Mrs. Dick Helicopter 💩📺
@hormonella.bsky.social
My body is not my temple
It’s more like my bar and grill
It’s more like my bar and grill
Pinned
I often shitpost before anyone else is online.
So, I get it, premature ejaculators.
So, I get it, premature ejaculators.
Reposted by Mrs. Dick Helicopter 💩📺
I’m at my best when I shut the fuck up.
November 17, 2025 at 12:50 PM
I’m at my best when I shut the fuck up.
Reposted by Mrs. Dick Helicopter 💩📺
Don’t ask people how they’re doing. We are bad
November 17, 2025 at 12:21 PM
Don’t ask people how they’re doing. We are bad
when a friend shares with you the frightening details of their recent medical procedure be sure to interrupt them to tell them all about your own far less harrowing procedure seven years ago
people love that
people love that
November 17, 2025 at 1:14 PM
when a friend shares with you the frightening details of their recent medical procedure be sure to interrupt them to tell them all about your own far less harrowing procedure seven years ago
people love that
people love that
Reposted by Mrs. Dick Helicopter 💩📺
I’ve decided to give in to “gluttony” and “sloth” because I’m an overachiever
November 14, 2025 at 3:38 PM
I’ve decided to give in to “gluttony” and “sloth” because I’m an overachiever
Reposted by Mrs. Dick Helicopter 💩📺
Why would anyone want to be normal? Look where normal has gotten us
November 15, 2025 at 1:14 AM
Why would anyone want to be normal? Look where normal has gotten us
Imagine me seductively stepping into my Sunday best.
Wrong. More dog hair.
Wrong. More dog hair.
November 16, 2025 at 1:06 PM
Imagine me seductively stepping into my Sunday best.
Wrong. More dog hair.
Wrong. More dog hair.
Reposted by Mrs. Dick Helicopter 💩📺
Sorry for what I said and did when I was overstimulated
November 15, 2025 at 5:43 AM
Sorry for what I said and did when I was overstimulated
Reposted by Mrs. Dick Helicopter 💩📺
Create the problem
Fix the problem
Take credit for fixing the problem
Fix the problem
Take credit for fixing the problem
November 15, 2025 at 5:36 AM
Create the problem
Fix the problem
Take credit for fixing the problem
Fix the problem
Take credit for fixing the problem
If, by seize the day, you mean curling up on the couch with the dog then, yes, totally seizing the fuck out of this day.
November 15, 2025 at 1:46 PM
If, by seize the day, you mean curling up on the couch with the dog then, yes, totally seizing the fuck out of this day.
Reposted by Mrs. Dick Helicopter 💩📺
“Women these days don’t want to have children.”
Well, we don’t actually know if women in the past wanted to. Nobody asked them, least of all their husbands.
Well, we don’t actually know if women in the past wanted to. Nobody asked them, least of all their husbands.
November 15, 2025 at 12:14 PM
“Women these days don’t want to have children.”
Well, we don’t actually know if women in the past wanted to. Nobody asked them, least of all their husbands.
Well, we don’t actually know if women in the past wanted to. Nobody asked them, least of all their husbands.
Reposted by Mrs. Dick Helicopter 💩📺
(Me, doing anything requiring all of my concentration)
My bladder: SIR HAVE ANOTHER URGENT MESSAGE.
My bladder: SIR HAVE ANOTHER URGENT MESSAGE.
November 14, 2025 at 1:03 AM
(Me, doing anything requiring all of my concentration)
My bladder: SIR HAVE ANOTHER URGENT MESSAGE.
My bladder: SIR HAVE ANOTHER URGENT MESSAGE.
not to brag but beautiful Asian women are waiting to meet me
November 15, 2025 at 1:10 AM
not to brag but beautiful Asian women are waiting to meet me
Reposted by Mrs. Dick Helicopter 💩📺
You’re expressing interest, I’m expressing my dog’s anal glands. We are not the same
November 15, 2025 at 12:05 AM
You’re expressing interest, I’m expressing my dog’s anal glands. We are not the same
Reposted by Mrs. Dick Helicopter 💩📺
I’m always sorry I left my comfort zone
November 13, 2025 at 9:59 PM
I’m always sorry I left my comfort zone
either that guy in the truck ahead of me is burning oil or he’s just elected a new pope
November 13, 2025 at 11:02 PM
either that guy in the truck ahead of me is burning oil or he’s just elected a new pope
Reposted by Mrs. Dick Helicopter 💩📺
I like to pretend I'm being shunned instead of acknowledging the fact that my skeets suck
November 13, 2025 at 11:01 PM
I like to pretend I'm being shunned instead of acknowledging the fact that my skeets suck
Reposted by Mrs. Dick Helicopter 💩📺
In heaven, I'll always have something to blow my nose into.
November 11, 2025 at 2:10 PM
In heaven, I'll always have something to blow my nose into.
a Happy Meal would be if he choked to death on his fucking Big Mac
November 13, 2025 at 1:12 PM
a Happy Meal would be if he choked to death on his fucking Big Mac
Reposted by Mrs. Dick Helicopter 💩📺
yeah well, between disassociation and existential dread I keep pretty busy
December 4, 2024 at 4:26 AM
yeah well, between disassociation and existential dread I keep pretty busy
Reposted by Mrs. Dick Helicopter 💩📺
I do my best worshipping from afar.
November 12, 2025 at 2:49 PM
I do my best worshipping from afar.
teaching the corgi Peter Gabriel lyrics so I can hold him over my head in your driveway
November 12, 2025 at 2:56 PM
teaching the corgi Peter Gabriel lyrics so I can hold him over my head in your driveway
Reposted by Mrs. Dick Helicopter 💩📺
Of course I don’t post selfies. Like normal people my age I grew up hating the way I looked
November 6, 2025 at 2:00 PM
Of course I don’t post selfies. Like normal people my age I grew up hating the way I looked
Why must the dog look at me as if I just broke his heart if I so much as walk out of a room?
November 11, 2025 at 1:10 PM
Why must the dog look at me as if I just broke his heart if I so much as walk out of a room?
Reposted by Mrs. Dick Helicopter 💩📺
it takes a village people to raise a macho man
November 10, 2025 at 5:30 PM
it takes a village people to raise a macho man