WittySassBasket
@wittysassbasket.bsky.social
That's a salad fork you stupid bitch.
Pinned
*puts phone on charger*
drink your juice Shelby
drink your juice Shelby
Reposted by WittySassBasket
Lassoing some fellas and bros for my dude ranch
May 29, 2025 at 12:19 AM
Lassoing some fellas and bros for my dude ranch
Reposted by WittySassBasket
Why blame yourself when you can blame the bossa nova?
May 28, 2025 at 12:16 PM
Why blame yourself when you can blame the bossa nova?
Reposted by WittySassBasket
me: *loving my new olive oil soap*
every mosquito outside:
I'm now on a Mediterranean diet
every mosquito outside:
I'm now on a Mediterranean diet
May 28, 2025 at 9:27 PM
me: *loving my new olive oil soap*
every mosquito outside:
I'm now on a Mediterranean diet
every mosquito outside:
I'm now on a Mediterranean diet
Reposted by WittySassBasket
After any painter dies:
Hey guys, uhh, this one is kinda cool.
Hey guys, uhh, this one is kinda cool.
May 28, 2025 at 6:33 AM
After any painter dies:
Hey guys, uhh, this one is kinda cool.
Hey guys, uhh, this one is kinda cool.
Reposted by WittySassBasket
[to the doctor]
ok and what do I win if I have the highest blood pressure?
ok and what do I win if I have the highest blood pressure?
May 28, 2025 at 11:57 PM
[to the doctor]
ok and what do I win if I have the highest blood pressure?
ok and what do I win if I have the highest blood pressure?
Reposted by WittySassBasket
Eating a low-calorie, high-protein diet is the worst combination of wishing you could eat while simultaneously wishing you could stop
May 28, 2025 at 11:49 PM
Eating a low-calorie, high-protein diet is the worst combination of wishing you could eat while simultaneously wishing you could stop
Reposted by WittySassBasket
For once, I want to hear one of these true crime stories open with the victim's friend describing her like, "Honestly, she was sort of an asshole but, still, we shouldn't murder people. If it was Carl, I get it."
May 28, 2025 at 11:58 PM
For once, I want to hear one of these true crime stories open with the victim's friend describing her like, "Honestly, she was sort of an asshole but, still, we shouldn't murder people. If it was Carl, I get it."
Reposted by WittySassBasket
I’m embarrassed to admit this but I stopped the music, believing, and thinking about tomorrow
May 27, 2025 at 5:41 PM
I’m embarrassed to admit this but I stopped the music, believing, and thinking about tomorrow
Reposted by WittySassBasket
I open Netflix like a refrigerator, not looking for anything specific but with the hope of finding something that fills the void.
May 28, 2025 at 8:52 PM
I open Netflix like a refrigerator, not looking for anything specific but with the hope of finding something that fills the void.
Reposted by WittySassBasket
Shitposter’s Prayer:
Lord grant me the wisdom to know that my quote post adds nothing to the joke
Lord grant me the wisdom to know that my quote post adds nothing to the joke
May 28, 2025 at 2:04 PM
Shitposter’s Prayer:
Lord grant me the wisdom to know that my quote post adds nothing to the joke
Lord grant me the wisdom to know that my quote post adds nothing to the joke
Reposted by WittySassBasket
hallmark movie idea:
girl takes medical leave from job to avoid a mental breakdown and falls in love (with herself)
girl takes medical leave from job to avoid a mental breakdown and falls in love (with herself)
May 28, 2025 at 7:33 PM
hallmark movie idea:
girl takes medical leave from job to avoid a mental breakdown and falls in love (with herself)
girl takes medical leave from job to avoid a mental breakdown and falls in love (with herself)
Reposted by WittySassBasket
I’m a honey bee in the streets and a murder hornet in the sheets.
May 25, 2025 at 2:28 PM
I’m a honey bee in the streets and a murder hornet in the sheets.
Reposted by WittySassBasket
I just want someone who will stand next to me while we eat over the sink
April 6, 2025 at 8:42 PM
I just want someone who will stand next to me while we eat over the sink
Reposted by WittySassBasket
I’d look forward to going into work if the entrance had a giant slide.
April 15, 2025 at 1:51 PM
I’d look forward to going into work if the entrance had a giant slide.
Reposted by WittySassBasket
Coworker: wanna see some baby pictures?
Me, the proud parent of an asshole teenager: that’s ok, I know what they turn into
Me, the proud parent of an asshole teenager: that’s ok, I know what they turn into
April 16, 2025 at 11:27 PM
Coworker: wanna see some baby pictures?
Me, the proud parent of an asshole teenager: that’s ok, I know what they turn into
Me, the proud parent of an asshole teenager: that’s ok, I know what they turn into
Reposted by WittySassBasket
trying to hook my dad up with my wife's recently divorced mom to level up our step-sibling role play
April 17, 2025 at 1:19 AM
trying to hook my dad up with my wife's recently divorced mom to level up our step-sibling role play
Reposted by WittySassBasket
Top Scarf-Associated Stevens/Stevies:
1. Nicks
2. Tyler
1. Nicks
2. Tyler
April 17, 2025 at 12:11 AM
Top Scarf-Associated Stevens/Stevies:
1. Nicks
2. Tyler
1. Nicks
2. Tyler
my blood type is boars head
April 5, 2025 at 1:06 AM
my blood type is boars head
Reposted by WittySassBasket
me: hello i just saw a guy drinking ginger ale
911: (eyes narrowing) was he on a plane
me: sir he was not
[alarms sound in the distance]
911: (eyes narrowing) was he on a plane
me: sir he was not
[alarms sound in the distance]
March 20, 2025 at 5:20 PM
me: hello i just saw a guy drinking ginger ale
911: (eyes narrowing) was he on a plane
me: sir he was not
[alarms sound in the distance]
911: (eyes narrowing) was he on a plane
me: sir he was not
[alarms sound in the distance]
Reposted by WittySassBasket
Doctor: Your wrist pain is from repetitive motion. Can you stop doing it at work?
[Cut to me doing the jerkoff gesture thru every conference call]
Me: Sadly, no
[Cut to me doing the jerkoff gesture thru every conference call]
Me: Sadly, no
March 20, 2025 at 4:41 PM
Doctor: Your wrist pain is from repetitive motion. Can you stop doing it at work?
[Cut to me doing the jerkoff gesture thru every conference call]
Me: Sadly, no
[Cut to me doing the jerkoff gesture thru every conference call]
Me: Sadly, no
Reposted by WittySassBasket
You never realize how badly someone treated you until you try to explain it to someone else.
March 21, 2025 at 12:57 AM
You never realize how badly someone treated you until you try to explain it to someone else.
Reposted by WittySassBasket
IS IT CAKE?
…I say biting her butt.
…I say biting her butt.
March 18, 2025 at 10:46 PM
IS IT CAKE?
…I say biting her butt.
…I say biting her butt.
Reposted by WittySassBasket
[waiter brings my sandwich]
ME: how am I supposed to club a turkey with this?
ME: how am I supposed to club a turkey with this?
March 18, 2025 at 10:50 PM
[waiter brings my sandwich]
ME: how am I supposed to club a turkey with this?
ME: how am I supposed to club a turkey with this?
Reposted by WittySassBasket
I post for everyone who always has to refill their own ice cube trays. Sisters doin’ it for ourselves.
March 18, 2025 at 10:51 PM
I post for everyone who always has to refill their own ice cube trays. Sisters doin’ it for ourselves.
Reposted by WittySassBasket
CEO: We need to come up with a brand name for these sticks of bread.
Guy who named the meatball: *takes deep breath
Guy who named the meatball: *takes deep breath
March 18, 2025 at 9:49 PM
CEO: We need to come up with a brand name for these sticks of bread.
Guy who named the meatball: *takes deep breath
Guy who named the meatball: *takes deep breath