t0ker 🇨🇦
@t0kerfr0g.bsky.social
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Ready to face Wednesday like someone with a badly malfunctioning time machine.
November 25, 2025 at 12:50 PM
Ready to face Wednesday like someone with a badly malfunctioning time machine.
Reposted by t0ker 🇨🇦
Research indicates there is more brain activity in a dead hooker than there is in stupid people.
November 25, 2025 at 1:06 PM
Research indicates there is more brain activity in a dead hooker than there is in stupid people.
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I got so high I found a profound, universal truth last night. Wrote it down so I wouldn't forget. This morning I found a napkin that just says, "The ceiling is flat."
November 24, 2025 at 11:13 PM
I got so high I found a profound, universal truth last night. Wrote it down so I wouldn't forget. This morning I found a napkin that just says, "The ceiling is flat."
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The true measure of a man isn't in his accomplishments, but in the silent, primal scream he lets out upon discovering the toilet paper roll is empty and the backup is at the grocery store.
November 24, 2025 at 2:47 PM
The true measure of a man isn't in his accomplishments, but in the silent, primal scream he lets out upon discovering the toilet paper roll is empty and the backup is at the grocery store.
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My brain, halfway through looking at houses on Zillow: "You know, with the money we'd save on a down payment, we could both afford a really nice casket.”
November 24, 2025 at 2:31 PM
My brain, halfway through looking at houses on Zillow: "You know, with the money we'd save on a down payment, we could both afford a really nice casket.”
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I finally achieved a higher state of consciousness. My dog immediately sensed it and brought me a half-chewed tennis ball.
I'm pretty sure is his way of saying, "Don't get a big head, you still throw like a wimp."
I'm pretty sure is his way of saying, "Don't get a big head, you still throw like a wimp."
November 24, 2025 at 12:43 PM
I finally achieved a higher state of consciousness. My dog immediately sensed it and brought me a half-chewed tennis ball.
I'm pretty sure is his way of saying, "Don't get a big head, you still throw like a wimp."
I'm pretty sure is his way of saying, "Don't get a big head, you still throw like a wimp."
Reposted by t0ker 🇨🇦
This day in history. 1976. OJ Simpson ran for 273 yards against the Detroit Lions not stopping until authorities agreed to let him talk to his mother.
November 25, 2023 at 10:34 AM
This day in history. 1976. OJ Simpson ran for 273 yards against the Detroit Lions not stopping until authorities agreed to let him talk to his mother.
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![[Scene is a MEDIEVAL PLAGUE PIT with all the bodies inside it. On the edge of it is a young peasant woman, in a sack cloth dress, covered in boils. She is lounging glamorously next to the pit. Her boyfriend is standing a few feet away, photographing her with an anachronistic mobile phone]
GIRL:
OK so I'll sit here...
With my hair like this…
Rubbing my cyst with the corpse's hand.
[She produces a whithered severed hand and starts rubbing it on her face.]
[We are treated to a revolting close up of her rubbing the severed hand on her disgusting massive cyst.]
[Her boyfriend takes a photo of her.]
SNAP
GIRL:
OK, now write this:
"Hanging out at the burial pit, rubbing my sebaceous cyst with a severed corpse hand from
#BurtsGraverobbers…”
And then: #selfcare, #metime, #BurtsGraverobbers…
... nails emoji, heart emoji, cyst emoji.
BOYFRIEND:
Um...
Should we really be promoting this?
I mean… does rubbing a corpse's hand on a cyst actually work?
GIRL:
Look, Burt's done research, OK?
And he's paying us four groats.
BOYFRIEND:
Hmm.
[Boyfriend dutifully taps out the post on his phone]
TAP TAP TAP
BOYFRIEND:
Cyst emoji?
GIRL:
Just use a fried egg.
[Ends]](https://cdn.bsky.app/img/feed_thumbnail/plain/did:plc:4m3we4apbjayclzcnhwe3pfp/bafkreifyvq2vzehtutrj7ild2dd7kkljmkbcby7yompicekbbpa2bqpluq@jpeg)
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Some nights I throw all of my coats on the bed in the guest room so it looks like I’m having a big party.
November 25, 2025 at 12:32 AM
Some nights I throw all of my coats on the bed in the guest room so it looks like I’m having a big party.
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I imagine everyone I follow here being incrementally taller, wow, you’re a tall glass of water Milf_Likes_Dick
November 25, 2025 at 5:15 AM
I imagine everyone I follow here being incrementally taller, wow, you’re a tall glass of water Milf_Likes_Dick
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All I ask of you is that we hate the same things. We’ll walk side-by-side, hating things
January 31, 2025 at 9:51 PM
All I ask of you is that we hate the same things. We’ll walk side-by-side, hating things
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I can’t wait until archaeologists discover the Chuck Taylors I’ve ritualistically placed beneath the sill of my house
November 24, 2025 at 11:16 PM
I can’t wait until archaeologists discover the Chuck Taylors I’ve ritualistically placed beneath the sill of my house
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The arbiters of morality make me glad to be a degenerate
November 24, 2025 at 11:08 PM
The arbiters of morality make me glad to be a degenerate
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If I had a time machine me and Duke Ellington would ride our bikes to the Cape Cod Canal and we’d fish for stripers at sunset.
“We’re canal rats!” I’d joke, but he’d already be composing music based on the sound of cars and trucks going over the Sagamore Bridge.
“We’re canal rats!” I’d joke, but he’d already be composing music based on the sound of cars and trucks going over the Sagamore Bridge.
November 24, 2025 at 10:33 PM
If I had a time machine me and Duke Ellington would ride our bikes to the Cape Cod Canal and we’d fish for stripers at sunset.
“We’re canal rats!” I’d joke, but he’d already be composing music based on the sound of cars and trucks going over the Sagamore Bridge.
“We’re canal rats!” I’d joke, but he’d already be composing music based on the sound of cars and trucks going over the Sagamore Bridge.
Reposted by t0ker 🇨🇦
Highlight your flaws with bold colors!
November 24, 2025 at 10:30 PM
Highlight your flaws with bold colors!
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My favorite childhood toy was a plug socket. Perhaps that’s why I don’t recall much of my childhood.
November 25, 2025 at 9:07 AM
My favorite childhood toy was a plug socket. Perhaps that’s why I don’t recall much of my childhood.
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My mother used to say, she used to say; "WHAT?"
November 25, 2025 at 3:03 AM
My mother used to say, she used to say; "WHAT?"
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*waits my whole life for weed to be legal*
*weed finally becomes legal*
oh i ain’t paying those taxes
*weed finally becomes legal*
oh i ain’t paying those taxes
November 25, 2025 at 4:11 AM
*waits my whole life for weed to be legal*
*weed finally becomes legal*
oh i ain’t paying those taxes
*weed finally becomes legal*
oh i ain’t paying those taxes
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Ok fine I’ll admit it my name is Igor and this account originated in an internet disinformation troll farm in Russia but I got fired for not staying on topic because y’all are hilarious as fuck
November 25, 2025 at 4:18 AM
Ok fine I’ll admit it my name is Igor and this account originated in an internet disinformation troll farm in Russia but I got fired for not staying on topic because y’all are hilarious as fuck
Reposted by t0ker 🇨🇦
Welcome to Kentucky for attempted robbery
November 22, 2025 at 4:52 AM
Welcome to Kentucky for attempted robbery
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MBS when it’s time to get to work
November 21, 2025 at 2:44 AM
MBS when it’s time to get to work
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John Wick was cool but those movies would have been way cooler if that was Queen Elizabeth II
November 22, 2025 at 7:56 AM
John Wick was cool but those movies would have been way cooler if that was Queen Elizabeth II
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Sometimes, I get sad that I didn't have a privileged childhood of living in an isolated English manor full of vengeful spirits.
November 20, 2025 at 5:04 PM
Sometimes, I get sad that I didn't have a privileged childhood of living in an isolated English manor full of vengeful spirits.
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i have something to say
November 25, 2025 at 1:18 AM
i have something to say
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decent advice. lots more people have difficult relationships with food than is otherwise obvious. same for alcohol. let people their peace
personally if anyone talks to me about calories or protein at the christmas dinner table this year i’ll tombstone piledrive them expeditiously
happy holidays
personally if anyone talks to me about calories or protein at the christmas dinner table this year i’ll tombstone piledrive them expeditiously
happy holidays
No matter what you eat for the holidays, please never:
- comment on how much someone is eating
- comment on how little someone is eating
- comment on someone eating
This can be a major trigger for people with eating disorders. Plus it’s none of your business. Thanks!
- comment on how much someone is eating
- comment on how little someone is eating
- comment on someone eating
This can be a major trigger for people with eating disorders. Plus it’s none of your business. Thanks!
November 25, 2025 at 9:56 AM
decent advice. lots more people have difficult relationships with food than is otherwise obvious. same for alcohol. let people their peace
personally if anyone talks to me about calories or protein at the christmas dinner table this year i’ll tombstone piledrive them expeditiously
happy holidays
personally if anyone talks to me about calories or protein at the christmas dinner table this year i’ll tombstone piledrive them expeditiously
happy holidays