Dave Cactus
@davecactus.bsky.social
Bass player, photographer, and all around cool cat.
Avatar, or profile pic, by @frovo.bsky.social.
Here is a link to all of my posts: https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:sdkxyw2r7xlx5kjhsolgagv6/feed/aaakkr4gr2af4
Avatar, or profile pic, by @frovo.bsky.social.
Here is a link to all of my posts: https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:sdkxyw2r7xlx5kjhsolgagv6/feed/aaakkr4gr2af4
Reposted by Dave Cactus
25 years ago today, ALL YOUR BASE ARE BELONG TO US began its worldwide invasion on @newgrounds.com.
February 16, 2026 at 2:20 PM
25 years ago today, ALL YOUR BASE ARE BELONG TO US began its worldwide invasion on @newgrounds.com.
Reposted by Dave Cactus
congratulations, you've taken every bun
*takes a bao*
*takes a bao*
February 16, 2026 at 11:31 AM
congratulations, you've taken every bun
*takes a bao*
*takes a bao*
Reposted by Dave Cactus
in what has turned out to be an excellent prank by 2009 jon, i just got a notification from google calendar that i have "penis surgery" scheduled for today. in the year 2026
February 14, 2026 at 2:28 PM
in what has turned out to be an excellent prank by 2009 jon, i just got a notification from google calendar that i have "penis surgery" scheduled for today. in the year 2026
Reposted by Dave Cactus
Throwing bottles at the wall is less fun in the age of plastic
February 15, 2026 at 12:56 AM
Throwing bottles at the wall is less fun in the age of plastic
Reposted by Dave Cactus
Now that I'm older, I no longer have a red race-car bed. Now I have a beige, sensible sedan bed.
August 16, 2023 at 11:19 PM
Now that I'm older, I no longer have a red race-car bed. Now I have a beige, sensible sedan bed.
My buddy from New Mexico? I think you mean, my palbuquerque.
February 14, 2026 at 8:20 PM
My buddy from New Mexico? I think you mean, my palbuquerque.
PAPA SMURF (watching Mel about to swallow mouthwash): Oh no! Gargle, Mel!
February 14, 2026 at 8:15 PM
PAPA SMURF (watching Mel about to swallow mouthwash): Oh no! Gargle, Mel!
Hey, it's Weird Time Interval Tony! Man, I haven't seen you in a milliday.
February 14, 2026 at 8:10 PM
Hey, it's Weird Time Interval Tony! Man, I haven't seen you in a milliday.
ME: Pleased to meet you, Chancellor.
CHANCELLOR: You're chancelled!
ME: ᵒʰ ⁿᵒ ᶜʰᵃⁿᶜᵉˡˡ ᶜʰᵘˡᵗᵘʳᵉ
CHANCELLOR: You're chancelled!
ME: ᵒʰ ⁿᵒ ᶜʰᵃⁿᶜᵉˡˡ ᶜʰᵘˡᵗᵘʳᵉ
February 14, 2026 at 8:05 PM
ME: Pleased to meet you, Chancellor.
CHANCELLOR: You're chancelled!
ME: ᵒʰ ⁿᵒ ᶜʰᵃⁿᶜᵉˡˡ ᶜʰᵘˡᵗᵘʳᵉ
CHANCELLOR: You're chancelled!
ME: ᵒʰ ⁿᵒ ᶜʰᵃⁿᶜᵉˡˡ ᶜʰᵘˡᵗᵘʳᵉ
CABELA'S SECURITY GUARD: Congratulations, you've stolen every arrow in the store.
ME: *takes a bow*
ME: *takes a bow*
February 14, 2026 at 8:00 PM
CABELA'S SECURITY GUARD: Congratulations, you've stolen every arrow in the store.
ME: *takes a bow*
ME: *takes a bow*
ME (after memorizing the eye chart): Hehe!
DMV AGENT: Can you read this?
ME: Child's play. E F P T O Z L P E D—
DMV AGENT: Stop.
ME: Heard enough? 😌
DMV AGENT: The octagon usually gives this away, but it just says stop.
DMV AGENT: Can you read this?
ME: Child's play. E F P T O Z L P E D—
DMV AGENT: Stop.
ME: Heard enough? 😌
DMV AGENT: The octagon usually gives this away, but it just says stop.
February 14, 2026 at 7:55 PM
ME (after memorizing the eye chart): Hehe!
DMV AGENT: Can you read this?
ME: Child's play. E F P T O Z L P E D—
DMV AGENT: Stop.
ME: Heard enough? 😌
DMV AGENT: The octagon usually gives this away, but it just says stop.
DMV AGENT: Can you read this?
ME: Child's play. E F P T O Z L P E D—
DMV AGENT: Stop.
ME: Heard enough? 😌
DMV AGENT: The octagon usually gives this away, but it just says stop.
SBARRO: You backed into my car!
PANDA EXPRESS: You can't prove it.
SBARRO: I'll see you in Food Court, you sonofa–
PANDA EXPRESS: You can't prove it.
SBARRO: I'll see you in Food Court, you sonofa–
February 14, 2026 at 7:50 PM
SBARRO: You backed into my car!
PANDA EXPRESS: You can't prove it.
SBARRO: I'll see you in Food Court, you sonofa–
PANDA EXPRESS: You can't prove it.
SBARRO: I'll see you in Food Court, you sonofa–
I'm opening a roadside store called Suckey's. Everything in it? Absolutely sucks.
February 14, 2026 at 7:45 PM
I'm opening a roadside store called Suckey's. Everything in it? Absolutely sucks.
I just remembered I posted some jokes on Mastodon a couple years ago. I'll dig them up and post them here, where people will be able to see them.
February 14, 2026 at 7:41 PM
I just remembered I posted some jokes on Mastodon a couple years ago. I'll dig them up and post them here, where people will be able to see them.
Reposted by Dave Cactus
Say what you will about John Denver, once I heard Rocky Mountain High as a little kid that voice of his could sing any treacly garbage lyric in the world and still sound like a prayer to me #AT40
February 14, 2026 at 6:43 PM
Say what you will about John Denver, once I heard Rocky Mountain High as a little kid that voice of his could sing any treacly garbage lyric in the world and still sound like a prayer to me #AT40
Reposted by Dave Cactus
The angriest word in the English language is "representative" spoken to an automated phone menu.
April 27, 2023 at 10:46 PM
The angriest word in the English language is "representative" spoken to an automated phone menu.
Reposted by Dave Cactus
thinking about setting the roomba free for the holidays, just opening the door and letting it go (in case its new years resolution is to kill)
December 24, 2025 at 8:00 PM
thinking about setting the roomba free for the holidays, just opening the door and letting it go (in case its new years resolution is to kill)
Reposted by Dave Cactus
Sinbad:
1. Sailor
2. Comedian
3. Most succinct version of the Bible
1. Sailor
2. Comedian
3. Most succinct version of the Bible
November 20, 2024 at 2:00 PM
Sinbad:
1. Sailor
2. Comedian
3. Most succinct version of the Bible
1. Sailor
2. Comedian
3. Most succinct version of the Bible
Reposted by Dave Cactus
Look, I was fine when everything was going topsy, but I did NOT sign up for turvy
February 9, 2026 at 7:33 PM
Look, I was fine when everything was going topsy, but I did NOT sign up for turvy
Reposted by Dave Cactus
Every Super Bowl ad is for the door in the forest. It’s annoying. “You must walk through the door.” Yeah thanks, I know that already. I dream of the door every night
February 9, 2026 at 12:38 AM
Every Super Bowl ad is for the door in the forest. It’s annoying. “You must walk through the door.” Yeah thanks, I know that already. I dream of the door every night
Reposted by Dave Cactus
ME: yeah could i get the impossible burger with cheese.
THE VIZIER WHO'S BEEN ADVISING ME: ahh, an excellent choice sire. an imitation of the genuine article. there are some "friends" of yours to whom it bears a passing similarity
ME: you want anything
VIZIER: [chuckles] what i want is of no import
THE VIZIER WHO'S BEEN ADVISING ME: ahh, an excellent choice sire. an imitation of the genuine article. there are some "friends" of yours to whom it bears a passing similarity
ME: you want anything
VIZIER: [chuckles] what i want is of no import
June 2, 2025 at 3:32 AM
ME: yeah could i get the impossible burger with cheese.
THE VIZIER WHO'S BEEN ADVISING ME: ahh, an excellent choice sire. an imitation of the genuine article. there are some "friends" of yours to whom it bears a passing similarity
ME: you want anything
VIZIER: [chuckles] what i want is of no import
THE VIZIER WHO'S BEEN ADVISING ME: ahh, an excellent choice sire. an imitation of the genuine article. there are some "friends" of yours to whom it bears a passing similarity
ME: you want anything
VIZIER: [chuckles] what i want is of no import
🎶 Meet the new boss, same as the old boss
–Bruce Springsteen, after cloning himself
–Bruce Springsteen, after cloning himself
February 5, 2026 at 4:14 AM
🎶 Meet the new boss, same as the old boss
–Bruce Springsteen, after cloning himself
–Bruce Springsteen, after cloning himself
🎶 Yo, yo, yo, yo mama's...
...auto parts (yow)
...auto parts (yow)
February 5, 2026 at 3:44 AM
🎶 Yo, yo, yo, yo mama's...
...auto parts (yow)
...auto parts (yow)
Reposted by Dave Cactus
ME: I can't seem to send emails
IT: It looks like your Outlook is corrupted
ME: Well they just don't appreciate me around here!
IT: It looks like your Outlook is corrupted
ME: Well they just don't appreciate me around here!
January 26, 2026 at 7:02 PM
ME: I can't seem to send emails
IT: It looks like your Outlook is corrupted
ME: Well they just don't appreciate me around here!
IT: It looks like your Outlook is corrupted
ME: Well they just don't appreciate me around here!
Reposted by Dave Cactus
I fell asleep while a Jellyroll song was on and now all of my neighbors’ catalytic converters are missing
February 3, 2026 at 1:15 PM
I fell asleep while a Jellyroll song was on and now all of my neighbors’ catalytic converters are missing