[fifth day of christmas]
me: (opening gift) oh wow gold rings
my true love: technically they’re golden
me: (opening gift) oh wow gold rings
my true love: technically they’re golden
December 26, 2025 at 4:51 AM
[fifth day of christmas]
me: (opening gift) oh wow gold rings
my true love: technically they’re golden
me: (opening gift) oh wow gold rings
my true love: technically they’re golden
my idiot neighbor still has his christmas decorations up lmao
December 26, 2025 at 3:20 AM
my idiot neighbor still has his christmas decorations up lmao
Reposted by dan mentos
Imagine you’ve been waiting for years and it’s finally your turn to carve the roast beast and then they let the fucking psycho who’s been terrorizing your village do it instead.
April 6, 2024 at 12:11 AM
Imagine you’ve been waiting for years and it’s finally your turn to carve the roast beast and then they let the fucking psycho who’s been terrorizing your village do it instead.
Reposted by dan mentos
[somberly] You cannot serve both god and money [upbeat music hits] Until now. Introducing god as a service
December 25, 2025 at 11:20 PM
[somberly] You cannot serve both god and money [upbeat music hits] Until now. Introducing god as a service
crazy that mary and joseph thought they could just waltz in and book a room during the holidays
December 25, 2025 at 5:39 PM
crazy that mary and joseph thought they could just waltz in and book a room during the holidays
Reposted by dan mentos
My Dad lacks confidence as a hardware store Santa, but he is greatly admired by his subordinates. He has Lowes Elf Esteem
December 7, 2024 at 2:56 AM
My Dad lacks confidence as a hardware store Santa, but he is greatly admired by his subordinates. He has Lowes Elf Esteem
Reposted by dan mentos
NORAD Santa tracker is Woke
December 25, 2025 at 2:28 AM
NORAD Santa tracker is Woke
crazy that it's almost the fourth of july in australia
December 25, 2025 at 12:47 AM
crazy that it's almost the fourth of july in australia
for the tenth year in a row neighborhood teens have desecrated my minion nativity scene
December 25, 2025 at 12:43 AM
for the tenth year in a row neighborhood teens have desecrated my minion nativity scene
Reposted by dan mentos
fun prank: have the kids catch mommy making out with santa claus, really going at it. they assume it's dad, but then dad walks in! (santa is actually mom's personal trainer Jörg)
December 1, 2023 at 9:57 PM
fun prank: have the kids catch mommy making out with santa claus, really going at it. they assume it's dad, but then dad walks in! (santa is actually mom's personal trainer Jörg)
Reposted by dan mentos
"So we kill a tree"
Ok
"And put it inside our house"
Nice
"Then we hang up some socks"
I'm with ya
"And then we drink egg milk punch"
What
Ok
"And put it inside our house"
Nice
"Then we hang up some socks"
I'm with ya
"And then we drink egg milk punch"
What
December 22, 2024 at 3:36 AM
"So we kill a tree"
Ok
"And put it inside our house"
Nice
"Then we hang up some socks"
I'm with ya
"And then we drink egg milk punch"
What
Ok
"And put it inside our house"
Nice
"Then we hang up some socks"
I'm with ya
"And then we drink egg milk punch"
What
Reposted by dan mentos
He looks like he’s trying to stop his dog from leaving him
December 7, 2025 at 3:04 AM
He looks like he’s trying to stop his dog from leaving him
Reposted by dan mentos
michael stipe: stand in the place where you live
santa: ok
michael stipe: now face north
santa: fuck you
santa: ok
michael stipe: now face north
santa: fuck you
December 25, 2023 at 12:48 AM
michael stipe: stand in the place where you live
santa: ok
michael stipe: now face north
santa: fuck you
santa: ok
michael stipe: now face north
santa: fuck you
Reposted by dan mentos
you (plebeian, unrefined): Die Hard is a Christmas movie
me (worldly, sophisticated): Die Hard is a Christmas film
me (worldly, sophisticated): Die Hard is a Christmas film
December 13, 2024 at 12:59 AM
you (plebeian, unrefined): Die Hard is a Christmas movie
me (worldly, sophisticated): Die Hard is a Christmas film
me (worldly, sophisticated): Die Hard is a Christmas film
Reposted by dan mentos
MY MOM: come on, you don’t have to be scared of back of the christmas blanket inverted color santa
BACK OF THE CHRISTMAS BLANKET INVERTED COLOR SANTA:
BACK OF THE CHRISTMAS BLANKET INVERTED COLOR SANTA:
December 21, 2024 at 4:32 AM
MY MOM: come on, you don’t have to be scared of back of the christmas blanket inverted color santa
BACK OF THE CHRISTMAS BLANKET INVERTED COLOR SANTA:
BACK OF THE CHRISTMAS BLANKET INVERTED COLOR SANTA:
Reposted by dan mentos
man they really need to do a better job of redacting these
December 20, 2025 at 4:25 AM
man they really need to do a better job of redacting these
finally sold all my toner futures. now to take a big sip of coffee and check the news
December 19, 2025 at 9:22 PM
finally sold all my toner futures. now to take a big sip of coffee and check the news
Reposted by dan mentos
LaGuardia sounds like a virus your dog gets from eating a gyro off the street
December 14, 2024 at 9:38 PM
LaGuardia sounds like a virus your dog gets from eating a gyro off the street
Reposted by dan mentos
In home alone, the same actor who plays one of the bad guys plays the cop at the beginning of the movie.
December 19, 2025 at 1:09 AM
In home alone, the same actor who plays one of the bad guys plays the cop at the beginning of the movie.
*watching a mcdonalds commercial in the 1980s* a singing moon? preposterous. put the clown back on
December 19, 2025 at 5:09 AM
*watching a mcdonalds commercial in the 1980s* a singing moon? preposterous. put the clown back on
Reposted by dan mentos
*smacking trans-siberian orchestra CD out of sons hand* we’re a mannheim steamroller family
December 2, 2023 at 3:11 AM
*smacking trans-siberian orchestra CD out of sons hand* we’re a mannheim steamroller family
in some personal news I came into a small fortune and quit my job today
December 19, 2025 at 1:25 AM
in some personal news I came into a small fortune and quit my job today
Reposted by dan mentos
I set up my thermostat so that if it gets below a certain temperature, the heat turns on.
November 11, 2025 at 12:38 AM
I set up my thermostat so that if it gets below a certain temperature, the heat turns on.
Reposted by dan mentos
My kids overheard me call our Christmas tree a thirsty bitch when I was giving it water
December 17, 2025 at 6:13 AM
My kids overheard me call our Christmas tree a thirsty bitch when I was giving it water