Midge
@midge.bsky.social
Relentless architect of my own hell
https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:ekcbouwwcir2eexututpjpp5/feed/aaaouhaovrikw
https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:ekcbouwwcir2eexututpjpp5/feed/aaaouhaovrikw
Pinned
Midge
@midge.bsky.social
· Jul 1
Stages of life:
1. Birth
2. You gotta be fucking kidding me
3. Death
1. Birth
2. You gotta be fucking kidding me
3. Death
Reposted by Midge
Toes ranked:
1. Pota
2. Mistle
3. Tic-Tac
1. Pota
2. Mistle
3. Tic-Tac
November 10, 2025 at 7:03 PM
Toes ranked:
1. Pota
2. Mistle
3. Tic-Tac
1. Pota
2. Mistle
3. Tic-Tac
Toes ranked:
1. Pota
2. Mistle
3. Tic-Tac
1. Pota
2. Mistle
3. Tic-Tac
November 10, 2025 at 7:03 PM
Toes ranked:
1. Pota
2. Mistle
3. Tic-Tac
1. Pota
2. Mistle
3. Tic-Tac
Reposted by Midge
Just leave the door open, nothing matters anymore
November 10, 2025 at 12:59 AM
Just leave the door open, nothing matters anymore
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That lamp looks PISSED.
November 8, 2025 at 1:17 PM
That lamp looks PISSED.
Reposted by Midge
Hey Friends, if you're looking for comedy, I've got you covered
November 10, 2025 at 12:40 PM
Hey Friends, if you're looking for comedy, I've got you covered
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Oh you thought I didn't have more? There are at least 1k hilarious accts on this app and I know all their middle names, okay?
November 10, 2025 at 1:36 PM
Oh you thought I didn't have more? There are at least 1k hilarious accts on this app and I know all their middle names, okay?
Reposted by Midge
Christmas puns will ruin this place.
Yule see.
Yule see.
November 6, 2025 at 11:33 PM
Christmas puns will ruin this place.
Yule see.
Yule see.
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MY EDITOR: I think you need to make the main character more human. He's just completely unlikeable.
ME: *taking back my autobiography* Um...
ME: *taking back my autobiography* Um...
November 10, 2025 at 1:35 PM
MY EDITOR: I think you need to make the main character more human. He's just completely unlikeable.
ME: *taking back my autobiography* Um...
ME: *taking back my autobiography* Um...
Reposted by Midge
ME: Whatcha doin?
WIFE: Watchin Dune.
ME: I asked you first, Sharon.
WIFE: Watchin Dune.
ME: I asked you first, Sharon.
November 8, 2025 at 8:44 PM
ME: Whatcha doin?
WIFE: Watchin Dune.
ME: I asked you first, Sharon.
WIFE: Watchin Dune.
ME: I asked you first, Sharon.
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i know the world is going to end soon and everything, but like why do baby carrots have to be so wet?
November 8, 2025 at 11:15 PM
i know the world is going to end soon and everything, but like why do baby carrots have to be so wet?
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Well at least I'm not broken enough to post parables on linkedin
November 8, 2025 at 12:56 AM
Well at least I'm not broken enough to post parables on linkedin
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A jury of my peers? 12 emotionally available sweethearts?!
November 10, 2025 at 12:56 PM
A jury of my peers? 12 emotionally available sweethearts?!
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I'm gonna make it to the singularity still typing with only like 4 fingers
November 9, 2025 at 10:54 PM
I'm gonna make it to the singularity still typing with only like 4 fingers
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6:30 is the best time on a clock hands down
November 9, 2025 at 10:24 PM
6:30 is the best time on a clock hands down
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a good lawyer name would be Lou Pole
November 10, 2025 at 2:00 AM
a good lawyer name would be Lou Pole
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Grief eventually leads to joy, which you'll know when you've cried so hard your nose makes a noise just like a clown's nose being honked
November 7, 2025 at 2:49 PM
Grief eventually leads to joy, which you'll know when you've cried so hard your nose makes a noise just like a clown's nose being honked
Reposted by Midge
Courtney Love never played with her idols, Ann & Nancy Wilson. now there’s a Hole where her Heart used to be . folks,,
November 9, 2025 at 8:12 PM
Courtney Love never played with her idols, Ann & Nancy Wilson. now there’s a Hole where her Heart used to be . folks,,
Reposted by Midge
5 year old: can you breathe on the moon?
me: no, there's no oxygen
5 year old: what if you had an oxygen tank?
me: then yes
5 year old: what if the oxygen tank was empty?
me: then no
5 year old: what if you refilled it with oxygen?
me: is someone paying you to do this?
me: no, there's no oxygen
5 year old: what if you had an oxygen tank?
me: then yes
5 year old: what if the oxygen tank was empty?
me: then no
5 year old: what if you refilled it with oxygen?
me: is someone paying you to do this?
November 9, 2025 at 8:10 PM
5 year old: can you breathe on the moon?
me: no, there's no oxygen
5 year old: what if you had an oxygen tank?
me: then yes
5 year old: what if the oxygen tank was empty?
me: then no
5 year old: what if you refilled it with oxygen?
me: is someone paying you to do this?
me: no, there's no oxygen
5 year old: what if you had an oxygen tank?
me: then yes
5 year old: what if the oxygen tank was empty?
me: then no
5 year old: what if you refilled it with oxygen?
me: is someone paying you to do this?
Reposted by Midge
“Listen Barbara, I’ll be at my sister’s until you can get your shit together. Please don’t forget to water the plants.”
November 9, 2025 at 1:57 PM
“Listen Barbara, I’ll be at my sister’s until you can get your shit together. Please don’t forget to water the plants.”
Reposted by Midge
“I brought a couple of friends, I hope that’s cool.”
November 10, 2025 at 2:13 PM
“I brought a couple of friends, I hope that’s cool.”
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“It’s a dog door, a DOG door. Now, one more time, what are you?”
[sigh] “I’m a horse.”
“That’s right Jim, you’re a horse.”
[sigh] “I’m a horse.”
“That’s right Jim, you’re a horse.”
November 10, 2025 at 5:15 PM
“It’s a dog door, a DOG door. Now, one more time, what are you?”
[sigh] “I’m a horse.”
“That’s right Jim, you’re a horse.”
[sigh] “I’m a horse.”
“That’s right Jim, you’re a horse.”
Just leave the door open, nothing matters anymore
November 10, 2025 at 12:59 AM
Just leave the door open, nothing matters anymore
Reposted by Midge
Just overheard a guy in this hotel lobby tell his buddy "I just re-listened to a bunch of the Rolling Stones albums and I really think they were onto something" and didn't elaborate further
November 7, 2025 at 6:00 PM
Just overheard a guy in this hotel lobby tell his buddy "I just re-listened to a bunch of the Rolling Stones albums and I really think they were onto something" and didn't elaborate further
Reposted by Midge
I don't want to "drill down," or "circle back" I want to go to sleep on the floor
November 6, 2025 at 4:15 PM
I don't want to "drill down," or "circle back" I want to go to sleep on the floor
Reposted by Midge
That’s such a French thing to do
November 3, 2025 at 11:43 PM
That’s such a French thing to do