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qwertying.bsky.social
𝕋𝕀𝕄 πŸ‡¨πŸ‡¦
@qwertying.bsky.social
I write jokes people, not to be taken seriously. I administer involuntary nasal exorcisms.

β™₯️ My wife: @skedaddle74.bsky.social

πŸŽ‰ My bangers: https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:zlxnj6iqvkdlmoj6npjt2l4o/feed/aaaemekfmmumo

🚫Crypto 🚫Onlyfan 🚫Porn 🚫DM=Block
Pinned
I don’t have regrets. I have a collection of poor decisions that I’ve rebranded as β€œlife lessons.
Reposted by 𝕋𝕀𝕄 πŸ‡¨πŸ‡¦
I’m shy at first and then gradually turn insane.
February 4, 2026 at 7:27 PM
Times changes. I remember going on IRC (Internet Relay Chat) in the mid 1990s. Different then too.
February 4, 2026 at 8:59 PM
In the old days of Twitter the group I joined in a chatroom is just a graveyard of forgotten thoughts.

Someone will say β€œhot dog is a sandwich” and then seven followers won’t speak to each other for several weeks.

β€”Tough group.
February 4, 2026 at 7:25 PM
Reposted by 𝕋𝕀𝕄 πŸ‡¨πŸ‡¦
I know that I could never chop up a body with an axe should I ever need to dispose of a corpse. It’s not that I’m squeamish or anything, I just lack the necessary upper body strength.
February 4, 2026 at 2:04 PM
My wife saw my β€œshitpost” the other day. It was just a screenshot of a weather radar with the word β€œSPOOPY” written on it.

She looked at me the way you look at a cat that just proudly brought you a dead rat.
February 4, 2026 at 5:17 PM
Reposted by 𝕋𝕀𝕄 πŸ‡¨πŸ‡¦
I sometimes wonder if Lyme disease carrying ticks are dreaming about me too
February 4, 2026 at 3:34 PM
Reposted by 𝕋𝕀𝕄 πŸ‡¨πŸ‡¦
Maybe I'm so loud now to make up for all the years I didn't have a voice.
February 4, 2026 at 2:30 PM
Reposted by 𝕋𝕀𝕄 πŸ‡¨πŸ‡¦
Life is messy.

Go fuck yourself.
February 4, 2026 at 3:39 PM
Reposted by 𝕋𝕀𝕄 πŸ‡¨πŸ‡¦
Sex is best when all parties sound like seagulls fighting over a bag of parking lot fries
February 4, 2026 at 3:41 PM
Reposted by 𝕋𝕀𝕄 πŸ‡¨πŸ‡¦
Everything becomes sexier if you add the word French to it.
Fries. Kiss. Crocodile...
February 3, 2026 at 8:30 AM
That what I got going on at this moment. Flat on my back questioning trying not to curse the world..
February 4, 2026 at 3:46 PM
I used the crying-laughing emoji unironically.

A critic gently informed me it's now the digital equivalent of wearing socks with sandals.
February 4, 2026 at 3:40 PM
Reposted by 𝕋𝕀𝕄 πŸ‡¨πŸ‡¦
I wrote those jokes about parasites and then was sick as a dog all day. Gotta come up with some jokes about hot women who are attracted to emotionally stunted short men.
February 4, 2026 at 4:34 AM
Reposted by 𝕋𝕀𝕄 πŸ‡¨πŸ‡¦
While morale is generally low, the eye candy at work is a significant growth area.
February 4, 2026 at 3:25 PM
You know what's humbling?

Trying to put on a sock while suffering from a herniated disc.

β€”There’s struggle, there’s regret, there’s lying on the bed questioning all your life choices that led to this moment with a sock.
February 4, 2026 at 3:25 PM
πŸ‘πŸ» Yeah, things were far simpler too!
February 4, 2026 at 11:58 AM
There is no lonelier feeling than being wide awake at 3 a.m. and realizing your spouse is having a fascinating, silent conversation with a dream boyfriend.

β€”I’m a third wheel in my own bed.
February 4, 2026 at 11:43 AM
Aww thank-you. πŸ’™
February 4, 2026 at 11:41 AM
πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ™ŒπŸ»
February 4, 2026 at 11:39 AM
My wife can fall asleep during a thunderstorm. I need the perfect alignment of no noise, temperature, and cosmic forgiveness for a 1998 comment I made about her mother’s meatloaf.
February 4, 2026 at 11:38 AM
Have you ever been so awake at night that you could hear your own hair growing? It sounds like a tiny, disapproving audience shifting in their seats, waiting for the punchline.

I need a good punch… line.
February 4, 2026 at 11:34 AM
My last coherent thought at 3AM is always something profound. "Do fish get thirsty?"

Then my brain, the cruel DJ it is, plays the full theme song to "Perfect Strangers."

β€”Sleep is not coming. Balki is.
February 4, 2026 at 11:28 AM
Reposted by 𝕋𝕀𝕄 πŸ‡¨πŸ‡¦
i was funny for five days what have *you* done
January 29, 2026 at 11:27 AM
I hate hotel room showers. There's no logic. You turn the knob a millimetre and go from "Arctic Glacier" to "Surface of the Sun."

You spend 15 minutes manipulating it, and you still end up washing your hair in an indoor pool.
February 3, 2026 at 9:02 PM
The grocery store puts the milk in the very back. So you have to walk past the manipulated cheese, the artisan bread that’s just old bread, and a pyramid of avocados that will be garbage in 20 minutes.

By the time I get the milk for my wife and me, my shopping cart is full for a family of six.
February 3, 2026 at 6:24 PM