Uncle Duke
@uncleduke1969.bsky.social
Does this look infected?
Just My Nonsense:
https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:2cz6x3e7thlqjc5cxa2hnbsn/feed/aaab3yqtmpox2
My Least Worst:
https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:2cz6x3e7thlqjc5cxa2hnbsn/feed/aaadpxkw36ag6
Just My Nonsense:
https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:2cz6x3e7thlqjc5cxa2hnbsn/feed/aaab3yqtmpox2
My Least Worst:
https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:2cz6x3e7thlqjc5cxa2hnbsn/feed/aaadpxkw36ag6
Pinned
Three years of planning, two bribed security guards, and one unlocked warehouse door later, Nancy had finally freed her family from the hellscape that was Kohl’s. After the brief, but intoxicating moment of exultation passed, she was left with just one burning question. Now what?
November 10, 2025 at 11:38 PM
Three years of planning, two bribed security guards, and one unlocked warehouse door later, Nancy had finally freed her family from the hellscape that was Kohl’s. After the brief, but intoxicating moment of exultation passed, she was left with just one burning question. Now what?
“It’s a dog door, a DOG door. Now, one more time, what are you?”
[sigh] “I’m a horse.”
“That’s right Jim, you’re a horse.”
[sigh] “I’m a horse.”
“That’s right Jim, you’re a horse.”
November 10, 2025 at 5:15 PM
“It’s a dog door, a DOG door. Now, one more time, what are you?”
[sigh] “I’m a horse.”
“That’s right Jim, you’re a horse.”
[sigh] “I’m a horse.”
“That’s right Jim, you’re a horse.”
“I brought a couple of friends, I hope that’s cool.”
November 10, 2025 at 2:13 PM
“I brought a couple of friends, I hope that’s cool.”
Reposted by Uncle Duke
“Listen Barbara, I’ll be at my sister’s until you can get your shit together. Please don’t forget to water the plants.”
November 9, 2025 at 1:57 PM
“Listen Barbara, I’ll be at my sister’s until you can get your shit together. Please don’t forget to water the plants.”
Reposted by Uncle Duke
“You’re gonna love this, Janie, I’ve seen it like a million times. Believe it or not, my Uncle Larry actually had a bit part in it. They shot it in his old neighborhood.”
November 9, 2025 at 7:04 PM
“You’re gonna love this, Janie, I’ve seen it like a million times. Believe it or not, my Uncle Larry actually had a bit part in it. They shot it in his old neighborhood.”
Reposted by Uncle Duke
5 year old: can you breathe on the moon?
me: no, there's no oxygen
5 year old: what if you had an oxygen tank?
me: then yes
5 year old: what if the oxygen tank was empty?
me: then no
5 year old: what if you refilled it with oxygen?
me: is someone paying you to do this?
me: no, there's no oxygen
5 year old: what if you had an oxygen tank?
me: then yes
5 year old: what if the oxygen tank was empty?
me: then no
5 year old: what if you refilled it with oxygen?
me: is someone paying you to do this?
November 9, 2025 at 8:10 PM
5 year old: can you breathe on the moon?
me: no, there's no oxygen
5 year old: what if you had an oxygen tank?
me: then yes
5 year old: what if the oxygen tank was empty?
me: then no
5 year old: what if you refilled it with oxygen?
me: is someone paying you to do this?
me: no, there's no oxygen
5 year old: what if you had an oxygen tank?
me: then yes
5 year old: what if the oxygen tank was empty?
me: then no
5 year old: what if you refilled it with oxygen?
me: is someone paying you to do this?
Reposted by Uncle Duke
Courtney Love never played with her idols, Ann & Nancy Wilson. now there’s a Hole where her Heart used to be . folks,,
November 9, 2025 at 8:12 PM
Courtney Love never played with her idols, Ann & Nancy Wilson. now there’s a Hole where her Heart used to be . folks,,
Reposted by Uncle Duke
Grief eventually leads to joy, which you'll know when you've cried so hard your nose makes a noise just like a clown's nose being honked
November 7, 2025 at 2:49 PM
Grief eventually leads to joy, which you'll know when you've cried so hard your nose makes a noise just like a clown's nose being honked
Reposted by Uncle Duke
You know how when you uncover enough universal truths you reach a free personal one, I just got a realizations on off switch
November 10, 2025 at 5:40 AM
You know how when you uncover enough universal truths you reach a free personal one, I just got a realizations on off switch
Reposted by Uncle Duke
a good lawyer name would be Lou Pole
November 10, 2025 at 2:00 AM
a good lawyer name would be Lou Pole
Reposted by Uncle Duke
The 50-year mortgage: because Sisyphus needs company. 😡
November 9, 2025 at 10:31 PM
The 50-year mortgage: because Sisyphus needs company. 😡
Reposted by Uncle Duke
My husband said, “You don’t have to announce every time you’re going to the bathroom.” So anyway, I just ordered a megaphone.
November 6, 2025 at 6:53 PM
My husband said, “You don’t have to announce every time you’re going to the bathroom.” So anyway, I just ordered a megaphone.
Reposted by Uncle Duke
Didn’t get to be a sexy nurse for Halloween so I’m going to be a slutty turkey for Thanksgiving.
November 8, 2025 at 6:10 PM
Didn’t get to be a sexy nurse for Halloween so I’m going to be a slutty turkey for Thanksgiving.
Reposted by Uncle Duke
I’ve driven 70 miles, that’s 490 in dog miles.
November 8, 2025 at 3:54 PM
I’ve driven 70 miles, that’s 490 in dog miles.
Reposted by Uncle Duke
6:30 is the best time on a clock hands down
November 9, 2025 at 10:24 PM
6:30 is the best time on a clock hands down
Reposted by Uncle Duke
I'm gonna make it to the singularity still typing with only like 4 fingers
November 9, 2025 at 10:54 PM
I'm gonna make it to the singularity still typing with only like 4 fingers
Reposted by Uncle Duke
A jury of my peers? 12 emotionally available sweethearts?!
November 10, 2025 at 12:56 PM
A jury of my peers? 12 emotionally available sweethearts?!
Reposted by Uncle Duke
I'm running out of time to run a golf cart into a fruit stand.
November 10, 2025 at 4:54 AM
I'm running out of time to run a golf cart into a fruit stand.
Reposted by Uncle Duke
Well at least I'm not broken enough to post parables on linkedin
November 8, 2025 at 12:56 AM
Well at least I'm not broken enough to post parables on linkedin
Reposted by Uncle Duke
i know the world is going to end soon and everything, but like why do baby carrots have to be so wet?
November 8, 2025 at 11:15 PM
i know the world is going to end soon and everything, but like why do baby carrots have to be so wet?
Reposted by Uncle Duke
ME: Whatcha doin?
WIFE: Watchin Dune.
ME: I asked you first, Sharon.
WIFE: Watchin Dune.
ME: I asked you first, Sharon.
November 8, 2025 at 8:44 PM
ME: Whatcha doin?
WIFE: Watchin Dune.
ME: I asked you first, Sharon.
WIFE: Watchin Dune.
ME: I asked you first, Sharon.
Reposted by Uncle Duke
[inventor of the bungee jump] no, you go first.
November 8, 2025 at 5:57 PM
[inventor of the bungee jump] no, you go first.
Reposted by Uncle Duke
MY EDITOR: I think you need to make the main character more human. He's just completely unlikeable.
ME: *taking back my autobiography* Um...
ME: *taking back my autobiography* Um...
November 10, 2025 at 1:35 PM
MY EDITOR: I think you need to make the main character more human. He's just completely unlikeable.
ME: *taking back my autobiography* Um...
ME: *taking back my autobiography* Um...
Reposted by Uncle Duke
you’re annoyed when your parrot imitates your laugh so think about how your coworkers feel
November 4, 2025 at 9:45 PM
you’re annoyed when your parrot imitates your laugh so think about how your coworkers feel
Reposted by Uncle Duke
The morale will continue until the beatings improve
November 10, 2025 at 1:35 PM
The morale will continue until the beatings improve