Hush Jared
@hushjared.bsky.social
I’m going to overcome dyslexia or try dying.
Conversational in sarcasm. Bill Nye, I’m coming for your ass!
Find my skeets at this link: https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:rplkkgeiyw4ndoqhbuqxotyx/feed/aaalqibln62cu
Conversational in sarcasm. Bill Nye, I’m coming for your ass!
Find my skeets at this link: https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:rplkkgeiyw4ndoqhbuqxotyx/feed/aaalqibln62cu
Reposted by Hush Jared
Black people five years ago: you know, they can kill anyone they want to out there
Everybody today: hot damn, did you know they can kill anyone they want to out there?
Everybody today: hot damn, did you know they can kill anyone they want to out there?
January 8, 2026 at 12:46 AM
Black people five years ago: you know, they can kill anyone they want to out there
Everybody today: hot damn, did you know they can kill anyone they want to out there?
Everybody today: hot damn, did you know they can kill anyone they want to out there?
Reposted by Hush Jared
We’re currently in that section of the history book with a map and bunch of arrows all over it
January 8, 2026 at 1:46 PM
We’re currently in that section of the history book with a map and bunch of arrows all over it
Reposted by Hush Jared
First, they came for the pedophiles, and I did n-- *touching earpiece* oh, they didn't?
November 15, 2025 at 12:37 AM
First, they came for the pedophiles, and I did n-- *touching earpiece* oh, they didn't?
Reposted by Hush Jared
My resolution, and I think it’s doable, is to run so fast into a chain link fence that I come out as cubes.
January 1, 2025 at 8:00 PM
My resolution, and I think it’s doable, is to run so fast into a chain link fence that I come out as cubes.
Reposted by Hush Jared
Remember when Netflix sent DVD’s by mail? That was 100 years ago.
December 27, 2025 at 11:27 AM
Remember when Netflix sent DVD’s by mail? That was 100 years ago.
Reposted by Hush Jared
The "Doctor of Love" title is strictly honorary. My training is actually in cardiology
December 27, 2025 at 7:05 PM
The "Doctor of Love" title is strictly honorary. My training is actually in cardiology
Reposted by Hush Jared
My car always seems a little overconfident after an oil change
December 27, 2025 at 3:24 PM
My car always seems a little overconfident after an oil change
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i enjoy things that aren’t this
December 27, 2025 at 5:24 PM
i enjoy things that aren’t this
Reposted by Hush Jared
this box says i shouldn’t, but i could totally operate some heavy machinery, right now. like totally fucking destroy it.
December 27, 2025 at 4:07 PM
this box says i shouldn’t, but i could totally operate some heavy machinery, right now. like totally fucking destroy it.
Reposted by Hush Jared
Server: Do you have any questions?
Me: Yes. Do you serve any other varieties of angel pasta or just the hairs?
Me: Yes. Do you serve any other varieties of angel pasta or just the hairs?
April 23, 2025 at 1:02 AM
Server: Do you have any questions?
Me: Yes. Do you serve any other varieties of angel pasta or just the hairs?
Me: Yes. Do you serve any other varieties of angel pasta or just the hairs?
Reposted by Hush Jared
they're introducing a new level of following: tolerate
December 27, 2025 at 5:04 AM
they're introducing a new level of following: tolerate
Reposted by Hush Jared
“Can you tell us what you do?”
“Mostly just loaf around.”
“Wow, that was terrible.”
“Well, it killed at our Christmas party.”
“Mostly just loaf around.”
“Wow, that was terrible.”
“Well, it killed at our Christmas party.”
December 25, 2025 at 4:55 PM
“Can you tell us what you do?”
“Mostly just loaf around.”
“Wow, that was terrible.”
“Well, it killed at our Christmas party.”
“Mostly just loaf around.”
“Wow, that was terrible.”
“Well, it killed at our Christmas party.”
Reposted by Hush Jared
As the surgeon carefully removed first the candle stick and then the wrench and finally the lead pipe from my rectum I vowed to myself that never again would I suggest playing Clue on family game night.
January 9, 2025 at 2:21 PM
As the surgeon carefully removed first the candle stick and then the wrench and finally the lead pipe from my rectum I vowed to myself that never again would I suggest playing Clue on family game night.
Reposted by Hush Jared
A toy replica of me with my dad bod.
An inaction figure, if you will.
An inaction figure, if you will.
January 9, 2025 at 10:58 AM
A toy replica of me with my dad bod.
An inaction figure, if you will.
An inaction figure, if you will.
Reposted by Hush Jared
joining the "cybertruck owners only" group on fb is one of the best decisions i've ever made. every so often when i'm scrolling through fb getting pissed off, i get to see a little treat like this
December 26, 2025 at 4:11 PM
joining the "cybertruck owners only" group on fb is one of the best decisions i've ever made. every so often when i'm scrolling through fb getting pissed off, i get to see a little treat like this
Reposted by Hush Jared
Missed my interview at Random House because I guessed wrong.
December 27, 2025 at 4:37 AM
Missed my interview at Random House because I guessed wrong.
Reposted by Hush Jared
ME: it’s boxing day
SCHRÖDINGER’S CAT: oh shit oh fuck
SCHRÖDINGER’S CAT: oh shit oh fuck
December 27, 2025 at 4:38 AM
ME: it’s boxing day
SCHRÖDINGER’S CAT: oh shit oh fuck
SCHRÖDINGER’S CAT: oh shit oh fuck
Reposted by Hush Jared
ok next year we’re defeating christmas
December 27, 2025 at 4:15 AM
ok next year we’re defeating christmas
Reposted by Hush Jared
Why don't you want to see this ad?
□ Sensitive topic
□ Not relevant to my interests
✅️ I don't want every second of my life to be monetized by blood sucking parasites
□ Sensitive topic
□ Not relevant to my interests
✅️ I don't want every second of my life to be monetized by blood sucking parasites
October 26, 2024 at 3:51 AM
Why don't you want to see this ad?
□ Sensitive topic
□ Not relevant to my interests
✅️ I don't want every second of my life to be monetized by blood sucking parasites
□ Sensitive topic
□ Not relevant to my interests
✅️ I don't want every second of my life to be monetized by blood sucking parasites
Reposted by Hush Jared
Let’s exchange scented soaps and pretend none of this ever happened
December 24, 2025 at 2:37 PM
Let’s exchange scented soaps and pretend none of this ever happened
Reposted by Hush Jared
Don’t hate me because I’m beautiful. There are so many better reasons to hate me.
December 25, 2025 at 4:52 PM
Don’t hate me because I’m beautiful. There are so many better reasons to hate me.
Reposted by Hush Jared
fuck you and may the horse you rode in on live a long and beautiful life away from the corrupting influence of man
December 21, 2025 at 6:28 AM
fuck you and may the horse you rode in on live a long and beautiful life away from the corrupting influence of man
Reposted by Hush Jared
the sluttiest thing a dog can do is not fix their flipped up ear
December 21, 2025 at 7:16 PM
the sluttiest thing a dog can do is not fix their flipped up ear
Reposted by Hush Jared
My grandmother, a socialite with Alzheimer's, said one of the greatest things I've ever heard. I asked what she was doing, and she responded, having no idea who I was, "Oh, I'm just sitting in a house, doing things that people do when they're sitting in houses"
December 22, 2025 at 7:28 PM
My grandmother, a socialite with Alzheimer's, said one of the greatest things I've ever heard. I asked what she was doing, and she responded, having no idea who I was, "Oh, I'm just sitting in a house, doing things that people do when they're sitting in houses"
Reposted by Hush Jared
Inside of me there are 6 geese a laying
December 22, 2025 at 7:17 PM
Inside of me there are 6 geese a laying