Cap’n Watsisname
@capnwatsisname.bsky.social
Likes you and other things that are great. Magic bean farmer.
Recents: https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:efdtjcx67l6vpztu7muhp64s/feed/aaabrbkkoo5lc
Best of: https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:jiqppb3vymtquebk2yatb4mw/feed/aaaoxwn4kyzv4
Recents: https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:efdtjcx67l6vpztu7muhp64s/feed/aaabrbkkoo5lc
Best of: https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:jiqppb3vymtquebk2yatb4mw/feed/aaaoxwn4kyzv4
Pinned
RE starlight you sent 1500 years ago: sorry, just seeing this
Reposted by Cap’n Watsisname
Good versus evil lacks nuance.
Why not try “mediocre versus kinda mopey?”
Why not try “mediocre versus kinda mopey?”
January 5, 2026 at 7:58 PM
Good versus evil lacks nuance.
Why not try “mediocre versus kinda mopey?”
Why not try “mediocre versus kinda mopey?”
Reposted by Cap’n Watsisname
fool me once, shame on you. fool me twice, shame on me. fool me three times and damn you’re really hot tbh.
January 5, 2026 at 8:52 PM
fool me once, shame on you. fool me twice, shame on me. fool me three times and damn you’re really hot tbh.
Reposted by Cap’n Watsisname
When I make apologies for poor performance or absence, they sound like fictitious nonsense like "Sorry I didn't submit that proposal, I got jalapeno hands in my ear canal because I removed and replaced an ear bud while cooking and needed to lie down and funnel olive oil in my ear" but I assure you
January 5, 2026 at 8:58 PM
When I make apologies for poor performance or absence, they sound like fictitious nonsense like "Sorry I didn't submit that proposal, I got jalapeno hands in my ear canal because I removed and replaced an ear bud while cooking and needed to lie down and funnel olive oil in my ear" but I assure you
Reposted by Cap’n Watsisname
Watch out 2054
January 6, 2026 at 12:58 AM
Watch out 2054
Reposted by Cap’n Watsisname
a guy on the dating apps asked me if im trying to lose weight so don’t tell me chivalry is dead!
January 6, 2026 at 2:01 AM
a guy on the dating apps asked me if im trying to lose weight so don’t tell me chivalry is dead!
Reposted by Cap’n Watsisname
Monday night Bluesky smells like beets and tile sealer
January 6, 2026 at 4:58 AM
Monday night Bluesky smells like beets and tile sealer
Reposted by Cap’n Watsisname
*inventing a posh new cereal by tipping an unwrapped pyramid of Ferrero Rochers into a bowl and drowning it in milk*
January 6, 2026 at 5:00 AM
*inventing a posh new cereal by tipping an unwrapped pyramid of Ferrero Rochers into a bowl and drowning it in milk*
Reposted by Cap’n Watsisname
Work should have an end of day hug sesh like SNL
January 5, 2026 at 6:37 PM
Work should have an end of day hug sesh like SNL
Reposted by Cap’n Watsisname
love to wake up and immediately start hurting myself with my brain
January 5, 2026 at 5:28 PM
love to wake up and immediately start hurting myself with my brain
Reposted by Cap’n Watsisname
I wish Jeff Buckley were still alive and also that Jamie Kennedy were never killed off in the Scream franchise
January 5, 2026 at 5:51 AM
I wish Jeff Buckley were still alive and also that Jamie Kennedy were never killed off in the Scream franchise
Reposted by Cap’n Watsisname
every time you hit post the computer feels pain
January 4, 2026 at 11:07 PM
every time you hit post the computer feels pain
Reposted by Cap’n Watsisname
First day back from holidays. I’m fully clothed and conscious. Someone promote me.
January 5, 2026 at 3:22 PM
First day back from holidays. I’m fully clothed and conscious. Someone promote me.
Reposted by Cap’n Watsisname
Vegetarian Greek food restaurant called Don't Meat Your Gyros
January 5, 2026 at 2:54 PM
Vegetarian Greek food restaurant called Don't Meat Your Gyros
Reposted by Cap’n Watsisname
ME: (doing standup) what's the deal with airplane food
AUDIENCE: *crickets*
[later]
GRASSHOPPER: how was the show
CRICKET: oh man that guy was hilarious
AUDIENCE: *crickets*
[later]
GRASSHOPPER: how was the show
CRICKET: oh man that guy was hilarious
January 5, 2026 at 4:46 PM
ME: (doing standup) what's the deal with airplane food
AUDIENCE: *crickets*
[later]
GRASSHOPPER: how was the show
CRICKET: oh man that guy was hilarious
AUDIENCE: *crickets*
[later]
GRASSHOPPER: how was the show
CRICKET: oh man that guy was hilarious
Reposted by Cap’n Watsisname
A friend gave me a new haunted book for Christmas. It does look lovely on the shelf, but it keeps shifting around, so l've been getting it mixed up with the regular book you pull on to open the secret passage. Boy, did I look silly in front of the other haunted books.
January 2, 2026 at 10:43 PM
A friend gave me a new haunted book for Christmas. It does look lovely on the shelf, but it keeps shifting around, so l've been getting it mixed up with the regular book you pull on to open the secret passage. Boy, did I look silly in front of the other haunted books.
Reposted by Cap’n Watsisname
Happy 2026 which is the year Dawn of the Planet of the Apes takes place which is a movie I like
January 1, 2026 at 6:29 PM
Happy 2026 which is the year Dawn of the Planet of the Apes takes place which is a movie I like
Reposted by Cap’n Watsisname
Last night's cocoon did wonders for my feeling safe but my new beauty emerge stage can't feather its hair for shit
January 1, 2026 at 6:39 PM
Last night's cocoon did wonders for my feeling safe but my new beauty emerge stage can't feather its hair for shit
Reposted by Cap’n Watsisname
Whose Idea was it to throw giant, drunken parties on new year's eve? You wake up at the beginning of every new year hungover as hell. NYE parties should be everyone has a nice cup of herbal tea, then goes to sleep by 9:30.
January 1, 2026 at 5:39 PM
Whose Idea was it to throw giant, drunken parties on new year's eve? You wake up at the beginning of every new year hungover as hell. NYE parties should be everyone has a nice cup of herbal tea, then goes to sleep by 9:30.
Reposted by Cap’n Watsisname
there should be a button on tv remotes that if enough people press it at the same time the person talking gets zapped
January 1, 2026 at 5:53 PM
there should be a button on tv remotes that if enough people press it at the same time the person talking gets zapped
Reposted by Cap’n Watsisname
Nobody else on the bus can sing a rainbow
January 1, 2026 at 10:53 AM
Nobody else on the bus can sing a rainbow
Reposted by Cap’n Watsisname
Patiently waiting for the optician to transfer the lenses from my 2025 novelty glasses to my 2026 novelty glasses
December 31, 2025 at 8:13 PM
Patiently waiting for the optician to transfer the lenses from my 2025 novelty glasses to my 2026 novelty glasses
Reposted by Cap’n Watsisname
Explaining to the drill sergeant I like my bunk a little sloppy.
December 31, 2025 at 6:49 AM
Explaining to the drill sergeant I like my bunk a little sloppy.
Reposted by Cap’n Watsisname
Hey are we still supposed to write thankyou letters for all the gifts we got cos I think I forgot the last 35 years
December 31, 2025 at 3:53 PM
Hey are we still supposed to write thankyou letters for all the gifts we got cos I think I forgot the last 35 years
Reposted by Cap’n Watsisname
Once again, interacting with my family over the holiday season has me questioning whether I am truly introverted or just severely conflict avoidant
December 29, 2025 at 6:00 PM
Once again, interacting with my family over the holiday season has me questioning whether I am truly introverted or just severely conflict avoidant
Reposted by Cap’n Watsisname
Wife: he's so quiet, where is his head right now?
Me: I'm a 100% sure that it would be impossible to barbeque a Phoenix
Me: I'm a 100% sure that it would be impossible to barbeque a Phoenix
December 29, 2025 at 6:44 AM
Wife: he's so quiet, where is his head right now?
Me: I'm a 100% sure that it would be impossible to barbeque a Phoenix
Me: I'm a 100% sure that it would be impossible to barbeque a Phoenix