𝕋𝕚𝕞 🇨🇦
@qwertying.bsky.social
I write jokes people, not to be taken seriously. I administer involuntary nasal exorcisms.
♥️ My wife: @skedaddle74.bsky.social
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♥️ My wife: @skedaddle74.bsky.social
🎉 My bangers: https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:zlxnj6iqvkdlmoj6npjt2l4o/feed/aaaemekfmmumo
🚫Crypto 🚫Onlyfan 🚫Porn 🚫DM=Block
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𝕋𝕚𝕞 🇨🇦
@qwertying.bsky.social
· 10h
Today is Remembrance day, I think about the soldiers who fought in the mud and the cold.
Then I think about how I complained this morning because my coffee was only warm. My problems are so embarrassingly small.
Then I think about how I complained this morning because my coffee was only warm. My problems are so embarrassingly small.
Reposted by 𝕋𝕚𝕞 🇨🇦
Me: Halloween is over, why are they still showing horror stuff?
Him: That's the news.
Him: That's the news.
a woman in a striped shirt holds her head in her hands
Alt: A woman in a striped shirt holds her head in her hands.
media.tenor.com
November 11, 2025 at 8:50 PM
Me: Halloween is over, why are they still showing horror stuff?
Him: That's the news.
Him: That's the news.
Reposted by 𝕋𝕚𝕞 🇨🇦
Yesterday I was at the dog park with a plastic baggie in my hand walking around saying, "Do a poopy. I want to see you do a poopy."
They told me not to come back without a dog.
They told me not to come back without a dog.
November 11, 2025 at 8:06 PM
Yesterday I was at the dog park with a plastic baggie in my hand walking around saying, "Do a poopy. I want to see you do a poopy."
They told me not to come back without a dog.
They told me not to come back without a dog.
Reposted by 𝕋𝕚𝕞 🇨🇦
revenge is a dish best served after I’ve licked everything on the plate
November 11, 2025 at 3:15 PM
revenge is a dish best served after I’ve licked everything on the plate
Reposted by 𝕋𝕚𝕞 🇨🇦
Just butting in here to say y'all have been faltering on those butthole jokes lately
Just butting in here to say I Can't Believe It's Not Butter!
just butting in here to say back it up
November 11, 2025 at 6:29 PM
Just butting in here to say y'all have been faltering on those butthole jokes lately
Just butting in here to say that the ghost in my apartment is clearly a millennial. It doesn't rattle chains, it just leaves all the cabinet doors slightly ajar.
Just butting in here to say y'all have been faltering on those butthole jokes lately
Just butting in here to say I Can't Believe It's Not Butter!
November 11, 2025 at 7:35 PM
Just butting in here to say that the ghost in my apartment is clearly a millennial. It doesn't rattle chains, it just leaves all the cabinet doors slightly ajar.
Reposted by 𝕋𝕚𝕞 🇨🇦
If you can’t beat them, join them and eat all of their snacks.
November 11, 2025 at 6:40 PM
If you can’t beat them, join them and eat all of their snacks.
Reposted by 𝕋𝕚𝕞 🇨🇦
weed delivery tracker is my show now.
November 11, 2025 at 7:05 PM
weed delivery tracker is my show now.
Reposted by 𝕋𝕚𝕞 🇨🇦
One cup of cocoa..please with whip cream. More whip cream, just gimme ..
November 11, 2025 at 3:08 AM
One cup of cocoa..please with whip cream. More whip cream, just gimme ..
Reposted by 𝕋𝕚𝕞 🇨🇦
I didn't come here to not be insulted.
November 11, 2025 at 5:59 PM
I didn't come here to not be insulted.
This skeet is what I imagine it's like to be a ghost, desperately trying to communicate with the living, but the living just keep saying, "Did you feel a draft?"
November 11, 2025 at 6:00 PM
This skeet is what I imagine it's like to be a ghost, desperately trying to communicate with the living, but the living just keep saying, "Did you feel a draft?"
Reposted by 𝕋𝕚𝕞 🇨🇦
There's a simple solution to the dead 007 problem:
Make Bond a timelord.
Make Bond a timelord.
November 11, 2025 at 5:12 PM
There's a simple solution to the dead 007 problem:
Make Bond a timelord.
Make Bond a timelord.
Reposted by 𝕋𝕚𝕞 🇨🇦
I think the term for what I've been able to accomplish during for wet/snowy days in Vermont is "fuckall."
November 11, 2025 at 5:22 PM
I think the term for what I've been able to accomplish during for wet/snowy days in Vermont is "fuckall."
Reposted by 𝕋𝕚𝕞 🇨🇦
Tired: Mrs Claus aka Mary Christmas
Wired: Sleigh Queen
Wired: Sleigh Queen
November 8, 2025 at 10:04 PM
Tired: Mrs Claus aka Mary Christmas
Wired: Sleigh Queen
Wired: Sleigh Queen
Reposted by 𝕋𝕚𝕞 🇨🇦
Schrödinger: Excuse me, miss, can I borrow that box for a science experiment?
Pandora: Sure, be my guest.
Pandora: Sure, be my guest.
November 9, 2025 at 5:38 AM
Schrödinger: Excuse me, miss, can I borrow that box for a science experiment?
Pandora: Sure, be my guest.
Pandora: Sure, be my guest.
Reposted by 𝕋𝕚𝕞 🇨🇦
I have another Schrödinger joke ready to go, but I might hold off a while.
November 9, 2025 at 1:00 PM
I have another Schrödinger joke ready to go, but I might hold off a while.
Reposted by 𝕋𝕚𝕞 🇨🇦
Everyone’s gangster until they hear their own voice on a recording.
November 10, 2025 at 5:49 PM
Everyone’s gangster until they hear their own voice on a recording.
My grandad never talked about the war. His main trauma was the food. He said the rations were so bad, the enemy would have surrendered immediately if we'd just thrown tins of spam at them.
November 11, 2025 at 3:27 PM
My grandad never talked about the war. His main trauma was the food. He said the rations were so bad, the enemy would have surrendered immediately if we'd just thrown tins of spam at them.
They fought for our freedom. And I am exercising that freedom by being deeply, profoundly cynical about today’s whole state of affairs.
I think they'd understand.
I think they'd understand.
November 11, 2025 at 3:25 PM
They fought for our freedom. And I am exercising that freedom by being deeply, profoundly cynical about today’s whole state of affairs.
I think they'd understand.
I think they'd understand.
I watch the wreath-laying ceremony.
Part of me wonders if the guy assigned to carry the giant, slightly comical wreath feels a profound sense of purpose, or just wishes he'd been given a rifle like everyone else to look cooler.
Part of me wonders if the guy assigned to carry the giant, slightly comical wreath feels a profound sense of purpose, or just wishes he'd been given a rifle like everyone else to look cooler.
November 11, 2025 at 3:16 PM
I watch the wreath-laying ceremony.
Part of me wonders if the guy assigned to carry the giant, slightly comical wreath feels a profound sense of purpose, or just wishes he'd been given a rifle like everyone else to look cooler.
Part of me wonders if the guy assigned to carry the giant, slightly comical wreath feels a profound sense of purpose, or just wishes he'd been given a rifle like everyone else to look cooler.
Reposted by 𝕋𝕚𝕞 🇨🇦
Whoever is putting sirens in music stop it
October 23, 2025 at 6:33 PM
Whoever is putting sirens in music stop it
Reposted by 𝕋𝕚𝕞 🇨🇦
Someone asked me why I look so young and I said it’s because I was knocked in to next week so often I’m missing several decades of my life
October 24, 2025 at 4:20 PM
Someone asked me why I look so young and I said it’s because I was knocked in to next week so often I’m missing several decades of my life
Reposted by 𝕋𝕚𝕞 🇨🇦
Me: these gummies aren’t worth shit
-2 hours later-
Joins search party looking for myself
-2 hours later-
Joins search party looking for myself
October 25, 2025 at 1:39 PM
Me: these gummies aren’t worth shit
-2 hours later-
Joins search party looking for myself
-2 hours later-
Joins search party looking for myself
Reposted by 𝕋𝕚𝕞 🇨🇦
There’s absolutely no need to repeat yourself. I ignored you just fine the first time
October 26, 2025 at 10:20 AM
There’s absolutely no need to repeat yourself. I ignored you just fine the first time
Reposted by 𝕋𝕚𝕞 🇨🇦
You know that hour we lost, I was going to use that one to get my life together
November 7, 2025 at 11:29 AM
You know that hour we lost, I was going to use that one to get my life together
Reposted by 𝕋𝕚𝕞 🇨🇦
Them: Smile! It makes you look more friendly!
Me: I’m not
Me: I’m not
November 8, 2025 at 9:47 PM
Them: Smile! It makes you look more friendly!
Me: I’m not
Me: I’m not