Matty
@bestestname.bsky.social
Bluesky is easy. You just have to be funny all the time or no one will love you
https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:n3kxj4fonot7lg67tmakj4dn/feed/aaacgs3xfjaw4
https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:n3kxj4fonot7lg67tmakj4dn/feed/aaacgs3xfjaw4
Pinned
Matty
@bestestname.bsky.social
· Jun 11
Would be endlessly helpful if everyone got their name tattooed on their face
You should be able to earn a license that let's you off the plane first if you can grab your bag in less than 30 seconds
February 17, 2026 at 6:22 AM
You should be able to earn a license that let's you off the plane first if you can grab your bag in less than 30 seconds
Me: Do we really need to pipe music into every fucking public place?
Security guard: You need to get off the carousel. Now.
Security guard: You need to get off the carousel. Now.
February 17, 2026 at 6:20 AM
Me: Do we really need to pipe music into every fucking public place?
Security guard: You need to get off the carousel. Now.
Security guard: You need to get off the carousel. Now.
You're so vain. I bet you think this day is about you...
February 16, 2026 at 3:23 PM
You're so vain. I bet you think this day is about you...
Reposted by Matty
I can't stop thinking about this but also I think the unemployment rate for cats would be 0% because the Bureau of Labor Statistics only counts those looking for a job actively which a cat would never do
Dog unemployment has reached 98%
February 15, 2026 at 11:13 PM
I can't stop thinking about this but also I think the unemployment rate for cats would be 0% because the Bureau of Labor Statistics only counts those looking for a job actively which a cat would never do
Dog unemployment has reached 98%
February 15, 2026 at 6:10 PM
Dog unemployment has reached 98%
My mom knows a better way to get there in case your uber driver needs any help
February 15, 2026 at 3:46 AM
My mom knows a better way to get there in case your uber driver needs any help
Reposted by Matty
that elephant is really tying the room together
February 13, 2026 at 1:30 AM
that elephant is really tying the room together
I hope no one is going up to an isolated cabin by the lake this weekend
February 13, 2026 at 3:34 PM
I hope no one is going up to an isolated cabin by the lake this weekend
I am "smoking in the coffee shop" years old
February 13, 2026 at 3:33 PM
I am "smoking in the coffee shop" years old
God: Make them itch
Also God: Make scratching the worst thing you can do when you itch
Also God: Make scratching the worst thing you can do when you itch
February 13, 2026 at 3:33 PM
God: Make them itch
Also God: Make scratching the worst thing you can do when you itch
Also God: Make scratching the worst thing you can do when you itch
Just going to start telling people I used to be in the Spin Doctors
February 11, 2026 at 6:37 AM
Just going to start telling people I used to be in the Spin Doctors
Googling "is milk good for you" because I genuinely don't know anymore
February 10, 2026 at 3:02 AM
Googling "is milk good for you" because I genuinely don't know anymore
Do you even come in like a wrecking ball, bro?
February 8, 2026 at 8:43 PM
Do you even come in like a wrecking ball, bro?
Reposted by Matty
Some really striking numbers in this new survey showing the flip in European public opinion about America.
But bear in mind this is only Western Europe. In Eastern Europe, it has been harder to take the blinders off peoples' eyes.
www.theguardian.com/world/2026/f...
But bear in mind this is only Western Europe. In Eastern Europe, it has been harder to take the blinders off peoples' eyes.
www.theguardian.com/world/2026/f...
February 6, 2026 at 4:38 PM
Some really striking numbers in this new survey showing the flip in European public opinion about America.
But bear in mind this is only Western Europe. In Eastern Europe, it has been harder to take the blinders off peoples' eyes.
www.theguardian.com/world/2026/f...
But bear in mind this is only Western Europe. In Eastern Europe, it has been harder to take the blinders off peoples' eyes.
www.theguardian.com/world/2026/f...
These ads are your fault for making me google "ski jump penis"
February 7, 2026 at 12:20 AM
These ads are your fault for making me google "ski jump penis"
Birds: tweet tweet tweet
Other birds: you sexy mother-effer
Other birds: you sexy mother-effer
February 7, 2026 at 12:18 AM
Birds: tweet tweet tweet
Other birds: you sexy mother-effer
Other birds: you sexy mother-effer
me: crawls to freedom through 500 yards of shit smelling foulness you can't imagine
gym coach: keep your core tight
gym coach: keep your core tight
February 6, 2026 at 4:56 PM
me: crawls to freedom through 500 yards of shit smelling foulness you can't imagine
gym coach: keep your core tight
gym coach: keep your core tight
I found a contact lens in my ear this morning. I will be taking no more questions at this time.
February 5, 2026 at 2:13 AM
I found a contact lens in my ear this morning. I will be taking no more questions at this time.
Can we just skip ahead to the part where everyone is embarrassed about their broccoli haircuts?
February 4, 2026 at 10:48 PM
Can we just skip ahead to the part where everyone is embarrassed about their broccoli haircuts?
I know all the words to Gangsta’s Paradise (this is how I impressed girls in 1996 and also in 2026).
February 3, 2026 at 2:19 AM
I bet that Canadian polical cartoon I just saw is funny
February 1, 2026 at 6:10 PM
I bet that Canadian polical cartoon I just saw is funny
Reposted by Matty
Mo’ money, mo’ problems
ergo
No money, no problems
ergo
No money, no problems
February 1, 2026 at 3:22 PM
Mo’ money, mo’ problems
ergo
No money, no problems
ergo
No money, no problems
Reposted by Matty
in some cultures, not being verified is a sign of respect
January 26, 2026 at 11:25 PM
in some cultures, not being verified is a sign of respect
Reposted by Matty
Some sort of organization that reports "news" should write about how the federal government has declared war on various states. I feel like this is a story people would be interested in.
January 25, 2026 at 11:16 PM
Some sort of organization that reports "news" should write about how the federal government has declared war on various states. I feel like this is a story people would be interested in.