Matty
@bestestname.bsky.social
Bluesky is easy. You just have to be funny all the time or no one will love you
https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:n3kxj4fonot7lg67tmakj4dn/feed/aaacgs3xfjaw4
https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:n3kxj4fonot7lg67tmakj4dn/feed/aaacgs3xfjaw4
Pinned
Matty
@bestestname.bsky.social
· Jun 11
Would be endlessly helpful if everyone got their name tattooed on their face
Reposted by Matty
if god is dead then who keeps smiting me
November 18, 2025 at 3:15 PM
if god is dead then who keeps smiting me
Reposted by Matty
Nobody asks dolls what all the flim flam's about anymore
November 18, 2025 at 4:34 PM
Nobody asks dolls what all the flim flam's about anymore
They always seem surprised when he turns on their boot licking asses even though that's what he does over and over and over again.
November 18, 2025 at 2:20 PM
They always seem surprised when he turns on their boot licking asses even though that's what he does over and over and over again.
Apple naming phones:
iPhone 11, iPhone 12, iPhone 13, iPhone 14...
Apple naming tablets:
iPad, iPad, iPad, iPad, iPad...
iPhone 11, iPhone 12, iPhone 13, iPhone 14...
Apple naming tablets:
iPad, iPad, iPad, iPad, iPad...
November 17, 2025 at 8:47 PM
Apple naming phones:
iPhone 11, iPhone 12, iPhone 13, iPhone 14...
Apple naming tablets:
iPad, iPad, iPad, iPad, iPad...
iPhone 11, iPhone 12, iPhone 13, iPhone 14...
Apple naming tablets:
iPad, iPad, iPad, iPad, iPad...
Reposted by Matty
If youre asking me to fax something in the year of our lord 2025, im allowed to smoke in your office
November 17, 2025 at 5:42 PM
If youre asking me to fax something in the year of our lord 2025, im allowed to smoke in your office
Reposted by Matty
Brother: What are you bringing to Thanksgiving dinner?
Me: Wine. And unresolved issues. They pair nicely.
Me: Wine. And unresolved issues. They pair nicely.
November 17, 2025 at 6:02 PM
Brother: What are you bringing to Thanksgiving dinner?
Me: Wine. And unresolved issues. They pair nicely.
Me: Wine. And unresolved issues. They pair nicely.
A Costco hotdog only costs $1.50 and all of your remaining dignity
November 17, 2025 at 3:22 AM
A Costco hotdog only costs $1.50 and all of your remaining dignity
Reposted by Matty
*something traumatic happens*
Me: this is going to make a banger of a skeet
Me: this is going to make a banger of a skeet
November 17, 2025 at 2:02 AM
*something traumatic happens*
Me: this is going to make a banger of a skeet
Me: this is going to make a banger of a skeet
Reposted by Matty
and it seems to me that you lived your life like a plastic walmart bag in the wind
November 16, 2025 at 12:59 AM
and it seems to me that you lived your life like a plastic walmart bag in the wind
Reposted by Matty
“Get in the car, no time to explain!” I yell to the stranger on the sidewalk who, justifiably, does not get into my vehicle.
November 15, 2025 at 6:24 PM
“Get in the car, no time to explain!” I yell to the stranger on the sidewalk who, justifiably, does not get into my vehicle.
Reposted by Matty
all rivers should be lazy
November 15, 2025 at 8:31 PM
all rivers should be lazy
Reposted by Matty
My favorite color is 90s Taco Bell booth purple.
August 24, 2025 at 9:02 PM
My favorite color is 90s Taco Bell booth purple.
Reposted by Matty
I’d like to remove the phone app from my phone.
November 16, 2025 at 1:24 AM
I’d like to remove the phone app from my phone.
My phone calling my car an accessory when I plug it in is a power move
November 15, 2025 at 8:50 PM
My phone calling my car an accessory when I plug it in is a power move
Reposted by Matty
Sorry I haven’t been posting much lately, you guys. I’ve been really busy
*continues putting pegs in Lite Brite*
*continues putting pegs in Lite Brite*
November 14, 2025 at 4:19 PM
Sorry I haven’t been posting much lately, you guys. I’ve been really busy
*continues putting pegs in Lite Brite*
*continues putting pegs in Lite Brite*
"I don't care if he's a pedophile as long as he's mean to brown people" is an interesting political take
November 13, 2025 at 9:56 PM
"I don't care if he's a pedophile as long as he's mean to brown people" is an interesting political take
I'm going to hand this jar of capers down to my son
November 13, 2025 at 5:29 PM
I'm going to hand this jar of capers down to my son
Sometimes I need a minute. Sometimes that minute lasts 6 months.
November 13, 2025 at 4:06 PM
Sometimes I need a minute. Sometimes that minute lasts 6 months.
Our secret handshake is you go the fist bump while I go for the high five
November 13, 2025 at 4:01 PM
Our secret handshake is you go the fist bump while I go for the high five
Reposted by Matty
If you're hungry they're hungry (the wolves)
November 13, 2025 at 2:10 PM
If you're hungry they're hungry (the wolves)
Tattoos make you a conformist now
November 13, 2025 at 3:28 PM
Tattoos make you a conformist now
My list of dreams now doubles as a list of things that are never going to happen
November 13, 2025 at 2:05 PM
My list of dreams now doubles as a list of things that are never going to happen
Potential Spam is so obsessed with me
November 13, 2025 at 1:57 PM
Potential Spam is so obsessed with me
I am down with opp years old
November 13, 2025 at 5:04 AM
I am down with opp years old