Jason
@longwall26.bsky.social
Crime novelist, RiffTrax, motorcycle person https://www.jasonphilipmiller.com
Okay it sounds bad when you put it like that
Colombian President Petro commenting on the US;
“A clan of pedophiles wants to destroy our democracy. To keep Epstein's list from coming out, they send warships to kill fishermen & threaten our neighbor with invasion for their oil."
“A clan of pedophiles wants to destroy our democracy. To keep Epstein's list from coming out, they send warships to kill fishermen & threaten our neighbor with invasion for their oil."
January 4, 2026 at 5:50 AM
Okay it sounds bad when you put it like that
Reposted by Jason
this is your mission. our pedophile president needs you to jump out of a helicopter to kidnap a head of state and his wife so some oil ceos can make a lot of money. we’ll be watching from a resort in florida that still serves wedge salad and checking how many retweets we get. good luck soldier
January 3, 2026 at 10:57 PM
this is your mission. our pedophile president needs you to jump out of a helicopter to kidnap a head of state and his wife so some oil ceos can make a lot of money. we’ll be watching from a resort in florida that still serves wedge salad and checking how many retweets we get. good luck soldier
Reposted by Jason
We had a good run
2026 could be great. We simply don't know.
January 3, 2026 at 4:08 PM
We had a good run
Reposted by Jason
they have literally never gotten over the Obama situation room photo for the bin Laden raid
the photographer was definitely like, "ok everybody, look tough!" but we know they're all just reading tweets with their arms crossed in a country club dining room divided up by bedsheets tacked to the beams
January 3, 2026 at 8:27 PM
they have literally never gotten over the Obama situation room photo for the bin Laden raid
Reposted by Jason
“are you saying we should just ignore the people who think wokeness is the biggest threat to modern civilization? thats a lot of people”
yes that is exactly what im saying, they are morons
yes that is exactly what im saying, they are morons
January 3, 2026 at 3:53 PM
“are you saying we should just ignore the people who think wokeness is the biggest threat to modern civilization? thats a lot of people”
yes that is exactly what im saying, they are morons
yes that is exactly what im saying, they are morons
Reposted by Jason
“andrew thats a simplification, imagine if we just dismissed everyone who believed the knockout game was real or obama was born in kenya?”
yes, imagine
yes, imagine
January 3, 2026 at 3:55 PM
“andrew thats a simplification, imagine if we just dismissed everyone who believed the knockout game was real or obama was born in kenya?”
yes, imagine
yes, imagine
Reposted by Jason
my plan to get this country back on track consists of one bullet point: i propose we stop pretending stupid people arent stupid just because theyre loud and theres a lot of them
January 3, 2026 at 3:49 PM
my plan to get this country back on track consists of one bullet point: i propose we stop pretending stupid people arent stupid just because theyre loud and theres a lot of them
Reposted by Jason
you don't need to add caveats agreeing that the head of state abducted is a bad guy before opposing abduction of a head of state by military force. If the rule was any head of government is fair game then the entire world would be a series of decapitation strikes and show trials in foreign courts.
January 3, 2026 at 1:50 PM
you don't need to add caveats agreeing that the head of state abducted is a bad guy before opposing abduction of a head of state by military force. If the rule was any head of government is fair game then the entire world would be a series of decapitation strikes and show trials in foreign courts.
Reposted by Jason
All right everyone, we gave it our best shot but all we can do now is hope for better things in 2027.
January 1, 2026 at 5:19 PM
All right everyone, we gave it our best shot but all we can do now is hope for better things in 2027.
Reposted by Jason
Carmen Cerra @carmenart.bsky.social did this poster for the @rifftrax.com release of “Beyond The Ring” and it’s so amazingly stunning and fantastic. This is art. I almost wanna label it “graphic media”.
January 2, 2026 at 8:43 PM
Carmen Cerra @carmenart.bsky.social did this poster for the @rifftrax.com release of “Beyond The Ring” and it’s so amazingly stunning and fantastic. This is art. I almost wanna label it “graphic media”.
Reposted by Jason
Busey! Kove! MMA Vanity Project! Put up your dukes for the first of 2026 - Beyond The Ring is now available! rifftrax.com/beyond-the-r...
January 2, 2026 at 7:36 PM
Busey! Kove! MMA Vanity Project! Put up your dukes for the first of 2026 - Beyond The Ring is now available! rifftrax.com/beyond-the-r...
Reposted by Jason
A lot of us having been saying for years that oceans are battlefields. Welcome I guess, but don’t act like it’s big news.
December 31, 2025 at 9:33 PM
A lot of us having been saying for years that oceans are battlefields. Welcome I guess, but don’t act like it’s big news.
Reposted by Jason
Edgar Allan Poe really ruined it for anyone who just wants to show their bitter enemy something cool in a catacomb.
October 21, 2023 at 4:03 PM
Edgar Allan Poe really ruined it for anyone who just wants to show their bitter enemy something cool in a catacomb.
Reposted by Jason
FROM: john@cpncrunch.com
TIME: 4:21pm
SUBJECT: re: berries
The cereal. It's all crunch berries
________________________________
FROM: mgmt@cpncrunch.com
TIME: 3:28pm
SUBJECT: re: berries
what
__________________________________
FROM: john@cpncrnch.com
TIME: 3:27pm
SUBJECT: berries
It's all berries
TIME: 4:21pm
SUBJECT: re: berries
The cereal. It's all crunch berries
________________________________
FROM: mgmt@cpncrunch.com
TIME: 3:28pm
SUBJECT: re: berries
what
__________________________________
FROM: john@cpncrnch.com
TIME: 3:27pm
SUBJECT: berries
It's all berries
February 20, 2024 at 9:06 PM
FROM: john@cpncrunch.com
TIME: 4:21pm
SUBJECT: re: berries
The cereal. It's all crunch berries
________________________________
FROM: mgmt@cpncrunch.com
TIME: 3:28pm
SUBJECT: re: berries
what
__________________________________
FROM: john@cpncrnch.com
TIME: 3:27pm
SUBJECT: berries
It's all berries
TIME: 4:21pm
SUBJECT: re: berries
The cereal. It's all crunch berries
________________________________
FROM: mgmt@cpncrunch.com
TIME: 3:28pm
SUBJECT: re: berries
what
__________________________________
FROM: john@cpncrnch.com
TIME: 3:27pm
SUBJECT: berries
It's all berries
Reposted by Jason
The final Calvin and Hobbes, which appeared in papers 30 years ago today.
December 31, 2025 at 5:00 PM
The final Calvin and Hobbes, which appeared in papers 30 years ago today.
Reposted by Jason
2025 is almost over! What was your favorite riff of the year?
December 31, 2025 at 8:30 PM
2025 is almost over! What was your favorite riff of the year?
Reposted by Jason
just received word that onions have been ranked the "number one vegetable" of 2025. that makes 7,448 years in a row of the humble allium placing in the top 3, a stretch of unrivaled dominance that is unlikely to ever be beaten by other greats like cabbage or chili pepper
December 31, 2025 at 3:58 PM
just received word that onions have been ranked the "number one vegetable" of 2025. that makes 7,448 years in a row of the humble allium placing in the top 3, a stretch of unrivaled dominance that is unlikely to ever be beaten by other greats like cabbage or chili pepper
Reposted by Jason
Happy (almost) New Year's from RiffTrax! Get 20% off almost everything and 26% off shorts to celebrate 2026! rifftrax.com/offers
December 29, 2025 at 9:30 PM
Happy (almost) New Year's from RiffTrax! Get 20% off almost everything and 26% off shorts to celebrate 2026! rifftrax.com/offers
Reposted by Jason
Friend in Westchester NY is trying to place a very friendly cat that hangs out in their yard. The cat is good with other cats. Please spread the word. They’ll have to go to aspca if it gets much colder (yes they built a temp shelter plz read the screenshot). #adoptdontshop #Westchester #PeekskillNY
December 30, 2025 at 1:49 AM
Friend in Westchester NY is trying to place a very friendly cat that hangs out in their yard. The cat is good with other cats. Please spread the word. They’ll have to go to aspca if it gets much colder (yes they built a temp shelter plz read the screenshot). #adoptdontshop #Westchester #PeekskillNY
Almost forgot: Last night was timpano, year 6!
December 26, 2025 at 11:48 PM
Almost forgot: Last night was timpano, year 6!
Reposted by Jason
"The year is One!"
White House press secretary Karoline Leavitt announces pregnancy
White House press secretary Karoline Leavitt said on Friday that she is expecting a second child, a girl due in May.
www.reuters.com
December 26, 2025 at 11:16 PM
"The year is One!"
Reposted by Jason
No fucking way this dolt picked Frank and Dean Martin as examples of the problems with immigration lmao
Dean Martin, born Dino Paul Crocetti, son of Italian immigrant Gaetano Crocetti
Frank Sinatra, son of Italian immigrants Antonino Sinatra and Natalina Garavanta
Merry Christmas to everyone except Stephen Miller and his enablers and handlers
Frank Sinatra, son of Italian immigrants Antonino Sinatra and Natalina Garavanta
Merry Christmas to everyone except Stephen Miller and his enablers and handlers
December 26, 2025 at 6:58 PM
No fucking way this dolt picked Frank and Dean Martin as examples of the problems with immigration lmao
Reposted by Jason
Modern child: NO I wanted the other iPad
Victorian child; thank you for the orange
Victorian child; thank you for the orange
December 15, 2024 at 8:38 PM
Modern child: NO I wanted the other iPad
Victorian child; thank you for the orange
Victorian child; thank you for the orange