Dak
@dak.myatproto.social
Goal for 2026 is ‘Cooperative health’.
Don’t look here for a joke, it’s in your pants (so sorry).
Feeder: https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:piswk46uuf4lsb2ms7lu2b76/feed/aaaihct52zljg
Don’t look here for a joke, it’s in your pants (so sorry).
Feeder: https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:piswk46uuf4lsb2ms7lu2b76/feed/aaaihct52zljg
Pinned
Dak
@dak.myatproto.social
· Jul 19
I didn’t grow up in the wild, but I was raised by a family who used margarine containers as Tupperware.
I like to show people i washed up the dirty dishes by wearing a dishcloth over my shoulder for a minimum of three weeks.
January 5, 2026 at 9:53 PM
I like to show people i washed up the dirty dishes by wearing a dishcloth over my shoulder for a minimum of three weeks.
I tried to be productive today.
Instead, I wrote a 5-page essay on why pigeons are the real CEOs of cities.
My boss hasn’t read it yet. Probably because I emailed it to him from my cat’s account.
Instead, I wrote a 5-page essay on why pigeons are the real CEOs of cities.
My boss hasn’t read it yet. Probably because I emailed it to him from my cat’s account.
January 5, 2026 at 7:13 PM
I tried to be productive today.
Instead, I wrote a 5-page essay on why pigeons are the real CEOs of cities.
My boss hasn’t read it yet. Probably because I emailed it to him from my cat’s account.
Instead, I wrote a 5-page essay on why pigeons are the real CEOs of cities.
My boss hasn’t read it yet. Probably because I emailed it to him from my cat’s account.
I hope I survive the zombie apocalypse long enough to see two zombies making out so I can yell ‘GET A TOMB’.
January 5, 2026 at 10:18 AM
I hope I survive the zombie apocalypse long enough to see two zombies making out so I can yell ‘GET A TOMB’.
Sadly, still continuing with No Nut November
January 4, 2026 at 7:45 AM
Sadly, still continuing with No Nut November
Unpopular opinion: maybe run the country you were elected to lead before adding another one to the list?
January 3, 2026 at 6:54 PM
Unpopular opinion: maybe run the country you were elected to lead before adding another one to the list?
I’ve already broken all of my new year resolutions
January 3, 2026 at 1:44 AM
I’ve already broken all of my new year resolutions
Reposted by Dak
[God creating dogs] Oh these turned out great. Im going to want all of these back at some point
January 3, 2026 at 12:33 AM
[God creating dogs] Oh these turned out great. Im going to want all of these back at some point
My vision board is just one photo: me, asleep, from a time I actually felt safe. I stare at it when the world gets loud.
January 2, 2026 at 7:04 PM
My vision board is just one photo: me, asleep, from a time I actually felt safe. I stare at it when the world gets loud.
Reposted by Dak
HOST: what did you bring Method Man?
METHOD MAN: the pain
HOST: how about you Anthrax?
ANTHRAX: the noise
HOST: Wu-Tang clan?
WU-TANG CLAN: we brought da ruckus
HOST: and you?
ME: *throws green bean casserole into the trash* nothing sorry
METHOD MAN: the pain
HOST: how about you Anthrax?
ANTHRAX: the noise
HOST: Wu-Tang clan?
WU-TANG CLAN: we brought da ruckus
HOST: and you?
ME: *throws green bean casserole into the trash* nothing sorry
January 2, 2026 at 5:37 PM
HOST: what did you bring Method Man?
METHOD MAN: the pain
HOST: how about you Anthrax?
ANTHRAX: the noise
HOST: Wu-Tang clan?
WU-TANG CLAN: we brought da ruckus
HOST: and you?
ME: *throws green bean casserole into the trash* nothing sorry
METHOD MAN: the pain
HOST: how about you Anthrax?
ANTHRAX: the noise
HOST: Wu-Tang clan?
WU-TANG CLAN: we brought da ruckus
HOST: and you?
ME: *throws green bean casserole into the trash* nothing sorry
Finished listening from Blink 1 to Blink 181, so I can enjoy Blink 182.
I have no idea what day it is let along time.
I have no idea what day it is let along time.
January 2, 2026 at 1:46 PM
Finished listening from Blink 1 to Blink 181, so I can enjoy Blink 182.
I have no idea what day it is let along time.
I have no idea what day it is let along time.
Taught my parrot to say “Help, I’ve been turned into a parrot”. SPCA is knocking. Worth it.
January 1, 2026 at 9:51 PM
Taught my parrot to say “Help, I’ve been turned into a parrot”. SPCA is knocking. Worth it.
Can’t believe it’s Easter in Australia.
January 1, 2026 at 2:52 PM
Can’t believe it’s Easter in Australia.
Reposted by Dak
2026 could be great. We simply don't know.
January 1, 2026 at 4:45 AM
2026 could be great. We simply don't know.
Reposted by Dak
no hangovers crew, we did it, we're better than everyone
January 1, 2026 at 2:37 PM
no hangovers crew, we did it, we're better than everyone
Just checking has anyone posted RIP 2025-2025?
Oh, ok cool bananas thanks.
Oh, ok cool bananas thanks.
January 1, 2026 at 9:08 AM
Just checking has anyone posted RIP 2025-2025?
Oh, ok cool bananas thanks.
Oh, ok cool bananas thanks.
Reposted by Dak
I went to a hibachi place last night and told a couple of dad jokes to the chef and he laughed but I could see in his eyes he wanted to stab me, and frankly I don’t blame him
December 30, 2025 at 10:22 PM
I went to a hibachi place last night and told a couple of dad jokes to the chef and he laughed but I could see in his eyes he wanted to stab me, and frankly I don’t blame him
Reposted by Dak
the internet is basically just everyone who should be in therapy yelling at each other through 1s and 0s instead
December 30, 2025 at 9:20 PM
the internet is basically just everyone who should be in therapy yelling at each other through 1s and 0s instead
Reposted by Dak
You know that feeling of excitement you get?
No, me either
No, me either
May 8, 2025 at 10:48 AM
You know that feeling of excitement you get?
No, me either
No, me either
Somebody called me 'pretentious'. I nearly choked on my oat milk matcha cortado with lavender foam.
December 30, 2025 at 12:50 PM
Somebody called me 'pretentious'. I nearly choked on my oat milk matcha cortado with lavender foam.
Reposted by Dak
brain for sale, never used
December 28, 2025 at 11:48 PM
brain for sale, never used
Reposted by Dak
2026 is already making me tired
December 23, 2025 at 12:35 PM
2026 is already making me tired
This year feels like a banana that went from green to brown overnight.
December 30, 2025 at 12:36 PM
This year feels like a banana that went from green to brown overnight.
I’m not saying you suck, but I hope your charger only works at one specific angle.
December 30, 2025 at 12:10 PM
I’m not saying you suck, but I hope your charger only works at one specific angle.
eating cereal for dinner because cooking requires standing.
December 30, 2025 at 11:59 AM
eating cereal for dinner because cooking requires standing.
When I die, this will all be yours.
*gestures to 14 soy sauce packets and 2 forks from takeout*
*gestures to 14 soy sauce packets and 2 forks from takeout*
December 30, 2025 at 11:58 AM
When I die, this will all be yours.
*gestures to 14 soy sauce packets and 2 forks from takeout*
*gestures to 14 soy sauce packets and 2 forks from takeout*