON 5 was more serious than DEFCON 1, and I'll be honest: a lot of people died
February 3, 2026 at 6:05 AM
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Has it ever rained normally in a film.
February 3, 2026 at 4:48 PM
Reposted by Uncle Duke
stage fright is for beginners be terrified everywhere all the time
December 9, 2025 at 7:34 PM
Reposted by Uncle Duke
is it after you wake up, it’s after you wake up isn’t it
February 3, 2026 at 1:40 PM