Marl
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marlebean.bsky.social
Marl
@marlebean.bsky.social
If you innocently act like you don't know, people will explain dirty words to you and it's hilarious.
https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:7ehz6ygwahh2y3lgk7dq3xs2/feed/aaacgqxvtud72
Pinned
*Looks in mirror*

I hope everyone I meet today is visually impaired.
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why does the most awkward person in every sitcom seem to be based on someone like me
November 22, 2025 at 1:38 PM
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Woke up 2 hours before my alarm and couldn't get back to sleep so I get it serial killers
November 19, 2025 at 11:04 AM
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If a woman looks sad, tell her, "You'd be pretty if you smiled more" and you won't see her looking sad anymore because you will be dead.
November 17, 2025 at 11:21 PM
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Where did you get that avi taken? The dmv?
October 13, 2025 at 12:06 AM
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This time of year when you rage against the machine chances are that machine is a neighbor's noisy leaf blower.
November 19, 2025 at 3:31 PM
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$5 to whoever finds the pouch of little magnets I bought the other day
November 15, 2025 at 12:39 AM
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All I'm saying is the second guy to bungee jump was honest about his weight.
November 20, 2025 at 10:14 PM
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Imagine being able to find something in the first drawer you try.
November 20, 2025 at 10:22 PM
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string cheese is just cheese hair, hair that is now inside you, it’s a part of you
November 20, 2025 at 11:42 PM
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*gets insulted* wow wait till I google what that means.
November 21, 2025 at 12:02 AM
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So what exactly happens when you reach the 19th hour and you're wearing an eighteen hour bra?
November 21, 2025 at 12:52 AM
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When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, that’s assault with intent to cause bodily harm.
November 21, 2025 at 12:57 AM
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One of the people in the meeting this morning was named Austin Powers and I'm pretty sure I just witnessed early days of a villain's backstory
November 21, 2025 at 1:16 AM
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Columbia House agents have surrounded my house. I knew this day would come, but they’re not taking me alive.
November 21, 2025 at 1:25 AM
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I just heard a loud, weird noise in the kitchen but there's no way I'm going to see what it was.
November 19, 2025 at 1:24 AM
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When one of you deactivates I imagine you being taken off stage with one of those big canes
November 15, 2025 at 2:39 PM
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“Men only want one thing.”

Not true. There’s like three things.
November 19, 2025 at 1:39 AM
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The only things of mine that have gotten noticeably stronger in 2025 are my meds.
November 17, 2025 at 9:15 PM
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This candy tastes terrible. I better eat the rest of the bag right now to get rid of it.
November 17, 2025 at 9:16 PM
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I keep accidentally buying ice cream that my kids don’t like and then having to eat it myself because no one else will, over and over again
November 10, 2025 at 3:22 AM
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Blocking anyone giving life advice whose birth year starts with a 2
November 16, 2025 at 10:47 AM
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As we get stupider, socks won’t just be marked R and L but also FOOT
November 16, 2025 at 2:00 PM
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pony: is this your card?
me: yes! cool trick!
pony: thanks
me: can you do any others?
pony: *sighs* no
November 16, 2025 at 2:13 AM
Fire Marshal: "There are too many kung fu fighters in here"
November 16, 2025 at 2:17 AM
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I can tell you care by the thoroughness of this restraining order.
November 13, 2025 at 6:35 PM