Viktor Winetrout
@viktorwinetrout.bsky.social
Contributor: @theonion.com
@sorrowscopes.bsky.social, @riversidecasino.bsky.social, @greenevillezoo.bsky.social
Creator: @sorrowscopes.bsky.social
@sorrowscopes.bsky.social, @riversidecasino.bsky.social, @greenevillezoo.bsky.social
Creator: @sorrowscopes.bsky.social
Pinned
When I was 8, my best friend stole my boomerang and we got into a big fight. The next day his parents died in a car accident and I never saw him again. Jeff, if you’re reading this, I want my boomerang
Me: Is this really necessary?
Divorce Court Judge: I’d like to see it
*bailiff plays video of me doing the robot*
Divorce Court Judge: I’d like to see it
*bailiff plays video of me doing the robot*
February 9, 2026 at 2:36 PM
Me: Is this really necessary?
Divorce Court Judge: I’d like to see it
*bailiff plays video of me doing the robot*
Divorce Court Judge: I’d like to see it
*bailiff plays video of me doing the robot*
Reposted by Viktor Winetrout
I don't know why conservatives complain about Bad Bunny singing in Spanish. They never listen to lyrics anyway. They think "Born in the USA" is an upbeat patriotic song. They played "We will rock you" on Trump's rallies to rev up the crowd. Trump jerks off two invisible dicks to YMCA.
February 9, 2026 at 4:22 AM
I don't know why conservatives complain about Bad Bunny singing in Spanish. They never listen to lyrics anyway. They think "Born in the USA" is an upbeat patriotic song. They played "We will rock you" on Trump's rallies to rev up the crowd. Trump jerks off two invisible dicks to YMCA.
Reposted by Viktor Winetrout
We are stranded on a hostile planet that's orbiting a treacherous star. Everyone and everything we love dies. But yes, I am ready for some football
September 17, 2023 at 11:48 PM
We are stranded on a hostile planet that's orbiting a treacherous star. Everyone and everything we love dies. But yes, I am ready for some football
Reposted by Viktor Winetrout
kind of funny that an olympian said they are here to represent "compassion, respect, and love for others" and some people automatically knew that was a statement against them
February 7, 2026 at 10:25 PM
kind of funny that an olympian said they are here to represent "compassion, respect, and love for others" and some people automatically knew that was a statement against them
Reposted by Viktor Winetrout
Many have questioned our decision to put Jeffrey Epstein in a cell with Frank "The Billionaire Murderer" Garbanzo but honestly it makes me laugh how little you armchair experts know about prison administration.
February 8, 2026 at 5:29 PM
Many have questioned our decision to put Jeffrey Epstein in a cell with Frank "The Billionaire Murderer" Garbanzo but honestly it makes me laugh how little you armchair experts know about prison administration.
Reposted by Viktor Winetrout
I respect the Patriots, but their fans are annoying. Which is basically how I feel about Jesus
January 25, 2026 at 10:58 PM
I respect the Patriots, but their fans are annoying. Which is basically how I feel about Jesus
Reposted by Viktor Winetrout
It just gets worse and worse
Epstein asked someone what they were doing, and they were taking an improv class
February 8, 2026 at 8:14 AM
It just gets worse and worse
Reposted by Viktor Winetrout
It's pretty sexist that everyone assumes "Jack" the Ripper was a man, girls can do anything 🦸♀️
August 1, 2024 at 5:30 AM
It's pretty sexist that everyone assumes "Jack" the Ripper was a man, girls can do anything 🦸♀️
Reposted by Viktor Winetrout
this is genuinely incredible
January 15, 2026 at 1:31 PM
this is genuinely incredible
It just gets worse and worse
Epstein asked someone what they were doing, and they were taking an improv class
February 8, 2026 at 8:14 AM
It just gets worse and worse
Reposted by Viktor Winetrout
My "Not involved in human trafficking" T-shirt has people asking a lot of questions already answered by my shirt.
January 16, 2025 at 3:55 AM
My "Not involved in human trafficking" T-shirt has people asking a lot of questions already answered by my shirt.
Since 9/11, air travel has been difficult for samurais
February 8, 2026 at 7:49 AM
Since 9/11, air travel has been difficult for samurais
[offering popcorn to stranger at a funeral] Who died?
February 8, 2026 at 7:32 AM
[offering popcorn to stranger at a funeral] Who died?
Is it fuckboy or fuckboi? I want my LinkedIn profile to be perfect
February 7, 2026 at 10:44 PM
Is it fuckboy or fuckboi? I want my LinkedIn profile to be perfect
Reposted by Viktor Winetrout
Does anybody have cardboard boxes to spare? I'm helping my dad move and he luvs 2 breakdance.
November 22, 2024 at 9:15 PM
Does anybody have cardboard boxes to spare? I'm helping my dad move and he luvs 2 breakdance.
Shout out to the free samples lady who gave me the Heimlich
February 7, 2026 at 9:50 PM
Shout out to the free samples lady who gave me the Heimlich
Reposted by Viktor Winetrout
wishing the happiest of birthdays and many more to the always hilarious @viktorwinetrout.bsky.social, creator of @sorrowscopes.bsky.social and now contributor to @theonion.com; here’s how I drew him back in 2021 FOLLOW HIM NOW I HAVE SPOKEN
youtu.be/q7ANh-CyoOk?...
youtu.be/q7ANh-CyoOk?...
a birthday drawing for @Cpin42 on Twitter (2021)
YouTube video by born miserable
youtu.be
February 7, 2026 at 5:23 AM
wishing the happiest of birthdays and many more to the always hilarious @viktorwinetrout.bsky.social, creator of @sorrowscopes.bsky.social and now contributor to @theonion.com; here’s how I drew him back in 2021 FOLLOW HIM NOW I HAVE SPOKEN
youtu.be/q7ANh-CyoOk?...
youtu.be/q7ANh-CyoOk?...
It is my birthday and you are legally obligated to be nice to me
February 6, 2026 at 8:29 PM
It is my birthday and you are legally obligated to be nice to me
Reposted by Viktor Winetrout
Pour one out for every professional political pundit, writer, consultant whatever that has spent the last decade trying to pretend that the Trump phenomenon was about trade or opiates and not a big chunk of white america losing its mind over having a black president bsky.app/profile/kyle...
A screenshot from a video posted on Trump's Truth Social account: truthsocial.com/@realDonaldT...
February 6, 2026 at 9:28 AM
Pour one out for every professional political pundit, writer, consultant whatever that has spent the last decade trying to pretend that the Trump phenomenon was about trade or opiates and not a big chunk of white america losing its mind over having a black president bsky.app/profile/kyle...
Reposted by Viktor Winetrout
SCORPION: take me across the river
FROG: if I do that, you'll sting me
S: if I sting you, we'll both drown
F: ok, that makes sense
*halfway across the river*
F: so?
S: so what?
F: sting me
S: what?
F: sting me, like you promised
S: no
F: sting me so we'll both drown
S: *crying* what is happening?
FROG: if I do that, you'll sting me
S: if I sting you, we'll both drown
F: ok, that makes sense
*halfway across the river*
F: so?
S: so what?
F: sting me
S: what?
F: sting me, like you promised
S: no
F: sting me so we'll both drown
S: *crying* what is happening?
February 6, 2026 at 4:27 AM
SCORPION: take me across the river
FROG: if I do that, you'll sting me
S: if I sting you, we'll both drown
F: ok, that makes sense
*halfway across the river*
F: so?
S: so what?
F: sting me
S: what?
F: sting me, like you promised
S: no
F: sting me so we'll both drown
S: *crying* what is happening?
FROG: if I do that, you'll sting me
S: if I sting you, we'll both drown
F: ok, that makes sense
*halfway across the river*
F: so?
S: so what?
F: sting me
S: what?
F: sting me, like you promised
S: no
F: sting me so we'll both drown
S: *crying* what is happening?
Reposted by Viktor Winetrout
“What’s your stealthiest chest freezer?”
February 1, 2026 at 12:21 AM
“What’s your stealthiest chest freezer?”
Reposted by Viktor Winetrout
when you’re exhausted and a 5-year-old wants to show you his new monster trucks
February 1, 2026 at 10:36 PM
when you’re exhausted and a 5-year-old wants to show you his new monster trucks
[interrupting my opponent during rap battle] That’s not grammatically correct
February 6, 2026 at 5:03 AM
[interrupting my opponent during rap battle] That’s not grammatically correct
Reposted by Viktor Winetrout
Is it "accidentally" or "by accident"? Anyway, I sawed my assistant in half
September 20, 2025 at 3:51 AM
Is it "accidentally" or "by accident"? Anyway, I sawed my assistant in half
Reposted by Viktor Winetrout
thank you for liking my posts. it’s pretty much all I have
August 14, 2024 at 1:18 AM
thank you for liking my posts. it’s pretty much all I have