Carl Maxim
@carlmaxim.bsky.social
I don't have time for a fourth dimension.
Pinned
Carl Maxim
@carlmaxim.bsky.social
· Oct 15
Last night's meeting of the Pessimist Society was very disappointing. Yet again, the room was half empty.
I would extrajudicially kill to win the FIFA Peace Prize.
December 5, 2025 at 1:54 PM
I would extrajudicially kill to win the FIFA Peace Prize.
Can't believe the government are selfishly focusing on child poverty while some Daily Telegraph readers are currently being forced to build indoor swimming pools to avoid paying the mansion tax.
December 5, 2025 at 1:18 PM
Can't believe the government are selfishly focusing on child poverty while some Daily Telegraph readers are currently being forced to build indoor swimming pools to avoid paying the mansion tax.
'Breaking News' used to be a major event worthy of interrupting regular television schedules, but now it just means: 'we interrupt the news to bring you some more news'.
December 5, 2025 at 12:49 PM
'Breaking News' used to be a major event worthy of interrupting regular television schedules, but now it just means: 'we interrupt the news to bring you some more news'.
I was recently diagnosed with Oppositional Defiant Disorder, something I absolutely refuse to accept.
December 5, 2025 at 11:04 AM
I was recently diagnosed with Oppositional Defiant Disorder, something I absolutely refuse to accept.
Reading a book called 'Enshittification'. It starts out well but then just gets worse and worse.
December 5, 2025 at 10:44 AM
Reading a book called 'Enshittification'. It starts out well but then just gets worse and worse.
So many people criticising Farage for being a terrible racist at school, but over the years he has learned from his mistakes and transformed into a much better racist as an adult.
December 5, 2025 at 10:18 AM
So many people criticising Farage for being a terrible racist at school, but over the years he has learned from his mistakes and transformed into a much better racist as an adult.
Reposted by Carl Maxim
I've mounted a landline phone next to my bathroom mirror because every now and then I like to pretend I'm visiting my twin in jail.
November 22, 2025 at 7:02 PM
I've mounted a landline phone next to my bathroom mirror because every now and then I like to pretend I'm visiting my twin in jail.
Reposted by Carl Maxim
Someone just ran up to me in the street and tried to intimidate me with a hardback copy of Heidegger's Being and Time - I'm so sick and tired of these existential threats.
November 28, 2024 at 9:56 AM
Someone just ran up to me in the street and tried to intimidate me with a hardback copy of Heidegger's Being and Time - I'm so sick and tired of these existential threats.
And yet Alan Titchmarsh is still allowed to roam free. #TwoSecateurKeir www.theguardian.com/uk-news/2025...
Man carrying home his gardening tools arrested by armed police in Manchester
Samuel Rowe, who was returning from allotment, seeking to overturn caution for possession of offensive weapon
www.theguardian.com
July 28, 2025 at 11:39 AM
And yet Alan Titchmarsh is still allowed to roam free. #TwoSecateurKeir www.theguardian.com/uk-news/2025...
Reposted by Carl Maxim
TOP TIP: Save time in arguments by instantly jumping to other people's conclusions.
October 26, 2023 at 6:52 PM
TOP TIP: Save time in arguments by instantly jumping to other people's conclusions.
Reposted by Carl Maxim
In the future, historical re-enactment societies will re-run the culture wars with people standing in a muddy field typing angry messages into their phones.
February 18, 2025 at 9:34 AM
In the future, historical re-enactment societies will re-run the culture wars with people standing in a muddy field typing angry messages into their phones.
Is it so they can bend over backwards claiming they're not fascists? observer.co.uk/culture/book...
Why do fascists love yoga? | The Observer
For more than a century, elements of the far right have been attracted by the rigour of eastern disciplines. But does the connection stand up?
observer.co.uk
July 26, 2025 at 11:47 AM
Is it so they can bend over backwards claiming they're not fascists? observer.co.uk/culture/book...
Reposted by Carl Maxim
Saw a shop offering a service called 'microneedling', so I went in and they annoyed me ever so slightly.
November 14, 2024 at 8:37 PM
Saw a shop offering a service called 'microneedling', so I went in and they annoyed me ever so slightly.
Relaxing with a big black marker pen and the existential abyss colouring-in book.
July 26, 2025 at 10:24 AM
Relaxing with a big black marker pen and the existential abyss colouring-in book.
Reposted by Carl Maxim
I'm short-sighted in my mind's eye so I can only imagine things really close up.
December 10, 2023 at 11:00 AM
I'm short-sighted in my mind's eye so I can only imagine things really close up.
During the war my grandfather worked as a military mime artist. It was his job to convince the enemy there was a large invisible wall blocking their path.
July 26, 2025 at 8:36 AM
During the war my grandfather worked as a military mime artist. It was his job to convince the enemy there was a large invisible wall blocking their path.
Reposted by Carl Maxim
Managed to do 60,000 steps today, which is one of the benefits of having your stairs designed by MC Escher.
November 27, 2024 at 9:48 PM
Managed to do 60,000 steps today, which is one of the benefits of having your stairs designed by MC Escher.
Still not sure about self-driving cars. I've seen Herbie Goes Bananas and it was absolute chaos.
July 25, 2025 at 6:28 PM
Still not sure about self-driving cars. I've seen Herbie Goes Bananas and it was absolute chaos.
Reposted by Carl Maxim
I've been seeing a daydream therapist. It's like dream therapy but you spend the whole session just staring out of the window.
November 14, 2024 at 6:25 PM
I've been seeing a daydream therapist. It's like dream therapy but you spend the whole session just staring out of the window.
Soon to be known as the YourHypnoBoobParty www.theguardian.com/politics/202...
Zack Polanski ‘open to’ working with new Corbyn and Sultana party
Green leadership candidate says any decision on alliance would be one for party members
www.theguardian.com
July 25, 2025 at 3:41 PM
Soon to be known as the YourHypnoBoobParty www.theguardian.com/politics/202...
Reposted by Carl Maxim
Tonight's meeting of the Hindsight Society has been cancelled due to what, in retrospect, were entirely foreseeable circumstances.
November 20, 2024 at 9:28 AM
Tonight's meeting of the Hindsight Society has been cancelled due to what, in retrospect, were entirely foreseeable circumstances.
"What do we want?"
"Delayed gratification!"
"When do we want it?"
"Erm..."
"Delayed gratification!"
"When do we want it?"
"Erm..."
July 25, 2025 at 12:06 PM
"What do we want?"
"Delayed gratification!"
"When do we want it?"
"Erm..."
"Delayed gratification!"
"When do we want it?"
"Erm..."
Reposted by Carl Maxim
Saw a Creationist at the Natural History Museum. He couldn't believe God had gone to all that trouble to test his faith.
December 13, 2023 at 9:37 PM
Saw a Creationist at the Natural History Museum. He couldn't believe God had gone to all that trouble to test his faith.
Reposted by Carl Maxim
My ex got custody of my inner child.
July 25, 2025 at 11:35 AM
My ex got custody of my inner child.