Mrs. Dick Helicopter 💩📺
@hormonella.bsky.social
My body is not my temple
It’s more like my bar and grill
It’s more like my bar and grill
Pinned
Shut the fuck up, single people.
Married people hate Valentine's Day, too.
Married people hate Valentine's Day, too.
Reposted by Mrs. Dick Helicopter 💩📺
Pro tip: Asking God to smite your enemies will ensure you never get asked to lead the prayer before a family meal again.
February 7, 2026 at 3:57 PM
Pro tip: Asking God to smite your enemies will ensure you never get asked to lead the prayer before a family meal again.
Reposted by Mrs. Dick Helicopter 💩📺
Computer: your password has been compromised
Me: so has the presidency of the United States. im sure everything will be fine
Me: so has the presidency of the United States. im sure everything will be fine
February 7, 2026 at 2:54 PM
Computer: your password has been compromised
Me: so has the presidency of the United States. im sure everything will be fine
Me: so has the presidency of the United States. im sure everything will be fine
I don’t know how to tell if someone blocked me and I don’t care
their problem, not mine
their problem, not mine
February 7, 2026 at 3:30 PM
I don’t know how to tell if someone blocked me and I don’t care
their problem, not mine
their problem, not mine
Reposted by Mrs. Dick Helicopter 💩📺
When are they gonna put Bill Gates on trial for Microsoft Teams?
February 6, 2026 at 4:58 PM
When are they gonna put Bill Gates on trial for Microsoft Teams?
Reposted by Mrs. Dick Helicopter 💩📺
If you break enough lava lamps, then yes. The floor is lava.
February 5, 2026 at 8:54 PM
If you break enough lava lamps, then yes. The floor is lava.
thought the corgi had taken up break dancing but he was just rolling in the spider he’d killed on the kitchen floor
February 5, 2026 at 8:58 PM
thought the corgi had taken up break dancing but he was just rolling in the spider he’d killed on the kitchen floor
Reposted by Mrs. Dick Helicopter 💩📺
BANANA POEM
Bananas are yellow
A tasty tube fruit
Yummy and boneless
In a tight yellow suit
Bananas with ice cream
Make my heart flutter
Elvis put them in sammies
With smooth peanut butter
They're healthy and filling
And favoured by monkeys
But eat em right quick
Or they get brown and funky
Bananas are yellow
A tasty tube fruit
Yummy and boneless
In a tight yellow suit
Bananas with ice cream
Make my heart flutter
Elvis put them in sammies
With smooth peanut butter
They're healthy and filling
And favoured by monkeys
But eat em right quick
Or they get brown and funky
February 5, 2026 at 3:04 AM
BANANA POEM
Bananas are yellow
A tasty tube fruit
Yummy and boneless
In a tight yellow suit
Bananas with ice cream
Make my heart flutter
Elvis put them in sammies
With smooth peanut butter
They're healthy and filling
And favoured by monkeys
But eat em right quick
Or they get brown and funky
Bananas are yellow
A tasty tube fruit
Yummy and boneless
In a tight yellow suit
Bananas with ice cream
Make my heart flutter
Elvis put them in sammies
With smooth peanut butter
They're healthy and filling
And favoured by monkeys
But eat em right quick
Or they get brown and funky
Reposted by Mrs. Dick Helicopter 💩📺
I think your dog would really like me
February 4, 2026 at 12:56 PM
I think your dog would really like me
I’m not always up this early but when I am I’m pissed as hell
February 4, 2026 at 1:22 PM
I’m not always up this early but when I am I’m pissed as hell
Reposted by Mrs. Dick Helicopter 💩📺
(maintaining eye contact while scraping the brussels sprouts you made me into the compost)
February 4, 2026 at 1:23 AM
(maintaining eye contact while scraping the brussels sprouts you made me into the compost)
Reposted by Mrs. Dick Helicopter 💩📺
Call me Groundhog the way I open the door, look outside, say fuck that and head back to bed for another 6 weeks.
February 2, 2026 at 1:36 PM
Call me Groundhog the way I open the door, look outside, say fuck that and head back to bed for another 6 weeks.
I trust that groundhog more than I trust this administration
February 2, 2026 at 2:28 PM
I trust that groundhog more than I trust this administration
Reposted by Mrs. Dick Helicopter 💩📺
Keep on rocking in the free world? Have you noticed what they've been doing to our free world?
January 31, 2026 at 10:12 PM
Keep on rocking in the free world? Have you noticed what they've been doing to our free world?
Reposted by Mrs. Dick Helicopter 💩📺
Female dragonflies will fake their own death to avoid mating with an unwanted male and I for one am impressed by that kind of self care.
January 29, 2026 at 5:08 PM
Female dragonflies will fake their own death to avoid mating with an unwanted male and I for one am impressed by that kind of self care.
my dog has a cleaner mouth than I do and my dog eats shit
February 1, 2026 at 11:16 PM
my dog has a cleaner mouth than I do and my dog eats shit
Reposted by Mrs. Dick Helicopter 💩📺
Next they'll be telling us Jesus didn't mean "all people"
January 25, 2026 at 4:41 PM
Next they'll be telling us Jesus didn't mean "all people"
Reposted by Mrs. Dick Helicopter 💩📺
Her: I just want to be alone for a while.
Me: Here’s a ticket to the Melania movie.
Me: Here’s a ticket to the Melania movie.
January 31, 2026 at 5:30 AM
Her: I just want to be alone for a while.
Me: Here’s a ticket to the Melania movie.
Me: Here’s a ticket to the Melania movie.
eating chocolate because fuck February
February 1, 2026 at 2:26 PM
eating chocolate because fuck February
Reposted by Mrs. Dick Helicopter 💩📺
*seductively recedes into the nothingness
January 31, 2026 at 1:05 AM
*seductively recedes into the nothingness
Reposted by Mrs. Dick Helicopter 💩📺
We live on a 4.5 billion-year-old rock that's traveling 67,000 mph through space but I'm sure your latte is "the most amazing thing ever."
January 30, 2026 at 11:18 PM
We live on a 4.5 billion-year-old rock that's traveling 67,000 mph through space but I'm sure your latte is "the most amazing thing ever."
The Silver Alert is coming from inside The White House!
January 31, 2026 at 3:44 PM
The Silver Alert is coming from inside The White House!
Reposted by Mrs. Dick Helicopter 💩📺
Closest I've ever been to being in a band is sitting with a group of friends looking in different directions while having a photo taken
January 30, 2026 at 8:04 AM
Closest I've ever been to being in a band is sitting with a group of friends looking in different directions while having a photo taken
Reposted by Mrs. Dick Helicopter 💩📺
Each day, my mom made my homeschooling as close to a real school experience by shaking me down for lunch money.
January 30, 2026 at 6:37 PM
Each day, my mom made my homeschooling as close to a real school experience by shaking me down for lunch money.
disappointed to find that horsing around didn’t involve any equine characters
January 30, 2026 at 8:04 PM
disappointed to find that horsing around didn’t involve any equine characters
Reposted by Mrs. Dick Helicopter 💩📺
Trump appears in the Epstein files more than he appears in Melania's movie.
January 29, 2026 at 2:03 PM
Trump appears in the Epstein files more than he appears in Melania's movie.