Snapple prints their caps at the fun fact-ory.
December 31, 2025 at 1:57 PM
Snapple prints their caps at the fun fact-ory.
You know the feeling where you look at a clock and you're like, "oh shit, how is it this late when I've gotten nothing done?" I just had that feeling, but with how long I've been alive.
December 29, 2025 at 4:11 PM
You know the feeling where you look at a clock and you're like, "oh shit, how is it this late when I've gotten nothing done?" I just had that feeling, but with how long I've been alive.
The days between Christmas and New Years are like the purge. There are no rules. Time isn't real. Forget to go to work? Fuck your landlord? Drive your car through a 7-11? Everything resets soon. You'll wake up January 1st with only a slight headache & haze of regret.
December 27, 2025 at 5:47 PM
The days between Christmas and New Years are like the purge. There are no rules. Time isn't real. Forget to go to work? Fuck your landlord? Drive your car through a 7-11? Everything resets soon. You'll wake up January 1st with only a slight headache & haze of regret.
Stores before Christmas: BUY ALL OF THIS HOLIDAY SHIT
Me: Absolutely not.
Stores after Christmas: BUY ALL OF THIS DISCOUNTED HOLIDAY SHIT
Me: Yeah ok
Me: Absolutely not.
Stores after Christmas: BUY ALL OF THIS DISCOUNTED HOLIDAY SHIT
Me: Yeah ok
December 26, 2025 at 2:32 PM
Stores before Christmas: BUY ALL OF THIS HOLIDAY SHIT
Me: Absolutely not.
Stores after Christmas: BUY ALL OF THIS DISCOUNTED HOLIDAY SHIT
Me: Yeah ok
Me: Absolutely not.
Stores after Christmas: BUY ALL OF THIS DISCOUNTED HOLIDAY SHIT
Me: Yeah ok
Admitting you're attracted to Santa means you're coming out of the clauset.
Thanks.
Thanks.
December 25, 2025 at 8:19 PM
Admitting you're attracted to Santa means you're coming out of the clauset.
Thanks.
Thanks.
Buddy, you're seriously mad that someone who was born a man is now a woman? People are out there killing people. Pedophiles are running the world. You share 50% of your DNA with a banana bro shut the fuck up
December 23, 2025 at 1:00 AM
Buddy, you're seriously mad that someone who was born a man is now a woman? People are out there killing people. Pedophiles are running the world. You share 50% of your DNA with a banana bro shut the fuck up
Tried to save a contact as "Josh Tinder" but I already fucking had a "Josh Tinder" so that's how my life's going.
December 19, 2025 at 3:50 PM
Tried to save a contact as "Josh Tinder" but I already fucking had a "Josh Tinder" so that's how my life's going.
It's fine if I forget my headphones because instead of listening to my favorite podcasts, I listen to the one that plays 24/7 in my head (an analysis of every conversation I've ever had and every conversation I might have in the future, it's called "Nobody Will Ever Love You")
December 17, 2025 at 3:22 PM
It's fine if I forget my headphones because instead of listening to my favorite podcasts, I listen to the one that plays 24/7 in my head (an analysis of every conversation I've ever had and every conversation I might have in the future, it's called "Nobody Will Ever Love You")
I don't need to watch unboxing videos, I have Opening the Microwave with ADHD. Will it be empty? Is yesterday's breakfast still in there? Will I go to heat up my coffee and find another mug of coffee? The passport I just spent $150 replacing? Impossible to say
December 3, 2025 at 4:15 PM
I don't need to watch unboxing videos, I have Opening the Microwave with ADHD. Will it be empty? Is yesterday's breakfast still in there? Will I go to heat up my coffee and find another mug of coffee? The passport I just spent $150 replacing? Impossible to say
Me: It's important to give people grace. You never know what battle they're fighting.
Me in traffic: I hope you can juggle, because you drive like a fucking clown
Me in traffic: I hope you can juggle, because you drive like a fucking clown
December 2, 2025 at 10:23 PM
Me: It's important to give people grace. You never know what battle they're fighting.
Me in traffic: I hope you can juggle, because you drive like a fucking clown
Me in traffic: I hope you can juggle, because you drive like a fucking clown
The left and the right hearing Trump call Mamdani "a very rational person"
November 21, 2025 at 11:43 PM
The left and the right hearing Trump call Mamdani "a very rational person"
Idk I just think it's important to remember that if you knew you were consuming propaganda, the propaganda wouldn't work.
November 20, 2025 at 4:09 PM
Idk I just think it's important to remember that if you knew you were consuming propaganda, the propaganda wouldn't work.
The fact that this is the pope makes it even more surreal that we're in living in this bad of a timeline.
November 19, 2025 at 1:48 PM
The fact that this is the pope makes it even more surreal that we're in living in this bad of a timeline.
Walnut is not feeling well & has taken this opportunity to reach the next level of cling.
October 16, 2025 at 12:22 AM
Walnut is not feeling well & has taken this opportunity to reach the next level of cling.
Big year for depraved idiots.
October 14, 2025 at 1:57 PM
Big year for depraved idiots.
Sending out my Halloween cards through the ghost office.
I am so tired all the time
I am so tired all the time
October 10, 2025 at 12:36 PM
Sending out my Halloween cards through the ghost office.
I am so tired all the time
I am so tired all the time
Good news: the most pathetic dweebs you've ever met finally left their moms' basements. Bad news, we gave them guns and tactical gear.
October 9, 2025 at 1:01 PM
Good news: the most pathetic dweebs you've ever met finally left their moms' basements. Bad news, we gave them guns and tactical gear.
Zinnie doesn't understand why this cat won't be her friend. Who's going to tell her
October 8, 2025 at 2:55 PM
Zinnie doesn't understand why this cat won't be her friend. Who's going to tell her
If I had a restaurant, I would let ICE agents eat there whenever they want. Oh and my restaurant would be called Snapplebees because we only serve Snapple bottles filled with bees.
October 7, 2025 at 1:15 PM
If I had a restaurant, I would let ICE agents eat there whenever they want. Oh and my restaurant would be called Snapplebees because we only serve Snapple bottles filled with bees.
So we're all just one light breeze away from completely losing it, right
October 6, 2025 at 3:25 PM
So we're all just one light breeze away from completely losing it, right
Forgive me if I'm a big idiot. But why does the government get to vote on whether or not to release the Epstein files? If I buried a body in my backyard, do I get a vote as to whether or not I let the detective with a shovel in or what
October 3, 2025 at 8:40 PM
Forgive me if I'm a big idiot. But why does the government get to vote on whether or not to release the Epstein files? If I buried a body in my backyard, do I get a vote as to whether or not I let the detective with a shovel in or what
I don't know man. At this point, paying taxes feels like giving a bully your lunch money so they can hire more bullies to steal your lunch money.
October 3, 2025 at 3:20 PM
I don't know man. At this point, paying taxes feels like giving a bully your lunch money so they can hire more bullies to steal your lunch money.
[Wakes up] I really can't deal with this right now.
October 3, 2025 at 11:24 AM
[Wakes up] I really can't deal with this right now.
I bet spiders get pretty excited when they see people laying in hammocks
October 1, 2025 at 2:20 PM
I bet spiders get pretty excited when they see people laying in hammocks