Lock Wilford
@lockwilford.com
If you are looking for the other Lock Wilford you didn't find him.
My top skeets: https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:6sn5ipsdnbalrtkjgpjkr3u7/feed/aaafm23lyrjky
My art: lockwilford.com
My top skeets: https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:6sn5ipsdnbalrtkjgpjkr3u7/feed/aaafm23lyrjky
My art: lockwilford.com
Pinned
Lock Wilford
@lockwilford.com
· May 30
[Sex Shop]
Me: *holding 37 dildos*
Shopkeeper: may I help you?
Me: where are the fitting rooms?
Me: *holding 37 dildos*
Shopkeeper: may I help you?
Me: where are the fitting rooms?
I opened this morning at my property, loaded equipment and tools, drove thirty minutes to our sister property where I unloaded the trailer, setup, built a bike rack, loaded back up, loaded 15 table bases, drove back to my property unloaded, picked up an order at Home Depot, went home, showered, ...
December 26, 2025 at 9:50 PM
I opened this morning at my property, loaded equipment and tools, drove thirty minutes to our sister property where I unloaded the trailer, setup, built a bike rack, loaded back up, loaded 15 table bases, drove back to my property unloaded, picked up an order at Home Depot, went home, showered, ...
*racing the cat back to the open backdoor to keep her from bringing the lizard inside the house*
December 26, 2025 at 9:41 PM
*racing the cat back to the open backdoor to keep her from bringing the lizard inside the house*
My autobiography is clearly a tragedy
December 25, 2025 at 10:45 PM
My autobiography is clearly a tragedy
The best part of the 80s was everyone dressed gay so it didn't matter
December 25, 2025 at 10:19 PM
The best part of the 80s was everyone dressed gay so it didn't matter
Reposted by Lock Wilford
Celebrating Christmas the normal way (playing the hit board game “Kenny G: Keepin’ It Saxy”)
December 25, 2025 at 10:05 PM
Celebrating Christmas the normal way (playing the hit board game “Kenny G: Keepin’ It Saxy”)
Just made a sixth martini and went looking for my martini glass and realized that the fifth hadn't been consumed so the sixth is on standby
December 25, 2025 at 8:03 PM
Just made a sixth martini and went looking for my martini glass and realized that the fifth hadn't been consumed so the sixth is on standby
I don't ever ask for anything, my grey goose supply is plentiful, however, I've only one bottle of cointreau soooo....
December 25, 2025 at 7:49 PM
I don't ever ask for anything, my grey goose supply is plentiful, however, I've only one bottle of cointreau soooo....
I shaved my balls for this?!
December 25, 2025 at 7:35 PM
I shaved my balls for this?!
It's Christmas Day and I had to light the citronella for damn mosquitoes
December 25, 2025 at 6:47 PM
It's Christmas Day and I had to light the citronella for damn mosquitoes
I wonder how many copies of Mein Kampf he received this morning
December 25, 2025 at 6:30 PM
I wonder how many copies of Mein Kampf he received this morning
Tonight's dinner is BBQ ribs, macaroni salad, and cornbread, the veg is in the salad
December 25, 2025 at 6:29 PM
Tonight's dinner is BBQ ribs, macaroni salad, and cornbread, the veg is in the salad
🎶Grandma got shot by an ICE agent
On her way home this Christmas Eve🎶
On her way home this Christmas Eve🎶
December 25, 2025 at 6:17 PM
🎶Grandma got shot by an ICE agent
On her way home this Christmas Eve🎶
On her way home this Christmas Eve🎶
Yeah this is my third martini, it's Christmas, what of it
December 25, 2025 at 6:15 PM
Yeah this is my third martini, it's Christmas, what of it
Reposted by Lock Wilford
My nephew asked if Santa’s real. I said ‘Only if you believe in unpaid overtime.’ Now he’s crying.
December 25, 2025 at 6:08 PM
My nephew asked if Santa’s real. I said ‘Only if you believe in unpaid overtime.’ Now he’s crying.
Reposted by Lock Wilford
Bari Weiss cutting the Peanuts Christmas Special from the CBS lineup because it doesn't move the ball forward or get the parents on-camera
December 25, 2025 at 6:11 PM
Bari Weiss cutting the Peanuts Christmas Special from the CBS lineup because it doesn't move the ball forward or get the parents on-camera
Gotta start in the morning
December 25, 2025 at 3:46 PM
Gotta start in the morning
Reposted by Lock Wilford
people starting in with the merry Christmas love you texts
December 25, 2025 at 3:41 PM
people starting in with the merry Christmas love you texts
Reposted by Lock Wilford
That’s now 46 consecutive Christmas mornings without the Millennium Falcon I asked for when I was 5.
Thanks, Santa.
Thanks, Santa.
December 25, 2025 at 2:55 PM
That’s now 46 consecutive Christmas mornings without the Millennium Falcon I asked for when I was 5.
Thanks, Santa.
Thanks, Santa.
I like to think of that last Nerd candy that keeps rolling past the hole in the box as not a winner, but a loser destined for a landfill in Florida
December 25, 2025 at 3:15 AM
I like to think of that last Nerd candy that keeps rolling past the hole in the box as not a winner, but a loser destined for a landfill in Florida
Reposted by Lock Wilford
hello 911 there's someone on my roof
December 25, 2025 at 3:02 AM
hello 911 there's someone on my roof
Just remembered to turn off my alarm for tomorrow morning
December 25, 2025 at 3:07 AM
Just remembered to turn off my alarm for tomorrow morning
Me: *smoking weed on my back porch*
My neighbor: *speaking through the shrubbery* Lock?!
Me: Yeah, it's me.
My neighbor: I thought I smelled you
My neighbor: *speaking through the shrubbery* Lock?!
Me: Yeah, it's me.
My neighbor: I thought I smelled you
December 25, 2025 at 2:46 AM
Me: *smoking weed on my back porch*
My neighbor: *speaking through the shrubbery* Lock?!
Me: Yeah, it's me.
My neighbor: I thought I smelled you
My neighbor: *speaking through the shrubbery* Lock?!
Me: Yeah, it's me.
My neighbor: I thought I smelled you