Dane Bernardo
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danebernardo.bsky.social
Dane Bernardo
@danebernardo.bsky.social
I did like two good tweets in fourteen years so I wouldn’t get your hopes up.
Pinned
both of my emotions watching the toddler twirl spaghetti with a fork for the first time
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When I get just a little too warm under the covers:
The little leg kick out for steering in skeleton is necessary yet crazy.
February 15, 2026 at 6:11 PM
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POV you are about to lose at Guess Who
They’re calling it the baldest coaching staff in NFL history, folks.
February 13, 2026 at 4:32 PM
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Jason Myers hoisting the MVP and running this iconic quote back but with the exact opposite tone.
February 9, 2026 at 2:56 AM
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The set design for this is awesome
February 9, 2026 at 1:25 AM
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Clapping my flippers together and honking like a harbor seal when a Super Bowl ad for a condiment or gambling app featuring two celebrities unexpectedly reveals a third celebrity as its punchline. Bouncing a ball around on my snout. My wife has to throw me a herring to get me to calm down.
February 6, 2026 at 6:24 PM
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It’s very sweet and cute that he not only planed to have lil kids there and then rolls so well with the lil kids being lil kids but I have to know whose idea the lil podium was
Child at the podium: “A woo woo woo.”

Mamdani: That’s how I felt when we came up with this plan. Together, we will expand the idea of what is possible in our city—and what sounds and noises we can make at a press conference.
February 6, 2026 at 5:47 AM
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All the stars are here: Brantley Gilbert, Brice Bradley, Gabby Babby, Bibb Glibsy, Slab Gabbert, Brice Bryce,
Turning Point USA has announced the performers for their alternative Super Bowl halftime show:

Kid Rock, Brantley Gilbert, Lee Brice, and Gabby Barrett
February 2, 2026 at 6:54 PM
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Greg Bovino sadly filling one steamer trunk after another with elaborate fashy overcoats, the teargas canisters he always has bouncing around on him like labubus, and dozens of "chest-belts." They will be shipped ahead of him as he prepares to return to his home, which is a men's size 10 boot.
January 27, 2026 at 12:18 AM
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A dad on patrol this morning is showing off his new egregiously expensive ice-fishing boots that he justified “because I’m standing out here all the time.” Dudes are going to continue rocking until morale improves
January 22, 2026 at 1:46 PM
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A competent opposition political party would cut together the footage of what ICE had been doing in the twin cities with Mike Johnson saying "ICE is doing what ICE is designed to do" and have it in ads all across the country
Mike Johnson comes out against additional guardrails on ICE as Democrats call for it.

“I think there's a lot of Democrats playing games right now with national security and with law enforcement. And I think it's dangerous. Ice is doing what ice is designed to do by its very name.”
January 14, 2026 at 11:58 PM
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December 31, 2025 at 11:06 PM
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You should watch this right the hell now
December 31, 2025 at 3:17 AM
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One of the best to ever do it
December 30, 2025 at 2:09 PM
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[werner herzog voice] these prefabricated mortal pastries, dying for cheap spectacle
December 28, 2025 at 12:15 AM
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I love to leave my life of unimaginable luxury at the apex of my profession to travel to the windowless lair of a video game streamer with a room-temp IQ so I can do the most absolute dogshit banter imaginable with him and his lumpy shithead buddies.
I really think it's important for these millionaire athletes, none of whom are children, to feel great shame for being interested in Adin Ross to begin with. Mookie Betts, you are 33 years old. You have a wife and children. You should not know who Adin Ross is.
Yo what the hell is going on with LA athletes right now
December 18, 2025 at 9:57 PM
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Until one of these guys faces serious prison time they’re going to keep leaning into their atrocities and asking with a smirk if we’re triggered
December 6, 2025 at 11:38 PM
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A book from the 19th century that depicts the Rhine Valley by creating an impression of three-dimensionality and spatial distance.
@MasayukiTsuda2 #globalmuseum #books #travel #19thcentury
December 2, 2025 at 7:02 PM
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I Photoshop Paddington into a movie, TV show, or pop culture until I forget: Day 1716
November 25, 2025 at 5:16 AM
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help
November 22, 2025 at 12:07 AM
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Zohran flip your hair again we need healthcare get him to give us healthcare.
November 21, 2025 at 9:26 PM
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hey does anybody want to mind some rich moron's five neglected kids while getting malnutrition in a shack full of dangerous snakes lmk. no pay
November 21, 2025 at 4:13 AM
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squirrel: *points gun*
me: what do you want me to do?
squirrel: *gestures at sign*
me: alright, i get it *opens book drop*
squirrel: *makes hurry-up motion*
me: NOT A SQUIRREL!
squirrel: *disappears into book drop*
me: *whispers* forgive me, keith
November 19, 2025 at 1:41 PM
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Pope Leo absolutely cooking
November 16, 2025 at 7:47 AM
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a “Space Force”, if you will
we need a department of kerning
November 13, 2025 at 2:27 PM
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It was a slider.
November 4, 2025 at 5:18 PM