CynicalTherapist
@cynicaltherapist.bsky.social
LMFT-LADAC Witch, Addictions Expert, Not your therapist. Both traumatized and trauma informed.
https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:3brg3tkarfmhgddu4pmgjbkq/feed/aaapaaog6d5h4
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Pinned
If my brain had subtitles, it would be the words:
dogs barking in the distance.
dogs barking in the distance.
Reposted by CynicalTherapist
I like to wear my cowboy hat to the grocery store then stand in front of the canned beans shelf asking passersby which kind they think the other fellas on the cattle drive would like. “You think Bourbon and Brown Sugar?” I ask.
October 19, 2025 at 1:31 PM
I like to wear my cowboy hat to the grocery store then stand in front of the canned beans shelf asking passersby which kind they think the other fellas on the cattle drive would like. “You think Bourbon and Brown Sugar?” I ask.
Reposted by CynicalTherapist
I've always said the lungs should have a drain at the bottom but God is so sure he knows everything. Can't tell that guy nothin
November 11, 2025 at 4:49 AM
I've always said the lungs should have a drain at the bottom but God is so sure he knows everything. Can't tell that guy nothin
Reposted by CynicalTherapist
Vividly hypnagogically hallucinating an emphatic sort of high-pitched Churchill-type character telling me I already know how to exhale attached entities from my body over my white noise
November 11, 2025 at 6:54 AM
Vividly hypnagogically hallucinating an emphatic sort of high-pitched Churchill-type character telling me I already know how to exhale attached entities from my body over my white noise
That bolt of childish impatience I feel when a show will make me wait for slower readers when showing blocks of text.
November 11, 2025 at 7:02 AM
That bolt of childish impatience I feel when a show will make me wait for slower readers when showing blocks of text.
Reposted by CynicalTherapist
Got arrested for punching a mime and the judge sentenced me to six months of community theater
November 11, 2025 at 5:49 AM
Got arrested for punching a mime and the judge sentenced me to six months of community theater
Reposted by CynicalTherapist
Can't wait to see what kind of extra unhealthy coping mechanisms I'll develop to make it through the holidays
November 11, 2025 at 5:46 AM
Can't wait to see what kind of extra unhealthy coping mechanisms I'll develop to make it through the holidays
Reposted by CynicalTherapist
Me: Why were my tests so expensive?
Hospital: All of our equipment is state-of-the-art.
Me: Why did it take so long to send the results to my doctor?
Hospital: Our fax machine was down.
Hospital: All of our equipment is state-of-the-art.
Me: Why did it take so long to send the results to my doctor?
Hospital: Our fax machine was down.
November 10, 2025 at 11:37 PM
Me: Why were my tests so expensive?
Hospital: All of our equipment is state-of-the-art.
Me: Why did it take so long to send the results to my doctor?
Hospital: Our fax machine was down.
Hospital: All of our equipment is state-of-the-art.
Me: Why did it take so long to send the results to my doctor?
Hospital: Our fax machine was down.
Reposted by CynicalTherapist
My birthday is in 2 days and it feels like an upcoming dental surgery appointment.
November 10, 2025 at 6:58 PM
My birthday is in 2 days and it feels like an upcoming dental surgery appointment.
Reposted by CynicalTherapist
Trust me said the spider to the fly
November 10, 2025 at 1:17 AM
Trust me said the spider to the fly
Reposted by CynicalTherapist
INTERVIEWER: sell me this pen
ME: *holds pen up to interviewer's throat* buy this fucking pen or you'll never see your family again
ME: *holds pen up to interviewer's throat* buy this fucking pen or you'll never see your family again
January 28, 2025 at 2:18 PM
INTERVIEWER: sell me this pen
ME: *holds pen up to interviewer's throat* buy this fucking pen or you'll never see your family again
ME: *holds pen up to interviewer's throat* buy this fucking pen or you'll never see your family again
Reposted by CynicalTherapist
a volunteer lumberjack's love language is axe of service
November 10, 2025 at 11:06 PM
a volunteer lumberjack's love language is axe of service
Reposted by CynicalTherapist
shout out to men on the subway with ereaders. you may not get the attention men with physical books get for some reason but i appreciate that you're signaling to the world "moving apartments is a lot easier for me"
November 10, 2025 at 4:35 PM
shout out to men on the subway with ereaders. you may not get the attention men with physical books get for some reason but i appreciate that you're signaling to the world "moving apartments is a lot easier for me"
Reposted by CynicalTherapist
The overnight process failed and we will need to apply the self loathing manually today.
November 10, 2025 at 6:07 PM
The overnight process failed and we will need to apply the self loathing manually today.
Reposted by CynicalTherapist
Applying for my dream job in a sleep clinic.
November 10, 2025 at 7:54 PM
Applying for my dream job in a sleep clinic.
Reposted by CynicalTherapist
ME: i have teen-like reflexes
FRIEND: don't you mean cat-like
ME:
FRIEND:
ME:
FRIEND:
ME: *removes one earbud* what
FRIEND: don't you mean cat-like
ME:
FRIEND:
ME:
FRIEND:
ME: *removes one earbud* what
November 10, 2025 at 7:15 PM
ME: i have teen-like reflexes
FRIEND: don't you mean cat-like
ME:
FRIEND:
ME:
FRIEND:
ME: *removes one earbud* what
FRIEND: don't you mean cat-like
ME:
FRIEND:
ME:
FRIEND:
ME: *removes one earbud* what
Reposted by CynicalTherapist
I had a member at work ask me how my mom is doing. I admitted that for the first time this past weekend, I had to bathe her and wash her hair. I told her this while tears ran down my face. Next thing I knew, she was crying too.
November 10, 2025 at 10:11 PM
I had a member at work ask me how my mom is doing. I admitted that for the first time this past weekend, I had to bathe her and wash her hair. I told her this while tears ran down my face. Next thing I knew, she was crying too.
Therapist diary 10/11/2025:
On continuing education:
Today the idea of getting certified as an expert in Narcissist Personality Disorder 'as a bit' is still funny, but not haha funny.
On continuing education:
Today the idea of getting certified as an expert in Narcissist Personality Disorder 'as a bit' is still funny, but not haha funny.
November 10, 2025 at 9:41 PM
Therapist diary 10/11/2025:
On continuing education:
Today the idea of getting certified as an expert in Narcissist Personality Disorder 'as a bit' is still funny, but not haha funny.
On continuing education:
Today the idea of getting certified as an expert in Narcissist Personality Disorder 'as a bit' is still funny, but not haha funny.
Reposted by CynicalTherapist
gonna find all the Ann Geddes babies and recreate their photographs as adults
November 10, 2025 at 3:12 PM
gonna find all the Ann Geddes babies and recreate their photographs as adults
Reposted by CynicalTherapist
What we really need is a government shut up.
November 10, 2025 at 7:56 PM
What we really need is a government shut up.
Reposted by CynicalTherapist
"Please stop telling me to carry on. Please, I'm begging you."
- my wayward son
- my wayward son
November 10, 2025 at 5:10 PM
"Please stop telling me to carry on. Please, I'm begging you."
- my wayward son
- my wayward son
Reposted by CynicalTherapist
Toes ranked:
1. Pota
2. Mistle
3. Tic-Tac
1. Pota
2. Mistle
3. Tic-Tac
November 10, 2025 at 7:03 PM
Toes ranked:
1. Pota
2. Mistle
3. Tic-Tac
1. Pota
2. Mistle
3. Tic-Tac
Reposted by CynicalTherapist
You haven't been reposting me are you OK?
November 10, 2025 at 7:07 PM
You haven't been reposting me are you OK?
Reposted by CynicalTherapist
I always carry a piece of paper in my pocket just in case someone ever tries to attack me with a rock
December 2, 2024 at 11:31 AM
I always carry a piece of paper in my pocket just in case someone ever tries to attack me with a rock
Reposted by CynicalTherapist
One of the skills I put on my resume was the ability to keenly observe other people working.
November 10, 2025 at 1:14 PM
One of the skills I put on my resume was the ability to keenly observe other people working.
Reposted by CynicalTherapist
Speed dating is when you have to tell Keanu Reeves a little bit about yourself or this bus will explode
November 10, 2025 at 2:15 PM
Speed dating is when you have to tell Keanu Reeves a little bit about yourself or this bus will explode