randomname14.bsky.social
@randomname14.bsky.social
Reposted by randomname14.bsky.social
Nothing is more urgent than my mother reaching me to let me know that someone I met once as a child has died
November 5, 2025 at 3:14 PM
Nothing is more urgent than my mother reaching me to let me know that someone I met once as a child has died
Reposted by randomname14.bsky.social
me: please give my compliments to the chef
waiter: of course, sir
me: and give them this too
(hands him a small ceramic frog)
waiter: lovely frog, sir
waiter: of course, sir
me: and give them this too
(hands him a small ceramic frog)
waiter: lovely frog, sir
June 9, 2025 at 8:11 PM
me: please give my compliments to the chef
waiter: of course, sir
me: and give them this too
(hands him a small ceramic frog)
waiter: lovely frog, sir
waiter: of course, sir
me: and give them this too
(hands him a small ceramic frog)
waiter: lovely frog, sir
Reposted by randomname14.bsky.social
When you discover a year-old potato in the back of the pantry cupboard:
June 20, 2025 at 1:32 PM
When you discover a year-old potato in the back of the pantry cupboard:
Reposted by randomname14.bsky.social
[releases helium-filled heart balloon]
Me: You're free now
Balloon: Ima choke a bird
Me: You're free now
Balloon: Ima choke a bird
May 17, 2025 at 6:12 PM
[releases helium-filled heart balloon]
Me: You're free now
Balloon: Ima choke a bird
Me: You're free now
Balloon: Ima choke a bird
Reposted by randomname14.bsky.social
ME: *doing crossword* what’s a 6-letter word for “one who serves”
WIFE: butler
ME: nope doesn’t fit
FABIO: i can’t believe it’s not butler
WIFE: butler
ME: nope doesn’t fit
FABIO: i can’t believe it’s not butler
April 15, 2025 at 5:31 PM
ME: *doing crossword* what’s a 6-letter word for “one who serves”
WIFE: butler
ME: nope doesn’t fit
FABIO: i can’t believe it’s not butler
WIFE: butler
ME: nope doesn’t fit
FABIO: i can’t believe it’s not butler
Reposted by randomname14.bsky.social
[before surgery]
ME: if i don’t make it tell the kids i love them
WIFE: don’t say that!
ME: ok then tell them i said fuck them
ME: if i don’t make it tell the kids i love them
WIFE: don’t say that!
ME: ok then tell them i said fuck them
December 8, 2024 at 5:47 AM
[before surgery]
ME: if i don’t make it tell the kids i love them
WIFE: don’t say that!
ME: ok then tell them i said fuck them
ME: if i don’t make it tell the kids i love them
WIFE: don’t say that!
ME: ok then tell them i said fuck them
Reposted by randomname14.bsky.social
(me making fun of your crop rotation idea and thereby holding our people back another 5000 years) jeff thinks the beans have to take turns lmao
August 7, 2023 at 6:38 AM
(me making fun of your crop rotation idea and thereby holding our people back another 5000 years) jeff thinks the beans have to take turns lmao
Reposted by randomname14.bsky.social
me: i'd like to buy that jacket for my girlfriend
store clerk: the double breasted one?
me: yes that's her
store clerk: the double breasted one?
me: yes that's her
February 5, 2025 at 5:08 PM
me: i'd like to buy that jacket for my girlfriend
store clerk: the double breasted one?
me: yes that's her
store clerk: the double breasted one?
me: yes that's her
Reposted by randomname14.bsky.social
Me: A sandwich is a book made of bread that tells the story of the ingredients
Bank clerk: *frantically pressing the silent alarm*
Bank clerk: *frantically pressing the silent alarm*
February 12, 2025 at 9:14 PM
Me: A sandwich is a book made of bread that tells the story of the ingredients
Bank clerk: *frantically pressing the silent alarm*
Bank clerk: *frantically pressing the silent alarm*
Reposted by randomname14.bsky.social
me: good morning Killbot
killbot: good morning sir, shall i kill you this morning sir or prepare a smoothie
me: smoothie please
killbot: excellent choice sir i shall try again tomorrow
killbot: good morning sir, shall i kill you this morning sir or prepare a smoothie
me: smoothie please
killbot: excellent choice sir i shall try again tomorrow
February 21, 2025 at 12:00 PM
me: good morning Killbot
killbot: good morning sir, shall i kill you this morning sir or prepare a smoothie
me: smoothie please
killbot: excellent choice sir i shall try again tomorrow
killbot: good morning sir, shall i kill you this morning sir or prepare a smoothie
me: smoothie please
killbot: excellent choice sir i shall try again tomorrow
Reposted by randomname14.bsky.social
Hey guys meta announced a new policy where they send a killer to get you so be sure to go to settings>my account > killer> disable killer to turn that off
February 13, 2025 at 5:36 PM
Hey guys meta announced a new policy where they send a killer to get you so be sure to go to settings>my account > killer> disable killer to turn that off
Reposted by randomname14.bsky.social
[a Swarm of Bees requests to be your friend] um ok
[a Swarm of Bees has invited you to event "Come Outside"] what tha
[a Swarm of Bees has invited you to event "Come Outside"] what tha
February 13, 2025 at 11:22 PM
[a Swarm of Bees requests to be your friend] um ok
[a Swarm of Bees has invited you to event "Come Outside"] what tha
[a Swarm of Bees has invited you to event "Come Outside"] what tha
Reposted by randomname14.bsky.social
Me: you know they used to kill horses for glue?
Friend: no way
[flashback to 1953]
Farmer: [cocks gun]
Horse: [holding tube of Elmer's] no I need this for my crafts
Friend: no way
[flashback to 1953]
Farmer: [cocks gun]
Horse: [holding tube of Elmer's] no I need this for my crafts
February 17, 2025 at 1:17 AM
Me: you know they used to kill horses for glue?
Friend: no way
[flashback to 1953]
Farmer: [cocks gun]
Horse: [holding tube of Elmer's] no I need this for my crafts
Friend: no way
[flashback to 1953]
Farmer: [cocks gun]
Horse: [holding tube of Elmer's] no I need this for my crafts
Reposted by randomname14.bsky.social
[I get home to find a note on the refrigerator that says "I'm leaving and i'm taking the kids"]
me: [unplugs fridge from power outlet] you're not going anywhere, you piece of shit
me: [unplugs fridge from power outlet] you're not going anywhere, you piece of shit
December 10, 2024 at 10:07 PM
[I get home to find a note on the refrigerator that says "I'm leaving and i'm taking the kids"]
me: [unplugs fridge from power outlet] you're not going anywhere, you piece of shit
me: [unplugs fridge from power outlet] you're not going anywhere, you piece of shit
Reposted by randomname14.bsky.social
anagramming these “merry christmas” blocks is the only thing my husband has done the entire time we’ve been at his mom’s house
December 24, 2024 at 11:17 PM
anagramming these “merry christmas” blocks is the only thing my husband has done the entire time we’ve been at his mom’s house
Reposted by randomname14.bsky.social
charles dickens really popped off when he came up with “humbug!” that shit was like bazinga for old fuckers with ass taste in pajamas
December 25, 2024 at 7:17 PM
charles dickens really popped off when he came up with “humbug!” that shit was like bazinga for old fuckers with ass taste in pajamas
Reposted by randomname14.bsky.social
#MosaicMonday - Sometimes you've got to embrace the brilliance of a delightfully dapper cephalopod. This little fella is one of a few surviving fragments of a huge mosaic from Villaquejida: ca. Early 3rd Century AD. #Octopus #AncientBluesky 🏺
Image: National Archaeological Museum, Madrid (3615)
Image: National Archaeological Museum, Madrid (3615)
December 23, 2024 at 12:38 PM
#MosaicMonday - Sometimes you've got to embrace the brilliance of a delightfully dapper cephalopod. This little fella is one of a few surviving fragments of a huge mosaic from Villaquejida: ca. Early 3rd Century AD. #Octopus #AncientBluesky 🏺
Image: National Archaeological Museum, Madrid (3615)
Image: National Archaeological Museum, Madrid (3615)
Reposted by randomname14.bsky.social
ben shapiro sounds like something a wizard says when he wants somewhere to sit down at the park
November 29, 2024 at 7:13 AM
ben shapiro sounds like something a wizard says when he wants somewhere to sit down at the park
Reposted by randomname14.bsky.social
please don't call it goon sauce
November 22, 2024 at 7:54 PM
please don't call it goon sauce
Reposted by randomname14.bsky.social
at a new dentist’s and they put a bib on me hope i don’t have to eat too many teeth
November 21, 2024 at 5:59 PM
at a new dentist’s and they put a bib on me hope i don’t have to eat too many teeth
Reposted by randomname14.bsky.social
On a casual work call a senior coworker said “maybe this isn’t politically correct” and I braced for it and then he said “but in my kitchen we use a lazy Susan”
April 18, 2024 at 5:05 PM
On a casual work call a senior coworker said “maybe this isn’t politically correct” and I braced for it and then he said “but in my kitchen we use a lazy Susan”
Reposted by randomname14.bsky.social
It is a travesty that fish get lumped in with war, hate, and fear as things that can be "monged"
October 26, 2023 at 3:25 PM
It is a travesty that fish get lumped in with war, hate, and fear as things that can be "monged"
Reposted by randomname14.bsky.social
i love car shopping
December 17, 2023 at 4:39 AM
i love car shopping
Reposted by randomname14.bsky.social
[hands corn maze guy $50] make sure I never come out
October 20, 2023 at 2:03 AM
[hands corn maze guy $50] make sure I never come out
Reposted by randomname14.bsky.social
I wish I had half the confidence of any street goon trying to fight Spider-man. They watch him kick their friends 15 feet and stick them to a wall, do a pirouette and kick two guys in the head and they're still yelling "I'm gonna kill you, Spider-man!"
December 4, 2023 at 4:34 AM
I wish I had half the confidence of any street goon trying to fight Spider-man. They watch him kick their friends 15 feet and stick them to a wall, do a pirouette and kick two guys in the head and they're still yelling "I'm gonna kill you, Spider-man!"