Marl
@marlebean.bsky.social
If you innocently act like you don't know, people will explain dirty words to you and it's hilarious.
https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:7ehz6ygwahh2y3lgk7dq3xs2/feed/aaacgqxvtud72
https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:7ehz6ygwahh2y3lgk7dq3xs2/feed/aaacgqxvtud72
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Marl
@marlebean.bsky.social
· Feb 13
I bring my kids to a romantic restaurant on Valentine's day as a birth control reminder to the other couples.
Reposted by Marl
voted least likely to hit subscribe
February 13, 2026 at 6:49 AM
voted least likely to hit subscribe
Reposted by Marl
If I told you once I told you a Brazilian times, stop waxing your asshole!
February 13, 2026 at 12:00 PM
If I told you once I told you a Brazilian times, stop waxing your asshole!
Reposted by Marl
This chef at the brunch buffet is giving me the crêpes
February 13, 2026 at 12:54 PM
This chef at the brunch buffet is giving me the crêpes
Reposted by Marl
Ciabatta not fuck with them, they don't knead to put up with naan of your shit. You butter believe they'll crumb right at you and you'll be toast, your loaf over. Do you want your mama putting flours on your grave? Crust me, that's just how they roll. Okay, challah at you later.
February 13, 2026 at 1:02 PM
Ciabatta not fuck with them, they don't knead to put up with naan of your shit. You butter believe they'll crumb right at you and you'll be toast, your loaf over. Do you want your mama putting flours on your grave? Crust me, that's just how they roll. Okay, challah at you later.
Reposted by Marl
Had a nightmare, thought of you
February 13, 2026 at 1:33 PM
Had a nightmare, thought of you
Reposted by Marl
A Friday the 13th right before Valentine’s Day is so on brand for 2026.
February 13, 2026 at 2:12 PM
A Friday the 13th right before Valentine’s Day is so on brand for 2026.
Reposted by Marl
You complete me!
~ me to my lucky potato as I gently kiss it goodnight and tuck it back under my pillow
~ me to my lucky potato as I gently kiss it goodnight and tuck it back under my pillow
February 13, 2026 at 2:25 PM
You complete me!
~ me to my lucky potato as I gently kiss it goodnight and tuck it back under my pillow
~ me to my lucky potato as I gently kiss it goodnight and tuck it back under my pillow
Reposted by Marl
I hope no one is going up to an isolated cabin by the lake this weekend
February 13, 2026 at 3:34 PM
I hope no one is going up to an isolated cabin by the lake this weekend
Reposted by Marl
I will stick that q-tip in my ear as far as it'll fucking go. That's just big q-tip trying to tell us what to do.
February 13, 2026 at 4:05 PM
I will stick that q-tip in my ear as far as it'll fucking go. That's just big q-tip trying to tell us what to do.
Reposted by Marl
My sister googling coworkers homes to see what’s safe to eat at the work potluck.
February 13, 2026 at 4:26 PM
My sister googling coworkers homes to see what’s safe to eat at the work potluck.
Advertisement:
"Give your Sweetheart some sweets this Valentine's day"
Wilford Brimley: {disappointed sigh}
"Give your Sweetheart some sweets this Valentine's day"
Wilford Brimley: {disappointed sigh}
February 13, 2026 at 11:46 AM
Advertisement:
"Give your Sweetheart some sweets this Valentine's day"
Wilford Brimley: {disappointed sigh}
"Give your Sweetheart some sweets this Valentine's day"
Wilford Brimley: {disappointed sigh}
Reposted by Marl
My ex wants to talk about a VD gift for me
I dont care if it's Valentine's Day
I'm not calling him back
He makes my skin crawl & my pee burn
I dont care if it's Valentine's Day
I'm not calling him back
He makes my skin crawl & my pee burn
February 14, 2025 at 5:30 PM
My ex wants to talk about a VD gift for me
I dont care if it's Valentine's Day
I'm not calling him back
He makes my skin crawl & my pee burn
I dont care if it's Valentine's Day
I'm not calling him back
He makes my skin crawl & my pee burn
Reposted by Marl
I bring my kids to a romantic restaurant on Valentine's day as a birth control reminder to the other couples.
February 13, 2025 at 5:44 PM
I bring my kids to a romantic restaurant on Valentine's day as a birth control reminder to the other couples.
Reposted by Marl
oh no my cwypto it is vewy sick😭
February 6, 2026 at 7:00 PM
oh no my cwypto it is vewy sick😭
Reposted by Marl
what’s a down again? dad, are you crying? -me, every Super Bowl Sunday
February 6, 2026 at 11:00 PM
what’s a down again? dad, are you crying? -me, every Super Bowl Sunday
Reposted by Marl
You can't spell maniac without man.
February 6, 2026 at 11:26 PM
You can't spell maniac without man.
Reposted by Marl
(My kid giving me attitude)
Me: "I pooped on you when you were born"
Me: "I pooped on you when you were born"
February 26, 2025 at 4:17 PM
(My kid giving me attitude)
Me: "I pooped on you when you were born"
Me: "I pooped on you when you were born"
Reposted by Marl
A spray tan booth but for moisturizer
February 3, 2026 at 11:56 AM
A spray tan booth but for moisturizer
Reposted by Marl
Has it ever rained normally in a film.
February 3, 2026 at 4:48 PM
Has it ever rained normally in a film.
Reposted by Marl
I think it's about time we all admitted that we can sneeze without vocalizing
February 3, 2026 at 4:53 PM
I think it's about time we all admitted that we can sneeze without vocalizing
Reposted by Marl
the trick to real weight loss is to eat 100 small meals a day.
February 3, 2026 at 5:15 PM
the trick to real weight loss is to eat 100 small meals a day.
Reposted by Marl
Knees are the nipples of the legs
February 3, 2026 at 5:36 PM
Knees are the nipples of the legs
Reposted by Marl
Sometimes I need a beige meal to take the edge off
February 3, 2026 at 2:18 PM
Sometimes I need a beige meal to take the edge off
Reposted by Marl
wuthering heights that's the one about tall people eating caramel candies right
February 3, 2026 at 2:17 PM
wuthering heights that's the one about tall people eating caramel candies right
Reposted by Marl
BREAKING: Viewers of “Melania” Documentary Receive Call Telling Them They Will Die in 7 Days
February 3, 2026 at 7:02 AM
BREAKING: Viewers of “Melania” Documentary Receive Call Telling Them They Will Die in 7 Days