CynicalTherapist
@cynicaltherapist.bsky.social
LMFT-LADAC Witch, Addictions Expert, Not your therapist. Both traumatized and trauma informed.
https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:3brg3tkarfmhgddu4pmgjbkq/feed/aaapaaog6d5h4
https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:3brg3tkarfmhgddu4pmgjbkq/feed/aaapaaog6d5h4
Pinned
**Snorting lines of hot chocolate and sharpening candy canes to prepare for the war on Christmas.
Reposted by CynicalTherapist
the therapist is trying to squeeze out all my anxiety like a tube of toothpaste but she’s just doing a big one hand squeeze and not rolling me up from the end
December 4, 2025 at 6:19 PM
the therapist is trying to squeeze out all my anxiety like a tube of toothpaste but she’s just doing a big one hand squeeze and not rolling me up from the end
Twizzlers Pull and Peel is just crayon flavored string cheese. Wake up people.
December 4, 2025 at 4:42 PM
Twizzlers Pull and Peel is just crayon flavored string cheese. Wake up people.
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Removing an ingrown hair but it's my spine.
December 4, 2025 at 1:48 PM
Removing an ingrown hair but it's my spine.
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hey I’m not just sitting here doing nothing i’m grinding down my teeth
December 4, 2025 at 12:16 PM
hey I’m not just sitting here doing nothing i’m grinding down my teeth
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having cold hands is on the verge of becoming my whole identity
December 4, 2025 at 5:34 AM
having cold hands is on the verge of becoming my whole identity
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I want to do cute winter stuff. Drink cocoa, play in the snow, stuff ill-behaved men into a sack and haul them off to the netherworld.
December 4, 2025 at 1:12 AM
I want to do cute winter stuff. Drink cocoa, play in the snow, stuff ill-behaved men into a sack and haul them off to the netherworld.
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Does it hurt to get shot with a gun? The HHS has issued new guidance that it actually hurts more not getting shot with a gun. Health watchdogs warn that promoting getting shot with a gun will make more people get hurt from bullets, though the actual science is disputed by some researchers
December 4, 2025 at 6:31 AM
Does it hurt to get shot with a gun? The HHS has issued new guidance that it actually hurts more not getting shot with a gun. Health watchdogs warn that promoting getting shot with a gun will make more people get hurt from bullets, though the actual science is disputed by some researchers
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what's the only good candy and why is it allsorts
December 4, 2025 at 1:37 AM
what's the only good candy and why is it allsorts
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Telling a child that Santa isn't real is one of the hardest things about being a party clown
December 4, 2025 at 4:37 AM
Telling a child that Santa isn't real is one of the hardest things about being a party clown
Ordering a flat white so I can say 'like me' to my daughter and catch my favorite horrified side eye.
December 3, 2025 at 7:27 PM
Ordering a flat white so I can say 'like me' to my daughter and catch my favorite horrified side eye.
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Invasion of the joke understanders
December 3, 2025 at 4:12 PM
Invasion of the joke understanders
I wish folks made an actual Zzzzz noise while sleeping.
December 3, 2025 at 3:46 PM
I wish folks made an actual Zzzzz noise while sleeping.
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i get not wanting to be informed bc i am informed and lemme tell you it sucks
December 3, 2025 at 1:15 PM
i get not wanting to be informed bc i am informed and lemme tell you it sucks
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I LOVE being quiet in the morning! I wish some people loved it as much as I do.
December 3, 2025 at 1:53 PM
I LOVE being quiet in the morning! I wish some people loved it as much as I do.
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There should be a law that therapists are not allowed to be younger than you. I will not be taking advice from a 25 year old because the decisions I made at 25 are the reason I need therapy now.
December 2, 2025 at 4:18 PM
There should be a law that therapists are not allowed to be younger than you. I will not be taking advice from a 25 year old because the decisions I made at 25 are the reason I need therapy now.
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Cozy and exposed, the bold comfort. Not even adventure is ready to deal with that. Tried leaving the top few buttons undone on my spacesuit, tradition floated out and away, modestial voices guided it back
December 3, 2025 at 5:49 AM
Cozy and exposed, the bold comfort. Not even adventure is ready to deal with that. Tried leaving the top few buttons undone on my spacesuit, tradition floated out and away, modestial voices guided it back
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somewhere in an alternate universe Christmas sweaters are having ugly people parties
December 2, 2025 at 3:58 PM
somewhere in an alternate universe Christmas sweaters are having ugly people parties
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Me: It's important to give people grace. You never know what battle they're fighting.
Me in traffic: I hope you can juggle, because you drive like a fucking clown
Me in traffic: I hope you can juggle, because you drive like a fucking clown
December 2, 2025 at 10:23 PM
Me: It's important to give people grace. You never know what battle they're fighting.
Me in traffic: I hope you can juggle, because you drive like a fucking clown
Me in traffic: I hope you can juggle, because you drive like a fucking clown
I can't be the only one who skims or skips italics when they're reading.
December 3, 2025 at 6:21 AM
I can't be the only one who skims or skips italics when they're reading.
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There is literally no limit to how many Kevins you can be friends with.
December 3, 2025 at 2:16 AM
There is literally no limit to how many Kevins you can be friends with.
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Mom Impressed By Tattooed Person’s Manners https://theonion.com/mom-impressed-by-tattooed-persons-manners/
December 2, 2025 at 5:00 PM
Mom Impressed By Tattooed Person’s Manners https://theonion.com/mom-impressed-by-tattooed-persons-manners/
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I’m sorry y’all had to find out this way 💅🏼
if your birthday is in december you’re simply better than everyone else.
December 2, 2025 at 6:19 PM
I’m sorry y’all had to find out this way 💅🏼
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50 Cent is a world class, hall of fame hater. This is a compliment.
December 2, 2025 at 6:38 PM
50 Cent is a world class, hall of fame hater. This is a compliment.
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if your birthday is in december you’re simply better than everyone else.
December 2, 2025 at 6:15 PM
if your birthday is in december you’re simply better than everyone else.
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