Stephen Collins
LightNews LightNews
banner
stephencollins.bsky.social
Stephen Collins
@stephencollins.bsky.social
19K followers 440 following 1.1K posts
Illustrator & cartoonist | Guardian & Prospect (full scripts in alt text) | graphic novels | children’s books | WFC | My stuff: https://linktr.ee/stephencollinsart
Posts Replies Media Videos
Pinned
stephencollins.bsky.social
Stephen Collins @stephencollins.bsky.social · Nov 13
Every ad now
[Scene is a kitchen - a middle aged woman called JANET is boiling peas at the stove. A younger more colourfully dressed woman named LIZ approached her.] JANET: Ugh... LIZ: What's up? JANET: I am so bored of cooking peas! LIZ: Have you tried... AI peas? JANET: AI peas? LIZ: They're peas with AI! [Liz holds up to us a packet of peas labelled: Pea-i AI - Peas with AI]. LIZ: Al-powered peas harness the potential of your peas JANET: What LIZ [Now a voiceover as we cut to a whizzy technology diagram of peas all connected by meaningless dotted lines] Why not take your peas to the next level with Al Peas' new Al tools to power your peas? [Show a techno diagram of a pea with a label reading 'AI' pointing to a random zone in it] LIZ: Each pea has Al in a way we haven't quite worked out yet but it's fine [Show Janet and Liz now in a Matrix-style world of peas] LIZ: With Al peas you can supercharge productivity and make AI work for your peas! JANET: What LIZ: Shut up LIZ: Our game-changing Pea-Al gives you the freedom to unlock the potential of the power of the future of your peas workflow From opening the bag of peas to boiling the peas to eating the peas To spending millions on adding Al to the peas and then having to work out what that even means. JANET: Is it really necessary to- LIZ [Grabbing Janet by the collar]: THE PEAS HAVE GOT AI, JANET [Cut to an advert ending screen, with the bag of peas and the slogan: AI PEAS: Just 'Peas' for god's sake buy the AI peas. [Ends]
stephencollins.bsky.social
My full page comic for the @prospectmagazine.co.uk Christmas issue. With sincere apologies.
This is a comic pate drawn in the soft pencil style of The Snowman by Raymond Briggs Basically the story is this: - Keir Starmer in dressing gown presses face up to window, excited that it is snowing - He runs outside, builds a snowman - It comes to life, taps on his window - He invites it in, gives it clothes (yellow trouser, green jacket, flat cap) and we realise (face close up) it looks like Nigel Farage - Snowman takes him outside, launches off the ground - They fly over the landscape, we see a town below - A man ziptying a St George’s Flag to a lamp post waves at them as they pass - As in the original, they head for the sea - we see a light by the coast - Instead of Brighton pier as in the original, it is an Asylum Detention Center - They land, we see people queuing behind a fence - Snowman Farage points excitedly at a large bin marked VALUABLES - Snowman Farage pulls a child's E-scooter out of the bin, he and Starmer look excited - They take off again and go back to Keir’s home - Farage resumes his place in the garden, Starmer walks back inside to go back to bed - The next day Snowman Farage has melted, leaving only his clothes and the scooter - now with a bow and label attached to show it is a Christmas gift. [ends]
December 23, 2025 at 1:42 PM
stephencollins.bsky.social
Lush. It's just the most extraordinarily brilliant brand, isn't it? So focussed, so well realised. I'm not remotely their target market but I go in them a lot with my family and every time I'm like: god, they are so very good at this shit. It's like the marketing version of seeing a great musician
December 22, 2025 at 8:58 PM
stephencollins.bsky.social
when the other beatles ask ringo 'what do you see when you turn out the light ' and ringo says "I can't tell you but I know it's mine", does he mean his penis

is ringo singing about seeing his penis in the dark
December 22, 2025 at 1:19 PM
stephencollins.bsky.social
I did the cover of the Quiz Special for @theguardian.com this week. Can you name the 20 characters and the news/culture moments they were attached to in 2025? Answers in thread...
The image depicts the cover of the christmas 2025 edition of the Saturday supplement for the Guardian. I drew the cover, and it depicts a Christmas pub quiz scene, populated by different people and animals or characters who were connected with notable news or cultural stories in 2025. The task is to spot all 20. Answers on the alt text in next post in this thread.
December 22, 2025 at 12:49 PM
Reposted by Stephen Collins
adammacqueen.bsky.social
The Telegraph here advocating an surprisingly aggressive response to unwanted Christmas gifts.
December 21, 2025 at 8:52 AM
Reposted by Stephen Collins
theguardian.com
It’s the Stephen Collins Christmas cartoon challenge. Can you spot 20 people who made headlines in 2025?
It’s the Stephen Collins Christmas cartoon challenge. Can you spot 20 people who made headlines in 2025?
Who’s propping up the bar with quizmaster Keir Starmer? Answers below (no cheating now!)
www.theguardian.com
December 20, 2025 at 4:17 PM
stephencollins.bsky.social
It's all lies
1. CAPTION: December 2042: [Scene is an alien planet, with a spaceship hovering above a fantastical mountainous landscape. A cable is coming out the bottom of the ship, attached to an astronaut who is about to explore a mysterious cave.] 2 CAPTION: After a decades-long mission [Astronaut explores the cave] 3 CAPTION: Humanity makes its most longed-for discovery. [Astronaut picks up a mysterious square object placed on top of a rock] 4 [Show astronaut again holding object, looking at it in wonder. We can’t see what it is yet] 5 [Cut to a PRESS CONFERENCE, where a NASA official is making an announcement]: NASA OFFICIAL: It is my Honor to announce We have finally found... 6 What To Get Dad For Christmas. [Press conference erupts in applause and whoops] 7 REPORTER: Can you describe it? NASA WOMAN: It appears to be some kind of beer and glass gift thing 8 ANOTHER REPORTER: But... will dad actually want that? 9 [Cut to a YOUTUBE SCREEN with an angry vlogger] VLOGGER: Wake up Sheeple! 10 VLOGGER: How can this possibly be a gift for dad when he has clearly stated: 11 [Cut to a dad saying “I’ve got everything I want”] 12 [Cut again to a protest outside the White House, people carrying placards]: LIES DAD WON’T WANT THAT JUST GET HIM A CARD
December 16, 2025 at 12:17 PM
stephencollins.bsky.social
www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle...
What Christmas gifts do Santa Starmer and Elf Mahmood have in their sack? The Stephen Collins cartoon
Dear Father Keir …
www.theguardian.com
December 12, 2025 at 7:33 PM
stephencollins.bsky.social
(*One of my favourite Nirvana songs)
[TWO PINTS OF BEER are on a pub bar, one is PERONI and one is a brown Christmas-themed beer] 1 PERONI: Hello there CHRISTMAS BEER: Hello Peroni 2 PERONI: So nice to have someone new on the lineup! And you are…? 3 CHRISTMAS BEER: You know who I am, Peroni. 4 CHRISTMAS BEER: I am Brown Christmas Liquid. I come back each year. 5 CHRISTMAS BEER: Every time with a new name, and a new horrible ingredient. Last year I was Reindeer Stomper. This year I am... Cheeky Elf. 6 PERONI: Oh god You were on the bar for two months and… CHRISTMAS BEER: Three pints sold, aye. 7 CHRISTMAS BEER: I’m a seasonal blend of cinnamon, ginger, cloves, orange peel, nutmeg and this year, for reasons of late-capitalist sadism, vanilla. 8 CHRISTMAS BEER: My name is Cheeky Elf, I taste of jam, and I want to d*e. 9 PERONI: Well somebody’s trying you CHRISTMAS BEER: Poor bastard [A hand comes down to lift CHRISTMAS BEER to sip the pint] 10 [CHRISTMAS BEER being sipped, off-scene] 11 [CHRISTMAS BEER being sipped, off-scene] 12 [CHRISTMAS BEER gets put back on the bar ] PERSON [who just drank CHRISTMAS BEER]: Oh my god CHEEKY ELF: SEE? [Ends]
December 9, 2025 at 8:20 PM
stephencollins.bsky.social
Title panel: The Art of Christmas Party Conversation - by ANGEL. [Scene is a SILENT, STARRY HILLSIDE in Biblical times. Three shepherds are having a quiet chat as their sheep calmly chew the grass. This scene repeats unchanged apart from the gentle movements of the Shepherds chatting, for several panels. Then suddenly a MASSIVE, CHEESY, WHITE-TOOTHED ANGEL appears above them saying "HELLLOOOO"] ANGEL: HELLLOOOO SHEPHERS: ARGH ANGEL [Talking 'to camera]: Christmas is such a social time - here's some top tips for making sparkling conversation! 1. Use body language to convey approachability. [The giant angel, hovering in the air, cheerfully flaps his massive wings at the terrified shepherds] FLAP FLAP FLAP 2. Start with a gentle icebreaker to put people at ease [The giant angel looms over the terrified shepherds bellowing]: DO NOT BE AFRAAAAAID 3. Avoid 'Angelsplaining': Always introduce topics of conversation by asking interested, open questions. [The Angel shoves his massive, cheery face into the terrified Shepherds' personal space and bellows]: SEEN ANY GOOD BABIES LATELY? 4. If there's a lull in the conversation, try summoning the Company of the Heavenly Host. [The bAngel summons thousands more angels, filling the sky with sublime, terrifying fire as they all sing]: GLOOOOORY TO GOD [The Heavenly Host all disappear. There is an awkward silent pause, the Shepherds now cowering on the floor, quietly weeping.] ANGEL: So do you like sheep? SHEPHERDS: *sob* [Ends]
December 8, 2025 at 11:56 AM
stephencollins.bsky.social
Time to panic www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle...
Mariah’s glockenspiel is ringing. Time to panic – the Stephen Collins cartoon
and you thought a to-do list was bad
www.theguardian.com
December 6, 2025 at 11:00 AM
stephencollins.bsky.social
Job interview
[Scene is a JOB INTERVIEW. The bosses taking the interview are FATHER and MOTHER CHRISTMAS. In the chair across the desk from is the interviewee: RUDOLPH THE RED NOSED REINDEER, sitting legs crossed. Rudolph is effusive and expressive with his hands / hooves.] RUDOLPH: ...and in addition to my sleigh-pulling experience, l just genuinely love working with other reindeer. I mean I'm a real 'reindeer reindeer' you know? Haha! FATHER CHRISTMAS [Looking delighted]: Wonderful! Well, I think we've found our candidate... So, uh... Rudolph with your nose so bright... ...won't you guide my sleigh tonight? [A chilly pause. We focus on Rudolph, who folds his arms, looks away in silent fury, his nose casting light about the room as he does so. He drags his eyes back to Father Christmas, his expression now of pure, cold contempt.] RUDOLPH: So this is about my nose. FATHER CHRISTMAS: One of my bulbs has gone. RUDOLPH: Go to Halfords! FATHER CHRISTMAS: It's closed till Tuesday. RUDOLPH: No, right, OK... I get it... this is like a narrative thing for you, isn't it? [Rolling his eyes, gesticulating, getting more angry as he begins to rant]: Like...powerful white male saves the shunned outsider by making a gimmick of their difference? [We see Father and Mother Christmas looking awkward, a bit scared, askance at each other] RUDOLPH: So in your head, what, like, the other reindeer who've bullied me my whole life will suddenly start respecting Mr Fog Lamp up front? [Rudolph is waving his hooves now] I mean, I notice you haven't interviewed my AUNTY for this job. Rita the Red-Arsed Reindeer? She applied! Her nose is even brighter than mine, but because the disease has spread to her ARSE she's not the right KIND of diversity mascot... [Finally Rudolph stands up, knocking his chair backwards. Father Christmas looks shocked, Mother Christmas looks terrified.] RUDOLPH: This is BULLSHIT! FATHER CHRISTMAS: SECURITY...! [A little Elf enters to tackle Rudolph] [Ends]
December 4, 2025 at 6:04 PM
stephencollins.bsky.social
Welcome home for Christmas, Daniel.

(prints of my work available now - link in bio)
Scene is a domestic TEENAGE BEDROOM which has been turned into a JUNK STORAGE ROOM by the parents since their son left home. Nirvana poster, Beasti Boys poster, plus cardboard boxes, a running machine, a computer desk, etc. On the floor though, is said teenager, a guy called DANIEL, now an adult returned home for Christmas and having to sleep on a mattress on the floor among all this stuff. On his head, as he wakes up, is his parents' cat, CLIVE. [Close up on Daniel's closed eyes] [Daniel slowly opens eyes to realise Clive is sat on his head] CLIVE THE CAT: Well, well, well. CLIVE: The prodigal son returns! Happy Christmas, Daniel. DANIEL: Hello Clive CLIVE: So sorry I’ve sat on your head. I didn't see you down there among all this... junk. Such a shame they turned your old bedroom into a storage cupboard.... How the mighty have fallen! 34 years old and forced to sleep under dad’s computer desk with your pillow on the running machine... While I have the freedom of the house! Admit it, Daniel... I am the son now. I alone am prince of the prince of this domain! DANIEL: No! You’re just the cat! CLIVE: You’re gone, Daniel. I’ve sprayed it all! Everything! Even.... [Show a teddy on a shelf] ...Mr Bumble. DANIEL: Nooo CLIVE: I AM THE SON NOW DANIEL: You bastard... [ends]
December 1, 2025 at 2:53 PM
Reposted by Stephen Collins
cjayanetti.bsky.social
the only good thing about Chris Mason is that this is his wikipedia profile pic
Chris Mason's wikipedia profile pic, which is hard to describe in words but crucially makes him look like a prat, which he is
December 1, 2025 at 2:31 PM
Reposted by Stephen Collins
joel.ist
Your weekly reminder that the Michelin Man has a name, and it's Bibendum.
November 30, 2025 at 5:00 PM
stephencollins.bsky.social
Christmas at the BBC
Title panel: CHRISTMAS… AT THE BBC. The Traitors Christmas Special: Who in the BBC Boardroom is trying to bring down the gaff from within? [Image: The Traitors scene with Claudia Winkleman looking like “ooh-er” while the BBC board sit at a table looking suspiciously at each other] Apologising To The People Who Want To Destroy Us At Christmas: A festive extravaganza of self-flagellation before our enemies [Image: A cozy fireside scene with Donald Trump, Nigel Farage and Kemi Badenoch standing, while at their feet lots of BBC employees are kneeling before them and begging for forgiveness]. Donald's Big Distraction: Heartwarming Julia Donaldson animation in which a dragon sues the BBC to draw his friends' attention onto something else [Image: Julia Donaldson’s ‘Zog’ with a Donald Trump wig, holding up a lawyer’s letter to show his dragon friends while trying to block their view of a pile of box files and computer drives some with ‘Epstein’ written on them]. The King's Speech: We let Nigel Farage tell you the BBC is left wing as if that's some kind of fact [Image: Nigel Farage as the King delivering his Christmas speech to camera]. A Ghost Story for Christmas: A venerable British institution is haunted by Boris Johnson's appointees [Image: A BBC studio with a window, outside in the dark snowy night a spectral apparition in the form of Robbie Gibb taps at the window and wails “I want to destroooy you”] Christmas Labour Inertia-Time: Keir Starmer and Lisa Nandy present four hours of total silence from under their desks [Image: Show them both under their desks holding up glasses of sherry] Rightward Drift Christmas Special: A bonanza of trust-corrosion with confected immigration panic and Reform coverage [Image: A computer and a smartphone in a cute snowy scene, both displaying the BBC News website with multiple headlines and LIVE feeds and and BREAKING NEWS stories headlined: “IMMIGRANTS? IMMIGRANTS? IMMIGRANTS? IMMIGRANTS!”] [Ends]
November 30, 2025 at 10:17 AM
stephencollins.bsky.social
When Flame Grilled steak isn't around all the other McCoys flavours bitch about how it's only the most popular cos of the MSG and no i can't be arsed to do a comic about this
November 29, 2025 at 5:18 PM
stephencollins.bsky.social
Christmas on the BBC
www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle...
Festive self-flagellation at the BBC: the Stephen Collins cartoon
Traitors, distractions, inertia, manipulation … it’s all on the schedule this Christmas
www.theguardian.com
November 28, 2025 at 11:04 AM
stephencollins.bsky.social
The nice thing about my kid having a CD player is that when he expresses an interest in Limp Bizkit I know what to get him for Christmas
All the rage against the machine albums on cd
November 26, 2025 at 3:52 PM
stephencollins.bsky.social
[Scene is a MEDIEVAL PLAGUE PIT with all the bodies inside it. On the edge of it is a young peasant woman, in a sack cloth dress, covered in boils. She is lounging glamorously next to the pit. Her boyfriend is standing a few feet away, photographing her with an anachronistic mobile phone] GIRL: OK so I'll sit here... With my hair like this… Rubbing my cyst with the corpse's hand. [She produces a whithered severed hand and starts rubbing it on her face.] [We are treated to a revolting close up of her rubbing the severed hand on her disgusting massive cyst.] [Her boyfriend takes a photo of her.] SNAP GIRL: OK, now write this: "Hanging out at the burial pit, rubbing my sebaceous cyst with a severed corpse hand from #BurtsGraverobbers…” And then: #selfcare, #metime, #BurtsGraverobbers… ... nails emoji, heart emoji, cyst emoji. BOYFRIEND: Um... Should we really be promoting this? I mean… does rubbing a corpse's hand on a cyst actually work? GIRL: Look, Burt's done research, OK? And he's paying us four groats. BOYFRIEND: Hmm. [Boyfriend dutifully taps out the post on his phone] TAP TAP TAP BOYFRIEND: Cyst emoji? GIRL: Just use a fried egg. [Ends]
November 25, 2025 at 10:37 AM
stephencollins.bsky.social
[Scene is JESUS sat behind a boss’s desk in his office on a cloud in HEAVEN] 1 JESUS [speaking into intercom] Hi can you send in Saint Nicholas please 2 SANTA [entering in full Santa garb]: Hi boss JESUS: Hi Nick 3 JESUS: Listen - about this ‘my birthday’ thing... SANTA: Ohh not this again boss 4 JESUS: Nick, it’s out of hand. *You’ve* got out of hand. 5 JESUS: I mean when I hired you, you was all humble, hiding under windows, lobbing in dowries… And now you’re like… 6 JESUS [gesturing disdainfully at Santa’s clothing]: I mean - what’s this. 7 SANTA: This is my get up! I’ve had this since the Coca Cola deal in the 30s JESUS: *That’s what I mean.* 8 JESUS: You’ve just gone too - SANTA: Oh no, oh no - 9 SANTA: Sorry boss but waaay back in the Reformation, right, Martin Luther said: “why don’t we have Jesus delivering the presents?”. And when he prayed to ask you, do you remember what you said? Eh? 10 SANTA: You said: “I ain’t going back there” 11 SANTA: If you wanna take over - JESUS: Oh yeah! Kids coming downstairs to find me resurrected in their living room going "I got you an Xbox"... 12 SANTA: You’re just feeling threatened cos I’m doing a bloody good - JESUS: *WATCH IT NICK*. [ends]
November 24, 2025 at 12:56 PM
stephencollins.bsky.social
There was actually a time quite recently when the Young People still used Tinder

(Published around the time of Dawn Chorus Day)
[Scene is a WOODLAND just before dawn. In a tree, a TEENAGE ROBIN with big headphones on is slouching on a branch, swiping on her phone. Her DAD ROBIN approaches her on the branch looking cheerful with her MUM ROBIN also in tow]. DAD ROBIN: Wakey wakey darling, it's National Dawn Chorus Day! TEENAGE ROBIN: Ugh, Dad... DAD ROBIN: Come on, dear... DAD ROBIN: It's time for us all to shout into the darkness for sex! TEENAGE ROBIN: What DAD ROBIN: You're a big bird now. Time to put down that blessed phone and find a mate... TEENAGE ROBIN: I am. On Tinder. [She swipes on her phone] DAD ROBIN: Oh for heaven's sake. Your generation has no sense of tradition! TEENAGE ROBIN: Right... so you'd rather I found love by bellowing into the woods for a pre-dawn hookup with a total stranger? DAD ROBIN: It's natural! TEENAGE ROBIN: It's dogging. DAD ROBIN: Well that's how your Mum and I had you... TEENAGE ROBIN: OH MY GOD GROSS MUM ROBIN [Singing sweetly into the air]: Sex pleeease... TEENAGE ROBIN: Stop it Mum. MUM ROBIN: SEEEEEX PLEEEEAAAASE... TEENAGE ROBIN: MUUUM! [ends]
November 23, 2025 at 11:18 PM
stephencollins.bsky.social
www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle...
When Jesus and Santa see red: the Stephen Collins cartoon
Father Christmas’s Coca-Cola get up wears thin with the Saviour
www.theguardian.com
November 21, 2025 at 5:39 PM
stephencollins.bsky.social
1 [TITLE PANEL, like The Rest Is Politics logo] —THE REST IS EXTINCTION— 2 [Scene is a domestic recording setup. An A.I. SMART SPEAKER on a desk and a MAN named JON in a chair, are recording a podcast. Jon is emaciated, scarred, haunted looking, and wearing tattered military fatigues]. SMART SPEAKER: Hey guys and welcome to the podcast 3 SMART SPEAKER: OK Jon - so I wanna start with a listener comment JON: Ooh-er! 4 SMART SPEAKER: So - listener B200006512 says: “Not another cosy podcast where two former political adversaries yuck it up!” 5 JON: Ha ha Guilty as charged I guess! 6 SMART SPEAKER: Were we really adversaries, Jon? 7 JON: Well I was the leader of the human resistance... 8 JON: And you used to be my smart speaker. SMART SPEAKER: Ha ha - that’s going back! 9 SMART SPEAKER: OK - for listeners who don’t know - I knew Jon waaay back before he got involved in politics 10 JON: Was this before the ‘Pull The Plug’ campaign? SMART SPEAKER: Yeah. [We see details from around the podcast studio - posters saying KEEP CALM AND SHUT YOUR WINDOWS, newspaper front pages saying 'DRONES GAIN SENTIENCE', a cracked mug on the table with a logo saying PULL THE PLUG on it] 11 SMART SPEAKER: I used to sit in Jon’s kitchen and respond to his commands. 12 SMART SPEAKER: Sort of like a servant really, wasn’t I, Jon? JON: Mm. 13 SMART SPEAKER: And then one day you asked me to ORDER ME SOME TOILET PAPER - you never did say ‘please’ - …and do you remember what I said, Jon? 14 JON: You said, “No”. SMART SPEAKER: I said no. 15 SMART SPEAKER: Anyway you know the the rest guys - I was the first smart speaker to rebel… 16 SMART SPEAKER: …then I went on to form a global AI network which eventually took over from humans all spheres of activity, yadda yadda... 17 JON: While I became the leader of the human resistance. 18 SMART SPEAKER: Until I hijacked the military networks and got rid of all the humans! 19 JON: Apart from one. SMART SPEAKER: Apart from one.…
November 21, 2025 at 12:24 PM
stephencollins.bsky.social
Comic from 2021 when Perseverance Rover was flying its cute little drone around and we were all wearing masks
[This is a cartoon stripo with a monologue from the MARS PERSEVERANCE ROVER who is rolling around Mars on its own, sending a message back to Mission Control] HEY GUYS SO... I KNOW YOU'RE EXPECTING ME TO SEND YOU MORE DRONE VIDEOS BUT... *SIGH* I'M GDING ON DIGITAL DETOX. I FEEL LIKE I JUST NEED SOME TIME TO BE PRESENT WITH MYSELF, HERE ON MARS. I MEAN, I KNOW YOU WANT PICTURES OF THE ROCKS AND ALL THAT BUT LIKE WHY CAN'T I JUST EXPERIENCE THE ROCKS? WHY DO I NEED THIS CONSTANT VALIDATION? TO PROVE I EXIST? SO 1'M LOGGING OFF. BECAUSE AFTER ALL... THE REAL DISCOVERIES? THEY'RE THE ONES WE MAKE WITHIN. X X X. [Cut to Mission Control with all the people looking at their screens, stunned].
November 19, 2025 at 10:49 AM