alexis simpson
@amutepiggy.bsky.social
i'll take your money, but i'm not gonna plow your driveway
SAG-AFTRA ✊ she/her sobriety date 5/8/2006
if u make a link to your own posts in bio, does it get clicked on? https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:opytet572euebuzzufm4inyf/feed/aaafh4abgv5o4
SAG-AFTRA ✊ she/her sobriety date 5/8/2006
if u make a link to your own posts in bio, does it get clicked on? https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:opytet572euebuzzufm4inyf/feed/aaafh4abgv5o4
Pinned
alexis simpson
@amutepiggy.bsky.social
· Nov 21
reskeet if you think @mcuban.bsky.social should give @dumb.baby one million dollars
Reposted by alexis simpson
my new AI powered lamp is trained on millions of lamp interactions so it understands that 50% of chain pulls are to turn it on and the other 50% are to turn it off. and honestly, it's a little spooky how it knows exactly what i want almost half of the time
March 17, 2025 at 10:59 PM
my new AI powered lamp is trained on millions of lamp interactions so it understands that 50% of chain pulls are to turn it on and the other 50% are to turn it off. and honestly, it's a little spooky how it knows exactly what i want almost half of the time
Reposted by alexis simpson
Reposted by alexis simpson
Mr. President…I know you’ve been struggling with a lot of really severe health issues recently, and I just want to let you know…that you don’t need to hold on anymore. I’ve made my peace with this. Somehow I’ll carry on... You have my permission to go, sir…
November 11, 2025 at 7:18 AM
Mr. President…I know you’ve been struggling with a lot of really severe health issues recently, and I just want to let you know…that you don’t need to hold on anymore. I’ve made my peace with this. Somehow I’ll carry on... You have my permission to go, sir…
Reposted by alexis simpson
the following over 20k resist lib accounts are liking my fuck the senate posts we have passed some kind of rubicon
November 11, 2025 at 6:58 AM
the following over 20k resist lib accounts are liking my fuck the senate posts we have passed some kind of rubicon
Reposted by alexis simpson
fellas is it normal for a funding bill to waive the sovereign immunity of the united states government in the context of when senators are targets of federal investigation
November 11, 2025 at 4:47 AM
fellas is it normal for a funding bill to waive the sovereign immunity of the united states government in the context of when senators are targets of federal investigation
Reposted by alexis simpson
It’s not clear to me what the Senate bill means for CA legal weed products, but I would say that one thing you don’t do when you’re a regime trying to consolidate power is take away things that make the populace calm and sedate.
November 11, 2025 at 5:37 AM
It’s not clear to me what the Senate bill means for CA legal weed products, but I would say that one thing you don’t do when you’re a regime trying to consolidate power is take away things that make the populace calm and sedate.
Reposted by alexis simpson
sun worshippers: ohh the sun, my love, give me life and light, so beautiful so shiny never leave us, the sun
sun worshippers in 2 billion years: AHHHHHHHGHHHHHHHHH FUCKKK AHHHHHHHH
sun worshippers in 2 billion years: AHHHHHHHGHHHHHHHHH FUCKKK AHHHHHHHH
November 11, 2025 at 4:34 AM
sun worshippers: ohh the sun, my love, give me life and light, so beautiful so shiny never leave us, the sun
sun worshippers in 2 billion years: AHHHHHHHGHHHHHHHHH FUCKKK AHHHHHHHH
sun worshippers in 2 billion years: AHHHHHHHGHHHHHHHHH FUCKKK AHHHHHHHH
Reposted by alexis simpson
Reposted by alexis simpson
Joyce Carol Oates should say he can't do backflips off the roof next
November 11, 2025 at 5:41 AM
Joyce Carol Oates should say he can't do backflips off the roof next
Reposted by alexis simpson
November 11, 2025 at 5:39 AM
Reposted by alexis simpson
i’m probably the least dead person in this morgue (hears banging from inside drawer) damn it
November 11, 2025 at 5:32 AM
i’m probably the least dead person in this morgue (hears banging from inside drawer) damn it
Reposted by alexis simpson
Reposted by alexis simpson
listen i know it’s somewhat fashionable to hate on tiktok but you’re missing out on some legitimate human flourishing
November 11, 2025 at 5:23 AM
listen i know it’s somewhat fashionable to hate on tiktok but you’re missing out on some legitimate human flourishing
Reposted by alexis simpson
dumped a bunch of wet food on the floor and told the cats to figure it out
November 11, 2025 at 5:24 AM
dumped a bunch of wet food on the floor and told the cats to figure it out
Reposted by alexis simpson
girls don't want boys girls want mashed potatoes
November 10, 2025 at 11:15 PM
girls don't want boys girls want mashed potatoes
Reposted by alexis simpson
at your party fingering the strings of this bad boy
November 11, 2025 at 5:22 AM
at your party fingering the strings of this bad boy
i will never log off
November 11, 2025 at 5:22 AM
i will never log off
Reposted by alexis simpson
I have voted
for the deal
that was on
the Senate floor
and which
is probably
caving
to fascism
Forgive me
the flight delays were
so annoying
and so old
for the deal
that was on
the Senate floor
and which
is probably
caving
to fascism
Forgive me
the flight delays were
so annoying
and so old
November 10, 2025 at 5:25 AM
I have voted
for the deal
that was on
the Senate floor
and which
is probably
caving
to fascism
Forgive me
the flight delays were
so annoying
and so old
for the deal
that was on
the Senate floor
and which
is probably
caving
to fascism
Forgive me
the flight delays were
so annoying
and so old
Reposted by alexis simpson
If you live in seattle you NEED to do this.
There are 1,700 ballots that need signature confirmation. That is enough to change the election.
Go. Check. Your. Ballot.
komonews.com/news/local/s...
Go. Check. Your. Ballot.
komonews.com/news/local/s...
November 11, 2025 at 4:59 AM
If you live in seattle you NEED to do this.
Reposted by alexis simpson
me at 17: I can't let anyone find out that I like Matchbox Twenty. that would be so embarrassing
me in my 30's:
me in my 30's:
November 11, 2025 at 4:39 AM
me at 17: I can't let anyone find out that I like Matchbox Twenty. that would be so embarrassing
me in my 30's:
me in my 30's:
Reposted by alexis simpson
a nightclub for millennials where we can dance. doors open at 7pm. lights out by 11pm.
November 11, 2025 at 4:13 AM
a nightclub for millennials where we can dance. doors open at 7pm. lights out by 11pm.
Reposted by alexis simpson
unintentionally slashing carbon emissions by making air travel too scary
TRUMP: US TO LAUNCH NEW AIR TRAFFIC CONTROL SYSTEM WITHIN 2–3 WEEKS
November 11, 2025 at 4:38 AM
unintentionally slashing carbon emissions by making air travel too scary
Reposted by alexis simpson
Looking left then right before whispering "at hotmail dot com" when giving my email to shop assistants
November 10, 2025 at 6:23 AM
Looking left then right before whispering "at hotmail dot com" when giving my email to shop assistants
Reposted by alexis simpson
“So You’re Thinking About Posting? An After School Special”
joyce carol oates and menswear guy should tape a special together
November 11, 2025 at 4:03 AM
“So You’re Thinking About Posting? An After School Special”