Ukobach
@uk0bach.bsky.social
I actually never had an account on that other place. So I'm sorta new to the whole microblogging thing. This place has a good vibe, though.
Pinned
Ukobach
@uk0bach.bsky.social
· Apr 14
You know the old Andy Griffith looking motherfucker in Die Hard 2?
The guy eating canned soup and watching an antique TV in a condemned building, 'til he got shot by weirdos?
First time I saw that shit, I was like "wow, what a weird life."
Joke's on me, now. That is basically my retirement plan.
The guy eating canned soup and watching an antique TV in a condemned building, 'til he got shot by weirdos?
First time I saw that shit, I was like "wow, what a weird life."
Joke's on me, now. That is basically my retirement plan.
My birthday, 15 days ago: "Okay, THIS IS THE YEAR when I get back into shape. I'm going to start working out. Get my muscle tone back. Maybe get REALLY RIPPED."
Two days ago, December 28: *whimpering in panicked agony, because I pulled a muscle in my back, bending over to sweep up spilled oatmeal*
Two days ago, December 28: *whimpering in panicked agony, because I pulled a muscle in my back, bending over to sweep up spilled oatmeal*
December 30, 2025 at 8:54 AM
My birthday, 15 days ago: "Okay, THIS IS THE YEAR when I get back into shape. I'm going to start working out. Get my muscle tone back. Maybe get REALLY RIPPED."
Two days ago, December 28: *whimpering in panicked agony, because I pulled a muscle in my back, bending over to sweep up spilled oatmeal*
Two days ago, December 28: *whimpering in panicked agony, because I pulled a muscle in my back, bending over to sweep up spilled oatmeal*
Reposted by Ukobach
Reposted by Ukobach
Just watched the new Knives Out and I think it's really important you know that the scene in the Seminary's Gym is filmed in the same place Rick Astley filmed the music video for Never Gonna Give You Up.
I saw the window tracery and immediately made my friends pause the film so I could tell them.
I saw the window tracery and immediately made my friends pause the film so I could tell them.
December 29, 2025 at 1:11 PM
Just watched the new Knives Out and I think it's really important you know that the scene in the Seminary's Gym is filmed in the same place Rick Astley filmed the music video for Never Gonna Give You Up.
I saw the window tracery and immediately made my friends pause the film so I could tell them.
I saw the window tracery and immediately made my friends pause the film so I could tell them.
If Sanrio can insist that Hello Kitty is a British girl and not a cat, then I can equally introduce you to a bald gentleman that lives in my pants.
He's a lifelong Texan, like myself, but he has to wear a much smaller cowboy hat than mine.
Not that he's SMALL. He's a perfectly good size.
He's a lifelong Texan, like myself, but he has to wear a much smaller cowboy hat than mine.
Not that he's SMALL. He's a perfectly good size.
December 29, 2025 at 10:14 AM
If Sanrio can insist that Hello Kitty is a British girl and not a cat, then I can equally introduce you to a bald gentleman that lives in my pants.
He's a lifelong Texan, like myself, but he has to wear a much smaller cowboy hat than mine.
Not that he's SMALL. He's a perfectly good size.
He's a lifelong Texan, like myself, but he has to wear a much smaller cowboy hat than mine.
Not that he's SMALL. He's a perfectly good size.
Reposted by Ukobach
come and listen, to the song of my people
December 29, 2025 at 7:16 AM
come and listen, to the song of my people
Space Marine: "Brother, where did you obtain that strange shell?"
Other Space Marine: "It is the leftover remnant when one stomps upon the foul xenos known as a Koopa."
C'mon Nintendo and Games Workshop. Make this happen.
Other Space Marine: "It is the leftover remnant when one stomps upon the foul xenos known as a Koopa."
C'mon Nintendo and Games Workshop. Make this happen.
December 29, 2025 at 6:39 AM
Space Marine: "Brother, where did you obtain that strange shell?"
Other Space Marine: "It is the leftover remnant when one stomps upon the foul xenos known as a Koopa."
C'mon Nintendo and Games Workshop. Make this happen.
Other Space Marine: "It is the leftover remnant when one stomps upon the foul xenos known as a Koopa."
C'mon Nintendo and Games Workshop. Make this happen.
Reposted by Ukobach
The New Year being physically represented by a ball dropping is so incredibly off-brand for America.
The climactic event is...the ball slowly descending and then stopping. Just stopping. Being at rest.
I just don't understand why it can't explode, instead.
The climactic event is...the ball slowly descending and then stopping. Just stopping. Being at rest.
I just don't understand why it can't explode, instead.
December 28, 2025 at 4:56 PM
The New Year being physically represented by a ball dropping is so incredibly off-brand for America.
The climactic event is...the ball slowly descending and then stopping. Just stopping. Being at rest.
I just don't understand why it can't explode, instead.
The climactic event is...the ball slowly descending and then stopping. Just stopping. Being at rest.
I just don't understand why it can't explode, instead.
During the Great Covid Toilet Paper Shortage, I had to make do with some tp that was, like, mostly wood. It PUNISHED my ass.
I bled for the cause. I mean, not that there was a cause. It was just stupidity.
I feel like, on a SPIRITUAL level, that raw bleeding ass situation never went away.
I bled for the cause. I mean, not that there was a cause. It was just stupidity.
I feel like, on a SPIRITUAL level, that raw bleeding ass situation never went away.
December 28, 2025 at 1:16 PM
During the Great Covid Toilet Paper Shortage, I had to make do with some tp that was, like, mostly wood. It PUNISHED my ass.
I bled for the cause. I mean, not that there was a cause. It was just stupidity.
I feel like, on a SPIRITUAL level, that raw bleeding ass situation never went away.
I bled for the cause. I mean, not that there was a cause. It was just stupidity.
I feel like, on a SPIRITUAL level, that raw bleeding ass situation never went away.
Shot put, except it's like golf. You try and get the bigass weighted ball into a hole, in as few throws as possible.
We can call it "shot putt."
Olympic committee, DM me. We can work out the fine details and my compensation package.
We can call it "shot putt."
Olympic committee, DM me. We can work out the fine details and my compensation package.
December 28, 2025 at 6:00 AM
Shot put, except it's like golf. You try and get the bigass weighted ball into a hole, in as few throws as possible.
We can call it "shot putt."
Olympic committee, DM me. We can work out the fine details and my compensation package.
We can call it "shot putt."
Olympic committee, DM me. We can work out the fine details and my compensation package.
Reposted by Ukobach
All y'all motherfuckers who can knit: I need you to understand that y'all are basically wizards, to the rest of us.
You're over there just, like, doing shit with sticks and strings, and then it becomes a hat or a sweater, or something.
You do NOT understand how deeply weird that shit is.
You're over there just, like, doing shit with sticks and strings, and then it becomes a hat or a sweater, or something.
You do NOT understand how deeply weird that shit is.
December 27, 2025 at 7:44 AM
All y'all motherfuckers who can knit: I need you to understand that y'all are basically wizards, to the rest of us.
You're over there just, like, doing shit with sticks and strings, and then it becomes a hat or a sweater, or something.
You do NOT understand how deeply weird that shit is.
You're over there just, like, doing shit with sticks and strings, and then it becomes a hat or a sweater, or something.
You do NOT understand how deeply weird that shit is.
Cyberpunk banditry will be easier than we might think.
As long as we can create burner accounts, we can get robots and vehicles delivered anywhere we want, then strip them down for parts.
I'm planning on making a suit of power armor out of three or four of those food-delivery bots and a Waymo car.
As long as we can create burner accounts, we can get robots and vehicles delivered anywhere we want, then strip them down for parts.
I'm planning on making a suit of power armor out of three or four of those food-delivery bots and a Waymo car.
December 27, 2025 at 3:02 AM
Cyberpunk banditry will be easier than we might think.
As long as we can create burner accounts, we can get robots and vehicles delivered anywhere we want, then strip them down for parts.
I'm planning on making a suit of power armor out of three or four of those food-delivery bots and a Waymo car.
As long as we can create burner accounts, we can get robots and vehicles delivered anywhere we want, then strip them down for parts.
I'm planning on making a suit of power armor out of three or four of those food-delivery bots and a Waymo car.
Reposted by Ukobach
Bob Cratchit five minutes after the end of A Christmas Carol
December 26, 2025 at 3:17 AM
Bob Cratchit five minutes after the end of A Christmas Carol
Reposted by Ukobach
Merry Christmas, y'all. May your shitposts be merry.
December 25, 2025 at 11:59 AM
Merry Christmas, y'all. May your shitposts be merry.
Reposted by Ukobach
Apart from all the other shit that he's ruined, we now can't ever have a US Presidents Kart Racer game, where all the Presidents are driving vehicles from their respective eras, around tracks based on the biggest scandal from their administration.
The Teapot Dome track would've been so awesome.
The Teapot Dome track would've been so awesome.
December 25, 2025 at 1:31 AM
Apart from all the other shit that he's ruined, we now can't ever have a US Presidents Kart Racer game, where all the Presidents are driving vehicles from their respective eras, around tracks based on the biggest scandal from their administration.
The Teapot Dome track would've been so awesome.
The Teapot Dome track would've been so awesome.
Anyone else getting errors when you try to load the Discover feed?
December 24, 2025 at 7:35 AM
Anyone else getting errors when you try to load the Discover feed?
Nuclear take: Lego sets are bullshit.
If you want a specific model, get the kind that come on sprues and you paint afterward.
Legos are for creative building.
LEGOS WERE A COST-EFFECTIVE WAY TO FACILITATE INFINITE CREATIVE BUILDING.
Reducing them to overpriced shitty model kits is DESPICABLE.
If you want a specific model, get the kind that come on sprues and you paint afterward.
Legos are for creative building.
LEGOS WERE A COST-EFFECTIVE WAY TO FACILITATE INFINITE CREATIVE BUILDING.
Reducing them to overpriced shitty model kits is DESPICABLE.
December 23, 2025 at 7:05 AM
Nuclear take: Lego sets are bullshit.
If you want a specific model, get the kind that come on sprues and you paint afterward.
Legos are for creative building.
LEGOS WERE A COST-EFFECTIVE WAY TO FACILITATE INFINITE CREATIVE BUILDING.
Reducing them to overpriced shitty model kits is DESPICABLE.
If you want a specific model, get the kind that come on sprues and you paint afterward.
Legos are for creative building.
LEGOS WERE A COST-EFFECTIVE WAY TO FACILITATE INFINITE CREATIVE BUILDING.
Reducing them to overpriced shitty model kits is DESPICABLE.
Last week, I had a dream that I walked into my kitchen, and the counter was covered in, like, at least a whole bucket's worth of fresh fried chicken.
And I just started consuming it, like a maniac.
I was halfway through a thigh, when I suddenly went "wait, why is this chicken here? who made it?"
And I just started consuming it, like a maniac.
I was halfway through a thigh, when I suddenly went "wait, why is this chicken here? who made it?"
December 23, 2025 at 6:44 AM
Last week, I had a dream that I walked into my kitchen, and the counter was covered in, like, at least a whole bucket's worth of fresh fried chicken.
And I just started consuming it, like a maniac.
I was halfway through a thigh, when I suddenly went "wait, why is this chicken here? who made it?"
And I just started consuming it, like a maniac.
I was halfway through a thigh, when I suddenly went "wait, why is this chicken here? who made it?"
Game: "Hey, this game has a luck stat!"
Player: "Cool. What does luck affect, actually?"
Game: "That's the neat part: THERE'S NO WAY TO KNOW, WITHOUT LOOKING ONLINE FOR ANSWERS TORTURED OUT OF ME BY DATA MINERS!"
Player: "So what if this is a very new game?"
Game: "Maybe YOU could torture me?"
Player: "Cool. What does luck affect, actually?"
Game: "That's the neat part: THERE'S NO WAY TO KNOW, WITHOUT LOOKING ONLINE FOR ANSWERS TORTURED OUT OF ME BY DATA MINERS!"
Player: "So what if this is a very new game?"
Game: "Maybe YOU could torture me?"
December 23, 2025 at 2:39 AM
Game: "Hey, this game has a luck stat!"
Player: "Cool. What does luck affect, actually?"
Game: "That's the neat part: THERE'S NO WAY TO KNOW, WITHOUT LOOKING ONLINE FOR ANSWERS TORTURED OUT OF ME BY DATA MINERS!"
Player: "So what if this is a very new game?"
Game: "Maybe YOU could torture me?"
Player: "Cool. What does luck affect, actually?"
Game: "That's the neat part: THERE'S NO WAY TO KNOW, WITHOUT LOOKING ONLINE FOR ANSWERS TORTURED OUT OF ME BY DATA MINERS!"
Player: "So what if this is a very new game?"
Game: "Maybe YOU could torture me?"
Flashback to when I was about 12 and I had strep throat so bad that I MacGyver'd a ridiculously dangerous psycho remedy.
I got one of those bigass, super effective Sucrets lozenges (the ones that REALLY WORKED) and ran hot water on it until the surface softened enough to press a skewer into it. 1/2
I got one of those bigass, super effective Sucrets lozenges (the ones that REALLY WORKED) and ran hot water on it until the surface softened enough to press a skewer into it. 1/2
December 21, 2025 at 10:25 AM
Flashback to when I was about 12 and I had strep throat so bad that I MacGyver'd a ridiculously dangerous psycho remedy.
I got one of those bigass, super effective Sucrets lozenges (the ones that REALLY WORKED) and ran hot water on it until the surface softened enough to press a skewer into it. 1/2
I got one of those bigass, super effective Sucrets lozenges (the ones that REALLY WORKED) and ran hot water on it until the surface softened enough to press a skewer into it. 1/2
Reposted by Ukobach
Mr. Beast, all my friends and I were saying how good at boxing you’d be
December 21, 2025 at 6:04 AM
Mr. Beast, all my friends and I were saying how good at boxing you’d be