Paul F. Tompkins
@pftompkins.bsky.social
TV & standup & improv & podcasts, hardly any movies
paulftompkins.com/live
paulftompkins.com/live
This was a very Catholic year for me despite not having seen the inside of a church for years
December 26, 2025 at 5:22 PM
This was a very Catholic year for me despite not having seen the inside of a church for years
Reposted by Paul F. Tompkins
Well it started when I spilled some baked beans all over myself in the movie theater
What's an insult you'll never forget?
December 26, 2025 at 4:31 PM
Well it started when I spilled some baked beans all over myself in the movie theater
Reposted by Paul F. Tompkins
I've been thinking about this sign for 6 months. a phrase I'll treasure forever. a metaphor with boundless potential
December 26, 2025 at 4:09 PM
I've been thinking about this sign for 6 months. a phrase I'll treasure forever. a metaphor with boundless potential
Reposted by Paul F. Tompkins
If he was at that church it woulda gone different
December 26, 2025 at 2:52 AM
If he was at that church it woulda gone different
Reposted by Paul F. Tompkins
Mark Wahlberg has got to be SEETHING at how badly he got out-Catholic-ed by “Wake Up Dead Man.”
December 26, 2025 at 2:51 AM
Mark Wahlberg has got to be SEETHING at how badly he got out-Catholic-ed by “Wake Up Dead Man.”
Reposted by Paul F. Tompkins
Al Swearengen wouldn’t have any time at all for any of that Stranger Things stuff, I’ll tell you that much
December 26, 2025 at 3:08 PM
Al Swearengen wouldn’t have any time at all for any of that Stranger Things stuff, I’ll tell you that much
Bill Murray calling Chevy Chase, to his face, “Medium talent”
What's an insult you'll never forget?
December 26, 2025 at 5:06 PM
Bill Murray calling Chevy Chase, to his face, “Medium talent”
Reposted by Paul F. Tompkins
Remember how all the people with cooler heads said comparing them with nazis was being hysterical
ICE detain father shopping on Christmas Eve—then steal his family's groceries.
Then 3 agents divvy up his paid for food—taking what they want for themselves.
"Can I just get the wife's number to call and let her know?" woman asks.
"No, guess he should've complied," agent says.
Yakima, Washington
Then 3 agents divvy up his paid for food—taking what they want for themselves.
"Can I just get the wife's number to call and let her know?" woman asks.
"No, guess he should've complied," agent says.
Yakima, Washington
December 26, 2025 at 5:00 PM
Remember how all the people with cooler heads said comparing them with nazis was being hysterical
Reposted by Paul F. Tompkins
I remember the phrase "they can't be allowed to melt back into society" re: the de-Baathification of Iraq after the war there. Like everything about that experience, the attempt was cynical, stupid, and botched. But there really should be a plan about what we do with guys like these in the future.
ICE detain father shopping on Christmas Eve—then steal his family's groceries.
Then 3 agents divvy up his paid for food—taking what they want for themselves.
"Can I just get the wife's number to call and let her know?" woman asks.
"No, guess he should've complied," agent says.
Yakima, Washington
Then 3 agents divvy up his paid for food—taking what they want for themselves.
"Can I just get the wife's number to call and let her know?" woman asks.
"No, guess he should've complied," agent says.
Yakima, Washington
December 26, 2025 at 4:33 PM
I remember the phrase "they can't be allowed to melt back into society" re: the de-Baathification of Iraq after the war there. Like everything about that experience, the attempt was cynical, stupid, and botched. But there really should be a plan about what we do with guys like these in the future.
Reposted by Paul F. Tompkins
ICE agent recognized out Christmas shopping—throws tantrum when citizens profile him.
"We're trying to prevent you from kidnapping our neighbors," they say.
"I'm not doing anything but walking, leave me alone!" he yells.
"Not right now you're not—but the past 5 days you have."
Philadelphia, PA
"We're trying to prevent you from kidnapping our neighbors," they say.
"I'm not doing anything but walking, leave me alone!" he yells.
"Not right now you're not—but the past 5 days you have."
Philadelphia, PA
December 24, 2025 at 9:45 PM
ICE agent recognized out Christmas shopping—throws tantrum when citizens profile him.
"We're trying to prevent you from kidnapping our neighbors," they say.
"I'm not doing anything but walking, leave me alone!" he yells.
"Not right now you're not—but the past 5 days you have."
Philadelphia, PA
"We're trying to prevent you from kidnapping our neighbors," they say.
"I'm not doing anything but walking, leave me alone!" he yells.
"Not right now you're not—but the past 5 days you have."
Philadelphia, PA
Reposted by Paul F. Tompkins
The reason for the season:
December 26, 2025 at 3:03 AM
The reason for the season:
Reposted by Paul F. Tompkins
i think if a director wants to make a movie longer than 120 min they should have to get permission via national referendum
December 26, 2025 at 1:56 AM
i think if a director wants to make a movie longer than 120 min they should have to get permission via national referendum
Reposted by Paul F. Tompkins
"i'm not sleeping!!" - the sleeper's lie
November 29, 2024 at 11:51 PM
"i'm not sleeping!!" - the sleeper's lie
Reposted by Paul F. Tompkins
Marshall, Will and SANTA
On a routine CHRISTMAS EVE
Met the greatest SNOWSTORM ever known
High AT THE NORTH POLE… it struck their
tiny SLEIGH [SCREAMS OF TERROR]
And plunged them down
a thousand feet below
(all the rest is the same)
On a routine CHRISTMAS EVE
Met the greatest SNOWSTORM ever known
High AT THE NORTH POLE… it struck their
tiny SLEIGH [SCREAMS OF TERROR]
And plunged them down
a thousand feet below
(all the rest is the same)
December 25, 2025 at 8:30 PM
Marshall, Will and SANTA
On a routine CHRISTMAS EVE
Met the greatest SNOWSTORM ever known
High AT THE NORTH POLE… it struck their
tiny SLEIGH [SCREAMS OF TERROR]
And plunged them down
a thousand feet below
(all the rest is the same)
On a routine CHRISTMAS EVE
Met the greatest SNOWSTORM ever known
High AT THE NORTH POLE… it struck their
tiny SLEIGH [SCREAMS OF TERROR]
And plunged them down
a thousand feet below
(all the rest is the same)
Reposted by Paul F. Tompkins
Gather the family around the fireplace as @scottaukerman.bsky.social and @pftompkins.bsky.social count down numbers 10 through 7 of the best CBB episodes of 2025 as voted on by you, the listeners!!
Available everywhere and ad-free at CBBWorld.com 🎧
Available everywhere and ad-free at CBBWorld.com 🎧
December 25, 2025 at 5:33 PM
Gather the family around the fireplace as @scottaukerman.bsky.social and @pftompkins.bsky.social count down numbers 10 through 7 of the best CBB episodes of 2025 as voted on by you, the listeners!!
Available everywhere and ad-free at CBBWorld.com 🎧
Available everywhere and ad-free at CBBWorld.com 🎧
Merry Christmas to everyone, even the squids and the whales
December 25, 2025 at 5:03 PM
Merry Christmas to everyone, even the squids and the whales
I will confess that I have never seen it from beginning to end but have seen the entirety of the movie in various tranches
Is this a good day for me to confess that I’ve never seen A Christmas Story
December 25, 2025 at 5:01 PM
I will confess that I have never seen it from beginning to end but have seen the entirety of the movie in various tranches
Reposted by Paul F. Tompkins
My wife was bragging when she realized this morning that, if she can make it to midnight, she’ll win Whamageddon this year
Why you would tell me that and then let me near your phone I have no idea
Why you would tell me that and then let me near your phone I have no idea
December 25, 2025 at 4:08 PM
My wife was bragging when she realized this morning that, if she can make it to midnight, she’ll win Whamageddon this year
Why you would tell me that and then let me near your phone I have no idea
Why you would tell me that and then let me near your phone I have no idea
Reposted by Paul F. Tompkins
Merry Krampmus
Krampus Live!
YouTube video by Varietopia with Paul F. Tompkins
youtu.be
December 25, 2025 at 3:08 PM
Merry Krampmus
Reposted by Paul F. Tompkins
It’s 12:05 am (East coast) Christmas morning and I have a very important song with a very important message to give to y’all
@cbbworld.bsky.social
@scottaukerman.bsky.social
@pftompkins.bsky.social
youtu.be/x3zBOEJ-ndg?...
@cbbworld.bsky.social
@scottaukerman.bsky.social
@pftompkins.bsky.social
youtu.be/x3zBOEJ-ndg?...
"Please Don't Joke About 'I, Robot' This Christmas"
YouTube video by Paul F Tompkins
youtu.be
December 25, 2025 at 5:07 AM
It’s 12:05 am (East coast) Christmas morning and I have a very important song with a very important message to give to y’all
@cbbworld.bsky.social
@scottaukerman.bsky.social
@pftompkins.bsky.social
youtu.be/x3zBOEJ-ndg?...
@cbbworld.bsky.social
@scottaukerman.bsky.social
@pftompkins.bsky.social
youtu.be/x3zBOEJ-ndg?...
Reposted by Paul F. Tompkins
Extremely funny to call the pope “holier-than-thou”
December 25, 2025 at 4:05 AM
Extremely funny to call the pope “holier-than-thou”
Reposted by Paul F. Tompkins
One fun thing about the Japanese is we love the FUCK out of Christmas and have only the loosest concept of what is going on
Merry Christmas! Please enjoy the opening to this Japanese Christmas concert special that I watch every year.
As far as I can tell, this has otherwise been scrubbed from the internet
As far as I can tell, this has otherwise been scrubbed from the internet
December 25, 2025 at 4:54 AM
One fun thing about the Japanese is we love the FUCK out of Christmas and have only the loosest concept of what is going on
Reposted by Paul F. Tompkins
I’m a MAN
A MAN’S man
I eat STEAKS
With TRUFFLE BUTTER
At FANCY restaurants
And I pay CLOSE ATTENTION
To what OTHER DUDES order
And my ability to enjoy food is VERY DELICATE
A MAN’S man
I eat STEAKS
With TRUFFLE BUTTER
At FANCY restaurants
And I pay CLOSE ATTENTION
To what OTHER DUDES order
And my ability to enjoy food is VERY DELICATE
December 25, 2025 at 4:28 AM
I’m a MAN
A MAN’S man
I eat STEAKS
With TRUFFLE BUTTER
At FANCY restaurants
And I pay CLOSE ATTENTION
To what OTHER DUDES order
And my ability to enjoy food is VERY DELICATE
A MAN’S man
I eat STEAKS
With TRUFFLE BUTTER
At FANCY restaurants
And I pay CLOSE ATTENTION
To what OTHER DUDES order
And my ability to enjoy food is VERY DELICATE
Reposted by Paul F. Tompkins
This is how I want people to be posting on Christmas. Do not try to convince Mark Cuban's goofy ass that universal healthcare is right. I want to see pleas for character actors to cleave them in twain with a broadsword. I want people volunteering to get kicked down the Exorcist steps by Alicia Witt.
debi mazar punch me in the stomach for $15 challenge
December 25, 2025 at 4:01 AM
This is how I want people to be posting on Christmas. Do not try to convince Mark Cuban's goofy ass that universal healthcare is right. I want to see pleas for character actors to cleave them in twain with a broadsword. I want people volunteering to get kicked down the Exorcist steps by Alicia Witt.
Reposted by Paul F. Tompkins
NORAD Santa tracker is Woke
December 25, 2025 at 2:28 AM
NORAD Santa tracker is Woke