Pinned
Van Driessen
@gr8-cornholio.bsky.social
· Nov 16
The times are about to get even unprecedenteder
Hold on to your knickers...
Reposted by Van Driessen
wife: i want another kid
me: yeah, fuck brian
me: yeah, fuck brian
November 18, 2024 at 4:54 PM
wife: i want another kid
me: yeah, fuck brian
me: yeah, fuck brian
Reposted by Van Driessen
How baby beetles are made…
November 30, 2025 at 2:47 PM
How baby beetles are made…
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I am the undispoted kong of typos
September 3, 2025 at 4:55 PM
I am the undispoted kong of typos
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if you tell your parents that you don’t want to have kids and they look offended, it’s because they’re thinking “damn, why didn’t I think of that“
November 22, 2025 at 3:38 AM
if you tell your parents that you don’t want to have kids and they look offended, it’s because they’re thinking “damn, why didn’t I think of that“
Reposted by Van Driessen
Just gave ChatGPT a writing deadline and now it’s cleaning the house
November 28, 2024 at 8:06 PM
Just gave ChatGPT a writing deadline and now it’s cleaning the house
Reposted by Van Driessen
To all the elderly ladies who told me I’d be a real heartbreaker when I was 7, I have some pretty devastating news
November 29, 2025 at 3:08 PM
To all the elderly ladies who told me I’d be a real heartbreaker when I was 7, I have some pretty devastating news
Reposted by Van Driessen
I’ve never paid for sex.
*looks at kids’ tuition bills*
Well, not on the front end.
*looks at kids’ tuition bills*
Well, not on the front end.
November 26, 2025 at 9:15 PM
I’ve never paid for sex.
*looks at kids’ tuition bills*
Well, not on the front end.
*looks at kids’ tuition bills*
Well, not on the front end.
Reposted by Van Driessen
maybe i am going insane
November 24, 2025 at 6:49 PM
maybe i am going insane
Reposted by Van Driessen
Hammer pants are just carpenter pants that are ultra-specialized.
October 27, 2025 at 12:25 PM
Hammer pants are just carpenter pants that are ultra-specialized.
Reposted by Van Driessen
I bet Harvard is pretty pissed it doesn’t have a comma named after it.
October 27, 2025 at 12:28 PM
I bet Harvard is pretty pissed it doesn’t have a comma named after it.
Reposted by Van Driessen
got pulled into another meeting with HR over my submission to the office pumpkin decorating contest:
October 27, 2025 at 12:47 PM
got pulled into another meeting with HR over my submission to the office pumpkin decorating contest:
Reposted by Van Driessen
The best smelling ant is the Fragr Ant.
October 27, 2025 at 5:27 PM
The best smelling ant is the Fragr Ant.
Reposted by Van Driessen
[during sex] seriously, thank you again for doing this with me
October 27, 2025 at 5:30 PM
[during sex] seriously, thank you again for doing this with me
Reposted by Van Driessen
ME: So you see dead people?
GHOST THERAPIST: Those with insurance, yes.
GHOST THERAPIST: Those with insurance, yes.
October 27, 2025 at 7:14 PM
ME: So you see dead people?
GHOST THERAPIST: Those with insurance, yes.
GHOST THERAPIST: Those with insurance, yes.
Reposted by Van Driessen
my girls aren’t big on legalese so i wrote my will on the back of a cvs receipt: “hi girls! im dead! lol. sell my house. or don’t. idc. cuz im dead! all ur shit from hs that u left in my basement? it’s still here. & now you gotta rifle thru it. ha! sucks for u. but not for me. cuz, like i said, im d
October 27, 2025 at 7:57 PM
my girls aren’t big on legalese so i wrote my will on the back of a cvs receipt: “hi girls! im dead! lol. sell my house. or don’t. idc. cuz im dead! all ur shit from hs that u left in my basement? it’s still here. & now you gotta rifle thru it. ha! sucks for u. but not for me. cuz, like i said, im d
Reposted by Van Driessen
Cookie Monster’s date: Can we talk about something else
October 28, 2025 at 3:21 AM
Cookie Monster’s date: Can we talk about something else
Reposted by Van Driessen
Dr: Okay Dave, try not to get an erection during this prostate exam.
Patient: My name is Steve.
Dr: I know, I'm Dave.
Patient: My name is Steve.
Dr: I know, I'm Dave.
May 1, 2025 at 6:51 PM
Dr: Okay Dave, try not to get an erection during this prostate exam.
Patient: My name is Steve.
Dr: I know, I'm Dave.
Patient: My name is Steve.
Dr: I know, I'm Dave.
Reposted by Van Driessen
nobody puts their thang down, flips it and reverses it anymore.
September 22, 2025 at 4:18 PM
nobody puts their thang down, flips it and reverses it anymore.
Reposted by Van Driessen
Gonna ask my mom if that offer to slap me into next year is still on the table.
September 23, 2025 at 4:10 AM
Gonna ask my mom if that offer to slap me into next year is still on the table.
Reposted by Van Driessen
mentally ill implies the existence of womenshorty healthy
September 23, 2025 at 11:05 PM
mentally ill implies the existence of womenshorty healthy
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Darth Vader's full name was Dartholomew Space Invader
February 20, 2025 at 5:29 PM
Darth Vader's full name was Dartholomew Space Invader
Reposted by Van Driessen
i only took this job in sales for a global prosthetics company so i could tell everyone that i was an international arms dealer
September 4, 2025 at 12:55 PM
i only took this job in sales for a global prosthetics company so i could tell everyone that i was an international arms dealer
Reposted by Van Driessen
It’s a good thing Congress isn’t alive to see this
June 22, 2025 at 12:47 AM
It’s a good thing Congress isn’t alive to see this
Reposted by Van Driessen
The first twenty people at my funeral can have a finger or toe while supplies last
August 23, 2025 at 2:37 PM
The first twenty people at my funeral can have a finger or toe while supplies last