Alex Blechman
@alexblechman.bsky.social
Writer, game designer
Former Staff Writer @TheOnion & @ClickHole.
Words for Netflix, Jackbox Games, High On Life, Starship Troopers: Terran Command, Saints Row, Kraft Heinz, Darkhorse, Team Coco, other places
alexanderblechman.com
Former Staff Writer @TheOnion & @ClickHole.
Words for Netflix, Jackbox Games, High On Life, Starship Troopers: Terran Command, Saints Row, Kraft Heinz, Darkhorse, Team Coco, other places
alexanderblechman.com
Pinned
Alex Blechman
@alexblechman.bsky.social
· May 16
Sci-Fi Author: In my book I invented the Torment Nexus as a cautionary tale
Tech Company: At long last, we have created the Torment Nexus from classic sci-fi novel Don't Create The Torment Nexus
Tech Company: At long last, we have created the Torment Nexus from classic sci-fi novel Don't Create The Torment Nexus
This meme implies astronauts are constantly shooting each other in space to cover up a horrific secret. In fact that has only happened 4 times in NASA’s entire history
November 9, 2025 at 5:30 PM
This meme implies astronauts are constantly shooting each other in space to cover up a horrific secret. In fact that has only happened 4 times in NASA’s entire history
Reposted by Alex Blechman
Political experts paint an increasingly dire picture. They expect that by 2035 the US will turn into a lawless wasteland called the Battlerealm. Their analysis predicts everyone will fight to obtain Skaxx, a street drug that makes you good at karate
October 30, 2025 at 1:19 PM
Political experts paint an increasingly dire picture. They expect that by 2035 the US will turn into a lawless wasteland called the Battlerealm. Their analysis predicts everyone will fight to obtain Skaxx, a street drug that makes you good at karate
Baron Bloodblight of Swampstench Castle is good for the plagueconomy. Under his fungal-first policies pox is up 600%
November 8, 2025 at 8:47 PM
Baron Bloodblight of Swampstench Castle is good for the plagueconomy. Under his fungal-first policies pox is up 600%
NYC’s mayor should figure out why 1 in 100,000,000 subway trains vanish for a month and then arrive at the next station with all the passengers turned to bare skeletons. It’s not the city’s biggest problem but it should be looked into eventually
November 5, 2025 at 9:45 PM
NYC’s mayor should figure out why 1 in 100,000,000 subway trains vanish for a month and then arrive at the next station with all the passengers turned to bare skeletons. It’s not the city’s biggest problem but it should be looked into eventually
Voters think prices are too low. They want an extra 10% sales tax called “The Atonement” on all purchases. This money would be put in a locked bank account forever and never spent on anything. Voters would say “The Atonement Fund has grown to $7 trillion. Good, we deserve this”
November 5, 2025 at 7:07 PM
Voters think prices are too low. They want an extra 10% sales tax called “The Atonement” on all purchases. This money would be put in a locked bank account forever and never spent on anything. Voters would say “The Atonement Fund has grown to $7 trillion. Good, we deserve this”
You can order therapy off the McDonalds secret menu. If you ask to “unburden emotions” the cashier will lead you into the kitchen. They have one of those freud couches next to the french fry warmer
November 5, 2025 at 6:28 PM
You can order therapy off the McDonalds secret menu. If you ask to “unburden emotions” the cashier will lead you into the kitchen. They have one of those freud couches next to the french fry warmer
Reposted by Alex Blechman
I strongly believe that mayors should be required to wear a big sash that says “MAYOR” on it. In recent times mayors have forgotten that they serve we the people, and we want the sash
June 16, 2025 at 1:18 PM
I strongly believe that mayors should be required to wear a big sash that says “MAYOR” on it. In recent times mayors have forgotten that they serve we the people, and we want the sash
Now that the mayoral election is over, New Yorkers can turn their attention back to asking if there actually are tiny shrimp in NYC tap water and if that’s why the bagels are so good
November 5, 2025 at 2:53 PM
Now that the mayoral election is over, New Yorkers can turn their attention back to asking if there actually are tiny shrimp in NYC tap water and if that’s why the bagels are so good
Me: Bluey can be viewed as an extraction shooter. In each mission or “episode” the dog family sends a 4-player squad to defeat the challenges of childhood and retrieve a heartwarming life lesson
Toddler: Goo goo ga ga
Toddler: Goo goo ga ga
November 5, 2025 at 2:46 PM
Me: Bluey can be viewed as an extraction shooter. In each mission or “episode” the dog family sends a 4-player squad to defeat the challenges of childhood and retrieve a heartwarming life lesson
Toddler: Goo goo ga ga
Toddler: Goo goo ga ga
Reposted by Alex Blechman
Tron gives an inaccurate impression of how many guys live in your computer. It makes it seem like thousands of guys are in there. In reality only about 10 guys live in your computer and less than half of them ride motorcycles
October 6, 2025 at 5:22 PM
Tron gives an inaccurate impression of how many guys live in your computer. It makes it seem like thousands of guys are in there. In reality only about 10 guys live in your computer and less than half of them ride motorcycles
After the AI bubble I hope the next bubble is Laser Tag. Laser tag arenas on every street corner. Blacklight lit battlefields propping up every sector of the economy. A one story building by the side of the highway called “Blast Zone: Pizza & Arcade” valued at $2.7 trillion
November 2, 2025 at 3:09 PM
After the AI bubble I hope the next bubble is Laser Tag. Laser tag arenas on every street corner. Blacklight lit battlefields propping up every sector of the economy. A one story building by the side of the highway called “Blast Zone: Pizza & Arcade” valued at $2.7 trillion
(government lawyer voice)
I hope it’s wegal for us to buy soup for poor childrwen. It twould be a shame if that’s a cwime
I hope it’s wegal for us to buy soup for poor childrwen. It twould be a shame if that’s a cwime
Despite two separate courts ruling Friday that the Trump administration must fund SNAP amid the government shutdown, the president said his lawyers don't think the orders are legal and will need to look into it more.
Trump Says Courts Need To Give Him More 'Legal Direction' On Funding SNAP
www.huffpost.com
November 1, 2025 at 1:55 AM
(government lawyer voice)
I hope it’s wegal for us to buy soup for poor childrwen. It twould be a shame if that’s a cwime
I hope it’s wegal for us to buy soup for poor childrwen. It twould be a shame if that’s a cwime
Political experts paint an increasingly dire picture. They expect that by 2035 the US will turn into a lawless wasteland called the Battlerealm. Their analysis predicts everyone will fight to obtain Skaxx, a street drug that makes you good at karate
October 30, 2025 at 1:19 PM
Political experts paint an increasingly dire picture. They expect that by 2035 the US will turn into a lawless wasteland called the Battlerealm. Their analysis predicts everyone will fight to obtain Skaxx, a street drug that makes you good at karate
Tolkien intended the One Ring to serve as a metaphor for using an internet browser in incognito mode and how it doesn’t actually hide your online activity
October 29, 2025 at 2:32 PM
Tolkien intended the One Ring to serve as a metaphor for using an internet browser in incognito mode and how it doesn’t actually hide your online activity
Reposted by Alex Blechman
“Cow tools is funny because it makes no sense”
Incorrect. It makes perfect sense. Each cow tool has a logical function, but they can only be understood by people with at least a 175 IQ. Here at Mensa we spend most of our time discussing cow tools
Incorrect. It makes perfect sense. Each cow tool has a logical function, but they can only be understood by people with at least a 175 IQ. Here at Mensa we spend most of our time discussing cow tools
September 20, 2024 at 4:16 PM
“Cow tools is funny because it makes no sense”
Incorrect. It makes perfect sense. Each cow tool has a logical function, but they can only be understood by people with at least a 175 IQ. Here at Mensa we spend most of our time discussing cow tools
Incorrect. It makes perfect sense. Each cow tool has a logical function, but they can only be understood by people with at least a 175 IQ. Here at Mensa we spend most of our time discussing cow tools
Construction of the White House ballroom paused after workers found a subterranean laboratory containing a 15 foot tall President Taft sleeping in a glass tube of amniotic fluid. Historians say this likely is a remnant of Project Taft
October 27, 2025 at 5:46 PM
Construction of the White House ballroom paused after workers found a subterranean laboratory containing a 15 foot tall President Taft sleeping in a glass tube of amniotic fluid. Historians say this likely is a remnant of Project Taft
Does America need to build a labyrinth? Critics say a thousand miles of confounding corridors is an extravagant expense, but others say an inescapable maze is required to imprison the creature
October 26, 2025 at 3:12 PM
Does America need to build a labyrinth? Critics say a thousand miles of confounding corridors is an extravagant expense, but others say an inescapable maze is required to imprison the creature
Your Town Is a TV Soundstage and the Sky Is a Hologram, Charlie Brown
October 25, 2025 at 7:21 PM
Your Town Is a TV Soundstage and the Sky Is a Hologram, Charlie Brown
Reposted by Alex Blechman
Boromir: The fellowship should pivot to ring
July 14, 2025 at 4:50 PM
Boromir: The fellowship should pivot to ring
Demolition Worker: I found something amazing inside the walls of the East Wing! A frog that can sing
October 24, 2025 at 7:47 PM
Demolition Worker: I found something amazing inside the walls of the East Wing! A frog that can sing
My name is Chunk Tugboat and I'm running for Congress
I'm 6'5". My favorite food is footballs
I have no embarrassing past because I emerged fully formed from a cave at age 33. I didn't have a childhood and I do not blink. There is a miles-long umbilical cord connecting my stomach to the cave
I'm 6'5". My favorite food is footballs
I have no embarrassing past because I emerged fully formed from a cave at age 33. I didn't have a childhood and I do not blink. There is a miles-long umbilical cord connecting my stomach to the cave
October 23, 2025 at 12:10 AM
My name is Chunk Tugboat and I'm running for Congress
I'm 6'5". My favorite food is footballs
I have no embarrassing past because I emerged fully formed from a cave at age 33. I didn't have a childhood and I do not blink. There is a miles-long umbilical cord connecting my stomach to the cave
I'm 6'5". My favorite food is footballs
I have no embarrassing past because I emerged fully formed from a cave at age 33. I didn't have a childhood and I do not blink. There is a miles-long umbilical cord connecting my stomach to the cave
Not to say I called it, but 9 years ago I made an entire game about running for statewide office in Maine. And yes it has an election scandal
clickhole.com/you-are-the-...
clickhole.com/you-are-the-...
You Are The Cannibal Lobster-Man Of New England. Can You Become The Governor Of Maine?
clickhole.com
October 22, 2025 at 2:06 PM
Not to say I called it, but 9 years ago I made an entire game about running for statewide office in Maine. And yes it has an election scandal
clickhole.com/you-are-the-...
clickhole.com/you-are-the-...
The Louvre has not yet responded to my security proposal to protect all the jewelry by having sumo wrestlers wear them 24/7
October 22, 2025 at 12:47 AM
The Louvre has not yet responded to my security proposal to protect all the jewelry by having sumo wrestlers wear them 24/7
Decided not to post a joke about Monsters Inc because it was too depressing. Solid comedic construction but ending in melancholy. In these trying times people need uplifting jokes about Monsters Inc the animated movie from 24 years ago
October 21, 2025 at 4:37 PM
Decided not to post a joke about Monsters Inc because it was too depressing. Solid comedic construction but ending in melancholy. In these trying times people need uplifting jokes about Monsters Inc the animated movie from 24 years ago
@SouthwestAirlines The pilot on my flight shouted “crumb time” and crawled down the entire airplane cabin on his belly like a snake licking everyone’s pretzel crumbs off the floor
October 21, 2025 at 2:50 PM
@SouthwestAirlines The pilot on my flight shouted “crumb time” and crawled down the entire airplane cabin on his belly like a snake licking everyone’s pretzel crumbs off the floor