πππ π¨π¦
@qwertying.bsky.social
I write jokes people, not to be taken seriously. I administer involuntary nasal exorcisms.
β₯οΈ My wife: @skedaddle74.bsky.social
π My bangers: https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:zlxnj6iqvkdlmoj6npjt2l4o/feed/aaaemekfmmumo
π«Crypto π«Onlyfan π«Porn π«DM=Block
β₯οΈ My wife: @skedaddle74.bsky.social
π My bangers: https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:zlxnj6iqvkdlmoj6npjt2l4o/feed/aaaemekfmmumo
π«Crypto π«Onlyfan π«Porn π«DM=Block
Pinned
πππ π¨π¦
@qwertying.bsky.social
Β· Feb 23
I donβt have regrets. I have a collection of poor decisions that Iβve rebranded as βlife lessons.
Reposted by πππ π¨π¦
Iβm shy at first and then gradually turn insane.
February 4, 2026 at 7:27 PM
Iβm shy at first and then gradually turn insane.
Times changes. I remember going on IRC (Internet Relay Chat) in the mid 1990s. Different then too.
February 4, 2026 at 8:59 PM
Times changes. I remember going on IRC (Internet Relay Chat) in the mid 1990s. Different then too.
In the old days of Twitter the group I joined in a chatroom is just a graveyard of forgotten thoughts.
Someone will say βhot dog is a sandwichβ and then seven followers wonβt speak to each other for several weeks.
βTough group.
Someone will say βhot dog is a sandwichβ and then seven followers wonβt speak to each other for several weeks.
βTough group.
February 4, 2026 at 7:25 PM
In the old days of Twitter the group I joined in a chatroom is just a graveyard of forgotten thoughts.
Someone will say βhot dog is a sandwichβ and then seven followers wonβt speak to each other for several weeks.
βTough group.
Someone will say βhot dog is a sandwichβ and then seven followers wonβt speak to each other for several weeks.
βTough group.
Reposted by πππ π¨π¦
I know that I could never chop up a body with an axe should I ever need to dispose of a corpse. Itβs not that Iβm squeamish or anything, I just lack the necessary upper body strength.
February 4, 2026 at 2:04 PM
I know that I could never chop up a body with an axe should I ever need to dispose of a corpse. Itβs not that Iβm squeamish or anything, I just lack the necessary upper body strength.
My wife saw my βshitpostβ the other day. It was just a screenshot of a weather radar with the word βSPOOPYβ written on it.
She looked at me the way you look at a cat that just proudly brought you a dead rat.
She looked at me the way you look at a cat that just proudly brought you a dead rat.
February 4, 2026 at 5:17 PM
My wife saw my βshitpostβ the other day. It was just a screenshot of a weather radar with the word βSPOOPYβ written on it.
She looked at me the way you look at a cat that just proudly brought you a dead rat.
She looked at me the way you look at a cat that just proudly brought you a dead rat.
Reposted by πππ π¨π¦
I sometimes wonder if Lyme disease carrying ticks are dreaming about me too
February 4, 2026 at 3:34 PM
I sometimes wonder if Lyme disease carrying ticks are dreaming about me too
Reposted by πππ π¨π¦
Maybe I'm so loud now to make up for all the years I didn't have a voice.
February 4, 2026 at 2:30 PM
Maybe I'm so loud now to make up for all the years I didn't have a voice.
Reposted by πππ π¨π¦
Life is messy.
Go fuck yourself.
Go fuck yourself.
February 4, 2026 at 3:39 PM
Life is messy.
Go fuck yourself.
Go fuck yourself.
Reposted by πππ π¨π¦
Sex is best when all parties sound like seagulls fighting over a bag of parking lot fries
February 4, 2026 at 3:41 PM
Sex is best when all parties sound like seagulls fighting over a bag of parking lot fries
Reposted by πππ π¨π¦
Everything becomes sexier if you add the word French to it.
Fries. Kiss. Crocodile...
Fries. Kiss. Crocodile...
February 3, 2026 at 8:30 AM
Everything becomes sexier if you add the word French to it.
Fries. Kiss. Crocodile...
Fries. Kiss. Crocodile...
That what I got going on at this moment. Flat on my back questioning trying not to curse the world..
February 4, 2026 at 3:46 PM
That what I got going on at this moment. Flat on my back questioning trying not to curse the world..
I used the crying-laughing emoji unironically.
A critic gently informed me it's now the digital equivalent of wearing socks with sandals.
A critic gently informed me it's now the digital equivalent of wearing socks with sandals.
February 4, 2026 at 3:40 PM
I used the crying-laughing emoji unironically.
A critic gently informed me it's now the digital equivalent of wearing socks with sandals.
A critic gently informed me it's now the digital equivalent of wearing socks with sandals.
Reposted by πππ π¨π¦
I wrote those jokes about parasites and then was sick as a dog all day. Gotta come up with some jokes about hot women who are attracted to emotionally stunted short men.
February 4, 2026 at 4:34 AM
I wrote those jokes about parasites and then was sick as a dog all day. Gotta come up with some jokes about hot women who are attracted to emotionally stunted short men.
Reposted by πππ π¨π¦
While morale is generally low, the eye candy at work is a significant growth area.
February 4, 2026 at 3:25 PM
While morale is generally low, the eye candy at work is a significant growth area.
You know what's humbling?
Trying to put on a sock while suffering from a herniated disc.
βThereβs struggle, thereβs regret, thereβs lying on the bed questioning all your life choices that led to this moment with a sock.
Trying to put on a sock while suffering from a herniated disc.
βThereβs struggle, thereβs regret, thereβs lying on the bed questioning all your life choices that led to this moment with a sock.
February 4, 2026 at 3:25 PM
You know what's humbling?
Trying to put on a sock while suffering from a herniated disc.
βThereβs struggle, thereβs regret, thereβs lying on the bed questioning all your life choices that led to this moment with a sock.
Trying to put on a sock while suffering from a herniated disc.
βThereβs struggle, thereβs regret, thereβs lying on the bed questioning all your life choices that led to this moment with a sock.
ππ» Yeah, things were far simpler too!
February 4, 2026 at 11:58 AM
ππ» Yeah, things were far simpler too!
There is no lonelier feeling than being wide awake at 3 a.m. and realizing your spouse is having a fascinating, silent conversation with a dream boyfriend.
βIβm a third wheel in my own bed.
βIβm a third wheel in my own bed.
February 4, 2026 at 11:43 AM
There is no lonelier feeling than being wide awake at 3 a.m. and realizing your spouse is having a fascinating, silent conversation with a dream boyfriend.
βIβm a third wheel in my own bed.
βIβm a third wheel in my own bed.
Aww thank-you. π
February 4, 2026 at 11:41 AM
Aww thank-you. π
ππππ»
February 4, 2026 at 11:39 AM
ππππ»
My wife can fall asleep during a thunderstorm. I need the perfect alignment of no noise, temperature, and cosmic forgiveness for a 1998 comment I made about her motherβs meatloaf.
February 4, 2026 at 11:38 AM
My wife can fall asleep during a thunderstorm. I need the perfect alignment of no noise, temperature, and cosmic forgiveness for a 1998 comment I made about her motherβs meatloaf.
Have you ever been so awake at night that you could hear your own hair growing? It sounds like a tiny, disapproving audience shifting in their seats, waiting for the punchline.
I need a good punch⦠line.
I need a good punch⦠line.
February 4, 2026 at 11:34 AM
Have you ever been so awake at night that you could hear your own hair growing? It sounds like a tiny, disapproving audience shifting in their seats, waiting for the punchline.
I need a good punch⦠line.
I need a good punch⦠line.
My last coherent thought at 3AM is always something profound. "Do fish get thirsty?"
Then my brain, the cruel DJ it is, plays the full theme song to "Perfect Strangers."
βSleep is not coming. Balki is.
Then my brain, the cruel DJ it is, plays the full theme song to "Perfect Strangers."
βSleep is not coming. Balki is.
February 4, 2026 at 11:28 AM
My last coherent thought at 3AM is always something profound. "Do fish get thirsty?"
Then my brain, the cruel DJ it is, plays the full theme song to "Perfect Strangers."
βSleep is not coming. Balki is.
Then my brain, the cruel DJ it is, plays the full theme song to "Perfect Strangers."
βSleep is not coming. Balki is.
Reposted by πππ π¨π¦
i was funny for five days what have *you* done
January 29, 2026 at 11:27 AM
i was funny for five days what have *you* done
I hate hotel room showers. There's no logic. You turn the knob a millimetre and go from "Arctic Glacier" to "Surface of the Sun."
You spend 15 minutes manipulating it, and you still end up washing your hair in an indoor pool.
You spend 15 minutes manipulating it, and you still end up washing your hair in an indoor pool.
February 3, 2026 at 9:02 PM
I hate hotel room showers. There's no logic. You turn the knob a millimetre and go from "Arctic Glacier" to "Surface of the Sun."
You spend 15 minutes manipulating it, and you still end up washing your hair in an indoor pool.
You spend 15 minutes manipulating it, and you still end up washing your hair in an indoor pool.
The grocery store puts the milk in the very back. So you have to walk past the manipulated cheese, the artisan bread thatβs just old bread, and a pyramid of avocados that will be garbage in 20 minutes.
By the time I get the milk for my wife and me, my shopping cart is full for a family of six.
By the time I get the milk for my wife and me, my shopping cart is full for a family of six.
February 3, 2026 at 6:24 PM
The grocery store puts the milk in the very back. So you have to walk past the manipulated cheese, the artisan bread thatβs just old bread, and a pyramid of avocados that will be garbage in 20 minutes.
By the time I get the milk for my wife and me, my shopping cart is full for a family of six.
By the time I get the milk for my wife and me, my shopping cart is full for a family of six.