Sam
@samuelhlowe.bsky.social
Pinned
Sam
@samuelhlowe.bsky.social
· Dec 29
Already tired of 2026.
Shoutout to my grandma, who gave my grandpa the exact same Valentine’s Day card every year for decades. He’d read it, or convincingly pretend to, like it was brand new. She’d smile, take it back, and put it in the drawer for next year. Recycling. Romance. Ruthless efficiency. RIP, lovers.
February 14, 2026 at 1:09 PM
Shoutout to my grandma, who gave my grandpa the exact same Valentine’s Day card every year for decades. He’d read it, or convincingly pretend to, like it was brand new. She’d smile, take it back, and put it in the drawer for next year. Recycling. Romance. Ruthless efficiency. RIP, lovers.
Reposted by Sam
This carpet is super fancy! A shag?
This carpet is super! Fancy a shag?
Punctuation matters.
This carpet is super! Fancy a shag?
Punctuation matters.
February 9, 2026 at 11:51 PM
This carpet is super fancy! A shag?
This carpet is super! Fancy a shag?
Punctuation matters.
This carpet is super! Fancy a shag?
Punctuation matters.
Reposted by Sam
Excuse me, do you have a Valentine's Day card that plays "Dust in the Wind"?
February 10, 2026 at 11:33 PM
Excuse me, do you have a Valentine's Day card that plays "Dust in the Wind"?
Reposted by Sam
sorry to humble brag, but with deep concentration, I can move my hiccups through my digestive track and turn them into flatulence
February 11, 2026 at 11:58 AM
sorry to humble brag, but with deep concentration, I can move my hiccups through my digestive track and turn them into flatulence
Reposted by Sam
I’m fighting capitalism by not replacing my still functioning dishwasher, that has a broken door, by placing a caution sign on the handle so I don’t keep repeatedly dropping it on my foot
February 12, 2026 at 3:06 PM
I’m fighting capitalism by not replacing my still functioning dishwasher, that has a broken door, by placing a caution sign on the handle so I don’t keep repeatedly dropping it on my foot
Reposted by Sam
A bel biv devoe bahn mi shop called that girl is hoisin
January 2, 2026 at 2:57 AM
A bel biv devoe bahn mi shop called that girl is hoisin
Reposted by Sam
not wearing a bra to the hospital feels a little illegal everyone please avert your eyes these are my bedroom boobs
February 3, 2026 at 1:36 PM
not wearing a bra to the hospital feels a little illegal everyone please avert your eyes these are my bedroom boobs
Reposted by Sam
peering out from between the threads of an unraveled life, rolling the end between my fingertips
February 11, 2026 at 6:34 AM
peering out from between the threads of an unraveled life, rolling the end between my fingertips
Reposted by Sam
no humping for me today thanks but i wouldn’t say no to some trashy necking
February 11, 2026 at 4:44 PM
no humping for me today thanks but i wouldn’t say no to some trashy necking
Reposted by Sam
anyone wanna come be my teddy bear on a trial basis? the one i have now is too small and also lifeless
February 12, 2026 at 5:26 PM
anyone wanna come be my teddy bear on a trial basis? the one i have now is too small and also lifeless
Reposted by Sam
If you're seeing this, it's a sign from the Universe to see this.
You're welcome.
You're welcome.
December 30, 2025 at 9:33 AM
If you're seeing this, it's a sign from the Universe to see this.
You're welcome.
You're welcome.
Reposted by Sam
That time of year when we welcome the new year… only to curse it in 6 months.
January 1, 2026 at 3:48 PM
That time of year when we welcome the new year… only to curse it in 6 months.
Reposted by Sam
They will keep on doing things because we are allowing them to do things.
January 3, 2026 at 9:50 PM
They will keep on doing things because we are allowing them to do things.
Reposted by Sam
Eating because I’m hungry, bored, stressed, happy, sad, not hungry, breathing.
February 12, 2026 at 3:20 PM
Eating because I’m hungry, bored, stressed, happy, sad, not hungry, breathing.
Reposted by Sam
Kid rock being famous is proof that white patriarchal privilege exists because what the actual fuck, guys
February 9, 2026 at 10:00 PM
Kid rock being famous is proof that white patriarchal privilege exists because what the actual fuck, guys
Reposted by Sam
Contractor: So what features do you want for your parking lot?
Trader Joes: Too small. Hard to access. Counter-intuitive. Same as always
Trader Joes: Too small. Hard to access. Counter-intuitive. Same as always
February 9, 2026 at 2:45 AM
Contractor: So what features do you want for your parking lot?
Trader Joes: Too small. Hard to access. Counter-intuitive. Same as always
Trader Joes: Too small. Hard to access. Counter-intuitive. Same as always
Reposted by Sam
If I'm so dumb how does my body know when it's a full moon
February 10, 2026 at 2:20 PM
If I'm so dumb how does my body know when it's a full moon
Reposted by Sam
Transferring my consciousness into a gas station pepperoni stick
February 10, 2026 at 4:05 AM
Transferring my consciousness into a gas station pepperoni stick
Reposted by Sam
happy dog with a too big stick trying to get through a door is my entire life energy
February 10, 2026 at 4:42 PM
happy dog with a too big stick trying to get through a door is my entire life energy
Reposted by Sam
Note to self: Self does not want anymore notes
February 9, 2026 at 2:57 PM
Note to self: Self does not want anymore notes
Reposted by Sam
Your opinion is important to me. Please hold while I get my Trebuchet
February 10, 2026 at 6:20 PM
Your opinion is important to me. Please hold while I get my Trebuchet
Reposted by Sam
the good news is if you walk barefoot enough your feet turn into shoes
February 4, 2026 at 11:00 PM
the good news is if you walk barefoot enough your feet turn into shoes
Reposted by Sam
Hire an accordionist to start playing at family gatherings when you want to signal the guests it’s time for them to leave.
February 6, 2026 at 2:17 PM
Hire an accordionist to start playing at family gatherings when you want to signal the guests it’s time for them to leave.
Reposted by Sam
we have arrived at my favorite time of day
It’s called fuck this shit o’clock
It’s called fuck this shit o’clock
February 10, 2026 at 11:17 PM
we have arrived at my favorite time of day
It’s called fuck this shit o’clock
It’s called fuck this shit o’clock
Reposted by Sam
Been saying "uh oh" a worrying amount lately
February 11, 2026 at 2:04 PM
Been saying "uh oh" a worrying amount lately