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stephencollins.bsky.social
Stephen Collins
@stephencollins.bsky.social
19K followers 430 following 960 posts
Illustrator & cartoonist | Guardian & Prospect (full scripts in alt text) | graphic novels | children’s books | WFC | My stuff: https://linktr.ee/stephencollinsart
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stephencollins.bsky.social
[Scene is a GUY on the top of an unlit bonfire. A CROW is sitting on his outstreched arm.] GUY: This is so messed up. GUY: I was really looking forward to this party. GUY: I mean, you don't expect it, do you? CROW: Expect what GUY: Well like, you spend all day with your friends getting dressed up for a nice party, GUY: And when you get there you find out they've only invited you as an effigy of a 17th century terrorist! CROW: That is rude. GUY: It's *weird*. CROW: Yeah CROW: It's almost like... *Wicker Man-ish*. GUY: It's very Wicker Man! GUY: It really is a lot like that film. CROW: Don't worry. CROW: It's probably just like a folk-horror themed soirée or something [Silent panels as the crow looks down at the guy's feet, off-scene]. CROW: Oop. [Silent pause. We se a flicker of light begin to grow at the base of the guy's feet]. CROW: Nope CROW: Yeah they really are going to burn you. GUY: YOU WEIRD PAGAN SHITS [Crow flies off] [ends]
November 7, 2025 at 1:12 PM
stephencollins.bsky.social
Nobody ever talks about how weird this was
[Scene is a boardroom in the headquarters of the board game manufacturer, Parker Bros. The year is 1966] 1 [show exterior of a factory building with 'PARKER BROS BOARD GAMES' written on the top] PARKER 1: Ok brothers - a quick run through our manufacturing schedule... 2 [Switch to interior scene of the boardroom, in which the three Parker Brothers are having a meeting]. Parker 1: So this year we'll be making: Monopoly, Cluedo, Risk, the portal to Hell thing, Scrabble, and Tiddlywinks. 3 Parker 2: What was that? Parker 1: Tiddlywinks! Parker 2: No the bit about Hell 4 Parker 1: Ah yes - we're manufacturing ouija boards now Parker 2: What 5 Parker 2: Parker… we make *board games*... Parker 1: Yes, Parker! And this is a great family board game which may or may not be a portal to the Other Place. 6 Parker 1: You know, 2-6 players, summon a loved one, might be a daemon - great fun 7 Parker 2: Whose idea was this? Parker 1: Well I believe it was... Mr Shimmer? 8 Parker 2: Who is Mr Shimmer [voice from off-scene]: shimmmerrrrr... 9 [Cut to a figure who is also sat at the boardroom table. It is a horrifying eldritch wraith, eyeless, pale, with a gaping, hissing black mouth drawn open in a foul, silent, endless grimace] Mr Shimmer: *sssshimmmerrrrr*... 10 Parker 1: Our new creative director! I met him at a seance, because it's 1966. 11 Parker 1: Mr Shimmer says he hopes there may soon be a set in every home in the land! 12 Parker 1: Come - shall we play? [he shifts his body forward in his chair slightly, and we glimpse behind him the terrifying eyes of another demon sat behind him, a la this iconic bit in Insidious] [ends]
November 2, 2025 at 2:04 PM
stephencollins.bsky.social
Forgot I did another comic about the NT thing in @prospectmagazine.co.uk two years ago. I loathe all the culture wars stuff we have to wade through nowadays but I can't say it hasn't given us all something to write about. That's part of the problem of course
1 [Title panel] National Trust Autumn Family Fun Guide 2 Go on a crunchy autumn rant! Get your wellies on and kick through some leaves while venting about the wokes [Show someone red faced, kicking up leaves, shouting “BUT BRITAIN *ABOLISHED* SLAVERYYY”] 3 Make a stick man to argue with Straw men are for summer, but in the autumn you can glue together sticks, woodland items and made-up talking points for a fun debate [A hand holding a little stick man with a pinecone head while the person argues with it: “Actually country houses *aren’t* racist”] 4 Forage for nuts in the NT Council Candidates statements! See if you can identify the nutty right-wingers in the NT Council Candidates’ election statements [Show a parent and child looking through NT website - child says “I’ve spotted a mention of ‘woke forces’!”] 5 Make a woodland shelter to protect commonsense conservatives from all the wokeness [Show a big box constructed on a tree trunk with a person hiding inside it. A child whispers to them from nearby: “You are safe now”] 6 Build a cosy bonfire by gathering copies of the Interim Report on Colonialism and Slavery [Show a bonfire scene, a person sitting next to it] I mean it was AGES ago 7 Spot Some Candidates in the Mist Every autumn anti-woke campaigners come out of hiding to try and take over the gaff. How many can you spot? [Show people stalking round the NT property grounds like deer] 8 Join us for Spooky Storytime! Throughout October our more right-leaning members will be telling scary tales of woke ghouls and demons [Show an NT volunteer in a dark candle-lit hut, saying to children “They’re coming to kill our history…”] [Ends]
October 31, 2025 at 9:47 AM
stephencollins.bsky.social
If you're a National Trust member, it's that time of year again: Midnight tonight is the deadline. It's a shame people have to keep doing this to keep a toehold on historical truth in this country, but here we are. Voting link: www.nationaltrust.org.uk/who-we-are/a...
[Scene is the entrance cabin to a NATIONAL TRUST PROPERTY AND GARDENS] 1 NATIONAL TRUST EMPLOYEE [inside cabin]: Hello there 2 [A young family - two parents two kids - have arrived at the front desk]. DAD: Hi - do you have an activity trail, for the kids? 3 NT EMPLOYEE: Of course – you’re just in time for the Autumn Gammon Trail! 4 MUM: That sounds fun, doesn’t it kids? 5 NT EMPLOYEE [handing an activity sheet and pencils to the kids]: Every autumn, the Reform Trust gammons flock back to the National Trust for the AGM. Just follow the trail round the grounds, and see how many you can spot! 6 NT EMPLOYEE [hearing something in the gardens]: Listen - that's their call [Calls emanating from the landscape]: tut-tut woke-woke 7 NT EMPLOYEE [showing the family an apparently empty fenced enclosure with some bushes in]: They are extremely sensitive and fragile... But you can bring them out of hiding if you put a little sign down mentioning slavery. 8 KIDS [pointing]: There they are! [Some little red faced PEOPLE wearing Barbour jackets and gilets emerge cautiously from the bushes. They are creeping towards a TINY SIGN in the middle of the enclosure]. [Little people noises]: woke-woke tut-tut woke-woke 9 [Close-up of the TINY SIGN - we can read that it says]: Slavery had a bit to do with building this massive house. [Noises from the little people again as they inspect the tiny sign]: tut-tut woke-woke 10 MUM [pointing]: What's that one doing there? NT EMPLOYEE: Oh, that's so sweet… 11 [We see that one of the people is sat on a rock, with a little laptop open on a tree stump, and they are furiously typing away]. NT EMPLOYEE: I think he's writing a column for the Daily Telegraph… 12 [We see close up to the little person’s screen, it is a word document reading]: Are National Trust scones secretly WOKE? [ends]
October 31, 2025 at 9:02 AM
stephencollins.bsky.social
Posting old halloween comics, #4. From 2015
For this comic you have to imagine it as two separate pictures depicting almost identical scenes. There are three kids dressed as a devil, a ghost and a witch, and they are outside a person’s home receiving treats on a tray from the resident. In the background, their parents - parent 1, parent 2 and parent 3, watch on from the pavement. There are labels pointing to every person in each scene. HALLOWEEN IN AMERICA [Labels]: Joyful [a person at a cosy party seen through the window of the house] Ebullient [Another person at the party, we see them laughing through the window] Charmed [A fully dracula-costumed guy handing out trates at the front door] Home made skull cookies and lemonade [The contents of the man’s tray he is handing out to the kids] Delighted [The first kid on the path, dressed as a devil] Excited [The second kid on the path, dressed as a ghost] Enraptured [The third kid on the path, dressed as a witch] Emotional [Parent 1, stood back on the pavement, beaming in joy] Proud [Parent 2, clasping their hands, tearful] Capturing the moment [Parent 3, taking a photo on their phone] HALLOWEEN IN BRITRIN [The same sort of scene, but in Britain] [Labels]: Angry [A dog barking out the window. There is no party going on in the house. Through the window we see a woman just wtching telly] Offended [The woman having her TV show interrupted] Resentful [Guy dressed in normal clothes, grumpily handing out ‘treats’ on a tray at the door] 2 Celebrations and a Rennie [The contents of his tray] Disappointed [Child 1] Awkward [Child 2] Awkward [Child 3] Awkward [Parent 1, standing with arms folded] Mortified [Parent 2, looking embarassed] Checking for paedophiles [Parent 3, looking suspiciously at the guy answering the door] [ends]
October 30, 2025 at 8:18 AM
stephencollins.bsky.social
Posting old halloween comics, #3. From 2019 (hence the reference to something called 'Twitter')
Cartoon strip by Stephen Collins from Halloween 2019. The scene is a suburban street on Halloween night. Families are out trick or treating together. Two families are passing each other - with their respective children. A little girl called LUCY from one family says hi to a boy named BILLY from another family. We can only see the back of Billy's head. LUCY: Hey Billy BILLY: Hi Lucy BILLY: What are you dressed as? LUCY: I'm a scary witch What are you? BILLY: I'm the creepiest thing in the world... [We now see that he is dressed as a vampiric version of UK politician JACOB REES MOGG, and his parents are similarly dressed as Rishi Sunak and Liz Truss with various Brexit - themed things stuck to their costumes.] BILLY: A child in an inappropriately political Halloween costume! LUCY: Oh my god... BILLY: I wanted to be a zombie but my parents said we all had to dress up as scary ERG members because we are going to a Brexit Halloween party. LUCY: What does that mean BILLY: I have no idea LUCY: Are they doing this to put it on Twitter? BILLY: I believe so, yes. LUCY: Well at least you'll get a few retweets! BILLY: Can I join your family [ends]
October 29, 2025 at 4:23 PM
stephencollins.bsky.social
new print now in my shop!

An electron's journey ✨

(Link in bio)
Print of a comic strip by me who is Stephen Collins. The imagery of the comic starts off with a single electron and then each panel zooms out one step - first to the microchip, then the OLED screen, then the iPhone, the person holding the iPhone, and onwards Script: An electron, forged in the first fire of the Big Bang Courses through a deeply intricate maze of transistors and diodes mined with unfathomable ingenuity from our planet’s deep geological past and assembled from all over the world Into a device perfected through centuries of technological evolution to perform a beautifully synchronised pixel dance on an OLED screen in an intricate moving pattern of shifting light [Show a phone screen with an Instagram post featuring Ryan Gosling and bearing the legend:] WATCH RYAN GOSLING EAT A PASTY FOR THE FIRST TIME! whose choreography is powered by an global information network of unknowable complexity which is specifically tailored to the interests of the being observing the screen who is a member of the most advanced species on Earth [Show a shlubby looking GUY idly looking at the Ryan Gosling/sausage roll Instagram reel on his phone while sitting in his pants and a stained t-shirt and eating a massive bag of crisps] with a brain perhaps more capable of reconfiguring these signals into conscious thought than any other for billions of miles around [Guy has a thought]: “Mmm…" in this endless, silent void. [Pull back to show the Earth as a tiny blue dot among the stars with a thought bubble coming from it] "… I want a pasty.” [ends]
October 28, 2025 at 2:16 PM
stephencollins.bsky.social
Posting old halloween comics, #2
A comic from 2022 I think, Halloween week - here's the script: The scene is a darkened woods, at night. All is depicted in dingy blues and purples. In a lonely moonlit clearing we see a CABIN. its windows are dark, clearly unoccupied. A lone figure runs towards it, from the trees. Closer in on them now - we see they are terrified. The race for the door of the cabin, desperately trying to enter. They rattle the door, frantically. It is locked. They look behind them. We see the darkened, black trees of the woods. In amongst the forest, we see the black silhouette of a figure. It walks closer. Closer still. Closer - and now we see it is holding a chainsaw. It emerges into the light, slowly the shadow lifts from its face. It is wearing a mask. The victim silently screams in a rictus of horror. This can't be happening, no, no, no. Closer, closer now it lifts the chainsaw high above its head as it speaks: MURDERER: This murder is brought to you by MeUndies. VICTIM: What? MURDERER: If you're like me you'd kill for comfortable underwear - VICTIM: Sorry - VICTIM: Are you... doing a *podcast*? MURDERER: I knoooww... It's such a cliché Everybody's got one these days! VICTIM: But I thought you were trying to murder me? MURDERER: Indeed! I'm a true crime podcaster driven mad by having to change gear between horrific human tragedy and adverts for MeUndies. MURDERER: So just tap in offer code I'M BEING MURDERED with your bloodied, trembling hand for 20% off some pants! MURDERER: Now, back to the murder- [he revs up his chainsaw again] [ends]
October 27, 2025 at 9:18 AM
stephencollins.bsky.social
Cartoon by Stephen Collins for the Guardian. [Scene is BBC BREAKFAST with two presenters and a guest on the sofa]. 1 PRESENTER: Now - some disturbing new research has shown 2 PRESENTER: that as many as 10 non-Reform political parties may currently operating ‘under the radar’ across the UK. [Show on screen logos for Greens, Lib Dems, Conservatives  3 PRESENTER: In the studio to discuss this, Nigel Farage [We see the guest on the sofa is indeed Nigel Farage] 4 PRESENTER: Nigel, what’s your view?  FARAGE: Well I think this very worrying. 5 FARAGE: And just another reason why we should ban all immigration. 6 PRESENTER: I won’t push back on that FARAGE: Absolutely! 7 PRESENTER: Funnily enough, this is what your new show’s about, isn’t it? FARAGE: Oop - plug time! PRESENTER: Ha ha 8 FARAGE: Yes it’s a 12-part BBC documentary called ‘In Search Of The Political Parties That Aren’t My One’. 9 [Show on the TV screen Farage presenting a documentary series titled In Search Of The Political Parties That Aren’t My One. He is wearing his farmer's getup and looking dreamily at the UK from hillsides, visiting pubs and chatting with the locals, etc] FARAGE: It’s a really emotional journey  10 FARAGE: with lots of dreamy footage of me looking relatable...  11 FARAGE: as I answer the question: *Am I the only option for Britain?* 12 [Cut back to studio] PRESENTER: I won’t push back on that FARAGE: Absolutely! [ends]
October 26, 2025 at 12:19 PM
stephencollins.bsky.social
New print in my shop for the philosophically inclined!

(Shop link in bio)
Print of a cartoon by Stephen Collins. Script as follows: [Scene is ANCIENT GREECE - where SOCRATES and PLATO and others are sitting round, thinking] 1 SOCRATES: Plato.. PLATO: Yes Socrates? 2 SOCRATES: Can you tell me, are you human? PLATO: Why… yes, Socrates 3 SOCRATES: And would you agree, Plato, that a human knows what a chariot is? PLATO: Um, yep 4 SOCRATES: So you can tell me, then 5 [Socrates produces a papyrus, showing a drawing of the corner of a chariot wheel] SOCRATES: *Is that a chariot*? 6 PLATO: Well that’s more just a bit of wheel 7 SOCRATES: So not a *chariot*. PLATO: No. 8 SOCRATES: [Producing another papyrus with the full drawing of the chariot, chopped into boxes] So if a man were challenged to “tap the boxes containing chariots to prove you’re human” when he was just trying to check his ClubCard points... *where could he tap*? 9 PLATO: Well you can’t tap any of them really 10 SOCRATES: So are we not human? PLATO: ‘Spose not. 11 [Bleak pause] 12 PLATO: I’ll get the hemlock SOCRATES: Yeah [ends]
October 25, 2025 at 2:01 PM
stephencollins.bsky.social
[Scene is a high school classroom. A teacher is writing on the whiteboard 'ACT 2 SCENE 3'.] TEACHER: OK class - open up Macbeth to Act 2 Scene 3... TEACHER: So - does anybody have any ideas on Shakespeares meaning behind the character of 'the Porter' in this scene? [A voice comes from off-scene, behind the teacher's back[. VOICE: ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. TEACHER [turning round]: Sorry….. who are you? [We see a wider scene that shows it is the GHOST OF WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE, hovering over the heads of the startled students] SHAKESPEARE: I'm the Ghost of Shakespeare and I've come back to say: this scene means *absolutely nothing*. The Porter is a funny drunk bloke I lobbed in to cover a costume change! I mean like, not everything I did was genius OK? Stop giving me the ick. TEACHER: So um...what do you suggest we study? SHAKESPEARE: The most important text in British culture! TEACHER: Which is...? SHAKESPEARE: 'Bollocks People Say on the Internet.' TEACHER: You think we should study... bollocks people say on the internet? SHAKESPEARE: Yes. TEACHER: But Mr Shakespeare... your Porter scene was a question in a past GCSE paper... We need to analyse it so the kids don't end up failing their exams... SHAKESPEARE: Yes, and I'm just suggesting you should analyse Bollocks People Say on the Internet instead, so they don't end up painting flags on roundabouts. [Silent pause] TEACHER: OK class - open up your phones to X... [ends]
October 24, 2025 at 11:14 AM
stephencollins.bsky.social
[Scene is a DRINKS PARTY with various monstrous horror characters - proper grown-up, modern horror film type nightmare things - and they are standing around chatting. A little GREEN BLOB MONSTER called Dan is being introduced to the other monsters]. 1 MONSTER 1 [introducing the little blob to the other monsters]: Everybody, this is Dan GROUP OF THREE MONSTERS: Hi Dan! 2 MONSTER 2: Pleased to meet you Dan, I’m Peter 3 MONSTER 3: I’m Mary MONSTER 4: I’m Sean 4 MONSTER 1: Peter is an extended metaphor for bereavement 5 MONSTER 1: Mary is a manifestation of intergenerational trauma 6 MONSTER 1: And Sean is a body-horror chimera expressing the cannibalistic dynamics of late-stage capitalism. 7 MONSTER 4: And what do you, Dan? 8 BLOB MONSTER: I’m a green blob that lives in the toilet and bites you on the arse. 9 MONSTER 3: Gosh… So is that like a metaphor for… society… or…? BLOB MONSTER: No. 10 BLOB MONSTER: I’m a basic, old fashioned, meaningless horror movie monster. I’m a green blob in your toilet. I bite you on the arse. 11 [They all look disgusted] 12 [As the other monsters look awkward and drift away, Blob monster thinks]: I hate parties [ends]
October 22, 2025 at 11:35 AM
stephencollins.bsky.social
1 Nurse: It’s become a real problem in this area 2 Nurse: We’ve seen the whole community lost to addiction 3 Show a building sign posted: Westminster ‘X’ Addiction Clinic With various Westminster people or looking at their phones outside it Nurse: Ministers, Spads, Researchers… 4 Nurse: Most mornings we’ll get a call about someone acting strangely [Nurse on phone taking a call] Ok - we’ll be right over 5 Nurse: We just have a gentle chat [Nurses approach a minister –Robert Jenrick? - standing in the Palace of Westminster Minister: I understand your concerns… 6 Nurse: Are you OK love? Minister: Yes I’m just hearing legitimate concerns from real voters 7 Nurse: That’s a robot, a Nazi and a poorly-disguised Russian [Show that the people he is talking to are precisely these characters] Nurse 2: Give us your phone, love 8 Nurse: At the clinic we put them in a Grass-Touching Pod, with a real voter to talk to [We see them back at the clinic, holding the minister's head and pushing him into a glass isolation booth with a grass floor. And it is a baffled looking woman, on a chair, ready to talk to him.] 9 Minister: YOU MUST BE WORRIED ABOUT THE COMING CIVIL WAR [woman looks baffled] 10 woman: I just want a bus service Minister: LOOK AT MY FLAG [produces a St George's flag] [ends]
October 19, 2025 at 3:07 PM
stephencollins.bsky.social
I don't have a script for this one but have added alt text here
I don't have a script for this one, but this post the comic I did during the election campaign of 2024, just after Rishi Sunak had given a speech in the pouring rain. He's depicted in this comic, soaking wet in his suit, going for a job interview at an AI company in California. They don't know who he is, but they want to hire him to whitewash their human-crushing AI project. The comic is juxtaposed with a recent news headline saying that Rishi Sunak had indeed taken a job at AI firm Anthropic, as well as at Microsoft
October 10, 2025 at 10:05 AM
stephencollins.bsky.social
All my comics have happy endings!
October 10, 2025 at 9:56 AM
stephencollins.bsky.social
Zoom out 🙏 🤩 #wonder
Cartoon strip by me who is Stephen Collins. The imagery of the comic starts off with a single electron and then each panel zooms out one step - first to the microchip, then the OLED screen, then the iPhone, the person holding the iPhone, and onwards Script: An electron, forged in the first fire of the Big Bang Courses through a deeply intricate maze of transistors and diodes mined with unfathomable ingenuity from our planet’s deep geological past and assembled from all over the world Into a device perfected through centuries of technological evolution to perform a beautifully synchronised pixel dance on an OLED screen in an intricate moving pattern of shifting light [Show a phone screen with an Instagram post featuring Ryan Gosling and bearing the legend:] WATCH RYAN GOSLING EAT A PASTY FOR THE FIRST TIME! whose choreography is powered by an global information network of unknowable complexity which is specifically tailored to the interests of the being observing the screen who is a member of the most advanced species on Earth [Show a shlubby looking GUY idly looking at the Ryan Gosling/sausage roll Instagram reel on his phone while sitting in his pants and a stained t-shirt and eating a massive bag of crisps] with a brain perhaps more capable of reconfiguring these signals into conscious thought than any other for billions of miles around [Guy has a thought]: “Mmm…" in this endless, silent void. [Pull back to show the Earth as a tiny blue dot among the stars with a thought bubble coming from it] "… I want a pasty.” [ends]
October 5, 2025 at 12:36 PM
stephencollins.bsky.social
[Scene is ANCIENT GREECE - where SOCRATES and PLATO and others are sitting round, thinking] 1 SOCRATES: Plato.. PLATO: Yes Socrates? 2 SOCRATES: Can you tell me, are you human? PLATO: Why… yes, Socrates 3 SOCRATES: And would you agree, Plato, that a human knows what a chariot is? PLATO: Um, yep 4 SOCRATES: So you can tell me, then 5 [Socrates produces a papyrus, showing a drawing of the corner of a chariot wheel] SOCRATES: *Is that a chariot*? 6 PLATO: Well that’s more just a bit of wheel 7 SOCRATES: So not a *chariot*. PLATO: No. 8 SOCRATES: [Producing another papyrus with the full drawing of the chariot, chopped into boxes] So if a man were challenged to “tap the boxes containing chariots to prove you’re human” when he was just trying to check his ClubCard points... *where could he tap*? 9 PLATO: Well you can’t tap any of them really 10 SOCRATES: So are we not human? PLATO: ‘Spose not. 11 [Bleak pause] 12 PLATO: I’ll get the hemlock SOCRATES: Yeah [ends]
October 3, 2025 at 12:40 PM
stephencollins.bsky.social
Carl Benz has an idea
[Scene is a 19th century drawing room with a sign outside saying TRANSPORT INVENTORS CLUB. Inside, the German Engineer KARL BENZ is addressing a meeting of gentlemen about his new transport idea] 1 KARL BENZ: OK guys - you’re gonna love this 2 KARL BENZ: So it’s like, a box made of metal that goes at up to 120 miles an hour, yeah? [Karl shows them a diagram of a car] 3 KARL BENZ: And your drive it down one side of the road, and the boxes going the other way go on the opposite side, so we don’t need to build two roads! 4 OTHER GUY: What’s down the middle? KARL BENZ: A white line. 5 OTHER GUY: So like, a white barrier… KARL BENZ: No a white line. Drawn on the floor.  6 OTHER GUY: And who’s piloting these machines? KARL BENZ: I was thinking: random members of the public. 7 [Pause, the other guys all look with concern at Karl] 8 OTHER GUY: Karl are you OK KARL BENZ: No listen it’s fine  9  OTHER GUY: You know we’re worried about you, don’t you?  KARL BENZ: No really it’ll work - 10 KARL BENZ: Once hundreds of millions of people have died and the world’s started ending because of the fumes it’ll all be normal. 11 OTHER GUY: Is that normal like the ‘commuter travel device’ you brought in last week which was just… 12 OTHER GUY:  …an iron maiden fired from a catapult? [The other guy displays a diagram of an iron maiden being fired from a catapult] KARL BENZ: THAT WOULD’VE WORKED! [ends]
September 29, 2025 at 10:20 AM
stephencollins.bsky.social
Autumn days when the grass is jewelled
[Scene is a 1960s suburban sitting room, with a grand piano in it. The religious songwriter ESTELLE WHITE is sat at the piano, with a rotary phone sat on top of the lid. She is on the phone to her music publisher, someone I've made up called JERRY] 1 ESTELLE WHITE: OK Jerry I’ve got another banger for you 2 ESTELLE WHITE: Listen to this! [She slams the receiver on the top of the piano]. 3 ESTELLE WHITE [hammering on the piano]: AUTUMN DAYS WHEN THE GRASS IS JEWELLED AND THE SILK INSIDE A CHESTNUT SHELL! JET PLANES MEETING IN THE AIR TO BE REFUELLED, ALL THESE - JERRY [voice from the phone handset]: Eh? 4 JERRY: What was that last bit, Estelle? ESTELLE WHITE: “Jet planes meeting in the air to be refuelled”… 5 JERRY: Is that a thing you often see in autumn? ESTELLE WHITE [Smoking from a long cigarette holder]: All the time, Jerry. Aaaaall the time.... 6 JERRY: Nothing to do with it being the only thing that rhymes with ‘jewelled’? ESTELLE WHITE: No! 7 ESTELLE WHITE: It’s one of the high-speed, high-altitude feats of military aviation one often sees in autumn time. 8 JERRY: What about leaves and squirrels and - ESTELLE WHITE: Now listen, Jerry. 9 ESTELLE WHITE: Do you want a crap hymn about conkers… 10 ESTELLE WHITE: Or do you want an all-time earworm banger that everyone who hears it will sing in their heads, every single time they see a fallen leaf, until the day they die? 11 JERRY: OK… sorry… carry on… 12 ESTELLE WHITE: FROS-TY WINDOWS ON HARR-IER JUMPJETS AND THE SMELL OF NUCLEAR SUB-MAR-INES… JERRY: How about acorns? [ends]
September 23, 2025 at 2:54 PM
stephencollins.bsky.social
Not many words in this cartoon - it's a mostly silent story of two crusading knights on horseback who travel through a series of wild fantasy landscapes, basically like a Lord of the Rings type quest, and then they eventually get to a modern british town, and they walk up a bleak British overpass, and then one of them climbs up a lamp post and sellotapes a sad little St George's flag to it, and the other one takes a photo on his phone, and then he climbs back down, and all the panels so far are reversed - back through all the different landscapes, their quest over. On the last panel knight 1 finally speaks asking "how many likes?" and the other one says "22".
September 16, 2025 at 2:49 PM
stephencollins.bsky.social
I meant to post this earlier in the school holidays but haven't had time cos I've been spending time with my kids
September 1, 2025 at 9:14 PM
stephencollins.bsky.social
In today's Guardian (not online yet) I drew a section cover and column illos for a great piece by @heritage.bsky.social about parents' WhatsApp groups. It was one of those jobs where I got *way* too into details/narrative design, trying to make single illustrations read across page like a comic.
This is a supplement cover and interior illustrations for the Guardian's Saturday Lifestyle section, for a piece about school Whatsapp groups for parents. The scene is a primary school playground, signed 'St Ping's Primary', and at the gates is a mum who's just dropped her daughter off to school. The mum is looking at her school whatsapp on her phone, and above her is superimposed a string of recent messages from the chat. At the top is her message, saying "Finally convinced her to wear the costume", accompanied by a photo of her daughter dressed in a bumble bee costume, looking furious at her mum for making her wear it. Underneath that message, is a series of messages from the other parents trying to tell her it's not fancy dress day today - but the mum is already in the car and doesn't see those messages. So the whole image of the playground has lots of kids at drop-off wearing normal school uniform, all looking at the little girl standing in the middle of the playground in her bee custume, looking furious at her mum who has just dropped her off, and is realising her mistake while reading the Whatsapp. In the interior illustrations, there is a series of parents who have just woken up, all posting to each other trying to work out if it's is swimming lessons today - and then suddenly one of the mums accidentally posts a picture of her privates to the group - then posts "Oops sorry wrong group" and then leaves the group. We see all the other parents looking very surprised.
August 30, 2025 at 11:51 AM
stephencollins.bsky.social
I'm opening up my family portrait commissions again, for any that need to be completed in time for Christmas – please see the link in my bio for details.

This is one from last month: a family who live in South London and travel a lot by train #portrait #artgift
Portrait by Stephen Collins, of a family standing on a railway platform. They have various images from their travels in the background – mountains, trains, Venice, their house is depicted in the foreground.
August 29, 2025 at 12:25 PM
stephencollins.bsky.social
I have four new prints in my shop! All ltd edition giclee art prints, nicely designed to fit a standard frame. Shop link in bio #comic #artprint #cartoons
Image of some art prints by Stephen Collins, this one is the one about an arrogant bayleaf
August 20, 2025 at 9:56 AM
stephencollins.bsky.social
have that
[Scene is a BEACH. A little kid is running towards the shore. Speech bubbles that follow are mostly coming from THE SEA, which is sort of talking to us.] 1 THE SEA: Happens all the time. 2 THE SEA: One second they’re a kid thoughtlessly running into me for joy [Show kid running towards the sea] 3 THE SEA: And the next, they’re an adult standing there contemplating my sublime, death-like endlessness. [Show the kid instantly transformed into an adult, hands on hips, boringly contemplating the horizon]. 4 THE SEA: I mean, I get it. I’m the *Sea*. I don’t really do the whole ‘time’ thing. But it always seems to happen so *quick*. 5 THE SEA: Right. One way to fix this. [Shoe the waves licking up against their toes] 6 PERSON [shocked from cold]: JESUS 7 THE SEA: Come on a bit further …. [Person paddles out into the water a bit] 8 THE SEA: That’s it… bit further… [Person wades to waist height] 9 THE SEA: Right. [Person standing still waist height in sea] 10 THE SEA: HAVE THAT. [BIG WAVE goes over them] 11 [They are instantly transformed back to a kid again] KID [laughing]: UURGHHAHA 12 THE SEA: Works every time [ends]
August 12, 2025 at 2:22 PM