jdankovchik.bsky.social
@jdankovchik.bsky.social
Reposted by jdankovchik.bsky.social
the hamburger has to really want the help
January 11, 2026 at 12:49 PM
the hamburger has to really want the help
Reposted by jdankovchik.bsky.social
HOST: what did you bring Method Man?
METHOD MAN: the pain
HOST: how about you Anthrax?
ANTHRAX: the noise
HOST: Wu-Tang clan?
WU-TANG CLAN: we brought da ruckus
HOST: and you?
ME: *throws green bean casserole into the trash* nothing sorry
METHOD MAN: the pain
HOST: how about you Anthrax?
ANTHRAX: the noise
HOST: Wu-Tang clan?
WU-TANG CLAN: we brought da ruckus
HOST: and you?
ME: *throws green bean casserole into the trash* nothing sorry
January 2, 2026 at 5:37 PM
HOST: what did you bring Method Man?
METHOD MAN: the pain
HOST: how about you Anthrax?
ANTHRAX: the noise
HOST: Wu-Tang clan?
WU-TANG CLAN: we brought da ruckus
HOST: and you?
ME: *throws green bean casserole into the trash* nothing sorry
METHOD MAN: the pain
HOST: how about you Anthrax?
ANTHRAX: the noise
HOST: Wu-Tang clan?
WU-TANG CLAN: we brought da ruckus
HOST: and you?
ME: *throws green bean casserole into the trash* nothing sorry
Reposted by jdankovchik.bsky.social
You gotta love a squirrel just running around the zoo. The Bonus Animal
November 7, 2024 at 7:42 PM
You gotta love a squirrel just running around the zoo. The Bonus Animal
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oh christ look at the time
December 12, 2023 at 9:21 PM
oh christ look at the time
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He looks like he’s trying to stop his dog from leaving him
December 7, 2025 at 3:04 AM
He looks like he’s trying to stop his dog from leaving him
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If the Grinch tried to pull any of that shit around me I would shoot him in the fucking face
December 23, 2025 at 11:37 PM
If the Grinch tried to pull any of that shit around me I would shoot him in the fucking face
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[me, an intelligent person] yeah but the bear would know my intentions and befriend me
August 5, 2025 at 5:04 PM
[me, an intelligent person] yeah but the bear would know my intentions and befriend me
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How the Grinch Stole My Catalytic Converter
December 19, 2025 at 3:45 PM
How the Grinch Stole My Catalytic Converter
Reposted by jdankovchik.bsky.social
Plane passenger: Dear god, there's something on the wing!
Me *leans across him to look out window*: Oh it's fine, that's just my emotional support gremlin. *bangs on window* Pickles! No biting the flaps! Bad Pickles!
Me *leans across him to look out window*: Oh it's fine, that's just my emotional support gremlin. *bangs on window* Pickles! No biting the flaps! Bad Pickles!
October 3, 2023 at 5:56 PM
Plane passenger: Dear god, there's something on the wing!
Me *leans across him to look out window*: Oh it's fine, that's just my emotional support gremlin. *bangs on window* Pickles! No biting the flaps! Bad Pickles!
Me *leans across him to look out window*: Oh it's fine, that's just my emotional support gremlin. *bangs on window* Pickles! No biting the flaps! Bad Pickles!
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Hm. Not enough letters for YOURMOM.
December 20, 2025 at 4:41 PM
Hm. Not enough letters for YOURMOM.
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Sometimes you don't realize how much you say "ooh la la" till they play your 911 call on the local news
May 13, 2023 at 4:12 AM
Sometimes you don't realize how much you say "ooh la la" till they play your 911 call on the local news
Reposted by jdankovchik.bsky.social
[blind date]
HER: I'd prefer to not sit in a booth... I'm a bit claustrophobic
ME {trying to reassure her}: Santa isn't real
HER: I'd prefer to not sit in a booth... I'm a bit claustrophobic
ME {trying to reassure her}: Santa isn't real
December 20, 2025 at 7:09 PM
[blind date]
HER: I'd prefer to not sit in a booth... I'm a bit claustrophobic
ME {trying to reassure her}: Santa isn't real
HER: I'd prefer to not sit in a booth... I'm a bit claustrophobic
ME {trying to reassure her}: Santa isn't real
Reposted by jdankovchik.bsky.social
My cat, an idiot: Those ornaments look exactly like my toys. Why can’t I play with them?
Me, pinnacle of animals: That felt frog wearing a top hat is to celebrate The Lord
Me, pinnacle of animals: That felt frog wearing a top hat is to celebrate The Lord
December 3, 2023 at 1:13 AM
My cat, an idiot: Those ornaments look exactly like my toys. Why can’t I play with them?
Me, pinnacle of animals: That felt frog wearing a top hat is to celebrate The Lord
Me, pinnacle of animals: That felt frog wearing a top hat is to celebrate The Lord
Reposted by jdankovchik.bsky.social
A Christmas elf’s candy cane stripes represent their achievements in battle. Red indicates an elf has drawn blood, while green is reserved for those with confirmed kills. More exotic colors designate elves who take a particular pleasure in dismemberment
December 14, 2025 at 7:53 PM
A Christmas elf’s candy cane stripes represent their achievements in battle. Red indicates an elf has drawn blood, while green is reserved for those with confirmed kills. More exotic colors designate elves who take a particular pleasure in dismemberment
Reposted by jdankovchik.bsky.social
The obvious and equitable solution to the "should trans women be allowed to play sports" question is that *no one* should be allowed to play sports. Hiking a football should be grounds for immediate termination with extreme prejudice regardless of gender.
November 18, 2025 at 12:19 PM
The obvious and equitable solution to the "should trans women be allowed to play sports" question is that *no one* should be allowed to play sports. Hiking a football should be grounds for immediate termination with extreme prejudice regardless of gender.
Reposted by jdankovchik.bsky.social
getting a text in the middle of the night and it's just my loathsome vizier saying "Your enemies lie in wait, my lord!!" what am I supposed to do with that. its four in the morning
November 14, 2025 at 4:06 AM
getting a text in the middle of the night and it's just my loathsome vizier saying "Your enemies lie in wait, my lord!!" what am I supposed to do with that. its four in the morning
Reposted by jdankovchik.bsky.social
a “Space Force”, if you will
November 13, 2025 at 2:27 PM
a “Space Force”, if you will
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we need a department of kerning
November 13, 2025 at 2:54 AM
we need a department of kerning
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Eating a sundae with a long spoon is the height of decadence. The longer the spoon the more decadent it is. Ideally you shouldn't even be in the same room as the sundae
November 11, 2025 at 12:18 PM
Eating a sundae with a long spoon is the height of decadence. The longer the spoon the more decadent it is. Ideally you shouldn't even be in the same room as the sundae
Reposted by jdankovchik.bsky.social
just started having recency bias and i love it. easily the best bias
August 12, 2023 at 6:04 PM
just started having recency bias and i love it. easily the best bias
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football’s all like gimme that coconut i want it it’s beautiful but tennis is all like fuck this stupid lemon i hate it
November 9, 2025 at 7:55 PM
football’s all like gimme that coconut i want it it’s beautiful but tennis is all like fuck this stupid lemon i hate it
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We didn’t need all these biographical Willy Wonka movies about who he is as a person. In the older versions, he’s obviously God or the Devil. You’re supposed to spend the entire story wondering which one and gradually become worried they’re the same being
February 28, 2024 at 4:10 PM
We didn’t need all these biographical Willy Wonka movies about who he is as a person. In the older versions, he’s obviously God or the Devil. You’re supposed to spend the entire story wondering which one and gradually become worried they’re the same being
Reposted by jdankovchik.bsky.social
Reposted by jdankovchik.bsky.social
me: how do you do it?
montell jordan: (demonstrating) this is how we do it
me: oh that makes a ton of sense
montell jordan: (demonstrating) this is how we do it
me: oh that makes a ton of sense
November 8, 2025 at 11:04 PM
me: how do you do it?
montell jordan: (demonstrating) this is how we do it
me: oh that makes a ton of sense
montell jordan: (demonstrating) this is how we do it
me: oh that makes a ton of sense