Paul F. Tompkins
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pftompkins.bsky.social
Paul F. Tompkins
@pftompkins.bsky.social
160K followers 910 following 4K posts
TV & standup & improv & podcasts, hardly any movies

paulftompkins.com/live
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pftompkins.bsky.social
I will keep on fighting
Joey Pants in the matrix when he’s like “I don’t mind living in a bucket of goo if I can think I’m having a nice dinner”
November 10, 2025 at 4:02 AM
pftompkins.bsky.social
Probably an ASMR for somebody, right? You’re welcome
November 6, 2025 at 12:53 AM
pftompkins.bsky.social
See?
November 4, 2025 at 5:19 PM
pftompkins.bsky.social
You think I don’t have that kind of money
A sign over a London tube entrance reading: DO NOT URINATE HERE OFFICERS PATROL THIS AREA £150 FINE
November 2, 2025 at 11:34 PM
pftompkins.bsky.social
My wife and I watched The Texas Chain Saw Massacre (1974) for the first time and we recorded our watching. You can watch it with us! Or just listen to us watch it? It’s YOUR LIFE

weekendwater.substack.com/p/watch-alon...
The poster for the original Texas Chain Saw Massacre with two of the character faces replaced by my and @janiehaddad.bsky.com’s faces
October 31, 2025 at 2:16 PM
pftompkins.bsky.social
Blimey. They've only gone and done it again! Andrew Lloyd Webber [actually me] and Byron Denniston [probably @showmanandydaly.bsky.social] continue their hallowed/Hallowe'en tradition of watching the SAW film franchise together. This installment: SAW 2. Come watch along! Only at cbbworld.com!
The famous photo of Winston Churchill giving the famous UK fuck you fingies only the famous fingies are now the famous nasty fingies from the famous poster for the famous SAW 2
October 30, 2025 at 4:02 PM
pftompkins.bsky.social
Gotta love the Oy Vey dudes
It’s a chess piece with who has a hand on his cheek like HOO BOY
October 27, 2025 at 12:55 PM
pftompkins.bsky.social
Pretty close to Halloween to be tempting a Harris Wittels haunting
A 2011 tweet from the late Harris Wittels: “Wheat Thins? Call me when they're Wheat THICKS! Gimme that wheat!”
October 27, 2025 at 2:44 AM
pftompkins.bsky.social
I actually have pretty good advice to give and every so often someone listens
Screenshot of a now-blocked post with me replying: Jesus Christ, the fact that IT HAPPENED You're working SO HARD to make it out that I'm laughing at cancer when it's plainly obvious that I'm not! Just block me and walk away, it'll be like you were never wrong in the first place!
October 26, 2025 at 5:36 PM
pftompkins.bsky.social
Ckenendjdjdmsmks dkejbejdjdje. Jdkjendjdjdjdjd? Kekdixndbxkdjdkkekdbd!
October 26, 2025 at 5:31 PM
pftompkins.bsky.social
Always have been DK
I played bird man on Lower Decks
October 26, 2025 at 4:28 PM
pftompkins.bsky.social
Anyway let’s tread carefully okay
The guy said I was dressed like a Morris dancer who himself looks like a 16th century villager who’s perhaps “a bit touched” because he has fallen in love with a “hugginge boxe”
October 23, 2025 at 10:05 PM
pftompkins.bsky.social
I mean I have seen Morris dancing and you know this not an accurate roast of a decade-old picture
Morris dancers who look like weirdos, NOT like a stylish guy in the summer wearing a cream blazer with some fun piping on the lapels
October 23, 2025 at 10:01 PM
pftompkins.bsky.social
Before you block the TSA account give the feed a quick cringe-through
"Silence is golden" does not apply at the airport omg plz if you see something say something September 17, 2025 at 8:58 AM & Everybody can reply 3 reposts 23 likes Not a doctor but the sharp pain in your foot might go away if you try not hiding a knife in your shoe as you walk through security??? September 26, 2025 at 4:18 PM & Everybody can reply 10 reposts 78 likes 1 save *opens email* "Rocket launcher discovered by TSA in a checked bag" Omg please make it stop we are literally begging... September 19, 2025 at 3:48 PM & Everybody can reply 3 reposts 18 likes "I didn't know it was in there" Oh, ok so the knife just wrapped itself in tinfoil then... September 16, 2025 at 3:58 PM ® Everybody can reply 5 reposts 2 quotes 78 likes
October 18, 2025 at 5:07 AM
pftompkins.bsky.social
Physician stop reskeeting thyself
October 15, 2025 at 4:15 AM
pftompkins.bsky.social
Just a boy with an airbrushed face standing in front of a city, asking her to love him
CHARLESTON SC
TOMORROW NIGHT

bit.ly/vtopeschs
October 14, 2025 at 7:50 PM
pftompkins.bsky.social
When it’s Phillies v Dodgers this is the only Dave Roberts I recognize
Dave Roberts, Channel 6 Accu-weather (1978-2009)
October 10, 2025 at 12:01 AM
pftompkins.bsky.social
Don’t know if it’s obvious but they recorded this at a St. Patrick’s Day party

FINAL 2025 TOUR STOPS

WED 10/15 CHARLESTON
bit.ly/vtopeschs25
FRI 10/17 OVERLAND PARK KS
bit.ly/vtopesopks25
SAT 10/18 ST. LOUIS MO
bit.ly/vtopsstl2025
SUN 10/19 LOUISVILLE KY
bit.ly/vtopeslky25
October 7, 2025 at 8:08 PM
pftompkins.bsky.social
FINAL 2025 TOUR STOPS

WED 10/15 CHARLESTON
bit.ly/vtopeschs25

FRI 10/17 OVERLAND PARK KS
bit.ly/vtopesopks25

SAT 10/18 ST. LOUIS MO
bit.ly/vtopsstl2025

SUN 10/19 LOUISVILLE KY
bit.ly/vtopeslky25
October 7, 2025 at 12:17 AM
pftompkins.bsky.social
My wife @janiehaddad.bsky.social and I watched The Howling (1981) together and you can watch it with us via the Stay F. Homekins podcast, it’s up now wheresoever ye get your podcasts
It’s the movie poster for The Howling and for fun I put my and my wife’s faces in dere
October 5, 2025 at 7:39 PM
pftompkins.bsky.social
Not sure I can trust your judgment
This MF reskeeting bill maher monologues like they’re good???
September 30, 2025 at 10:29 PM
pftompkins.bsky.social
Why did it take them 30 minutes to learn about the rapture, I think they were more interested than they claim
Two posts in reply to a post of mine about being up so late I’m seeing UK posts: “you think that's bad, we have to perceive endless posts about your politics 24 hours a day” “had to google what the fuck the Rapture was after seeing it all over my t the last 2 days. i want that half hour of my life back” A third post from the same person, they really got goin in this one “imagine being the default country on the entire internet whose culture, linguistics and politics pervades every last global corner and complaining about having to see another country's politics for 0.5 seconds”
September 24, 2025 at 6:22 PM
pftompkins.bsky.social
The twin GOATS
The original Reese’s peanut butter cup A bag of Reese’s minis, not the gold-wrapped ones, the naked tiny ones
September 24, 2025 at 6:44 AM
pftompkins.bsky.social
You haven’t blown it… YET

Lodge Room:
bit.ly/vtopeslr92125
Livestream:
bit.ly/vstream92125
September 22, 2025 at 1:20 AM
pftompkins.bsky.social
49 minutes in and this the first time it’s been brought up. If this is the only mention of it, I can’t say I’d be displeased
September 21, 2025 at 3:27 AM