𝕋𝕀𝕄 🇨🇦
@qwertying.bsky.social
I write jokes people, not to be taken seriously. I administer involuntary nasal exorcisms.
♥️ My wife: @skedaddle74.bsky.social
🎉 My bangers: https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:zlxnj6iqvkdlmoj6npjt2l4o/feed/aaaemekfmmumo
🚫Crypto 🚫Onlyfan 🚫Porn 🚫DM=Block
♥️ My wife: @skedaddle74.bsky.social
🎉 My bangers: https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:zlxnj6iqvkdlmoj6npjt2l4o/feed/aaaemekfmmumo
🚫Crypto 🚫Onlyfan 🚫Porn 🚫DM=Block
Pinned
𝕋𝕀𝕄 🇨🇦
@qwertying.bsky.social
· Feb 23
I don’t have regrets. I have a collection of poor decisions that I’ve rebranded as “life lessons.
Reposted by 𝕋𝕀𝕄 🇨🇦
As an introvert, this cold blast this weekend just makes it easier to not have to deal with people. 😁
February 6, 2026 at 2:58 PM
As an introvert, this cold blast this weekend just makes it easier to not have to deal with people. 😁
Tossing one’s cookies should be a Winter Olympic event.
February 6, 2026 at 2:49 PM
Tossing one’s cookies should be a Winter Olympic event.
Reposted by 𝕋𝕀𝕄 🇨🇦
I don't want to come back to reality.
February 6, 2026 at 11:39 AM
I don't want to come back to reality.
I’m aware that I’m aware. I’m also aware that being aware of being aware is probably really annoying to everyone around me.
—Sorry… I’m aware of that, too.
—Sorry… I’m aware of that, too.
February 6, 2026 at 2:32 PM
I’m aware that I’m aware. I’m also aware that being aware of being aware is probably really annoying to everyone around me.
—Sorry… I’m aware of that, too.
—Sorry… I’m aware of that, too.
Reposted by 𝕋𝕀𝕄 🇨🇦
Hire an accordionist to start playing at family gatherings when you want to signal the guests it’s time for them to leave.
February 6, 2026 at 2:17 PM
Hire an accordionist to start playing at family gatherings when you want to signal the guests it’s time for them to leave.
Reposted by 𝕋𝕀𝕄 🇨🇦
I wish I could take my brain out and blow on it to make it work like a Nintendo console.
February 6, 2026 at 2:21 PM
I wish I could take my brain out and blow on it to make it work like a Nintendo console.
Consciousness is a miracle. It allows us to ponder love, art, the meaning of existence… It’s beautiful.
—and also to think “I bet I could fit that entire muffin in my mouth.”
—and also to think “I bet I could fit that entire muffin in my mouth.”
February 6, 2026 at 2:28 PM
Consciousness is a miracle. It allows us to ponder love, art, the meaning of existence… It’s beautiful.
—and also to think “I bet I could fit that entire muffin in my mouth.”
—and also to think “I bet I could fit that entire muffin in my mouth.”
I caught myself feeling it... over laundry. I matched a sock. ONE sock!!!
My inner moron threw a parade. "Look at you, you brilliant sock-sucking-sorcerer!”
—What's next, fitting sheets?
My inner moron threw a parade. "Look at you, you brilliant sock-sucking-sorcerer!”
—What's next, fitting sheets?
February 6, 2026 at 2:01 PM
I caught myself feeling it... over laundry. I matched a sock. ONE sock!!!
My inner moron threw a parade. "Look at you, you brilliant sock-sucking-sorcerer!”
—What's next, fitting sheets?
My inner moron threw a parade. "Look at you, you brilliant sock-sucking-sorcerer!”
—What's next, fitting sheets?
Reposted by 𝕋𝕀𝕄 🇨🇦
If we were to bring back dueling, we would have a lot less offended people.
February 6, 2026 at 1:29 PM
If we were to bring back dueling, we would have a lot less offended people.
Reposted by 𝕋𝕀𝕄 🇨🇦
i will do ridiculous things for money for example today i will use some of my life force to answer emails
February 6, 2026 at 12:10 PM
i will do ridiculous things for money for example today i will use some of my life force to answer emails
Reposted by 𝕋𝕀𝕄 🇨🇦
Live. Laugh. LOOKOUT for that tree.
February 6, 2026 at 2:18 AM
Live. Laugh. LOOKOUT for that tree.
Reposted by 𝕋𝕀𝕄 🇨🇦
I’ll sign the NDA but you better still have the Men in Black erase my memory
February 2, 2026 at 1:10 AM
I’ll sign the NDA but you better still have the Men in Black erase my memory
Reposted by 𝕋𝕀𝕄 🇨🇦
the sea only exists because fish cry a lot
February 2, 2026 at 10:55 PM
the sea only exists because fish cry a lot
Reposted by 𝕋𝕀𝕄 🇨🇦
Will practice random acts of weirdness.
February 2, 2026 at 10:17 PM
Will practice random acts of weirdness.
Reposted by 𝕋𝕀𝕄 🇨🇦
I want a meeting with my writers: I'm unhappy with my arc.
February 2, 2026 at 5:36 PM
I want a meeting with my writers: I'm unhappy with my arc.
Reposted by 𝕋𝕀𝕄 🇨🇦
Neither January nor February but a secret more catatonic third thing
February 1, 2026 at 3:20 PM
Neither January nor February but a secret more catatonic third thing
Reposted by 𝕋𝕀𝕄 🇨🇦
I wish your family was half as good at anything as mine is at buying fruit and not eating it before it rots.
December 4, 2024 at 5:53 PM
I wish your family was half as good at anything as mine is at buying fruit and not eating it before it rots.
Reposted by 𝕋𝕀𝕄 🇨🇦
Yes, of course you're the elephant in the room. Stay away from the buffet
January 23, 2026 at 6:50 PM
Yes, of course you're the elephant in the room. Stay away from the buffet
Reposted by 𝕋𝕀𝕄 🇨🇦
take some vitamin D you sun deficient piece of shit
February 1, 2026 at 7:58 AM
take some vitamin D you sun deficient piece of shit
Reposted by 𝕋𝕀𝕄 🇨🇦
Those who cringe at the word moist may wish to join the wetness protection program.
January 29, 2026 at 9:43 PM
Those who cringe at the word moist may wish to join the wetness protection program.
Reposted by 𝕋𝕀𝕄 🇨🇦
they say “love what you do” but sometimes you just need a damn paycheck
February 4, 2026 at 1:29 AM
they say “love what you do” but sometimes you just need a damn paycheck
Reposted by 𝕋𝕀𝕄 🇨🇦
Called two gym bros 'swolemates' today so I'm posting this from inside a locker.
February 4, 2026 at 8:18 PM
Called two gym bros 'swolemates' today so I'm posting this from inside a locker.
Reposted by 𝕋𝕀𝕄 🇨🇦
You can now fit all of The Washington Post's news on a Washington Post-It.
February 4, 2026 at 7:13 PM
You can now fit all of The Washington Post's news on a Washington Post-It.
Reposted by 𝕋𝕀𝕄 🇨🇦
[opens rat poison]
ROUND AND ROUND
me: whoa
EVERY ROSE HAS IT'S THORN
me: wtf
ROUND AND ROUND
me: whoa
EVERY ROSE HAS IT'S THORN
me: wtf
February 4, 2026 at 4:23 AM
[opens rat poison]
ROUND AND ROUND
me: whoa
EVERY ROSE HAS IT'S THORN
me: wtf
ROUND AND ROUND
me: whoa
EVERY ROSE HAS IT'S THORN
me: wtf