Alex Blechman
@alexblechman.bsky.social
Writer, game designer
Former Staff Writer @TheOnion & @ClickHole.
Words for Netflix, Jackbox Games, High On Life, Starship Troopers: Terran Command, Saints Row, Kraft Heinz, Darkhorse, Team Coco, other places
alexanderblechman.com
Former Staff Writer @TheOnion & @ClickHole.
Words for Netflix, Jackbox Games, High On Life, Starship Troopers: Terran Command, Saints Row, Kraft Heinz, Darkhorse, Team Coco, other places
alexanderblechman.com
Pinned
Alex Blechman
@alexblechman.bsky.social
· May 16
Sci-Fi Author: In my book I invented the Torment Nexus as a cautionary tale
Tech Company: At long last, we have created the Torment Nexus from classic sci-fi novel Don't Create The Torment Nexus
Tech Company: At long last, we have created the Torment Nexus from classic sci-fi novel Don't Create The Torment Nexus
(calling my congressional representative on the phone)
Representative: Hello. Can I have $5?
Me: Ugh, the answering machine is a fundraising ad
Representative: No it’s me. I’m here
Representative: Hello. Can I have $5?
Me: Ugh, the answering machine is a fundraising ad
Representative: No it’s me. I’m here
January 3, 2026 at 11:37 PM
(calling my congressional representative on the phone)
Representative: Hello. Can I have $5?
Me: Ugh, the answering machine is a fundraising ad
Representative: No it’s me. I’m here
Representative: Hello. Can I have $5?
Me: Ugh, the answering machine is a fundraising ad
Representative: No it’s me. I’m here
*Samara crawls out of the TV holding a DoorDash bag with your Chipotle order*
January 2, 2026 at 11:51 PM
*Samara crawls out of the TV holding a DoorDash bag with your Chipotle order*
I’m not much of a cook, but when I do cook my family really likes what I make. My secret is butter. I just use way too much butter. I have lowered the difficulty level of cooking by going butter mode, it is the food version of playing a wizard in Elden Ring
January 2, 2026 at 1:28 AM
I’m not much of a cook, but when I do cook my family really likes what I make. My secret is butter. I just use way too much butter. I have lowered the difficulty level of cooking by going butter mode, it is the food version of playing a wizard in Elden Ring
Times Square used to put a human sacrifice beneath the New Years ball to get crushed to death at exactly midnight. A blood offering to nourish Baby New Year. They stopped doing that in the 1990s though, these days they use a goat
December 31, 2025 at 3:38 PM
Times Square used to put a human sacrifice beneath the New Years ball to get crushed to death at exactly midnight. A blood offering to nourish Baby New Year. They stopped doing that in the 1990s though, these days they use a goat
Reposted by Alex Blechman
This meme implies astronauts are constantly shooting each other in space to cover up a horrific secret. In fact that has only happened 4 times in NASA’s entire history
November 9, 2025 at 5:30 PM
This meme implies astronauts are constantly shooting each other in space to cover up a horrific secret. In fact that has only happened 4 times in NASA’s entire history
In the alternate timeline where NFTs took off everyone is using monkey pictures as money right now. You go to the supermarket and trade a cartoon capuchin smoking a blunt for a gallon of milk. Cancer is also cured somehow, thanks to the monkey pictures
December 30, 2025 at 4:53 PM
In the alternate timeline where NFTs took off everyone is using monkey pictures as money right now. You go to the supermarket and trade a cartoon capuchin smoking a blunt for a gallon of milk. Cancer is also cured somehow, thanks to the monkey pictures
Reposted by Alex Blechman
Political experts paint an increasingly dire picture. They expect that by 2035 the US will turn into a lawless wasteland called the Battlerealm. Their analysis predicts everyone will fight to obtain Skaxx, a street drug that makes you good at karate
October 30, 2025 at 1:19 PM
Political experts paint an increasingly dire picture. They expect that by 2035 the US will turn into a lawless wasteland called the Battlerealm. Their analysis predicts everyone will fight to obtain Skaxx, a street drug that makes you good at karate
I have big plans this holiday. I’m going to spend my time off fretting that Woody can manifest teeth, even though his face is molded plastic with a tight-lipped smile and his mouth has no interior. This implies toys rearrange matter on an atomic level with every motion. Their power is horrifying
December 29, 2025 at 5:08 PM
I have big plans this holiday. I’m going to spend my time off fretting that Woody can manifest teeth, even though his face is molded plastic with a tight-lipped smile and his mouth has no interior. This implies toys rearrange matter on an atomic level with every motion. Their power is horrifying
Am I “enjoying” Silksong? That is a complex question. Do grapes enjoy being stomped into wine
December 28, 2025 at 10:20 PM
Am I “enjoying” Silksong? That is a complex question. Do grapes enjoy being stomped into wine
You say “Avatar has no cultural impact”
Oh yeah? Then why are kids everywhere chanting their demand of 6 (number of letters in “Avatar”) and 7 (planned movies)
Oh yeah? Then why are kids everywhere chanting their demand of 6 (number of letters in “Avatar”) and 7 (planned movies)
December 27, 2025 at 5:52 PM
You say “Avatar has no cultural impact”
Oh yeah? Then why are kids everywhere chanting their demand of 6 (number of letters in “Avatar”) and 7 (planned movies)
Oh yeah? Then why are kids everywhere chanting their demand of 6 (number of letters in “Avatar”) and 7 (planned movies)
It’s pretty lucky that out of all the possible opinions I could have had, mine happen to be the objective One Truth that is free of all ignorance and error
December 26, 2025 at 6:55 PM
It’s pretty lucky that out of all the possible opinions I could have had, mine happen to be the objective One Truth that is free of all ignorance and error
Reposted by Alex Blechman
Toy Story 5
Woody and Buzz discover that toys are alive because they’re ushabti, holy figurines destined to escort their owners into the afterlife. After Andy dies of old age and his heart is weighed heavier than a feather, the toys reunite to rescue his soul from Ammit
Woody and Buzz discover that toys are alive because they’re ushabti, holy figurines destined to escort their owners into the afterlife. After Andy dies of old age and his heart is weighed heavier than a feather, the toys reunite to rescue his soul from Ammit
November 21, 2025 at 7:49 PM
Toy Story 5
Woody and Buzz discover that toys are alive because they’re ushabti, holy figurines destined to escort their owners into the afterlife. After Andy dies of old age and his heart is weighed heavier than a feather, the toys reunite to rescue his soul from Ammit
Woody and Buzz discover that toys are alive because they’re ushabti, holy figurines destined to escort their owners into the afterlife. After Andy dies of old age and his heart is weighed heavier than a feather, the toys reunite to rescue his soul from Ammit
An “immersive sim” is when you put your Sims in a swimming pool and then remove the ladders
December 26, 2025 at 4:38 PM
An “immersive sim” is when you put your Sims in a swimming pool and then remove the ladders
Reposted by Alex Blechman
Welcome new Bluesky users! You might be wondering what this thing is. It’s called the Omega Moth and we believe that at the end of days, when Earth is a lifeless cinder, the moth will wrap the planet in a cocoon so it can be reborn anew
October 17, 2024 at 3:00 PM
Welcome new Bluesky users! You might be wondering what this thing is. It’s called the Omega Moth and we believe that at the end of days, when Earth is a lifeless cinder, the moth will wrap the planet in a cocoon so it can be reborn anew
Jodie Foster: They should have sent a poet
Poet: Aliens ahoy! A galactic sight. When you’re in space all day is night
Poet: Aliens ahoy! A galactic sight. When you’re in space all day is night
December 24, 2025 at 2:47 AM
Jodie Foster: They should have sent a poet
Poet: Aliens ahoy! A galactic sight. When you’re in space all day is night
Poet: Aliens ahoy! A galactic sight. When you’re in space all day is night
For a news organization, there’s nothing more embarrassing than having your acclaimed journalism leak. Everyone sharing and praising your reporting is a worst case scenario
December 23, 2025 at 9:55 PM
For a news organization, there’s nothing more embarrassing than having your acclaimed journalism leak. Everyone sharing and praising your reporting is a worst case scenario
Welcome to 60 Minutes. Our top story tonight is Snakes: Nature’s Spaghetti
December 22, 2025 at 2:32 PM
Welcome to 60 Minutes. Our top story tonight is Snakes: Nature’s Spaghetti
Reposted by Alex Blechman
Star Trek TNG proves viewers crave a spaceship that looks like a mid-budget hotel. Fictional starships are usually metallic and futuristic but the public wants warm lighting, beige wall panels, and soft carpets like a Ramada Inn
December 7, 2025 at 8:13 PM
Star Trek TNG proves viewers crave a spaceship that looks like a mid-budget hotel. Fictional starships are usually metallic and futuristic but the public wants warm lighting, beige wall panels, and soft carpets like a Ramada Inn
Bluesky should have a setting where people can reply to your post, but first they have to check off a confirmation box that says “I understand I am responding to a joke about The Flintstones”
December 20, 2025 at 7:31 PM
Bluesky should have a setting where people can reply to your post, but first they have to check off a confirmation box that says “I understand I am responding to a joke about The Flintstones”
Epstein: I hope you are enjoying my incriminating hot tub. Mind if I take 1,300 photos of you while you’re bathing?
Clinton: Not at all. Make sure to also get my good friend ████
Clinton: Not at all. Make sure to also get my good friend ████
December 20, 2025 at 2:01 AM
Epstein: I hope you are enjoying my incriminating hot tub. Mind if I take 1,300 photos of you while you’re bathing?
Clinton: Not at all. Make sure to also get my good friend ████
Clinton: Not at all. Make sure to also get my good friend ████
Reposted by Alex Blechman
Is it ethical for delivery apps to have a “DRIVE FASTER” button that makes the driver’s car automatically accelerate to 80 mph with no way for them to slow down?
(I’m not weighing in on either side of the discourse, I know this is a complex issue)
(I’m not weighing in on either side of the discourse, I know this is a complex issue)
January 5, 2025 at 7:38 PM
Is it ethical for delivery apps to have a “DRIVE FASTER” button that makes the driver’s car automatically accelerate to 80 mph with no way for them to slow down?
(I’m not weighing in on either side of the discourse, I know this is a complex issue)
(I’m not weighing in on either side of the discourse, I know this is a complex issue)
He’s called the absentee father of indie games. He went to the indie game deli to pick up a box of indie game cigarettes. That was ten indie game years ago. But he wanted to get back to his indie game family, he thought of them every indie game day. He was on the run from the indie game mafia
December 18, 2025 at 9:11 PM
He’s called the absentee father of indie games. He went to the indie game deli to pick up a box of indie game cigarettes. That was ten indie game years ago. But he wanted to get back to his indie game family, he thought of them every indie game day. He was on the run from the indie game mafia
Whenever I need to meditate I close my eyes, take a deep breath, and visualize the scene in Pacific Rim where a mech suit swings a cargo ship like a baseball bat
December 17, 2025 at 4:02 PM
Whenever I need to meditate I close my eyes, take a deep breath, and visualize the scene in Pacific Rim where a mech suit swings a cargo ship like a baseball bat
This has always been true. The advertising budgets reveal the audience size. At twitter’s height, viral posters there were offered like $50 to spam promote a lamp in their own comments. Meanwhile youtubers make videos titled “I blew up a Ferrari in outer space”
i have said this before but if you are actually interested in influencing people beyond a narrow circle of too-online journalists you will be making direct to camera videos on tiktok, instagram and youtube. if you primarily post on text-based social media then you're just dicking around.
December 15, 2025 at 11:01 PM
This has always been true. The advertising budgets reveal the audience size. At twitter’s height, viral posters there were offered like $50 to spam promote a lamp in their own comments. Meanwhile youtubers make videos titled “I blew up a Ferrari in outer space”
My 1984 screenplay where Big Brother is a mech suit Winston Smith wears to defend Oceania may have changed a few plot details but preserves Orwell’s message about the importance of watching out for your bros
December 14, 2025 at 4:56 PM
My 1984 screenplay where Big Brother is a mech suit Winston Smith wears to defend Oceania may have changed a few plot details but preserves Orwell’s message about the importance of watching out for your bros