Conservatives who spent the last decade making the second amendment a central part of their identity after claiming ICE was justified in murdering Alex Pretti because he had a gun
January 27, 2026 at 4:47 PM
Conservatives who spent the last decade making the second amendment a central part of their identity after claiming ICE was justified in murdering Alex Pretti because he had a gun
Them: Productivity becomes a habit. You'll start to crave the dopamine from accomplishing things you set out to do
My brain every time I zone back in after 2 frantic hours of hyperfocused productivity: Time to become incapable of starting even the smallest task for the next 12 days, as a treat
My brain every time I zone back in after 2 frantic hours of hyperfocused productivity: Time to become incapable of starting even the smallest task for the next 12 days, as a treat
January 22, 2026 at 3:00 PM
Them: Productivity becomes a habit. You'll start to crave the dopamine from accomplishing things you set out to do
My brain every time I zone back in after 2 frantic hours of hyperfocused productivity: Time to become incapable of starting even the smallest task for the next 12 days, as a treat
My brain every time I zone back in after 2 frantic hours of hyperfocused productivity: Time to become incapable of starting even the smallest task for the next 12 days, as a treat
Maybe this will be the notebook that cures me of a lifetime of struggling with executive functioning.
January 20, 2026 at 2:54 PM
Maybe this will be the notebook that cures me of a lifetime of struggling with executive functioning.
Self-care when you feel good and self-care when you feel bad are completely different things. Self-care on a good day? Eat a salad. Bad day? Midnight cake. Feel-good me is gonna carefully do my full skincare routine. Feel-bad me is gonna fall asleep with a Cheeto stuck to my face
January 14, 2026 at 2:35 PM
Self-care when you feel good and self-care when you feel bad are completely different things. Self-care on a good day? Eat a salad. Bad day? Midnight cake. Feel-good me is gonna carefully do my full skincare routine. Feel-bad me is gonna fall asleep with a Cheeto stuck to my face
The greatest trick in history is the elite's ability to convince common people where they stand in us vs. them. You will never be the "us." You will fight their battles and sacrifice your humanity for their cause, but you will never gain anything more than temporary safety. Hope it's worth it
January 12, 2026 at 5:09 PM
The greatest trick in history is the elite's ability to convince common people where they stand in us vs. them. You will never be the "us." You will fight their battles and sacrifice your humanity for their cause, but you will never gain anything more than temporary safety. Hope it's worth it
Whoever named fireplaces absolutely nailed it.
January 7, 2026 at 5:12 PM
Whoever named fireplaces absolutely nailed it.
Snapple prints their caps at the fun fact-ory.
December 31, 2025 at 1:57 PM
Snapple prints their caps at the fun fact-ory.
You know the feeling where you look at a clock and you're like, "oh shit, how is it this late when I've gotten nothing done?" I just had that feeling, but with how long I've been alive.
December 29, 2025 at 4:11 PM
You know the feeling where you look at a clock and you're like, "oh shit, how is it this late when I've gotten nothing done?" I just had that feeling, but with how long I've been alive.
The days between Christmas and New Years are like the purge. There are no rules. Time isn't real. Forget to go to work? Fuck your landlord? Drive your car through a 7-11? Everything resets soon. You'll wake up January 1st with only a slight headache & haze of regret.
December 27, 2025 at 5:47 PM
The days between Christmas and New Years are like the purge. There are no rules. Time isn't real. Forget to go to work? Fuck your landlord? Drive your car through a 7-11? Everything resets soon. You'll wake up January 1st with only a slight headache & haze of regret.
Stores before Christmas: BUY ALL OF THIS HOLIDAY SHIT
Me: Absolutely not.
Stores after Christmas: BUY ALL OF THIS DISCOUNTED HOLIDAY SHIT
Me: Yeah ok
Me: Absolutely not.
Stores after Christmas: BUY ALL OF THIS DISCOUNTED HOLIDAY SHIT
Me: Yeah ok
December 26, 2025 at 2:32 PM
Stores before Christmas: BUY ALL OF THIS HOLIDAY SHIT
Me: Absolutely not.
Stores after Christmas: BUY ALL OF THIS DISCOUNTED HOLIDAY SHIT
Me: Yeah ok
Me: Absolutely not.
Stores after Christmas: BUY ALL OF THIS DISCOUNTED HOLIDAY SHIT
Me: Yeah ok
Admitting you're attracted to Santa means you're coming out of the clauset.
Thanks.
Thanks.
December 25, 2025 at 8:19 PM
Admitting you're attracted to Santa means you're coming out of the clauset.
Thanks.
Thanks.
Buddy, you're seriously mad that someone who was born a man is now a woman? People are out there killing people. Pedophiles are running the world. You share 50% of your DNA with a banana bro shut the fuck up
December 23, 2025 at 1:00 AM
Buddy, you're seriously mad that someone who was born a man is now a woman? People are out there killing people. Pedophiles are running the world. You share 50% of your DNA with a banana bro shut the fuck up
Tried to save a contact as "Josh Tinder" but I already fucking had a "Josh Tinder" so that's how my life's going.
December 19, 2025 at 3:50 PM
Tried to save a contact as "Josh Tinder" but I already fucking had a "Josh Tinder" so that's how my life's going.
It's fine if I forget my headphones because instead of listening to my favorite podcasts, I listen to the one that plays 24/7 in my head (an analysis of every conversation I've ever had and every conversation I might have in the future, it's called "Nobody Will Ever Love You")
December 17, 2025 at 3:22 PM
It's fine if I forget my headphones because instead of listening to my favorite podcasts, I listen to the one that plays 24/7 in my head (an analysis of every conversation I've ever had and every conversation I might have in the future, it's called "Nobody Will Ever Love You")
I don't need to watch unboxing videos, I have Opening the Microwave with ADHD. Will it be empty? Is yesterday's breakfast still in there? Will I go to heat up my coffee and find another mug of coffee? The passport I just spent $150 replacing? Impossible to say
December 3, 2025 at 4:15 PM
I don't need to watch unboxing videos, I have Opening the Microwave with ADHD. Will it be empty? Is yesterday's breakfast still in there? Will I go to heat up my coffee and find another mug of coffee? The passport I just spent $150 replacing? Impossible to say
Me: It's important to give people grace. You never know what battle they're fighting.
Me in traffic: I hope you can juggle, because you drive like a fucking clown
Me in traffic: I hope you can juggle, because you drive like a fucking clown
December 2, 2025 at 10:23 PM
Me: It's important to give people grace. You never know what battle they're fighting.
Me in traffic: I hope you can juggle, because you drive like a fucking clown
Me in traffic: I hope you can juggle, because you drive like a fucking clown
The left and the right hearing Trump call Mamdani "a very rational person"
November 21, 2025 at 11:43 PM
The left and the right hearing Trump call Mamdani "a very rational person"
Idk I just think it's important to remember that if you knew you were consuming propaganda, the propaganda wouldn't work.
November 20, 2025 at 4:09 PM
Idk I just think it's important to remember that if you knew you were consuming propaganda, the propaganda wouldn't work.
The fact that this is the pope makes it even more surreal that we're in living in this bad of a timeline.
November 19, 2025 at 1:48 PM
The fact that this is the pope makes it even more surreal that we're in living in this bad of a timeline.
Walnut is not feeling well & has taken this opportunity to reach the next level of cling.
October 16, 2025 at 12:22 AM
Walnut is not feeling well & has taken this opportunity to reach the next level of cling.
Big year for depraved idiots.
October 14, 2025 at 1:57 PM
Big year for depraved idiots.
Sending out my Halloween cards through the ghost office.
I am so tired all the time
I am so tired all the time
October 10, 2025 at 12:36 PM
Sending out my Halloween cards through the ghost office.
I am so tired all the time
I am so tired all the time
Good news: the most pathetic dweebs you've ever met finally left their moms' basements. Bad news, we gave them guns and tactical gear.
October 9, 2025 at 1:01 PM
Good news: the most pathetic dweebs you've ever met finally left their moms' basements. Bad news, we gave them guns and tactical gear.
Zinnie doesn't understand why this cat won't be her friend. Who's going to tell her
October 8, 2025 at 2:55 PM
Zinnie doesn't understand why this cat won't be her friend. Who's going to tell her