Dak
@dak.myatproto.social
Goal for 2026 is ‘Cooperative health’.
Don’t look here for a joke, it’s in your pants (so sorry).
Feeder: https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:piswk46uuf4lsb2ms7lu2b76/feed/aaaihct52zljg
Don’t look here for a joke, it’s in your pants (so sorry).
Feeder: https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:piswk46uuf4lsb2ms7lu2b76/feed/aaaihct52zljg
Pinned
Dak
@dak.myatproto.social
· Jul 19
I didn’t grow up in the wild, but I was raised by a family who used margarine containers as Tupperware.
Birds migrate thousands of miles on instinct alone. Meanwhile you can’t find your phone. Evolution clearly picked favorites.
February 13, 2026 at 7:58 PM
Birds migrate thousands of miles on instinct alone. Meanwhile you can’t find your phone. Evolution clearly picked favorites.
I don’t drink yet I feel like I’m hung over from the concept there’s only two days until Monday.
February 13, 2026 at 7:45 PM
I don’t drink yet I feel like I’m hung over from the concept there’s only two days until Monday.
Quick Q: if you reply to a post that’s of a photo, and you have commentary of ‘looks great’ or other positive tones, is that unwanted judgement? Or am I overthinking it?
February 13, 2026 at 7:42 PM
Quick Q: if you reply to a post that’s of a photo, and you have commentary of ‘looks great’ or other positive tones, is that unwanted judgement? Or am I overthinking it?
Reposted by Dak
you know animals do amazingly funny and touching things all the time you don’t have to make ai slop videos of them just film real ones being themselves
February 13, 2026 at 7:32 PM
you know animals do amazingly funny and touching things all the time you don’t have to make ai slop videos of them just film real ones being themselves
Saw a tinder profile where their bio says hot/black, and I’m unsure if that’s their pronouns or coffee preference. Dating is hard.
February 13, 2026 at 7:30 PM
Saw a tinder profile where their bio says hot/black, and I’m unsure if that’s their pronouns or coffee preference. Dating is hard.
spent $9 on oat milk latte that tastes like wet cardboard had a situationship with despair.
February 13, 2026 at 7:29 PM
spent $9 on oat milk latte that tastes like wet cardboard had a situationship with despair.
Roses are black,
Violets are black,
Everything’s black,
I forgot to pay the electricity bill
Violets are black,
Everything’s black,
I forgot to pay the electricity bill
February 13, 2026 at 7:26 PM
Roses are black,
Violets are black,
Everything’s black,
I forgot to pay the electricity bill
Violets are black,
Everything’s black,
I forgot to pay the electricity bill
friday the 13th and my tarot app just ghosted me. even the demons are scared of commitment
February 13, 2026 at 7:19 PM
friday the 13th and my tarot app just ghosted me. even the demons are scared of commitment
just saw a grown man in a full clown outfit buying White Claw at 11am. bro is either healing his inner child or weaponizing it
February 13, 2026 at 7:17 PM
just saw a grown man in a full clown outfit buying White Claw at 11am. bro is either healing his inner child or weaponizing it
just inhaled a $17 “grass-fed quinoa bowl” that tastes like lawn clippings and regret. my ancestors who ate raw mammoth are crying blood
February 13, 2026 at 1:19 PM
just inhaled a $17 “grass-fed quinoa bowl” that tastes like lawn clippings and regret. my ancestors who ate raw mammoth are crying blood
Reposted by Dak
If you say "my skin is so dry" people might recommend a lotion but if you say "my skin is so wet" no one will help you
February 13, 2026 at 1:14 PM
If you say "my skin is so dry" people might recommend a lotion but if you say "my skin is so wet" no one will help you
Reposted by Dak
Advertisement:
"Give your Sweetheart some sweets this Valentine's day"
Wilford Brimley: {disappointed sigh}
"Give your Sweetheart some sweets this Valentine's day"
Wilford Brimley: {disappointed sigh}
February 13, 2026 at 11:46 AM
Advertisement:
"Give your Sweetheart some sweets this Valentine's day"
Wilford Brimley: {disappointed sigh}
"Give your Sweetheart some sweets this Valentine's day"
Wilford Brimley: {disappointed sigh}
If procrastination was a Winter Olympic sport, I’d compete tomorrow. Or the day after. Definitely not today.
February 13, 2026 at 11:44 AM
If procrastination was a Winter Olympic sport, I’d compete tomorrow. Or the day after. Definitely not today.
Nobody warns you that getting older means you’ll have a favorite burner on your stove. Not a favorite restaurant, not a favorite meal, just one specific front-right burner you trust implicitly while the others sit there like backup singers who never get a solo.
February 13, 2026 at 11:31 AM
Nobody warns you that getting older means you’ll have a favorite burner on your stove. Not a favorite restaurant, not a favorite meal, just one specific front-right burner you trust implicitly while the others sit there like backup singers who never get a solo.
Reposted by Dak
Ordered ‘medium spice’ at the Indian restaurant. Now I’m sweating, crying, and reevaluating the hubris of my ancestors.
December 19, 2024 at 11:24 AM
Ordered ‘medium spice’ at the Indian restaurant. Now I’m sweating, crying, and reevaluating the hubris of my ancestors.
Reposted by Dak
Started a band called ‘Duvet.’ All we play are covers
January 24, 2025 at 1:50 PM
Started a band called ‘Duvet.’ All we play are covers
I didn’t ghost you. I just live in a timezone where I’m asleep.
February 13, 2026 at 11:07 AM
I didn’t ghost you. I just live in a timezone where I’m asleep.
The anxiety of staying up late as an adult is realizing you've entered into a hostile takeover of your own operating hours, and the CEO is a drunk idiot who deserves to be on a list of potential targets.
February 13, 2026 at 11:04 AM
The anxiety of staying up late as an adult is realizing you've entered into a hostile takeover of your own operating hours, and the CEO is a drunk idiot who deserves to be on a list of potential targets.
nothing humbles you faster than thinking you look good and then seeing a photo someone else took of you
February 12, 2026 at 12:11 PM
nothing humbles you faster than thinking you look good and then seeing a photo someone else took of you
Reposted by Dak
sometimes, if you’re up early enough, you can hear them turn the birds on
February 11, 2026 at 9:27 AM
sometimes, if you’re up early enough, you can hear them turn the birds on
Reposted by Dak
NOBODY has the confidence of the guy at the urinal with both hands on his hips
January 14, 2026 at 2:45 AM
NOBODY has the confidence of the guy at the urinal with both hands on his hips
Reposted by Dak
look i'm no olympian but one time a random guy on the internet offered to give me one of his teeth, which is not nothin
February 10, 2026 at 7:02 PM
look i'm no olympian but one time a random guy on the internet offered to give me one of his teeth, which is not nothin
Staying up late as an adult is just letting the dumbest version of yourself make decisions that will ruin the smartest version of yourself
February 9, 2026 at 11:24 AM
Staying up late as an adult is just letting the dumbest version of yourself make decisions that will ruin the smartest version of yourself
Reposted by Dak
ME WATCHING THE OLYMPICS: *has never ice skated in my entire life* ooh her form was off
February 8, 2026 at 3:28 AM
ME WATCHING THE OLYMPICS: *has never ice skated in my entire life* ooh her form was off
Reposted by Dak
i have the sexiest followers on bluesky dot com
February 8, 2026 at 4:32 AM
i have the sexiest followers on bluesky dot com