Draconian Hustle
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draconianhustle.bsky.social
Draconian Hustle
@draconianhustle.bsky.social
Pinned
I’m economically challenged Batman
My Batmobile is a Nissan & instead of a cool grappling hook gun I have one of those old person EZ reacher-grabber sticks

Normally I tell my secret identity after the 3rd date. So after the date she can maybe drop me off to fight crime & save me a few bucks on gas
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Maybe they could subpoena Epstein’s Elf on the Shelf and really blow this thing open?
November 16, 2025 at 7:20 PM
In NASCAR when a race-car pulls in for a quick pit stop to get fuel or whatever they call it….
“A splash & go”

But when running in a marathon you pit stop at a porta-potty & do a slightly different “splash & go”
November 20, 2025 at 11:31 PM
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😂🤣😂🤣
November 13, 2025 at 5:26 PM
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Never ask the cop to hold your beer while you look for your license and registration. I know this…now.
November 7, 2025 at 9:06 PM
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We assume a ghost is evil when it knocks things off shelves, but maybe it’s just really clumsy
October 26, 2025 at 2:14 AM
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October 17, 2025 at 7:04 AM
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Heavens to Betsy
Betsy to Heavens
Heavens BACK to Betsy
Betsy GOOOOOAAAALLLLLLLL
October 17, 2025 at 11:54 AM
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🎶i’m all out of blood, i’m so lost without you🎶

-vampires, probably
October 1, 2025 at 6:44 PM
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Mr. Peanut was recently diagnosed with osteoporosis. Now he's Mr. Peanut Brittle.
October 10, 2025 at 9:47 PM
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October 1, 2025 at 8:48 PM
I’m going to bring a flare gun in this corn maze… just in case
September 24, 2025 at 2:27 AM
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[Law and Order: Earth, Wind, and Fire Unit]

DETECTIVE: do you remember where you were the 21st night in September
July 11, 2023 at 7:11 AM
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Before breakfast, Bill Banister brought Betty big boxes of bratwurst, brisket, and braised beef, as well as banana bread, buttermilk biscuits, bottles of Budweiser beer, and buckets of baked beans for the big biannual barbecue behind Benjamin Brown's barn by Bethlehem Baptist.
September 14, 2025 at 11:35 PM
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September 14, 2025 at 6:03 PM
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No one's ever called me a handsome devil but I have been told I look like hell.
September 11, 2025 at 10:45 PM
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DETECTIVE: Sir, Madam, we have reason to believe your child was involved in a burglary last night.

HIM: Our son?

ME: [first day as a cop] No lol, that’s when you set fire to something.
September 8, 2025 at 7:27 PM
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For the record, every time I’ve been to Hooter’s, it’s been as a FBI informant.
September 7, 2025 at 3:23 AM
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I’m all out of grub, I’m so lost without food
September 7, 2025 at 2:08 PM
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I put on my pants just like Winnie the Pooh
August 27, 2025 at 12:01 PM
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Went 0-1 in my bear wrestling career. RIP in pieces, me.
August 27, 2025 at 11:06 AM
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My swear jar is filled with IOFUs
August 19, 2025 at 10:27 PM
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Don’t you hate it when you’ve just decapitated your arch-enemy in a duel, on the edge of a mountain but when you hold his head up by the hair to wave in front of your army, it’s facing in the wrong direction?
August 9, 2025 at 12:04 AM
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Be the change you wish to see in the fountain
August 3, 2025 at 8:33 PM
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whenever i can’t find Waldo i just pretend he ran off with Carmen Sandiego and turn the page
August 7, 2025 at 9:44 PM
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STADIUM SECURITY: Sir, we’ve got a streaker.

ME [solving two problems at once]: *loads T-shirt gun*
July 26, 2025 at 6:45 PM