Mike.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
@dumbmike.bsky.social
I run a kill shelter for small dogs 💖
Pinned
I'm the #3 personal injury attorney in the city, and I'm the ONLY one who will show up to court shirtless for YOU
January 4, 2026 at 2:28 PM
I'm the #3 personal injury attorney in the city, and I'm the ONLY one who will show up to court shirtless for YOU
Reposted by Mike.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
These might be the most important youtube captions in history
December 31, 2025 at 6:12 PM
These might be the most important youtube captions in history
My new years resolution to become the world's dog stupidest most violent ugly dying pedophile is already facing some tough competition. Can't say more!
January 3, 2026 at 9:53 PM
My new years resolution to become the world's dog stupidest most violent ugly dying pedophile is already facing some tough competition. Can't say more!
Reposted by Mike.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
My slogan t-shirt that says "You Ever Been Dicked By A Man With A Permanently Wet Face?" is missing. Please help me find it, this is a one of a kind collectors item. It was a Christmas present to myself.
January 2, 2026 at 7:37 PM
My slogan t-shirt that says "You Ever Been Dicked By A Man With A Permanently Wet Face?" is missing. Please help me find it, this is a one of a kind collectors item. It was a Christmas present to myself.
Reposted by Mike.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
Everyone screamed when the coffin rolled over and spilled out the corpse at the funeral of Crazy Frog, but I won't lie... I was incredibly comforted to be able to see his penis one last time.
January 2, 2026 at 10:23 PM
Everyone screamed when the coffin rolled over and spilled out the corpse at the funeral of Crazy Frog, but I won't lie... I was incredibly comforted to be able to see his penis one last time.
The final teaser trailer for Avengers: Doomsday has premiered in front of screenings of Marty Supreme and features Ant-Man and the Wasp flying up Timothee Chalamet's naked ass.
January 2, 2026 at 10:55 PM
The final teaser trailer for Avengers: Doomsday has premiered in front of screenings of Marty Supreme and features Ant-Man and the Wasp flying up Timothee Chalamet's naked ass.
Everyone screamed when the coffin rolled over and spilled out the corpse at the funeral of Crazy Frog, but I won't lie... I was incredibly comforted to be able to see his penis one last time.
January 2, 2026 at 10:23 PM
Everyone screamed when the coffin rolled over and spilled out the corpse at the funeral of Crazy Frog, but I won't lie... I was incredibly comforted to be able to see his penis one last time.
My slogan t-shirt that says "You Ever Been Dicked By A Man With A Permanently Wet Face?" is missing. Please help me find it, this is a one of a kind collectors item. It was a Christmas present to myself.
January 2, 2026 at 7:37 PM
My slogan t-shirt that says "You Ever Been Dicked By A Man With A Permanently Wet Face?" is missing. Please help me find it, this is a one of a kind collectors item. It was a Christmas present to myself.
Reposted by Mike.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
waking up and doing it all again tomorrow
January 2, 2026 at 6:16 PM
waking up and doing it all again tomorrow
congrats to everyone who had "day one elon musk child porn scandal" on their 2026 bingo free space. which is, i feel safe to assume, everyone.
January 2, 2026 at 3:48 AM
congrats to everyone who had "day one elon musk child porn scandal" on their 2026 bingo free space. which is, i feel safe to assume, everyone.
My only real new years project was starting a novelty account on here called "The Burping Farter" and it didn't even last 3 hours before being banned. So thank you, Bluesky moderation. 2026 already starting off with Fascism.
January 1, 2026 at 5:16 PM
My only real new years project was starting a novelty account on here called "The Burping Farter" and it didn't even last 3 hours before being banned. So thank you, Bluesky moderation. 2026 already starting off with Fascism.
Reposted by Mike.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
It's going to be a great year for defending democracy. Let's go!
January 1, 2026 at 2:45 PM
It's going to be a great year for defending democracy. Let's go!
Reposted by Mike.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
On Jan 1, 2026, "girly pop" is set to enter the straight white male public domain. SWMPD is a legal designation indicating any minority- or youth-originated slang you've first heard within the last calendar year is able to be used sarcastically by all demographics and no longer carries any meaning.
December 12, 2025 at 11:20 PM
On Jan 1, 2026, "girly pop" is set to enter the straight white male public domain. SWMPD is a legal designation indicating any minority- or youth-originated slang you've first heard within the last calendar year is able to be used sarcastically by all demographics and no longer carries any meaning.
Reposted by Mike.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
2026. Brother versus brother. Blood runs in the streets. Though the real conflicts are fought not on the battlefield, but in the salon. This is just the beginning... of Perm War I.
March 5, 2025 at 8:31 AM
2026. Brother versus brother. Blood runs in the streets. Though the real conflicts are fought not on the battlefield, but in the salon. This is just the beginning... of Perm War I.
Reposted by Mike.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
On Jan 1, this account is renaming to "My Lovely World" and I will only be posting pictures of my face smiling. To brighten the beautiful world.
December 31, 2025 at 1:26 PM
On Jan 1, this account is renaming to "My Lovely World" and I will only be posting pictures of my face smiling. To brighten the beautiful world.
Reposted by Mike.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
I just finalized a plan to get as many free hugs from strangers as I please, and all it will take is a "T"-shirt of quite calculated design...
December 31, 2025 at 4:39 PM
I just finalized a plan to get as many free hugs from strangers as I please, and all it will take is a "T"-shirt of quite calculated design...
It was a blockbuster year for my friend Dan and I wish him all success for the future. Check out The Outfit on your day off tomorrow. It was not so good a year for me. The #1 highlight was when a restaurant served me dog biscuits in a dirty dog bowl as an insult and they smelled so good I ate them.
2025 was a big year, and I am hopeful that 2026 will bring more prosperity, so indulge in an insanely self-promotional thread of shit I did this year--first & foremost my podcast The Outfit, whose thesis is that organized crime explains America and the world. podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/t...
The Outfit
History Podcast · Updated Weekly · Welcome to The Outfit — where each week, a fascinating (and often hilarious) Mafia story reveals something deeper about the way our society works. Hosted by Alana Ho...
podcasts.apple.com
December 31, 2025 at 11:33 PM
It was a blockbuster year for my friend Dan and I wish him all success for the future. Check out The Outfit on your day off tomorrow. It was not so good a year for me. The #1 highlight was when a restaurant served me dog biscuits in a dirty dog bowl as an insult and they smelled so good I ate them.
If you start Napoleon Dynamite now, you will have several hours after the end credits to enjoy time spent with family and friends reflecting on a year of life, love, and perseverance through adversity before the ball drops. The film is rated PG for thematic elements and language.
December 31, 2025 at 11:28 PM
If you start Napoleon Dynamite now, you will have several hours after the end credits to enjoy time spent with family and friends reflecting on a year of life, love, and perseverance through adversity before the ball drops. The film is rated PG for thematic elements and language.
Reposted by Mike.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
It's going to take me a while to get used to "2026". I'm still writing "For: the assassination of Shinzo Abe" on all my checks.
December 31, 2025 at 3:32 PM
It's going to take me a while to get used to "2026". I'm still writing "For: the assassination of Shinzo Abe" on all my checks.
Preview: I will be replying to every post I see in 2026, whether I follow you or not, with "And you're telling me this ... why?!?"
December 31, 2025 at 11:07 PM
Preview: I will be replying to every post I see in 2026, whether I follow you or not, with "And you're telling me this ... why?!?"
Reposted by Mike.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
Elon Musk has killed himself.
December 31, 2025 at 10:36 PM
Elon Musk has killed himself.
Reposted by Mike.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
My only new years resolution is to start wearing a long cool dangly feather earring on one side only. Well I guess that and to win back custody of my estranged son. But that's planned to be largely by proving to the family court judge how much I've leveled up my feather jewelry game.
December 31, 2025 at 6:14 AM
My only new years resolution is to start wearing a long cool dangly feather earring on one side only. Well I guess that and to win back custody of my estranged son. But that's planned to be largely by proving to the family court judge how much I've leveled up my feather jewelry game.
Reposted by Mike.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
For me, 2025 will always be the year I was on a whisky distillery tour in the Inner Hebrides and put my hand in my pocket and found a balled-up straw wrapper and started playing with it and was like “wait, when did I last use a straw?” and then the straw wrapper stung me because it was a large bee
December 31, 2025 at 6:31 PM
For me, 2025 will always be the year I was on a whisky distillery tour in the Inner Hebrides and put my hand in my pocket and found a balled-up straw wrapper and started playing with it and was like “wait, when did I last use a straw?” and then the straw wrapper stung me because it was a large bee
These might be the most important youtube captions in history
December 31, 2025 at 6:12 PM
These might be the most important youtube captions in history