Mike.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
@dumbmike.bsky.social
I run a kill shelter for small dogs 💖
Pinned
When the fellowship finds Balin's tomb, there's a book someone was writing about everything that happened when they all died. Would be better if it was a catty burn book about all the other dwarves, like from mean girls. "Balin's wife has a beard longer than his dick. Hold on brb, drums in the deep"
January 25, 2026 at 8:44 AM
When the fellowship finds Balin's tomb, there's a book someone was writing about everything that happened when they all died. Would be better if it was a catty burn book about all the other dwarves, like from mean girls. "Balin's wife has a beard longer than his dick. Hold on brb, drums in the deep"
They should make an evil empire that's nice to live in
January 25, 2026 at 6:08 AM
They should make an evil empire that's nice to live in
Reposted by Mike.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
a while back i got accidentally signed up for this daily email from one of those birdfeeders that takes pictures of the birds. and i never unsubscribed because, it's nice to start every morning imagining these lines being screamed over gotham city by a psychotic batman villain named killer canary
January 24, 2026 at 4:25 PM
a while back i got accidentally signed up for this daily email from one of those birdfeeders that takes pictures of the birds. and i never unsubscribed because, it's nice to start every morning imagining these lines being screamed over gotham city by a psychotic batman villain named killer canary
ELROND: Leave this world behind and go into the West. Nothing awaits you here but death.
ARWEN: I have made my choice, Father.
ELROND: But I put on my most severe kimono to tell you this.
ELROND: How many more kimonos must I wear to convince you? Three? Ten?
ELROND: I will… but I must go shopping…
ARWEN: I have made my choice, Father.
ELROND: But I put on my most severe kimono to tell you this.
ELROND: How many more kimonos must I wear to convince you? Three? Ten?
ELROND: I will… but I must go shopping…
January 25, 2026 at 4:07 AM
ELROND: Leave this world behind and go into the West. Nothing awaits you here but death.
ARWEN: I have made my choice, Father.
ELROND: But I put on my most severe kimono to tell you this.
ELROND: How many more kimonos must I wear to convince you? Three? Ten?
ELROND: I will… but I must go shopping…
ARWEN: I have made my choice, Father.
ELROND: But I put on my most severe kimono to tell you this.
ELROND: How many more kimonos must I wear to convince you? Three? Ten?
ELROND: I will… but I must go shopping…
When times get tough, it grounds and centers me to remember I once sang "I Don't Want To Wait" at karaoke and Paula Cole herself walked up to me after to say "It should have been you on the track. Please live a beautiful life with every joy."
January 24, 2026 at 11:36 PM
When times get tough, it grounds and centers me to remember I once sang "I Don't Want To Wait" at karaoke and Paula Cole herself walked up to me after to say "It should have been you on the track. Please live a beautiful life with every joy."
The supermarket loves to play pop songs by people you've never even heard of before called "I Hope You Have God's Most Beautiful Day"
January 24, 2026 at 11:27 PM
The supermarket loves to play pop songs by people you've never even heard of before called "I Hope You Have God's Most Beautiful Day"
Every day on Bluesky feels like being behind the scenes on The Master of Disguise. Everyone bopping around in their silly little Turtle Club costumes until a production assistant walks on set to say "Terrorists have just flown an airplane into the World Trade Center. America is at war."
January 24, 2026 at 11:03 PM
Every day on Bluesky feels like being behind the scenes on The Master of Disguise. Everyone bopping around in their silly little Turtle Club costumes until a production assistant walks on set to say "Terrorists have just flown an airplane into the World Trade Center. America is at war."
🚨 Jay deleted her Charlie Kirk post.
January 24, 2026 at 10:24 PM
🚨 Jay deleted her Charlie Kirk post.
Reposted by Mike.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
I will canvass for whichever candidate runs on putting this man in prison in 2028.
Bovino shamelessly lies: "This looks like a situation where an individual wanted to do maximum damage and massacre law enforcement"
January 24, 2026 at 8:49 PM
I will canvass for whichever candidate runs on putting this man in prison in 2028.
I can't imagine a nonviolent way through this other than a completely unprecedented "entire country shuts down until he's literally dragged out of office by his hair into a cell"
January 24, 2026 at 8:42 PM
I can't imagine a nonviolent way through this other than a completely unprecedented "entire country shuts down until he's literally dragged out of office by his hair into a cell"
Reposted by Mike.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
A national general strike is needed not just to protest the violence, but to acknowledge the absurdity that we’re all just supposed to carry on with our stupid little daily lives amidst the ambient terrorism of an unchecked state militia executing innocent people in the streets of our country.
January 24, 2026 at 8:33 PM
A national general strike is needed not just to protest the violence, but to acknowledge the absurdity that we’re all just supposed to carry on with our stupid little daily lives amidst the ambient terrorism of an unchecked state militia executing innocent people in the streets of our country.
Let everything they release into the world be returned to them times ten. Spirits, hear my prayer.
January 24, 2026 at 7:07 PM
Let everything they release into the world be returned to them times ten. Spirits, hear my prayer.
a while back i got accidentally signed up for this daily email from one of those birdfeeders that takes pictures of the birds. and i never unsubscribed because, it's nice to start every morning imagining these lines being screamed over gotham city by a psychotic batman villain named killer canary
January 24, 2026 at 4:25 PM
a while back i got accidentally signed up for this daily email from one of those birdfeeders that takes pictures of the birds. and i never unsubscribed because, it's nice to start every morning imagining these lines being screamed over gotham city by a psychotic batman villain named killer canary
Just learned Whiskey Friday with Tony Dokoupil was a real thing. Thought you were all using new slang for erectile dysfunction.
January 24, 2026 at 6:19 AM
Just learned Whiskey Friday with Tony Dokoupil was a real thing. Thought you were all using new slang for erectile dysfunction.
Anyway the lotr extended editions are back in theaters and I answered the Call of the Millennial so expect pretty much all of my posts for a week to be about telling gollum to wash his ass twice before I'll eat it
January 24, 2026 at 4:07 AM
Anyway the lotr extended editions are back in theaters and I answered the Call of the Millennial so expect pretty much all of my posts for a week to be about telling gollum to wash his ass twice before I'll eat it
There's so much horse riding and running and canoeing in Lord of the Rings. There's really no reason they couldn't have a BMX section with the hobbits doing a ton of double barspins and tail whips and 360s. Cut all that orc shit out and let Gimli do tire taps and wheelies at the grave of Balin.
January 24, 2026 at 4:06 AM
There's so much horse riding and running and canoeing in Lord of the Rings. There's really no reason they couldn't have a BMX section with the hobbits doing a ton of double barspins and tail whips and 360s. Cut all that orc shit out and let Gimli do tire taps and wheelies at the grave of Balin.
Reposted by Mike.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
I just watched this 500 times in a row and felt all my psychic wounds close like wolverine
Tom's cool dance
YouTube video by Go Off Kings
youtube.com
October 17, 2025 at 5:10 PM
I just watched this 500 times in a row and felt all my psychic wounds close like wolverine
Reposted by Mike.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
I heard Stranger Things used Purple Rain at some point in their finale, which is surprising to me, because although I’ve never seen the program, I believe it is about white children chasing boogeymen (?) while Purple Rain is, of course, about the cum of Black adults (as are all Prince songs.)
January 23, 2026 at 8:27 PM
I heard Stranger Things used Purple Rain at some point in their finale, which is surprising to me, because although I’ve never seen the program, I believe it is about white children chasing boogeymen (?) while Purple Rain is, of course, about the cum of Black adults (as are all Prince songs.)
INSIDE PAUL MCCARTNEY'S NOTEBOOK
C G
Nurse Nancy's feeling fancy dancy
Am F
At jamborees with Brother Jim
*
INSIDE JOHN LENNON'S NOTEBOOK
To Do:
☑️ look up more slurs for wife
C G
Nurse Nancy's feeling fancy dancy
Am F
At jamborees with Brother Jim
*
INSIDE JOHN LENNON'S NOTEBOOK
To Do:
☑️ look up more slurs for wife
January 23, 2026 at 8:14 PM
INSIDE PAUL MCCARTNEY'S NOTEBOOK
C G
Nurse Nancy's feeling fancy dancy
Am F
At jamborees with Brother Jim
*
INSIDE JOHN LENNON'S NOTEBOOK
To Do:
☑️ look up more slurs for wife
C G
Nurse Nancy's feeling fancy dancy
Am F
At jamborees with Brother Jim
*
INSIDE JOHN LENNON'S NOTEBOOK
To Do:
☑️ look up more slurs for wife
Probably the most important thing I can imagine in an AI summary to save me precious reading time, is to repeat the information three times in increasingly tortured, spaced out, and meaningless ways
January 23, 2026 at 7:41 PM
Probably the most important thing I can imagine in an AI summary to save me precious reading time, is to repeat the information three times in increasingly tortured, spaced out, and meaningless ways
It would be pretty funny if it was a planned pregnancy. If his parents were like "we need to make the world's wickedest little elf. just a little silver haired librarian looking demon who whacks off nonnnnstop. and his son always knows when"
Johnson: I was the product of an unplanned teen pregnancy and a lot of people tried to convince my young parents that they should take care of that problem
January 23, 2026 at 6:52 PM
It would be pretty funny if it was a planned pregnancy. If his parents were like "we need to make the world's wickedest little elf. just a little silver haired librarian looking demon who whacks off nonnnnstop. and his son always knows when"
Reposted by Mike.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
this is still the funniest thumbnail on youtube
January 23, 2026 at 6:39 PM
this is still the funniest thumbnail on youtube
Reposted by Mike.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
Both Coen bros have new films out this year. Joel has Reverie, a 20 minute silent film where a man stares at statues, and Ethan has the 3rd film in his Hee-Haw trilogy, HOOTIN’ AT JUGGS!!
January 23, 2026 at 6:30 PM
Both Coen bros have new films out this year. Joel has Reverie, a 20 minute silent film where a man stares at statues, and Ethan has the 3rd film in his Hee-Haw trilogy, HOOTIN’ AT JUGGS!!
Reposted by Mike.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
just lost another role to timothee chalomet at the cumsock 3 auditions. why are they even making him read at this point? just roll the tape from when he came in for cumsock 1 and 2. why waste everyones time?
July 2, 2023 at 8:50 PM
just lost another role to timothee chalomet at the cumsock 3 auditions. why are they even making him read at this point? just roll the tape from when he came in for cumsock 1 and 2. why waste everyones time?
Reposted by Mike.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
Trump Boys Put Nobel Peace Prize In Microwave https://theonion.com/trump-boys-put-nobel-peace-prize-in-microwave/
January 23, 2026 at 5:00 PM
Trump Boys Put Nobel Peace Prize In Microwave https://theonion.com/trump-boys-put-nobel-peace-prize-in-microwave/