Dak
@dak.myatproto.social
I’m here to escape from reality
Feeder: https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:piswk46uuf4lsb2ms7lu2b76/feed/aaaihct52zljg
Feeder: https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:piswk46uuf4lsb2ms7lu2b76/feed/aaaihct52zljg
Pinned
Dak
@dak.myatproto.social
· Jul 19
I didn’t grow up in the wild, but I was raised by a family who used margarine containers as Tupperware.
Reposted by Dak
live in the living room
die in the dining room
die in the dining room
November 11, 2025 at 5:46 AM
live in the living room
die in the dining room
die in the dining room
Reposted by Dak
My senior year classmates voted me 'most likely to not let it go.'
January 7, 2025 at 12:29 PM
My senior year classmates voted me 'most likely to not let it go.'
Reposted by Dak
Who called them ex-girlfriends and not yesterbaes.
November 15, 2024 at 12:27 PM
Who called them ex-girlfriends and not yesterbaes.
Reposted by Dak
I taught my parrot to say ‘help, I’ve been turned into a parrot.’ SPCA is here. worth it.
February 17, 2025 at 6:48 AM
I taught my parrot to say ‘help, I’ve been turned into a parrot.’ SPCA is here. worth it.
My smartwatch says I slept for 3 hours and screamed for 5. It gave me a badge.
November 11, 2025 at 1:49 AM
My smartwatch says I slept for 3 hours and screamed for 5. It gave me a badge.
Reposted by Dak
Hey Friends, if you're looking for comedy, I've got you covered
November 10, 2025 at 12:40 PM
Hey Friends, if you're looking for comedy, I've got you covered
Anyone else on flight SQ739 from Phuket to Singapore, give a hell yeah!
November 10, 2025 at 12:42 PM
Anyone else on flight SQ739 from Phuket to Singapore, give a hell yeah!
Reposted by Dak
anyone else need a necklace with a button to push for being in an "i've fallen and can't get up" mental space?
November 9, 2025 at 7:15 PM
anyone else need a necklace with a button to push for being in an "i've fallen and can't get up" mental space?
Reposted by Dak
6:30 is the best time on a clock hands down
November 9, 2025 at 10:24 PM
6:30 is the best time on a clock hands down
Reposted by Dak
If inmates can penpal their way into marriage, then there's still hope for most of you.
November 9, 2025 at 10:39 PM
If inmates can penpal their way into marriage, then there's still hope for most of you.
I tried to join a gym. They asked me to fill out a waiver. I signed it, and suddenly I was legally married to a treadmill named Gary. We’re working through some abandonment issues.
November 9, 2025 at 12:41 PM
I tried to join a gym. They asked me to fill out a waiver. I signed it, and suddenly I was legally married to a treadmill named Gary. We’re working through some abandonment issues.
Saturday. Bought groceries. The cashier whispered that my aura smells like wet cardboard. I nodded, but inside I knew it was more of a damp plywood situation.
November 9, 2025 at 12:34 PM
Saturday. Bought groceries. The cashier whispered that my aura smells like wet cardboard. I nodded, but inside I knew it was more of a damp plywood situation.
Bought a candle. Smells like vanilla. Also summons a minor demon who critiques my posture.
November 9, 2025 at 12:22 PM
Bought a candle. Smells like vanilla. Also summons a minor demon who critiques my posture.
My confidence is a balloon animal in a dog park.
November 9, 2025 at 12:17 PM
My confidence is a balloon animal in a dog park.
I tried to chase my dreams but they were on rollerblades and I was in socks.
November 9, 2025 at 1:58 AM
I tried to chase my dreams but they were on rollerblades and I was in socks.
Reposted by Dak
The only thing that stands between you and your dreams are all the things you suck at
November 8, 2025 at 12:42 PM
The only thing that stands between you and your dreams are all the things you suck at
Reposted by Dak
my head is like a pinball game but there's a monkey with cymbals having a dance party while jumping on the bed and he fell off and broke his head, over and over. what I'm trying to say is I sure play a mean pinball
November 8, 2025 at 2:39 AM
my head is like a pinball game but there's a monkey with cymbals having a dance party while jumping on the bed and he fell off and broke his head, over and over. what I'm trying to say is I sure play a mean pinball
accidentally installed a sense of purpose. can’t remove it. uninstall button is grayed out.
November 5, 2025 at 3:03 PM
accidentally installed a sense of purpose. can’t remove it. uninstall button is grayed out.
Reposted by Dak
against my better judgment i still have pride in my work
November 4, 2025 at 2:19 PM
against my better judgment i still have pride in my work
Nothing says ‘I’m a functional adult’ like wearing the same outfit two days in a row because laundry is just too much.
November 2, 2025 at 12:35 PM
Nothing says ‘I’m a functional adult’ like wearing the same outfit two days in a row because laundry is just too much.
“Small” coffee is the Voldemort of drinks. I refuse to utter its name.
November 2, 2025 at 1:37 AM
“Small” coffee is the Voldemort of drinks. I refuse to utter its name.
[clothing store]
Clerk: what size are you?
Me: I’m unsure, my deceased wife used to buy my clothes.
Clerk: Let’s try a medium
Me: can you ask her?
Clerk: what size are you?
Me: I’m unsure, my deceased wife used to buy my clothes.
Clerk: Let’s try a medium
Me: can you ask her?
November 1, 2025 at 1:51 PM
[clothing store]
Clerk: what size are you?
Me: I’m unsure, my deceased wife used to buy my clothes.
Clerk: Let’s try a medium
Me: can you ask her?
Clerk: what size are you?
Me: I’m unsure, my deceased wife used to buy my clothes.
Clerk: Let’s try a medium
Me: can you ask her?
my bluetooth speaker connected to someone else’s sadness. i let it play.
November 1, 2025 at 1:26 PM
my bluetooth speaker connected to someone else’s sadness. i let it play.
6:03 am. Weather app says “feels like 0.” I feel like less.
November 1, 2025 at 1:20 PM
6:03 am. Weather app says “feels like 0.” I feel like less.
tried to find meaning. accidentally joined a pyramid scheme for enlightenment.
October 31, 2025 at 1:12 PM
tried to find meaning. accidentally joined a pyramid scheme for enlightenment.