Hush Jared
@hushjared.bsky.social
I’m going to overcome dyslexia or try dying.
Conversational in sarcasm. Bill Nye, I’m coming for your ass!
Find my skeets at this link: https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:rplkkgeiyw4ndoqhbuqxotyx/feed/aaalqibln62cu
Conversational in sarcasm. Bill Nye, I’m coming for your ass!
Find my skeets at this link: https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:rplkkgeiyw4ndoqhbuqxotyx/feed/aaalqibln62cu
Charlie Kirk’s assassination is GREAT news for Trump. A precocious martyr, opportunity to take the moral high ground, a distraction from the Epstein story & the chance to be a “protector”. It’s a Reichstag-fire level of justification for a continued crackdown on universities.
September 10, 2025 at 10:23 PM
Charlie Kirk’s assassination is GREAT news for Trump. A precocious martyr, opportunity to take the moral high ground, a distraction from the Epstein story & the chance to be a “protector”. It’s a Reichstag-fire level of justification for a continued crackdown on universities.
Reposted by Hush Jared
We swore we weren’t gonna get another grandma after the last one died, but when we saw this one at the shelter, we just knew we had to have her.
August 28, 2025 at 1:56 PM
We swore we weren’t gonna get another grandma after the last one died, but when we saw this one at the shelter, we just knew we had to have her.
Reposted by Hush Jared
The 80's were wild. One time in middle school I was pissing next to the principal and he said, "If you shake it more than twice, you're playing with it."
August 20, 2025 at 9:05 PM
The 80's were wild. One time in middle school I was pissing next to the principal and he said, "If you shake it more than twice, you're playing with it."
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Me: ahhh… just ended a five year relationship
Friend: omg are you alright???
Me: what? Oh fuck yeah. Wasn’t my relationship
Friend: omg are you alright???
Me: what? Oh fuck yeah. Wasn’t my relationship
August 21, 2025 at 11:18 AM
Me: ahhh… just ended a five year relationship
Friend: omg are you alright???
Me: what? Oh fuck yeah. Wasn’t my relationship
Friend: omg are you alright???
Me: what? Oh fuck yeah. Wasn’t my relationship
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It all went to hell when we quit painting pictures of oryxes on cave walls
August 21, 2025 at 11:15 AM
It all went to hell when we quit painting pictures of oryxes on cave walls
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Back in my days, we didn’t need to lock our cars. We just carried our pull-out stereo like a purse.
August 6, 2025 at 8:25 AM
Back in my days, we didn’t need to lock our cars. We just carried our pull-out stereo like a purse.
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interviewer: your resume says you lose focus easily
me: yes
interviewer: yes what
me: yes please
me: yes
interviewer: yes what
me: yes please
August 3, 2023 at 4:29 PM
interviewer: your resume says you lose focus easily
me: yes
interviewer: yes what
me: yes please
me: yes
interviewer: yes what
me: yes please
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He died doing what he did best, trying to take a selfie with a lion so he could use the caption 'Two Kings'
August 18, 2025 at 9:44 AM
He died doing what he did best, trying to take a selfie with a lion so he could use the caption 'Two Kings'
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Fashion is insane. Y’all be trying to convince me I need to buy whatever rise of jeans is ‘trendy’ these days, and I’m still out here wearing the exact same blink-182 tshirt featured in my 10th grade yearbook photo
August 12, 2025 at 1:28 PM
Fashion is insane. Y’all be trying to convince me I need to buy whatever rise of jeans is ‘trendy’ these days, and I’m still out here wearing the exact same blink-182 tshirt featured in my 10th grade yearbook photo
Reposted by Hush Jared
Suzanne watched the school bus pull away with a mix of apprehension and relief. It had been a long summer, a very long summer.
August 19, 2025 at 12:44 PM
Suzanne watched the school bus pull away with a mix of apprehension and relief. It had been a long summer, a very long summer.
Reposted by Hush Jared
webMD said to put aloe on my sunburn but webRFKJr said to eat the sun
August 19, 2025 at 11:43 AM
webMD said to put aloe on my sunburn but webRFKJr said to eat the sun
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interviewer: what are your greatest strengths
me: i’ve been doing kegels since i woke up
me: i’ve been doing kegels since i woke up
August 19, 2025 at 12:02 PM
interviewer: what are your greatest strengths
me: i’ve been doing kegels since i woke up
me: i’ve been doing kegels since i woke up
Reposted by Hush Jared
AGE TEST:
You fall, people laugh= young
You fall, people gasp= old
You fall, people laugh= young
You fall, people gasp= old
August 19, 2025 at 2:09 PM
AGE TEST:
You fall, people laugh= young
You fall, people gasp= old
You fall, people laugh= young
You fall, people gasp= old
Reposted by Hush Jared
Why do we say “chronic cheating”
and not “infinidelity”?
and not “infinidelity”?
August 18, 2025 at 10:42 AM
Why do we say “chronic cheating”
and not “infinidelity”?
and not “infinidelity”?
Reposted by Hush Jared
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album covers but with muppets: thread
August 19, 2025 at 1:17 AM
album covers but with muppets: thread
Reposted by Hush Jared
I’m hot but it’s mostly internal inflammation and perimenopause.
August 19, 2025 at 12:21 PM
I’m hot but it’s mostly internal inflammation and perimenopause.
Reposted by Hush Jared
Holding my poop in for as long as possible because I had an expensive meal yesterday.
August 18, 2025 at 4:47 PM
Holding my poop in for as long as possible because I had an expensive meal yesterday.
Reposted by Hush Jared
time blindness is like the Heisenberg uncertainty principle for productivity. I can tell you what I want to do, or when I can do it, but not both at the same time
August 19, 2025 at 12:52 PM
time blindness is like the Heisenberg uncertainty principle for productivity. I can tell you what I want to do, or when I can do it, but not both at the same time
Reposted by Hush Jared
Parenting is saying “this is your last chance” while knowing they have 40 more chances
August 19, 2025 at 10:15 AM
Parenting is saying “this is your last chance” while knowing they have 40 more chances
Reposted by Hush Jared
Got fired by the zoo for giving all the meerkats tiny binoculars
August 13, 2025 at 2:43 PM
Got fired by the zoo for giving all the meerkats tiny binoculars
Reposted by Hush Jared
At this point I'd settle for dependently wealthy
August 8, 2025 at 12:36 AM
At this point I'd settle for dependently wealthy