Marl
@marlebean.bsky.social
If you innocently act like you don't know, people will explain dirty words to you and it's hilarious.
https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:7ehz6ygwahh2y3lgk7dq3xs2/feed/aaacgqxvtud72
https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:7ehz6ygwahh2y3lgk7dq3xs2/feed/aaacgqxvtud72
Pinned
Marl
@marlebean.bsky.social
· Feb 4
*Looks in mirror*
I hope everyone I meet today is visually impaired.
I hope everyone I meet today is visually impaired.
Reposted by Marl
why does the most awkward person in every sitcom seem to be based on someone like me
November 22, 2025 at 1:38 PM
why does the most awkward person in every sitcom seem to be based on someone like me
Reposted by Marl
Woke up 2 hours before my alarm and couldn't get back to sleep so I get it serial killers
November 19, 2025 at 11:04 AM
Woke up 2 hours before my alarm and couldn't get back to sleep so I get it serial killers
Reposted by Marl
If a woman looks sad, tell her, "You'd be pretty if you smiled more" and you won't see her looking sad anymore because you will be dead.
November 17, 2025 at 11:21 PM
If a woman looks sad, tell her, "You'd be pretty if you smiled more" and you won't see her looking sad anymore because you will be dead.
Reposted by Marl
Where did you get that avi taken? The dmv?
October 13, 2025 at 12:06 AM
Where did you get that avi taken? The dmv?
Reposted by Marl
This time of year when you rage against the machine chances are that machine is a neighbor's noisy leaf blower.
November 19, 2025 at 3:31 PM
This time of year when you rage against the machine chances are that machine is a neighbor's noisy leaf blower.
Reposted by Marl
$5 to whoever finds the pouch of little magnets I bought the other day
November 15, 2025 at 12:39 AM
$5 to whoever finds the pouch of little magnets I bought the other day
Reposted by Marl
All I'm saying is the second guy to bungee jump was honest about his weight.
November 20, 2025 at 10:14 PM
All I'm saying is the second guy to bungee jump was honest about his weight.
Reposted by Marl
Imagine being able to find something in the first drawer you try.
November 20, 2025 at 10:22 PM
Imagine being able to find something in the first drawer you try.
Reposted by Marl
string cheese is just cheese hair, hair that is now inside you, it’s a part of you
November 20, 2025 at 11:42 PM
string cheese is just cheese hair, hair that is now inside you, it’s a part of you
Reposted by Marl
*gets insulted* wow wait till I google what that means.
November 21, 2025 at 12:02 AM
*gets insulted* wow wait till I google what that means.
Reposted by Marl
So what exactly happens when you reach the 19th hour and you're wearing an eighteen hour bra?
November 21, 2025 at 12:52 AM
So what exactly happens when you reach the 19th hour and you're wearing an eighteen hour bra?
Reposted by Marl
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, that’s assault with intent to cause bodily harm.
November 21, 2025 at 12:57 AM
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, that’s assault with intent to cause bodily harm.
Reposted by Marl
One of the people in the meeting this morning was named Austin Powers and I'm pretty sure I just witnessed early days of a villain's backstory
November 21, 2025 at 1:16 AM
One of the people in the meeting this morning was named Austin Powers and I'm pretty sure I just witnessed early days of a villain's backstory
Reposted by Marl
Columbia House agents have surrounded my house. I knew this day would come, but they’re not taking me alive.
November 21, 2025 at 1:25 AM
Columbia House agents have surrounded my house. I knew this day would come, but they’re not taking me alive.
Reposted by Marl
I just heard a loud, weird noise in the kitchen but there's no way I'm going to see what it was.
November 19, 2025 at 1:24 AM
I just heard a loud, weird noise in the kitchen but there's no way I'm going to see what it was.
Reposted by Marl
When one of you deactivates I imagine you being taken off stage with one of those big canes
November 15, 2025 at 2:39 PM
When one of you deactivates I imagine you being taken off stage with one of those big canes
Reposted by Marl
“Men only want one thing.”
Not true. There’s like three things.
Not true. There’s like three things.
November 19, 2025 at 1:39 AM
“Men only want one thing.”
Not true. There’s like three things.
Not true. There’s like three things.
Reposted by Marl
The only things of mine that have gotten noticeably stronger in 2025 are my meds.
November 17, 2025 at 9:15 PM
The only things of mine that have gotten noticeably stronger in 2025 are my meds.
Reposted by Marl
This candy tastes terrible. I better eat the rest of the bag right now to get rid of it.
November 17, 2025 at 9:16 PM
This candy tastes terrible. I better eat the rest of the bag right now to get rid of it.
Reposted by Marl
I keep accidentally buying ice cream that my kids don’t like and then having to eat it myself because no one else will, over and over again
November 10, 2025 at 3:22 AM
I keep accidentally buying ice cream that my kids don’t like and then having to eat it myself because no one else will, over and over again
Reposted by Marl
Blocking anyone giving life advice whose birth year starts with a 2
November 16, 2025 at 10:47 AM
Blocking anyone giving life advice whose birth year starts with a 2
Reposted by Marl
As we get stupider, socks won’t just be marked R and L but also FOOT
November 16, 2025 at 2:00 PM
As we get stupider, socks won’t just be marked R and L but also FOOT
Reposted by Marl
pony: is this your card?
me: yes! cool trick!
pony: thanks
me: can you do any others?
pony: *sighs* no
me: yes! cool trick!
pony: thanks
me: can you do any others?
pony: *sighs* no
November 16, 2025 at 2:13 AM
pony: is this your card?
me: yes! cool trick!
pony: thanks
me: can you do any others?
pony: *sighs* no
me: yes! cool trick!
pony: thanks
me: can you do any others?
pony: *sighs* no
Fire Marshal: "There are too many kung fu fighters in here"
November 16, 2025 at 2:17 AM
Fire Marshal: "There are too many kung fu fighters in here"
Reposted by Marl
I can tell you care by the thoroughness of this restraining order.
November 13, 2025 at 6:35 PM
I can tell you care by the thoroughness of this restraining order.