𝕋𝕀𝕄 🇨🇦
@qwertying.bsky.social
I write jokes people, not to be taken seriously. I administer involuntary nasal exorcisms.
♥️ My wife: @skedaddle74.bsky.social
🎉 My bangers: https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:zlxnj6iqvkdlmoj6npjt2l4o/feed/aaaemekfmmumo
🚫Crypto 🚫Onlyfan 🚫Porn 🚫DM=Block
♥️ My wife: @skedaddle74.bsky.social
🎉 My bangers: https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:zlxnj6iqvkdlmoj6npjt2l4o/feed/aaaemekfmmumo
🚫Crypto 🚫Onlyfan 🚫Porn 🚫DM=Block
Pinned
𝕋𝕀𝕄 🇨🇦
@qwertying.bsky.social
· Feb 23
I don’t have regrets. I have a collection of poor decisions that I’ve rebranded as “life lessons.
I find it relaxing to watch people who are much better looking than me, pretend to be worse at life than I am.
—It's a beautiful lie.
—It's a beautiful lie.
February 7, 2026 at 11:28 PM
I find it relaxing to watch people who are much better looking than me, pretend to be worse at life than I am.
—It's a beautiful lie.
—It's a beautiful lie.
Reposted by 𝕋𝕀𝕄 🇨🇦
I will stab a man with a fork.
February 7, 2026 at 10:34 PM
I will stab a man with a fork.
Reposted by 𝕋𝕀𝕄 🇨🇦
A good friend has hit a midlife crisis and he is hooked on Jordan Peterson and Joe Rogan. I wish it had been something less destructive like hookers and cocaine.
February 7, 2026 at 3:05 PM
A good friend has hit a midlife crisis and he is hooked on Jordan Peterson and Joe Rogan. I wish it had been something less destructive like hookers and cocaine.
Reposted by 𝕋𝕀𝕄 🇨🇦
We are witnessing a global collapse of self-destruction wrought by the failure of patriarchy, unfettered capitalism and religion.
Organize and prepare accordingly.
Organize and prepare accordingly.
February 7, 2026 at 4:10 PM
We are witnessing a global collapse of self-destruction wrought by the failure of patriarchy, unfettered capitalism and religion.
Organize and prepare accordingly.
Organize and prepare accordingly.
Super Bowl halftime there were people screaming and crying!
In my living room, the biggest emotional outburst will be when I announced I was cutting off the chip supply until the third quarter.
—I'm the real Bad Bunny.
#SuperBowl
In my living room, the biggest emotional outburst will be when I announced I was cutting off the chip supply until the third quarter.
—I'm the real Bad Bunny.
#SuperBowl
February 7, 2026 at 4:10 PM
Super Bowl halftime there were people screaming and crying!
In my living room, the biggest emotional outburst will be when I announced I was cutting off the chip supply until the third quarter.
—I'm the real Bad Bunny.
#SuperBowl
In my living room, the biggest emotional outburst will be when I announced I was cutting off the chip supply until the third quarter.
—I'm the real Bad Bunny.
#SuperBowl
You know that halftime show they put on during the Super Bowl? That’s not a football show. It’s a fever dream your grandpa has after eating expired seven-layer dip.
Hearing grandpa shout, “Free the nipple!” It is the highlight of the game.
Hearing grandpa shout, “Free the nipple!” It is the highlight of the game.
February 7, 2026 at 4:00 PM
You know that halftime show they put on during the Super Bowl? That’s not a football show. It’s a fever dream your grandpa has after eating expired seven-layer dip.
Hearing grandpa shout, “Free the nipple!” It is the highlight of the game.
Hearing grandpa shout, “Free the nipple!” It is the highlight of the game.
Reposted by 𝕋𝕀𝕄 🇨🇦
You know you’re winning Bluesky when you wake up to accounts blocking you.
February 7, 2026 at 3:14 PM
You know you’re winning Bluesky when you wake up to accounts blocking you.
Reposted by 𝕋𝕀𝕄 🇨🇦
It's really quite impressive how I can become an expert judge of just about any Olympic sport after watching it for only 10 minutes.
February 7, 2026 at 3:21 PM
It's really quite impressive how I can become an expert judge of just about any Olympic sport after watching it for only 10 minutes.
Reposted by 𝕋𝕀𝕄 🇨🇦
People think I'm clairvoyant, but the truth is, I'm just really, really farsighted
February 7, 2026 at 3:38 PM
People think I'm clairvoyant, but the truth is, I'm just really, really farsighted
Reposted by 𝕋𝕀𝕄 🇨🇦
the lost boys, but just my mismatched socks because one was lost in the dryer
February 7, 2026 at 3:41 PM
the lost boys, but just my mismatched socks because one was lost in the dryer
Reposted by 𝕋𝕀𝕄 🇨🇦
don’t use all your good times up when you’re young
February 6, 2026 at 5:34 AM
don’t use all your good times up when you’re young
The ski suits are so aerodynamic that they have more seams than a baseball.
—One stray thread and you go from Olympic hopeful to a censored naked human toboggan.
#WinterOlympics
—One stray thread and you go from Olympic hopeful to a censored naked human toboggan.
#WinterOlympics
February 7, 2026 at 3:43 PM
The ski suits are so aerodynamic that they have more seams than a baseball.
—One stray thread and you go from Olympic hopeful to a censored naked human toboggan.
#WinterOlympics
—One stray thread and you go from Olympic hopeful to a censored naked human toboggan.
#WinterOlympics
Reposted by 𝕋𝕀𝕄 🇨🇦
Computer: your password has been compromised
Me: so has the presidency of the United States. im sure everything will be fine
Me: so has the presidency of the United States. im sure everything will be fine
February 7, 2026 at 2:54 PM
Computer: your password has been compromised
Me: so has the presidency of the United States. im sure everything will be fine
Me: so has the presidency of the United States. im sure everything will be fine
Reposted by 𝕋𝕀𝕄 🇨🇦
I don’t know how to tell if someone blocked me and I don’t care
their problem, not mine
their problem, not mine
February 7, 2026 at 3:30 PM
I don’t know how to tell if someone blocked me and I don’t care
their problem, not mine
their problem, not mine
The opening ceremonies. It's a three-hour 100-million-dollar show where a cold country tries to convince the world it has culture.
—"Behold! A thousand people dressed as ice crystals, which looks like what we scrape off our windshields for free!”
#WinterOlympics
—"Behold! A thousand people dressed as ice crystals, which looks like what we scrape off our windshields for free!”
#WinterOlympics
February 7, 2026 at 3:33 PM
The opening ceremonies. It's a three-hour 100-million-dollar show where a cold country tries to convince the world it has culture.
—"Behold! A thousand people dressed as ice crystals, which looks like what we scrape off our windshields for free!”
#WinterOlympics
—"Behold! A thousand people dressed as ice crystals, which looks like what we scrape off our windshields for free!”
#WinterOlympics
The parade of nations. All the athletes are bundled up in their designer parkas, waving. The ones from tropical countries look absolutely horrified.
You can see the guy from Jamaica thinking, "Mon, this was not in the brochure. This is effing cold!!"
#WinterOlympics
You can see the guy from Jamaica thinking, "Mon, this was not in the brochure. This is effing cold!!"
#WinterOlympics
February 7, 2026 at 3:26 PM
The parade of nations. All the athletes are bundled up in their designer parkas, waving. The ones from tropical countries look absolutely horrified.
You can see the guy from Jamaica thinking, "Mon, this was not in the brochure. This is effing cold!!"
#WinterOlympics
You can see the guy from Jamaica thinking, "Mon, this was not in the brochure. This is effing cold!!"
#WinterOlympics
The Olympic athlete's oath. One poor soul has to stand there and promise not to cheat, while shivering under a flag.
His entire oath is just his teeth chattering. "I promise... clack clack clack... to play fair... clack clack... and not use pranks on my opponents with heated skates.
His entire oath is just his teeth chattering. "I promise... clack clack clack... to play fair... clack clack... and not use pranks on my opponents with heated skates.
February 7, 2026 at 3:23 PM
The Olympic athlete's oath. One poor soul has to stand there and promise not to cheat, while shivering under a flag.
His entire oath is just his teeth chattering. "I promise... clack clack clack... to play fair... clack clack... and not use pranks on my opponents with heated skates.
His entire oath is just his teeth chattering. "I promise... clack clack clack... to play fair... clack clack... and not use pranks on my opponents with heated skates.
The spectacle of it all. We sit in our warm homes, eating day old pizza, watching people from warm countries voluntarily freeze themselves for our amusement.
And we judge their form. Humanity's great.
#WinterOlympics
And we judge their form. Humanity's great.
#WinterOlympics
February 7, 2026 at 3:19 PM
The spectacle of it all. We sit in our warm homes, eating day old pizza, watching people from warm countries voluntarily freeze themselves for our amusement.
And we judge their form. Humanity's great.
#WinterOlympics
And we judge their form. Humanity's great.
#WinterOlympics
Reposted by 𝕋𝕀𝕄 🇨🇦
Nothing worse than a woman who doesn't know how to drive a stick.
Take that however you wish.
Take that however you wish.
February 6, 2026 at 6:27 PM
Nothing worse than a woman who doesn't know how to drive a stick.
Take that however you wish.
Take that however you wish.
The Winter Olympics have commentators who are experts in every single one of these sports.
"And here's a man from Canada who is the world's foremost expert in sweeping with a broom while playing with his rocks.”
"And here's a man from Canada who is the world's foremost expert in sweeping with a broom while playing with his rocks.”
February 6, 2026 at 6:22 PM
The Winter Olympics have commentators who are experts in every single one of these sports.
"And here's a man from Canada who is the world's foremost expert in sweeping with a broom while playing with his rocks.”
"And here's a man from Canada who is the world's foremost expert in sweeping with a broom while playing with his rocks.”
The four-man bobsled. It's a clown car made for four large adults in spandex, crammed into a fibreglass bullet.
—It smells like regret and protein bars. Don’t get me started when one of them farts.
—It smells like regret and protein bars. Don’t get me started when one of them farts.
February 6, 2026 at 6:07 PM
The four-man bobsled. It's a clown car made for four large adults in spandex, crammed into a fibreglass bullet.
—It smells like regret and protein bars. Don’t get me started when one of them farts.
—It smells like regret and protein bars. Don’t get me started when one of them farts.
Reposted by 𝕋𝕀𝕄 🇨🇦
My skeets are mostly b-sides.
February 6, 2026 at 8:29 AM
My skeets are mostly b-sides.
Reposted by 𝕋𝕀𝕄 🇨🇦
As an introvert, this cold blast this weekend just makes it easier to not have to deal with people. 😁
February 6, 2026 at 2:58 PM
As an introvert, this cold blast this weekend just makes it easier to not have to deal with people. 😁
Tossing one’s cookies should be a Winter Olympic event.
February 6, 2026 at 2:49 PM
Tossing one’s cookies should be a Winter Olympic event.
Reposted by 𝕋𝕀𝕄 🇨🇦
I don't want to come back to reality.
February 6, 2026 at 11:39 AM
I don't want to come back to reality.